Love is something we all hope to feel at least once in our lives. It’s an emotion so vast, so vivid and bright, it can make your entire world feel brand new, brimming with possibilities and new adventures.
You notice more beauty around you because that’s how you feel.
It’s a feeling of being whole and complete, of finding those missing pieces you didn’t realize you needed.
We all fear the loss of that love, of the happiness and hope that comes along with it.
So, when it’s ripped from you, your entire world shifts and you’re left with nothing but darkness.
A haze drifts over you, making you feel heavy as you try to push through the sludge that is your every waking moment.
Days grow longer and nights become never ending, and that fullness that you once felt becomes so empty, so hollow, you start to wonder if it was ever there to begin with.
Or if it was all just a dream.
Was any of it real? Or did my fractured mind make up a fairy tale to help me push through King’s endless torture?
Kai. Jax. Luka. Rion. Axel.
Each of their faces flash before me, something deep inside me telling me it was real, that every moment I spent with them couldn’t have been faked.
But that also meant their last moment was real, too.
They didn’t deserve this. They didn’t deserve their lives ripped from them, all because of me. I should have been the one to pay that price. Not them.
Never them.
How was I supposed to move on from this? From them?
A little voice in my head and heart told me, You don’t.
My life was tethered to theirs the day they walked into it and stayed that way until they found me once more.
With my ability, there was no way out, not until I grew old and left this world to join them. If that was even an option.
I can’t feel anything, my mind the only thing aware right now, which is something I’m grateful for.
I know that if I wake up, the pain from their loss would be felt in every inch of my body. And so I welcome the darkness and numbness that comes along with it, craving the silence it brings me.
My mind has already been awake for too long now. I know it’s only time before the darkness pulls me back under.
I wait and wait, but it never comes. My mind slowly becoming more alert as each moment passes. And instead of succumbing to the void, my body also starts to wake.
Cold is the first sensation to hit my body. It wraps around me, dulling everything else while also making me feel heavy and weak.
So weak and tired, but not enough to drag me under.
Sound comes next, with a ringing that lessens the more that time passes. It’s followed by a hum and soft whirring noise somewhere close by. The buzz of a fan clicks on and off every few seconds, and once the ringing completely leaves my ears, I hear… screaming.
The scream is loud, so loud I don’t know how I missed it to begin with.
It’s raw and broken, and I can hear the pain inside it as it bellows out around me.
I want to cover my ears, but something sharp and heavy clamps around my wrists and ankles, holding them in place.
A gnawing pain eats away at my stomach, making me want to curl into myself, except I can’t bend over. I can’t move much at all. I’m lying on my back, and there’s something heavy around my waist, holding me in place.
Tightness wraps around my chest, making it hard to take in a deep breath. I try to breathe through my nose, but the scent of bleach assaults my senses.
Peeling my eyes open, the harsh light above burns. I close them instantly and squeeze them tight, the sensations of everything around me too much, too overwhelming. The smells, the sounds… the heart-wrenching scream. It’s all too much.
My mind and body catch up to one another and memories flash through my thoughts like blades. They slice down my body, shredding and slashing every piece of me until the pain is all I can focus on.
It soars over me in waves, building up before crashing down on me and carving out one more piece of me each time.
The agony feels more physical than anything King or Morana have ever done.
Time becomes an endless series of repetitive cycles, one filled with agony, loss, and despair.
My mind finally shutters to a stop, the overload of pain too much to bear. My body shuts down next along with it, and I welcome the quiet numbness.
Seconds later, the darkness takes me under.
I glance at the moon from my bed. Its luminous beam lights the world beneath it, making everything look magical. There’s a warmth in my chest that makes me think this is where we’re supposed to be, where we were always supposed to end up.
We’ve moved around a lot, and usually I stick to myself knowing first-hand how cruel other kids can be, but then I met the guys. My guys.
Jax, Luka, Axel, Rion, and Kai.
Kai said we’re family, all of us. And that we need to stick together and watch out for one another.
I like that idea. Of looking out for them and keeping them safe.
Mom is usually overprotective, but even she says it feels right here. Hopefully, she’ll let us stay this time. She never tells me why we have to leave, just that she has a bad feeling, but she always makes it feel like another adventure.
It’s well past my bedtime, but I can’t sleep. The boys are taking me exploring tomorrow in the forest behind Axel’s house. He’s been a bit grumpy lately, but he always brings me homemade food, so I know he’s not too upset or angry with me.
Jax said he might show me his wolf if I hold his hand the whole way through the forest, and Luka said he’d do the same, but his wolf isn’t ready to come out yet.
Rion’s parents are super strict and… cold, but he said he’ll still be able to make it. I haven’t met Kai’s foster parents yet, but he said that it won’t be a problem and will come by tomorrow to pick me up on his way.
Sighing, I get into bed. Kai will be upset with me if I don’t get enough sleep. And the others will back him up and gang up on me… again.
The last lecture they gave me was about needing to take better care of myself. I told them to stop acting like my older brothers, and they got all weird and told me to never call them brothers again, that we were family.
Which didn’t make any sense. Boys are confusing sometimes.
My eyes begin to drift when a loud bang makes me shoot up in bed. My heart races.
“Mom?”
I push the blankets off me and rush across my room to my door. Wrenching it open, I peek outside. My eyes widen when I see a man dressed in all black running straight at Mom, a large sharp knife aimed at her head.
Flinging the door wide open, I rush out, opening my mouth to scream a warning when she spins around and kicks the knife right out of his hand.
A glint of silver catches my eye, and I spot the knife Mom is holding as she slams it down into the man’s chest.
A gasp slips out. I hold my hand to my mouth to cover it and take a step back.
What’s going on? Mom doesn’t even kill spiders, saying we all have a purpose in life. That just because we fear something doesn’t mean it should suffer. This can’t be Mom. She’d never hurt anyone.
The man grunts in pain before turning to ash and falling to the floor.
My body trembles, my stomach twisting in knots as I stare down at the pile of ash.
This is a dream. It has to be. That, or I’m going crazy.
Before my mind can even process what’s happening, more men appear from nowhere and head straight for Mom.
My heart stutters to a stop, my eyes widening as I reach a hand out to her, but it’s like she knows where they’re coming from and anticipates each move, blocking and striking them down like she’s been fighting for years. Once they’re down, she wastes no time and stabs them, turning them to ash.
My hand drops to my side as I watch, not knowing what else to do.
Maybe I’ve lost it. Maybe I’ve listened to too many of Jax’s crazy stories and I’ve started to dream up some wild version of them.
Time seems to slow as she turns toward me, her eyes blank and filled with none of the love she’s always shown. An icy chill runs down my back the longer she stares.
“Mom?”
She doesn’t move, her whole body tenses like she’s ready to pounce. But she wouldn’t hurt me… Would she?
“Mom…” Something in my voice makes her pause as she shakes her head, her eyes slowly clear as she glances around. “Why am I—?”
She looks at me, moving forward, but stops when I stumble a step back.
“Baby?” She brings a hand to her chest. “What’s wrong?”
She looks around, her eyes falling on the ground where the ashes lay. She flinches back, her wide eyes finding mine.
“I don’t know how…” she starts but stops.
Looking down at her hands, I see a slight tremor work its way through her body. She grips them together, closing her eyes, and takes a deep breath before opening them to look at me.
Wearing a pained expression, she gives me a small smile and reaches a hand out.
“Kiarra? Baby? I would never hurt you. Please don’t be frightened.”
The tightness in my chest starts to ease seeing the look in her eyes. I take a tentative step toward her. “Are you… you?”
She gives me a watery smile, nodding her head, “It’s me.”
I wait a second, seeing the truth in her words, before stepping forward and straight into her open arms. She hugs me tight, rubbing her chin on the top of my head.
“Oh, baby. I’m sorry for frightening you. Please don’t be scared of me. I would never, ever hurt you.”
“Mom… What happened?”
There’s still a tremor in her body as she pulls back to answer. “I don’t know…”
She glances around again as if she might find something that will give her a clue to what just happened.
“What about those men? Who are they, and when did you learn to fight like that?”
“I don’t… know…” She looks at me, her eyes telling me she’s just as confused and scared as I am. I wrap my arms around her and squeeze her tight.
We stay like that for a while until her body stops shaking and we both calm down.
Rubbing my arm, she pulls back to look at me. “Let’s… Let’s clean up and get to bed. You don’t want to miss out on going with those boys tomorrow.”
I can’t go, not now that she needs me to help her figure out what’s going on. I shake my head. “No, I need to stay here and help—”
“No. No, you’re going. You’ve been looking forward to this all week.”
“But, Mom—”
“This was… nothing. I’ll be fine.” She gives a forced smile and starts cleaning, telling me to drop the subject. But I can’t stop seeing her with the cold look in her eyes.
Something in my stomach twists and turns at the thought of it happening again.
“Everything will be fine,” she mumbles, more to herself than me.
By the time we’re finished cleaning up, it’s late. I know I’m going to hear it off the boys tomorrow for not sleeping enough, so I head straight to bed.
Closing the bedroom door behind me, I turn, spotting a shadow near my window. I freeze. My stomach drops when the shadow grows and moves forward. I step back, ready to head straight to Mom when a voice calls out.
“Kiarra? Kiarra, it’s me,” Kai whispers.
“Kai?” I take a tentative step forward, the tightness in my chest easing.
“It’s me.” Hearing his voice, I make my way to the window.
I push it open, and he climbs in. “What are you doing here?”
“I just… had a feeling you might…” He shakes his head, frowning. “I don’t know… need me?”
He glances around the room, his frown deepening before his eyes find mine. “I’m not making sense, I know.” He releases a harsh breath. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
Without thinking about it, I lean forward and wrap my arms around him, letting his scent of warm flames surround me.
Without a second thought, he hugs me back. “Hey? What happened?”
I pull back, glancing over at the door. “My mom, she…” But what was I supposed to say? That she turned into a ninja and took out a group of men? It didn’t make any sense and just made me sound crazy.
“What is it?”
“Something happened with her…”
“What?”
“I don’t know. It’s doesn’t make sense.”
“We’ll keep an eye on her. Don’t worry.”
His promise makes something in my chest warm. “I’m glad you came.” I give him a small smile.
He shrugs like it’s no big deal. “We’re family.”
Heading over to my door, he peeks out, looking around before shutting it and turning around. “Get some sleep. I’ll keep watch.”
“But you need sleep too.”
He gives me a smile. “I don’t need as much as you do.”
“But—”
“Remember what I said?”
I roll my eyes but smile at him. “Family looks out for one another.”
“Exactly. Now get some sleep. I’ll head out in a bit and be back before you wake.”
“Okay, but you better get home and get some sleep, too.”
I hear his muffled chuckle as he moves to the window, standing in front of it like he’s guarding it.
Silence stretches out around me as sleep starts to pull me under.
“Kai?” I whisper.
“Yeah, Kiarra?” His voice is soft in the quiet room.
“Thank you.”
He pauses, and moment passes before he answers.
“Always.”
