Being raised in a household without a father was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. Unlike my brother, I was too young to have spent a lot of time with our dad. My most potent memories of him come from family movie nights and the old fairytale storybook he used to read to me every night before he tucked me into bed. Everything else about him I had to learn from someone else.
Sad, right?
My shy, awkward, seven-year-old self couldn’t quite comprehend why two cops were on our front steps in the middle of the night or what they had said that made my mom fall to her knees as she broke right in front of us.
The weeks after finding out that our dad would never come home again were spent planning a funeral and sitting back, watching as Oakley tended to our mother the way she used to tend to us.
No kid should have to grow up as fast as Oakley did. One day he was a happy-go-lucky thirteen-year-old boy, then the next, he was a serious, grown-ass man taking care of his family. It was unfair, really. Thankfully, we made it through it—through everything. Because of him. I helped him as much as I could, and together, we managed to take care of Mom and each other as well, like families should.
The tragedies that we went through also helped bring me closer to Mom. She’s now not only my best friend but my inspiration too. She showed me what a strong-minded woman can really do and what she can overcome when she puts her mind to it.
I always found my own pride in knowing that I was making her proud by being the most powerful form of myself. But now . . . now I’m not so sure I even remember what being a strong woman feels like. I have let myself slip into an inescapable hole of desperation— a hole filled with nothing but an obsession for the only person who’s ever made me feel pure bliss and agonizing heartbreak at the same time.
I know love isn’t easy, but is it supposed to be this hard?
Leave it to me to fall for the guy who doesn’t want to be loved. I’m quickly running out of ways to convince him that I’m not going to run for the hills the minute he shares one tiny part of himself with me. We have already seen each other naked multiple times. I don’t think it gets more intimate than that.
‘Hey, girly. Your not-so-secret-admirer is asking for you at the door,’ Jessica says teasingly, sticking her head through my partially open door. I jump up off the bed as my heart starts picking up—shamefully, might I add. I skip towards her. Maybe what I said to him at the bar has finally sunk in. It only took three freaking days.
I hear the faint voices of the One Direction boys flowing from the living room, meaning Jess was more than likely finally cleaning up the mess her friends made from the night before. Days like yesterday and today, I have to remind myself that she is my best friend and that I would do anything for her. If I didn’t force myself to remember that simple fact, I’d have her ass kicked out on the street corner for acting like a complete idiot.
My embarrassingly wide grin falters when I see our neighbour standing timidly in the entryway, his chocolate brown eyes curiously scanning the apartment.
“Cody, hey.’ I greet him, my words coming out duller than I had hoped. He jumps when he hears my voice. He recovers quickly and straightens up, standing rigidly in front of me.
‘Hi, Gracie. I-I hope this isn’t too abrupt of a visit.’
I shove my hands in the pockets of my frayed shorts and offer him a much brighter smile this time. ‘Course not. What’s up?’
It’s not like he meant to get my hopes up. I shouldn’t punish him for my own problems. Plus, it’s kind of adorable how nervous he is—the complete opposite of Tyler.
Damnit, Gracie. Knock it off. I wish I could hit myself in the face without looking like I belong in a psych ward.
Cody’s cheeks flush instantly, the deep red overpowering his pale complexion. I hold back a giggle when his eyes dart off to somewhere across the room as I rest on my back foot and watch him.
‘You okay? Want some water or something?’ I offer, my eyes twinkling with mischief.
‘Would you wanna go get some ice cream with me?’ He blurts the question, and my eyebrows shoot to the ceiling.
‘Now?’ I ask, mouth gaping open in surprise.
‘Is it a bad time?’ He stares down at his sneaker-clad feet. ‘We can go another time if that works.’
Is now a bad time? It’s not like I had much planned for my day other than sitting in bed and eating shitty food.
‘Now works. Just let me grab my bag,” I say finally.
A wide grin spreads across his lips, and I let a giggle escape when I notice the adorable dimples on both of his cheeks.
I rush out of the living space and quickly down the hall until I make it to my room. After grabbing my purse from the back of my desk chair, I run a few frantic hands through my wavy blonde hair and take a deep breath. I can do this. It’s just two neighbours going to get some ice cream. I love ice cream. It’s not a big deal.
‘I hope you aren’t a frozen yogurt kinda guy,’ I joke as I make my way back into the living room. His attention is pulled away from the vast floor-to-ceiling windows before landing on me again. He shakes his head as I make my way over to him.
I offer him one final look of encouragement while I slip my shoes on. Oakley always teased me about how small they are growing up. I’m sure they haven’t grown since I was a tween.
‘I’m going out!’ I shout to Jess, and leave the apartment with Cody.
The awkward silence threatens to choke me to death once we reach the elevator. The stuffy heat of the elevator almost pushes me over the edge as eerie music fills my ears. My eyes flicker over to Cody, desperately trying to search for something I can use to break the thick silence. The ironed khakis and matching polo shirt do little to spark my imagination, and his short, perfectly gelled blonde hair is certainly not helping either.
‘So, how long have you lived here?’ Is all I can manage to ask, my enthusiasm clearly lacking. I stare helplessly at the floor numbers as they light up, one by one, the closer we get to being out of this damn elevator.
‘In this building or Vancouver?’ he asks. The overwhelming urge to roll my eyes at his response takes over, and I give in.
‘Both?’ Thankfully, the long-awaited bell dings and the metal doors are pulled apart soon after, setting us free.
‘I’ve lived in Vancouver my whole life, but I’ve only been living in this building for a year. You?’
The snob behind the desk sends us off with a half hearted wave as we step out of the open doors. The fresh air welcomes me with open arms. ‘Both for only a few months.’
‘Where are you from then, if you don’t mind me asking?’ We fall in step with each other down the sidewalk.
‘Penticton.’
‘Ah, a country girl. I never would have guessed.’ he teases, clearly missing the unimpressed expression on my features. Country girl? Maybe it was better when he was too afraid to speak to me.
‘Not exactly. It’s not that small,’ I say with a laugh so I don’t say something that would most likely hurt his feelings.
‘Compared to Vancouver it is,’ he states matter-of-factly, turning to raise an eyebrow at me.
‘Every city here is small compared to Vancouver,’ I shoot back before letting out a thankful sigh when we reach the small ice cream shop.
‘After you.’ He smiles widely, holding the heavy glass door open for me. I breathe in the sweet smell happily as we move to the cashier, the different flavours displayed in the open coolers make my mouth water. Oddly enough, we are the only ones here.
The young girl standing behind the counter forces a smile—obviously not wanting to be here—before asking for our orders.
‘I’ll get two scoops o—’ I begin.
‘Two vanilla cones please,’ Cody says pointedly, cutting me off, ordering not only for himself but for me as well.
Oh, I don’t think so.
‘Just one vanilla cone, actually. I’ll have two scoops of bubblegum.’ I smile at the girl, ignoring Cody and stand off to the side. Mister Pushy can pick up the bill.
I fold my arms over my chest as I watch him pull out his wallet and hand the employee a twenty-dollar bill. He makes his way over to me sheepishly. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that,’ he says apologetically
The doorbell rings, signalling another customer. When no one walks past us, I turn around only to see that we’re still the only people here. Sighing, I drop my arms and turn back around, nodding my head.
‘It’s okay.’
‘I just wanted to get to know you finally, and I’ve already screwed it up,’ he grumbles, his jaw clenched. He is clearly frustrated with himself.
‘You didn’t screw it up. It’s okay, really.’ I insist, wearing a small smile. The quiet lyrics of whatever song is playing through the speakers help ease the tension as he simply nods his head in response. I try to hide my annoyance for the remainder of the date. I can’t help but wonder if staying in bed would have been a better decision after all.
