I STEPPED into my office to find Sophia seated at my desk. With one leg crossed over the other, she sat back in my office chair like she owned it.
“No Wez today?” I remarked. “Did your little boyfriend come to his senses?”
She pursed her lips at me, mockingly. “He meant nothing.”
“I don’t actually give a fuck.” I sneered, pulling at my sleeve. “Let’s make this quick, Sophia. Whatever it is you’re doing. Whatever it is you want to say. Whatever it is you want from me, speak it into existence, so we can get about our evening, yeah?”
She dropped her head to the side ever so slightly, staring at me with glee. And worse, she looked comfortable. Too comfortable.
I fucking hated it.
I hated how I’d spent the last eleven years of my life with this woman, and now I couldn’t feel anything more than disgust. Disgust for myself–disgust for her.
But I didn’t want to let it show, so I did what was deemed normal for us. I walked to the end of the room and took a glass from my office bar. Studying the bottles that lined the shelf, I picked up a bottle of Jack before thinking twice and placing it back down–remembering I made a promise to the girl that had somehow woven her way under my skin. I intended to try my damn hardest to keep it, even if it took every ounce of my strength.
Sophia was a fucking parasite, and alcohol had been my fucking antidote for so long. But who knew? Maybe Blue Sterling could be my remedy.
I didn’t get a chance to ponder on that for long. At the sound of Sophia rising from the chair, I spun to face her, watching her from the short distance between us.
“You’ve got yourself in quite the pickle,” she remarked, flattening down the faint creases of her dress.
She leant under my desk, taking the last printed email as it exited the printer. When she stood, she darted her gaze from me to the words on the page. I could’ve charged at her and ripped the paper from her hands. Though what was the point? The lies I’d told were bigger than the paper they’d been inked on.
“Sorry I missed your call. Happy to go ahead with the buyout. I’ve attached the required documents. Blue enjoyed her birthday dinner. Both her and Sophia enjoyed a few glasses of champagne, and then we called it a night,” Sophia mimicked, reading the latest email I’d sent to James. “She’s a good girl.” She scoffed. “Yeah, that line doesn’t surprise me. You’ve always been one for praise.”
My fists clenched at my sides as she placed the email down on my desk on top of others. “I know what they say,” I said dryly. “I wrote them.”
My eyes followed her move for move, as she straightened out the paper.
“For theatrics,” she said, looking at me across her shoulder with a smirk. “I’ve already forwarded myself copies.”
I checked the time on my watch as she made her way towards me and mumbled, “Nothing you do no longer surprises me.”
When she reached me, she placed her palm over my chest as she pushed up against my body. “The element of surprise is overrated,” she cooed.
No doubt she felt every erratic beat of my heart, even if I refused to give her anything else she wanted.
I didn’t move as she leant forward. She wasn’t going to intimidate me. Not even when her lips were a breath away from mine or when her eyes darted between my own, searching for something I was yet to give.
“Tell me, does Blue know she’s only here in return for something James offered? It’s clear to me you’ve formed quite the relationship. What would James say if he knew me and his precious daughter had never met? That she’s been staying with you and you alone after this image you’ve painted? How do you think that looks, hmm? How did you expect this to end?”
“I would’ve told him the truth.”
Eventually.
“The same way I would have told you the truth if you hadn’t shown up at our door and saw my affair for yourself? At the risk of losing something you love? Don’t lie to yourself, Walker.”
Fuck this. I stepped back, completely repulsed by her presence, recreating the distance between us. “I’d do whatever it took if it meant James would let me buy him out. In this instance, it was taking care of his daughter. So what? You already knew that. You heard him through the phone the night he asked. Don’t pretend you didn’t.”
“Taking care of his daughter? No. I saw the way you were with her at the weigh-in. The way she looked at you when you were with me. It seems like you’re taking care of his daughter all too well.”
“It’s none of your fucking business what I do. You think you have a leg to stand on?”
She stepped back into me, and though I felt disgusted with her body against mine, I held my ground. Even if just for the moment.
Without an ounce of shame, she placed her lips beside my ear. “Oh, but it is. Because like it or not, we’re still married, and I’m an important piece in your very”—I felt the touch of her red lips against my neck—“very complex puzzle.”
My hands went to her hips as I pushed her away, and a condescending laugh blurted from her mouth as she fell back a few steps.
I scoffed. “You’re fucking crazy; you know that?”
“Crazy or not, you need me,” she retaliated. “Or everything ends so badly for you. If I tell James I’ve never met his precious daughter, he’s not going to give you the club. It’s not hard to assume you took advantage of her, given your age difference.”
My jaw ticked. “That’s not what it is.”
“No? So am I wrong? Do you believe James would welcome you into his family with open arms after you killed his wife? Are you that desperate for a father figure in your life?”
“I didn’t kill anyone.”
“That’s right,” she mused. “But it was your fault.”
“It was a fucking accident, Sophia. You think you know, but you weren’t there. You don’t know shit.”
“What about Blue? Do you think she’ll still want you when she realises you’ve been lying to her? That you’re the reason her mother is dead? You’re not a stupid man, but it seems you’ve made some foolish mistakes.”
“Mistakes escalate when you’re too embarrassed to admit them. Marrying you was a mistake, if not the biggest regret of my fucking life.” I crossed my arms over my chest, trying not to let her words infect me like the poison they were. “I’m done. Tell me what it is you want. Is it money? More property? Fucking spit it out so I can get back to a life without you.”
“I want a baby.”
“What?”
“I want your baby.”
I shook my head, disbelief forcing me to laugh. “Funny.”
“I’m not joking.” She stepped back into me, her fingers moving to the belt of my slacks. I uncrossed my arms to grip her forearms, but I was too taken aback to stop her from unfastening my belt. “Let it be the last thing you do for me, and I’ll leave you alone.”
“Not this again, Sophia. We’re getting a divorce. I don’t want you. I don’t want a family with you. Shit, there’s no chance in hell I’d give you my child and be tied to you for the rest of my fucking life. You think I want to be a fucking father? I don’t.”
She dropped to her knees, quickly fiddling with the buttons on my trousers. “I just want something to love. And someone to love me.”
My jaw ticked. “Stop, Sophia. Jesus. Our marriage was a mockery. What makes you think I’d give you my child?”
The door to my office opened before I could stop her from going any further, and I turned my head, watching as James stepped into the room.
I was so swept up in what Sophia had said, I hadn’t even heard the lift. My eyes dropped to his feet, embarrassed to be caught mid-argument–mid who the fuck knew what–with my soon-to-be ex-wife. It took me a moment to register, but I caught long sun-kissed legs behind him that led up to a little leather dress. And then my gaze was on Blue’s face. And my multi-coloured orbs were locked on her sea glass domes.
And there I was.
Lipstick on my neck.
Sophia on her knees in front of me. My belt unfastened and her conniving hands inches from my fucking cock.
It didn’t matter that I was as soft as a fucking sponge. It looked bad. It looked really fucking bad.
“Blue.”
I moved back from Sophia and hastily buttoned up my trousers as Sophia climbed to her feet.
James laughed. “Are the two of you not getting much alone time now that my daughter is living with you?”
Blue’s brows bunched into a frown, hurt and confusion both etched on her face that was noticeable even with space between us.
I did that to her.
I did that to her, and I didn’t fucking like it. And worse, I couldn’t go to her. I couldn’t go to her because what the fuck was I meant to say? What the fuck was I meant to do when James was right there?
Sophia plastered on a fake smile. “Unfortunately not, James. I can’t complain, though. After eleven years of marriage, the excitement of roleplay helps keep the flame alive. I’m sorry you caught us in such a predicament.”
James licked his lips, looking up and down at Sophia as he nodded. Whether he believed her lie or not, I couldn’t be sure.
All I could focus on was how green Blue’s eyes looked as they began to gloss over. She directed her gaze to me, and then, like it was just us in the room, her lips parted, and all I could hear was disbelief in her voice when she asked, “You’re married?”
A hard lump formed in my throat. Even if I could speak, I didn’t have a chance to before James turned to his daughter and quipped, “Of course they’re married.” And then he turned back to Sophia and me. “Don’t tell me the two of you have been avoiding complete PDA for the sake of my daughter? I assume this isn’t the first time you’ve resorted to sneaking away?”
Swallowing roughly, I forced out, “It’s not what it looks like.” And of course, I was speaking to Blue, but James mistook my reply for himself.
“I’d fucking hope not. Blue’s sheltered, but given who I am, she’s grown comfortable with public displays of affection. No wonder she hadn’t realised the two of you were married if you’ve been giving your wife a wide berth.”
Jesus fuck. I sucked in a lungful of air through my nose and dropped my head as I began fastening my belt. Sophia didn’t say anymore, but my chest tightened as I felt her presence surround me and dominate the room.
I didn’t know what to do.
I didn’t know how the fuck to navigate this.
My wife.
My business partner.
And an eighteen-year-old girl I’d slowly but surely been growing devoted to. All in one fucking room. And all too close for fucking comfort.
When I looked up, I studied Blue’s face. She seemed to be looking between all three of us, from me, to Sophia, and then to her father. She was trying to figure everything out. In my mind, she assumed I’d taken advantage of her. That I’d used her to get myself off. That I’d manipulated her into being intimate with me and tricked her into a meaningless affair.
James’s voice had my gaze snapping to his. “I have something to discuss with you before the main event, Walker. So if you don’t mind, Sophia–”
“What is it? Can it wait?”
He pierced his gaze on me, hiking an eyebrow. The look told me I could only assume he believed I wanted to wait because I was about to get my cock sucked.
“No. It can’t. Sophia, would you mind escorting Blue downstairs while me and Walker have a conversation?”
“It’ll be my pleasure,” Sophia said much too willingly.
I clenched my jaw, feeling Blue’s gaze cut to me like a knife. And then, without a word, I slid my hands into the pockets of my slacks because if I didn’t, fuck knows what I’d do with them. And then Blue strode from the room, faster than I would have liked to see her go, and Sophia spun around, ready to take after her.
Before I realised it, I pulled one hand from my pocket and gripped her wrist, tugging her back with a look that conveyed not to fuck with me. James didn’t seem to notice, but that’s because his eyes were focused on the emails Sophia placed on my desk before he’d entered.
Sophia smirked knowingly, and reluctantly, I let her go. She left the room, and then it was just James and me.
He picked up the emails. “What are these?”
I cleared my throat, keeping the distance between us. But what I really wanted was to leave my office and go after Blue. “Our emails.”
“I see that, but why are they sitting on your desk?”
I took a deep breath through my nose. “Sophia printed them.”
His brows pinched. “For what reason?”
“Fuck.” I palmed my face. “What a fucking mess.”
“Walker.” He placed the emails back down on my desk and turned to study me. “What on earth is going on?”
Looking between him and the door, I came to the conclusion I was short of options. Something had to give. Who the fuck knew what lies Sophia was feeding Blue? And now Blue knew I was married, that this whole charade wasn’t going to fall apart another way? In a way completely out of my control? In a way that was past repair?
“I left Sophia,” I said begrudgingly. “The day after you called me and asked me to take in Blue, I left the townhouse.”
“You did what?”
“I filed for divorce… and she’s being a total fucking bitch. She’s refusing to sign the papers. She’s trying to blackmail me into giving her something she wants.”
He held up a finger. “Wait a minute. Just wait a fucking minute. If you left her, where has Blue been this whole time?”
“With me.” I sighed, palming my hand across my jaw. “But you have to understand, leaving Sophia was in the works before the night you called me. I leased a penthouse in Kensington, and it had been there, ready and waiting. Fuck, James. I’m sorry, but Blue didn’t know Sophia existed until today.”
“Which was why she was so shocked to discover you were married.”
I nodded.
“So your emails…” he said, attempting to put two and two together.
“Are fabrications of the truth. Those things I said in my emails happened, but Sophia was never a part of the picture. It was just the two of us.”
The baggage fell off my shoulders, but guilt sank to the bottom of my stomach like dead weight.
He crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m not sure I’m understanding you, Walker. Fabrications of the truth? You mean to say you lied to me, son?”
I nodded again, ready to admit my wrongdoings.
This shitshow needed to be over with.
“Yeah,” I confessed, my tone flat. “Yeah, I lied in my emails. I lied, and I can only apologise. You must think the worst of me. It was shitty of me, James. Fucking shitty.”
Aware I was rambling, I sucked my teeth, all while he wagged his head from side to side. He hadn’t moved his arms from where they were still clenched across his chest, his shoulders stiff. Confusion and discomfort surrounding us like black smoke.
Fuck, I was surprised to find I could still breathe.
That the revelation hadn’t killed me already.
“I know it’s a lot…”
“I’m just confused as to why you wouldn’t have told me this before? Not only that, but you had the opportunity to come clean to me yesterday. Why didn’t you mention it to me? Why was Sophia on her fucking knees just then if you two are in the process of separating? Are the two of you still–”
“No.” Unable to explain everything, I scoffed in spite of myself. “I don’t know why I hadn’t mentioned it except for feeling so fucking embarrassed. I was taking it one day at a time. Plans to leave her were already in motion before you called me. Shit, I could barely see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I didn’t want to let you down. When you mentioned buying you out, I didn’t want to leave it up to chance.” I slid my hands to my nape and locked them together, allowing myself a long exhale. “This place… the club. It’s my fucking life. Sophia… she’s just fucking deluded and doesn’t want to let go.”
He uncrossed his arms, not looking any less relaxed. How could I blame him? I’d fucked up, and worse, this was only the half of it.
“I’m sorry to hear that. Truly. I’m disappointed you kept it from me, but you should have known that wouldn’t have changed anything.” After giving me a moment of reflection, he continued. “That meeting I had yesterday? That was with my soliciting firm here in London. Blue Lagoon’s yours once you transfer the funds over and the payment has been cleared. If this is all Sophia has over you, you needn’t worry, Walker.” He frowned. “What is it she wants from you anyway?”
“More than I’m capable of giving her.” And then admittedly, I said, “More than I want to give her.”
“Well, then.” He strode towards me. “I’ll never love again, that we know, but I loved once, and I of all people know that for someone you love, you’d do anything. Even if it meant breaking your own heart to see them happy.” In what seemed like a rare moment of the old James, he smiled as if reminiscing a memory before shaking himself free of it. “So you must not love Sophia, and eh, that’s okay. I realise this has been hard for you, but I’ll have you know you needn’t have worried. There’s not another man I’d trust with my daughter. If there were to be a next time, one where you find yourself at a hard turn, perhaps put a little of that trust into my opinion of you.”
His eyebrow rose as he held out his hand.
I was apprehensive to take it, wondering if he were to discover the things I’d done, would he still think so highly of me? And then there was the discomfort in my chest, a sad dwell when I thought of the night his wife died. He’d loved her beyond words, and I couldn’t help but wonder what that felt like.
Maybe a part of me knew, but it hurt too much to think about.
Still, I decided to take his hand anyway.
It would be too obvious if I didn’t.
“Congratulations. I’m disgustingly proud of you, Walker. You’ve come far, achieved a lot. There’s never been a better fit for The Lagoon than you.”
Though I was ecstatic to hear him speak the words–words I’d never experience from my own blood, the guilt still festered. Because despite this truth, there was so much more he didn’t know. And I felt if he knew the extent of mine and his daughter’s relationship, there wasn’t a chance in hell he’d have held out his hand to me. Instead, he’d be throwing his fists into my face and wishing me fucking dead. Maybe there wasn’t another man he’d trust with his daughter, but that wouldn’t hold if he learnt what I’d done.
His words were a hard pill to swallow, and they seemed to get stuck in my throat.
“We do have other things to address.”
I frowned, feeling anxiety creep up my spine.
“It’s Blue.”
Immediately, I was reminded of the hurt in her eyes when she stepped into my office. The hurt I caused her. He didn’t know about us, and given that, I hadn’t a chance to comprehend what there was left to discuss before he said, “She remembers.”
My nails dug into the palms of my hand. I understood each word, but my mind didn’t want to accept it. Hadn’t I put her through enough? Still, I found myself asking, “Remembers what exactly?”
“She remembers the accident. She remembers you. She doesn’t understand it–I mean, how could she?” He cleared his throat. “But, she blames you, Walker. She blames you for Lola’s death. I explained everything, filled in what she didn’t know, but…” He appeared to consider what he said next. “I believe it’s for the best that I take her home with me.”
“Home as in–”
“Miami, yes. I appreciate everything you’ve done for her these past two weeks. It can’t have been easy, given your situation. There’s no need to feel embarrassed. But it’s clear that this life–life here in London and around you–isn’t healthy for my daughter.”
I didn’t know how to respond, so with nothing to say except for “I should talk to her,” I left the office with James in tow, and we took the elevator to the arena. It was hard not to show how antsy I was standing beside him. It was hard to keep my feet in place and my hands still in my pockets. Fuck knows how I managed it without him cottoning on to how desperate I was to find her and check she was okay.
Clearly, she wasn’t.
I’d seen so myself.
“Alright,” he said, looking down at his Rolex. “Don’t take too long.” And as the elevator doors opened, he followed with a “You’re a good man.” And gave me a double pat on the back.
He was taller than me, and the gesture felt like one I’d receive from a father if I had such a figure. A good man? I thought. Finley often said I was a good man. Occasionally, so did Noah. But I failed to see it. Especially now, when there was so much left unsaid. But with everything unfolding, perhaps it was best James never knew the truth of his daughter and me. That way, he’d still believe I was a good man, and fuck, maybe I could convince myself I was too.
With his approval, not that I needed it, I went in search of Blue in the hopes she would let me sit down with her and explain everything from my point of view. Given the situation, what else could I have done? Though I was eager to argue with James and demand Blue stay with me in London, I knew I needed to speak with her first. If she’d even give me that. Still, I wanted to make sure she understood. James said she’d remembered and that he’d filled in the blanks, but other than that, I didn’t know much else. And fuck knows what shit Sophia had filled her head with since leaving my office, and with me not there to defend myself; I only imagined the worst.
I pulled at the neck of my shirt. Just the image of Sophia being close to her fucked me off.
I probably deserved it.
I probably deserved the hate Blue no doubt wanted to spit at me.
I knew I didn’t deserve her.
I never had, and I knew without a doubt I should’ve never crossed that line with her when I had the answers she didn’t.
Once I pulled my phone from my pocket, I dialled her number, only to meet her voicemail a second later. And then I did the same with Finley, only to meet his. As I bypassed the last fighters cleaning up their areas, I caught Olivia coming out of an empty side room. Her eyes widened when I crossed in front of her path. “Walker.”
My eyes narrowed as she looked back at the door closing behind her, then back to me. “Olivia. Have you seen Blue?”
“No, I haven’t. Sorry.”
I waited a beat, noticing a little nervousness to be read from her body language alone. “Who’s in there?” I asked, lifting my chin at the room behind her, itching to move my feet. “Is it Blue? As I stepped forward, she moved in front of the door handle, so I was unable to force my way through. “Olivia,” I grit. “She’s in there, isn’t she?”
She moved from one foot to the other as she reached up to tuck some hair behind her ear. “No,” she drew out slowly. Too slowly.
“You’re on a very thin line with me right now. If you want to keep your job, I suggest you move out of my way.”
“I promise you; she’s not in there.”
My attention moved to the door handle as someone from the other side pushed down. And as Hudson stepped out, I drew my gaze back to Olivia. Her face scrunched up, followed by her eyes closing tight. And then Hudson spoke, “Blue’s definitely not in there.”
“Jesus, Hudson. Are you fucking serious? You’re due to walk out any minute.”
“Chill,” he said.
It was one word. One word that only made my blood run hotter because in spite of not wanting everything to go tits up on one of the most important events in The Lagoon’s history, everything seemed to be much fucking worse.
“I can’t be doing this right now. If anyone sees Blue, ring me. It’s urgent.”
With that, I carried on down the corridor and out the back exit of The Lagoon. There was a dampness to the air, daylight drawing out as the night darkened. I heaved in a lungful of air, mouthed a “Fuck,” and palmed my face so hard I felt the burn of the friction against my skin. In order to gather my thoughts, I tilted my eyes to the ground as my hands fell to my hips.
I heard the door open and close behind me, feeling her before seeing her. Except it wasn’t her I was looking for. It wasn’t her I wanted. It wasn’t her I needed. I was no longer concerned for her. In fact, I was confident I no longer cared for her in any way whatsoever. She’d fucked what little respect I had left for her the moment I found out who it was she’d been fucking.
“There you are,” she cooed.
“If you as so much as step any closer to me, Sophia, I swear I’ll ruin your whole fucking life.” My eyes opened, and I pinned them on her as she held her hands up in mock surrender.
“Don’t be so dramatic.”
I turned around to face her. “Where’s Blue?”
“How should I know?”
“Don’t fucking play. Where is she?”
She pouted. “I don’t know. She ran off once I explained that you make a habit of cheating on me. And then there was the text…”
I frowned. “What text?”
“Oh, you know.” She tipped her shoulder as she seized her phone from her clutch bag. “Incoming.”
In the next second, my phone chimed with a text, and I slipped it from my pocket. Though I needn’t have bothered because Sophia was already reading aloud what she’d forwarded me. “I’ve told you time and again, Soph, there’s only ever been you.” She pouted. “Yeah, she didn’t take it too well. Surprising, considering you said yourself she was no more than a job.”
“You took that text completely out of context.”
“Did I? So you didn’t cheat on me with James Sterling’s teenage daughter?”
“You know what? Fuck you,” I said, looking from her to my phone as it chimed with another text. Blue’s back at the penthouse. A message from Finley and my only saving grace.
Those five words were all I needed.
Two weeks ago, I’d never imagined fucking off fight night. Two weeks ago, I’d never imagined my life the way it was in the next moment.
I began to take off in the direction of the underground staff parking lot, not sparing Sophia any more of my attention.
“Wait, where are you going?”
She didn’t deserve an explanation. She didn’t deserve any more of my time. But even so, I still gave her some parting words.
“James knows everything, Soph.” At least as much as he needed to. “It’s time to move on.”
The moment I reached my G-Wagon, I knew what I had to do. And I owed Blue answers, if nothing else.
