PULLING my bike up to my parents’ house gets weirder and weirder the longer I live at the Draven’s mansion.
It’s not home anymore.
I feel guilty even thinking that, because my parents did everything to give me the best possible childhood. You only have to look at half the kids around me in my classes at Draven to know that I’m lucky. Half of them were brought up by parents so traumatized by what happened in the riots that they became overprotective to the point of smothering.
Grey can barely breathe without his dad’s permission, even at twenty years old he lives under their rules.
My parents were protective but wanted me to experience a normal childhood. They took me to football games and let me go out with my friends. Once I shifted for the first time, they’d relaxed the rules even more, because they knew I could defend myself better than most.
They were great parents… until they weren’t.
Home, for me, is always going to be wherever Oli is.
I send a text to North to let him know that I’ve gotten here without incident and try not to feel like a child about it. I have to remind myself that we’re all checking in with him at the moment. He’s staying at the mansion, and everyone is answering to him so that we’re all accounted for, but it still prickles at my skin a little.
I have to remind myself that it’s for Oli, because that makes it worth it. She’s the reason we’re all staying close, staying connected, and staying vigilant, because there aren’t just people out there who could hurt her, there are people specifically targeting her, which is a whole different beast.
Losing her is not an option.
So I’ll toe all of the lines without question, the texting and checking in and all of the extra security shit, because if it’s keeping her safe, then it’s worth every fucking second.
The front garden of the house is perfectly manicured and maintained; the gardener is doing his usual exemplary job. There’s nothing out here that would suggest that anything had gone wrong inside over the last four years. There’s no sign of the breakdown I’m about to face head on and hope to come out without feeling like having one of my own.
I fuss around with my keys until I get the door unlocked, wiping my feet on the mat and glancing around as though there’s any chance of something being different here, as though maybe there was some life in the place again. Nothing. Of course.
I sigh and call out, “Mom? Are you home?”
It’s a stupid question. She never leaves the house now. The housekeeper, Nina, spends her time keeping my mom fed and alive more than she actually cleans anymore. There’s only really dusting to be done now that mom has taken to her bed.
I’m not being dramatic there. She’s literally taken to her fucking bed.
I grab the pile of mail in the basket where Nina leaves it for me. It’s tough to admit to myself that it’s the only real reason I came here today. If I don’t stay on top of shit around here, it’s not getting done.
There’s a fresh bunch of flowers in front of the family portrait in the foyer, the shrine that Nina keeps so that mom doesn’t lose her shit on the off chance she walks down here. It’s a good photo of the three of us, taken a few weeks before Oli’s disappearance, and we’re all genuinely happy in it. Fuck.
I let my eyes drop away and take the stairs two at a time, avoiding the creaks out of pure habit because there’s no real need to be sneaking my way up here. I did that enough as a stupid teenager, coming in from parties and football tailgates that went on a little too long. Back before this shit.
I knock softly on my parents’ bedroom door, pushing it open a little because there’s no chance of catching mom in an awkward situation. She’d have to exist for that to happen. “Mom? How are you feeling today?”
The curtains are pulled shut and the room is only lit up by a soft lamp. I’d guess Nina turned it on this morning to attempt to get her up, but even the tray of food at her side has barely been touched.
“Mom? It’s Gabriel. I’m home to see how you’re doing.”
There’s a sigh from the lump on the bed, and I try not to let it dig under my skin. That tiny sound makes my skin shrivel in shame, like I’m a burden to her for being here to see her. Like she just wants to be left here to waste away to nothing and I’m forcing her to stay.
Am I?
Probably.
“Gabe, Mommy is tired. I’ll come and play with you after a nap.”
My stomach sinks even lower, practically in hell now. She does this sometimes, loses track of where and when she is. Like her mind is reverting back to when her life meant something and it wasn’t this endless hell without either of her Bonded.
I fight to keep my tone even but, fuck, it’s hard. “I don’t need you to play with me, mom. I just need to know that you’ve eaten something today. Nina called me to say you were refusing food again.”
She huffs and throws out a hand, but it’s so frail that it barely makes a sound against the soft duvet. “She’s meddling again! I need to let her go and find someone who will just leave me.”
I shouldn’t, I really fucking shouldn’t, but my temper is shorter than ever at the moment. I have real shit to be thinking about, not this endless state of grief she refuses to leave. “To die, mom? You need to find someone who will let you waste away until you actually die? Because you’re not far off. You can’t fire Nina. I have power of attorney over you, remember? I hired her. I pay her. I take care of everything around here, because you can’t!”
I stop myself, biting my lip until the words stay trapped on my tongue. I feel the moment she shuts down again, my anger sending her back into the empty space of her grief-stricken mind.
When she doesn’t answer, or even move, I stalk back out of the room. She’s alive, that’s all I really needed to see, and I make it the entire way down the stairs before it hits me. Mostly because my father’s portrait is still hanging there, staring at me like he can see me and knows exactly what I’m thinking.
The guilt might eat me alive.
Because if dad were here and mom was gone, he’d be mourning her just as hard, but at least he’d take care of himself.
Sometimes I wish it was her who died.
When I get back to the Draven mansion, I head straight up to Oli’s room to find my Bond. I need to get the hell out of my own head and back to reality, where we all function and work on our shit instead of running from it in our own goddamn heads.
I take a breath before I knock on the door.
She calls out to me straight away and when I try the door handle, I find it unlocked. That’s new. That feels big too, because she’s always been extra jumpy about keeping it locked at all times. Whatever went down with North before they Bonded, it’s definitely got her trusting us all a little more.
I’m not sure we all deserve that trust.
When I step in, I find schoolwork all over her floor, and Oli’s wearing the tiniest pair of shorts I’ve ever seen as she’s sprawled out in front of it all. She’s alone, except for the two creatures, and there’s a scowl on her face that means I know exactly what she’s working on.
I don’t get why she ties herself in knots over her Gifted 101 shit when North would pass her no matter what, just for being his Bonded, and Nox will never pass her for the exact same twisted reason.
They’re both beyond fucked up over her, but I’ll take North’s brand over Nox’s any day of the week. I don’t need to know the exact reasons for it to know that whatever the hell happened in the Draven house messed with him in a very particular way.
She looks up at me with a soft smile, one that reaches her eyes, and I attempt to not trip over my own feet at the sight of it. She’s fucking gorgeous, made perfectly just for me, and the more she opens up, the more of her perfection I find.
She props her chin up on one of her hands and tilts it to one side at me as she looks me over. “How was your mom? Did you get what you needed?”
I nod and drop my own bag by the door, toeing out of my shoes and coming over to sit with her. I definitely don’t want to talk about my mom or the trip over there, so I focus on the good shit instead. Like how fucking gorgeous she looks today.
I trail a hand over the swell of her ass and she hums under her breath happily at the touch. The waiting to Bond might mess with us all, but there’s something about the anticipation that makes me enjoy the fuck out of it.
Knowing she’s just as desperate for me as I am for her is everything I ever needed.
She heaves herself off of the floor with a grumble, but when she tucks herself into my side, I sling an arm around her shoulders to pull her closer into me and she hums happily. I dig my nose into the soft, silvery locks of her hair and something eases in my chest that had wound up tight over at my parents’ place. Something that would have taken me weeks to undo myself, she does without even trying.
I love this girl already.
She mumbles quietly to me, her eyes on the shadows, “August is being pouty. I told him I’m sleeping in with Gryphon tonight, and he won’t let the creatures on the bed.”
I chuckle under my breath and lean into her. “You can always come back to my room. I might not love them like you do, but they’re always welcome.”
The grin she gives me is like looking directly into the sun, brilliant and bright, and August turns to sniff at me like he’s checking to see if I’m being honest. It’s still a little bit jarring being this close to North’s meanest and most vicious creature, but I’m adjusting well enough.
Then the grin falters a little and she sighs under her breath. “If I didn’t need a power up from him, I might’ve taken you up on that. I’m… struggling. Not having the pups makes it harder.”
I scowl and lean back into her, pressing our foreheads together how she likes. Something about our noses being pressed together makes her grin like a child, so I do it as often as I can.
“What’s wrong, Bond? What can I do?”
She sighs again and mumbles, “You all keep trying to help, but it’s… a lot has happened and I’m trying to figure it all out. How to get through this next stage without completely losing it that you’re all in danger. I got through the camps because it meant you were all safe. Now—now you’re not. And it’s hard to not feel responsible for that because if I had just stayed away—”
“No. No, this life of knowing we’re all in danger is a million times better than the life without you.”
Her lip quivers. “I feel selfish for thinking the same thing.”
I shake my head, our noses almost colliding thanks to how closely we’re pressed together, and murmur back to her, “Never. We need you as much as you need us. We all need you, Bond.”
She swallows and nods, looking demure for half a second before her sass kicks in and she rolls her eyes at me. “I’m blaming Gryphon for this. I didn’t give a shit until he started in on me with his guilt trip, and now I’m wallowing in it.”
I pull her into my chest, damn near preening when she just moves into my lap to wrap herself around me and rest her head over my heart. She’s tiny there, I can barely feel the weight of her, but when I bury my nose in her hair, I get a lungful of her scent that calms my bond inside me.
I’ll do whatever it takes to keep her right the fuck there.
