The drive to New York passed in silence. I was glad Luca hadn’t tried to make conversation. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts and sadness. Soon skyscrapers rose up around the car as we crept through New York at a glacial pace. I didn’t care. The longer the drive took the longer I could pretend I didn’t have a new home, but eventually we pulled into an underground garage. We got out of the car without a word and Luca took our bags from the trunk. Most of my belongings had already been brought to Luca’s apartment a few days ago but this would be the first time I saw where he lived.
I lingered next to the car as Luca headed for the elevator doors. He glanced over his shoulder and stopped as well. “Thinking about running?”
Every single day.
I walked up to him. “You would find me,” I said simply.
“I would.” There was steel in his voice. He jabbed a card into a slot and the elevator doors glided open, revealing marble, mirrors and a small chandelier. The elevator made it clear that this wasn’t a normal apartment building. We stepped inside, and nerves twisted my stomach.
I’d been alone with Luca last night and during the ride here but the thought of being alone in his penthouse was somehow worse. This was his kingdom. Who was I kidding? Pretty much all of New York was his empire. He leaned against the mirrored wall and watched me as the elevator began its ascend. I wished he’d say something, anything really. It would distract me from the panic rising up my throat. My eyes flitted to the screen showing which floor we were on. We were already on floor twenty and hadn’t stopped yet.
“The elevator is private. It leads only to the last two floors of the building. My penthouse is at the top and Matteo has his apartment on the floor below.”
“Can he come into our penthouse whenever he wants?”
Luca scanned my face. “Are you scared of Matteo?”
“I’m scared of the both of you. But Matteo seems more volatile while I doubt you’d ever do anything you don’t want to do. You seem like someone who’s always firmly in control.”
“Sometimes I lose control.”
I twisted my wedding ring around my finger, avoiding his eyes. That was information I didn’t need to know.
“You have nothing to worry about when it comes to Matteo. He’s used to coming over to my place whenever he wants, but things will change now that I’m married. Most of our business takes place somewhere else anyway.”
The elevator beeped and came to a stop, then the doors slid apart. Luca gestured for me to step out first. I did and immediately found myself in a huge living space with sleek white sofas, dark hardwood floors, a modern glass and metal fireplace, black sideboards and tables, as well as avant-garde chandeliers. There was hardly any color at all, except for a few pieces of modern art on the walls and art pieces made from glass. But the entire wall facing the elevator was glass. The windows opened the view toward a terrace and roof garden, and beyond that skyscrapers and Central Park. The ceiling opened up above the main part of the living area and a staircase led up to the second floor of the penthouse.
I walked farther into the apartment and tilted my head up. Glass banisters allowed a clear view of the upper floor: a bright gallery with several doors branching off of it.
An open kitchen took up the left side of the living area and a massive black dining table marked the border between dining and living area. I could feel Luca’s eyes on me as I took everything in. I approached the windows and peered out. I’d never lived in an apartment; even a roof garden didn’t change the fact that it was a high prison.
“Your things are in the bedroom upstairs. Marianna wasn’t sure if you wanted to put them away yourself, so she left them in your suitcases.”
“Who’s Marianna?”
Luca came up behind me. Our gazes met in the reflection in the window. “She’s my housekeeper. She’s here a couple of days per week.”
I wondered if she was also his mistress. Some men in our world actually dared to insult their wives by bringing their whores into their own home. “How old is she?”
Luca’s lips twitched. “Are you jealous?” He rested his hands on my hips and I tensed. He didn’t pull away, but I could see anger crossing his face. But I also noted that he didn’t answer my question.
I stepped out of his hold and headed for a glass door leading out onto the roof garden. I turned to Luca. “Can I go outside?”
His jaw was tight. He wasn’t stupid. He had noticed how quickly I’d shaken off his touch. “This is your home now too.”
It didn’t feel that way. I’m not sure it ever would. I opened the door and stepped outside. It was windy and distant honking carried up from the streets below. White lounge furniture took up the terrace but beyond it a small well-kept garden stretched out toward a glass barrier. There was even a square in-ground Jacuzzi big enough for six people. Two sunchairs were set up beside it. I strode toward the edge of the garden and let my gaze wander over Central Park. It was a beautiful view.
“You’re not thinking about jumping, are you?” Luca asked, gripping the banister beside me.
I tilted my face up to him, trying to gauge if this was his attempt at humor. He looked serious. “Why would I kill myself?”
“Some women in our world see it as their only way to gain freedom. This marriage is your prison.”
I appraised the distance between the roof and the ground. Death was certain. But I’d never considered killing myself. Before doing that, I’d run. “I wouldn’t do that to my family. Lily, Fabi and Gianna would be heartbroken.”
Luca nodded. I couldn’t read his expression and it was driving me crazy. “Let’s go back inside,” he said, putting a hand on my lower back and steering me into the apartment. He closed the door, then turned back to me. “I have a meeting in thirty minutes, but I’ll be back in a few hours. I want to take you to my favorite restaurant for dinner.”
“Oh,” I said, surprised. “Like a date?”
The corners of Luca’s mouth twitched, but he didn’t smile. “You could call it that. We haven’t been on a real date yet.” He wrapped an arm around my middle and pulled me against him. I froze, and the lightness disappeared from his eyes.
“When will you stop being afraid of me?”
“You don’t want me to be afraid of you?” I’d always thought it would make his life easier if I was terrified of him. Would make it easier to keep me in check.
Luca’s dark brows drew together. “You are my wife. We’ll spend our lives together. I don’t want a cowering woman at my side.”
That really surprised me. Mother loved Father but she also feared him. “Are there people out there who don’t fear you?”
“A few,” he said before lowering his head and pressing his lips against mine. He kissed me without hurry until I relaxed under his touch and parted my lips for him. I raised my arm and hesitantly touched the back of his neck, my fingers brushing his hair. My other hand pressed against his chest, enjoying the feel of his muscles. He pulled away.
“I have half a mind to cancel this fucking meeting.” He rubbed his thumb over my lips. “But there’s still more than enough time for this later.” He glanced at his watch. “I really need to go now. Romero will be here when I’m gone. Take your time and look around.” With that he headed for the door and left.
For a moment, I stared at the door, wondering if anyone would stop me if I walked out of this building. Instead I moved toward the staircase and walked up to the second floor. Only one of the white doors was ajar and I pushed it open. The master bedroom opened up before me. As with the living area, an entire wall was made up of windows overlooking New York. The king-sized bed was facing them. I wondered how it would be to watch the sunrise from bed. The wall behind the bed was upholstered with black fabric. At the end of the room a doorway led into a walk-in closet and to its right I could see a freestanding bathtub through the glass wall separating the bedroom from the bathroom.
I walked toward it. Even from the bathtub you could watch the city. Despite the glass wall, the washbasins and the shower weren’t visible from the bedroom, and the toilet was in its own small room.
“Aria?”
I gasped. My heart pounded in my chest as I slowly followed the voice and found Romero on the gallery, carrying my bags. “I didn’t mean to startle you,” he said when he saw my face. I nodded. “Where do you want me to put your bags?”
I’d forgotten Luca had dropped them on the sofa. “I don’t know. Maybe the walk-in closet?”
He strode past me and set the bags down on a bench in the closet. My three suitcases as well as two moving boxes were beside it. “Do you know if I need to dress up for tonight? Luca said he wants to take me to his favorite restaurant, but he didn’t tell me if it has a dress code.”
Romero smiled. “No. Definitely no dress code.”
“Why? Is it a KFC?” I’d actually never eaten at a KFC. Father and Mother would have never taken us to a place like that. Gianna, Lily and I had once convinced Umberto to take us to a McDonalds but that was really the whole extent of my experience with fast-food joints.
“Not really. I think Luca wants to surprise you.”
I doubted that. “Maybe I should unpack then.” I gestured at my suitcases.
Romero kept a careful distance to me. He was nice but professional. “Do you need help?”
I really didn’t want Romero to touch my underwear. “No. I’d prefer to be alone.”
Compassion filled Romero’s face before he turned and left. I waited until I was certain that he was back downstairs before I opened the first box. On top was a photo of me with Gianna, Lily and Fabi. I cried for the third time in less than twenty-four hours. I’d seen them only this morning, so how could I already feel so alone?
***
When Luca came home almost five hours later, I’d changed into a skirt and a flimsy, sleeveless blouse. Despite my best efforts, my eyes were still slightly red from crying. There was a limit to what make-up could do. Luca noticed immediately, his gaze lingering on my eyes, then darting to the photo of my family on the nightstand.
“I wasn’t sure which was your side. I can move it to the other nightstand if you want,” I said.
“No, it’s okay.” Exhaustion was written plainly on his face.
“Was the meeting okay?”
Luca looked away. “Let’s not talk about it. I’m starving.” He held out his hand and I took it and followed him to the elevator. He was tense and barely said a word as we rode in his car. I wasn’t really sure if he expected me to make conversation, and I was too emotionally drained to put up an effort.
When we stopped at a red light, he glanced over. “You look great.”
“Thanks.”
He parked the car in a gated parking area where they stashed the cars on top of each other, then we headed down a street with small restaurants offering everything from Indian cuisine, over Libanese to Sushi. He stopped at a Korean restaurant and held the door open for me. Stunned I walked in into the crowded, narrow inside.
Small tables were set closely together and a bar at the front offered alcoholic beverages with labels I couldn’t even read. A waiter came up to us and upon spotting Luca, he led us toward the back of the restaurant and gave us the last available table. The people at the table beside ours stared at Luca with wide eyes, probably wondering how he’d fit. I took the seat on the bench running the entire length of the room and Luca folded himself into the chair across from me. The man beside him shifted his chair to the side, so Luca would have more room. Did they know who he was or were they being polite?
“You look surprised,” Luca said after the waiter had taken our drink orders and left us with the menu.
“I didn’t think you’d go for Asian food, considering everything.” That was all I could say in a crowded restaurant, but Luca knew I was talking about the Taiwanese Triad.
“This restaurant is the best Asian restaurant in town, and it doesn’t belong to an Asian chain.”
I frowned. Was it under the protection of the Familia?
“It’s independent.”
“There are independent restaurants in New York?”
The couple at the table beside us gave me a strange look. For them our conversation was probably more than a little weird.
“A few, but we’re in negotiations right now.”
I snorted.
Luca pointed at my menu. “Do you need help?”
“Yeah, I’ve never tried Korean.”
“The marinated silk tofu and the bulgogi beef are delicious.”
“You eat tofu?”
Luca shrugged. “If it’s prepared like this, then yes.”
I shook my head. This was surreal. “Just order what you think is best. I eat everything except for liver.”
“I like women that eat more than salad.”
The waiter returned and took our orders. I fumbled with the chopsticks, trying to figure out the best way to use them.
“Have you never used sticks before?” Luca asked with a smirk. Was he mocking me?
“My parents only took us to their favorite Italian restaurant and I wasn’t really allowed to go anywhere alone.” Bitterness rang in my voice.
“You can go anywhere you want now.”
“Really? Alone?”
Luca lowered his voice. “With Romero or me, or Cesare when Romero isn’t available.”
Of course.
“Here, let me show you.” He took his own chopsticks and held them up. I tried to imitate his grip and after a few tries, I managed to move the sticks without dropping them. When our food arrived, I realized that it was much harder to grab onto something with sticks.
Luca watched with obvious amusement as I took three tries to bring a piece of tofu to my lips.
“No wonder New York girls are so thin if they eat like this all the time.”
“You are more beautiful than all of them,” he said. I scanned his face, trying to figure out if he was being truthful, but as usual his face was unreadable. I allowed myself to admire his eyes. They were unusual with their darker ring around the gray. They weren’t exactly cold right now, but I remembered them being that way.
Luca snatched a piece of marinated beef and held it out in front of me. My eyebrows shot up in surprise. Luca mirrored my expression but his was more challenging. I leaned forward and closed my lips around the sticks, then pulled back, savoring the taste of the bulgogi beef. Luca’s eyes seemed to darken as he watched me.
“Delicious,” I said. Luca picked up a piece of Tofu next and I took it eagerly. This was better than trying to wrangle the chopsticks into submission.
I was grateful that Luca showed me this normal side of him. It gave me hope. Maybe that was his intention, but I didn’t care.
***
The relaxation I’d felt during dinner evaporated when Luca and I returned to our penthouse and stepped into the bedroom. I went into the bathroom and took my time getting ready before I returned.
Luca’s eyes took in my long dark satin nightgown. It reached my calves but had a slit that went up to my thighs. It was still much more modest than the horrible thing I’d worn on our wedding night. And yet I was sure there was desire in his eyes.
Once he’d disappeared into the bathroom, I walked toward the window and busied myself watching the nightly skyline. I was almost as nervous as last night. I knew I wasn’t ready for more than kissing. I didn’t turn when I heard Luca come up beside me. His impressive stature was reflected in the windows. Like yesterday he was only wearing briefs. I watched him reach out for me, and every muscle in my body tensed. If he noticed my reaction, he didn’t let it show. He trailed a knuckle down the length of my spine, sending a tingling sensation through my body. When I didn’t react he extended his hand, palm upward, an invitation not a command, and yet I knew there was only one right answer.
I faced him, but my eyes were drawn to the long scar on his palm. I ran my fingertips over it. “Is that from the blood oath?” I peered up into his unreadable face. I knew during the initiation ceremony, men had to let blood while reciting the words of the oath.
“No. This is.” He turned his other hand where a small scar marred his palm. “That,” he said with a nod toward the scar I was still touching. “…happened in a fight. I had to stave off a knife attack with my hand.”
I wanted to ask him about the first time he killed a man, but he curled his fingers around my wrist and led me toward the bed. My throat became too tight for words when he sat on the mattress and pulled me between his legs. I tried to relax into his kiss and when he made no move to take things further I actually felt the tension slip away and began to enjoy his experienced mouth, but then he lay back and pulled me onto the bed with him.
His kisses became more forceful and I could feel his erection pressed up against my thigh. Still I didn’t pull back. I could do this. I knew it was coming. His hand cupped my breast and I stiffened despite my best intentions not to. He didn’t remove it, but didn’t move it either. His kisses made thinking difficult. Would it really be so bad to sleep with Luca? He drew back a couple of inches and trailed kisses toward my ear. “I’ve never wanted to fuck a woman as much as I want to fuck you right now.”
I froze. His words made me feel cheap. He was my husband and he had a right to my body, if you asked anyone in our family anyway, but I deserved better than that. I didn’t want to be fucked like he was used to doing with other women. I was his wife. I wanted more. I turned my head and pushed my palms against his chest. After a moment, he relented.
“I don’t want this,” I said, not bothering to hide my disgust from him.
I didn’t look at him but I could practically feel his frustration. What did he think? That I would suddenly feel comfortable enough to sleep with him because he’d taken me out for dinner once? Was that how it worked with his other girls? For a long time he did nothing but stare at me, then he untangled himself from me.
He shut off the light without a word and lied on his side of the bed. I wished he’d at least hold me. This was my first night so far away from my family. It would have been nice if he’d at least comforted me, but I didn’t ask him to. Instead I pulled the covers up and closed my eyes.
***
When I woke the next morning, Luca was gone. There was no note, not even a text on my phone. He was really pissed. I shoved my blankets off. Bastard. He knew I didn’t know anyone in New York and yet he didn’t care. I grabbed my laptop and opened my email account. Gianna had already sent me three new emails. The last one was almost threatening. I picked up the phone. Only hearing her voice was enough to make me feel better. I didn’t need Luca or anyone else, as long as I had Gianna.
The scent of coffee and something sweeter eventually drew me out of the bedroom and downstairs. Pans were clanking in the kitchen and as I turned the corner, I found a small, plump woman who looked old enough to be my Grandma at the stove, making pancakes. Her dark grey hair was secured with a hairnet. Romero was perched on a stool at the bar attached to the kitchen island, a cup of coffee in front of him. He turned when I approached, his eyes taking in my nightgown before jerking his head away. Really?
The woman turned and smiled kindly. “You must be Aria. I’m Marianna.”
I walked up to her to shake her hand but she pulled me into a hug, pressing me against her ample chest. “You are a beauty, bambina. No wonder Luca is smitten with you.”
I swallowed a snide comment. “That smells delicious.”
“Sit. Breakfast is ready in a couple of minutes. It’s enough for Romero and you.”
I sat beside Romero on a stool. He was still pointedly looking the other direction. “What’s your problem? I’m not naked,” I said when I couldn’t take it anymore.
Marianna laughed. “The boy is worried Luca finds out he ogled his girl.”
I shook my head, annoyed. If Romero insisted on being a coward, he’d have to eat with closed eyes. I wasn’t putting a bathrobe on because I needed a bodyguard in my own home.
***
I was already dozing off when Luca came home that night. While he’d spent his day outside doing God knows what I was a prisoner in this stupid penthouse. The only people who kept me company were Marianna and Romero, but she’d left after preparing dinner and Romero wasn’t exactly the most communicative company. I watched as Luca emerged from the bathroom, freshly showered. He barely acknowledged me. Did he think I cared? When he lied down beside me and extinguished the lights, I said into the darkness. “Can I walk through the city tomorrow?”
“As long as you take Romero with you,” was his short reply.
I swallowed my hurt and frustration. When he’d taken me to his favorite restaurant I’d thought he’d try to make this marriage work but it had only been a ploy to get me into bed. And now he punished me with the silent treatment.
But I didn’t need him, never would. I drifted off to the sound of his rhythmic breathing.
I awoke in the middle of the night from a nightmare. Luca’s arm was wrapped around me, my body spooned by his. I could have pulled away, but his closeness felt too good. A part of me still wanted this marriage to work.
***
I missed Gianna and Lily so much, it was almost a physical thing.
Romero tried to be invisible but he was always there. “Do you want to go shopping?”
I almost laughed. Did he think shopping made everything better? Maybe that worked for some people, but definitely not for me. “No, but I’d like to grab something to eat. Gianna sent me an email with a few restaurants she wants to try when she visits. I’d like to go to one of them today.”
Romero looked uncertain for an instant, and I exploded. “I asked Luca for permission a couple of nights ago, so you don’t have to worry. I’m allowed to leave this prison.”
He frowned. “I know. He told me.”
This was ridiculous. I left him standing in the middle of the living area and hurried up the stairs to the bedroom. I quickly changed into a nice summer dress and sandals, grabbed my bag and sunglasses before heading back down. Romero hadn’t moved from his spot. Why couldn’t he pretend he was something other than my bodyguard?
“Let’s go,” I ordered. If he wanted to act like my bodyguard, I’d treat him that way. Romero pulled a jacket over his shirt to hide his holster, then pushed the elevator button. We didn’t talk during the ride down. This was actually the first time I saw the lobby of the apartment building. It was sleek, black marble, modern art, white high gloss counter behind which a middle-aged receptionist in a black suit sat. He inclined his head toward Romero before his eyes zoomed in on me with obvious curiosity. “Good day, Mrs. Vitiello,” he said in an overly polite voice. I almost stumbled at hearing him call me that. It was easy to forget I wasn’t a Scuderi anymore. After all, my husband was never present.
I nodded in acknowledgement, then quickly rushed outside. Heat blasted against my body as I left the air-conditioned building. Summer in the city, nothing to be excited about. The smell of exhaust and garbage seemed to carry through the streets like fog. Romero was a step behind me and I wondered how he could bear the heat in his dress-up.
“I think we need to take a taxi,” I said, as I stepped toward the curb. Romero shook his head but I’d already raised my arm and a taxi swerved to the side and stopped beside me.
***
Romero hung a few steps back, his alert gaze on my back. It was driving me crazy. People were giving us strange looks. “Can you please walk beside me?” I asked as we walked down Greenwich Street where the restaurant was. “I don’t want people to think you’re guarding me.” He was probably still pissed that I’d made him take a taxi, instead of the black BMW that screamed mafia from afar.
“I’m guarding you.”
I stopped until he fell into step beside me. The outside of the restaurant was surrounded by wild flowers growing in terracotta pots and the inside reminded me of British pubs I’d read about. It seemed as if every single of the waiters was tattooed, and the tables were set so closely together you could have eaten from your neighbor’s plate. I could see why Gianna would love it.
Romero’s lips twisted in obvious disapproval. It was probably a bodyguard’s nightmare. “Do you have a reservation?” A tall woman with a septum piercing asked.
“No.” Romero narrowed his eyes as if he couldn’t believe someone was actually asking something like that. I loved it. Here I wasn’t Aria, wife of Luca Vitiello. “But it’s just the two of us. And we won’t take long,” I said politely.
The woman looked between Romero and me, then smiled. “You have 1 hour. You are a cute couple.”
She turned to lead us toward our table, which was why she didn’t see Romero’s expression. “Why didn’t you correct her?” he asked quietly.
“Why should I?”
“Because we aren’t a couple. You are Luca’s.”
“I am. And I’m not.”
Romero didn’t argue again, but I could tell it made him uncomfortable to act like we were anything but bodyguard and his boss’s wife. I ate a salad with the most delicious dressing and enjoyed watching the people around us, while Romero ate a burger and monitored our surroundings. I couldn’t wait to take Gianna here. Sadness filled me at the thought. I had never been so lonely in my life. Only two days into my new life and I really didn’t know how to survive the many thousand days that would follow. “So Luca will be home late again tonight?”
“I suppose,” Romero said evasively.
After we’d eaten, I forced Romero to stroll through the neighborhood of the restaurant for a bit longer, but eventually I got frustrated with his stiff posture and obvious discomfort, and agreed to return to the apartment.
***
When the taxi pulled up in front of the apartment building, Romero paid the driver and I slipped out of the car. As I approached the glass front, I noticed one of Luca’s cousins sitting inside the lobby. What was she doing here? We hadn’t talked more than a few sentences at the wedding and I hadn’t gotten the impression that she was interested in friendship. Confused, I stepped into the lobby. Cosima’s eyes snapped to me and she walked up to me without hesitation and hugged me to my surprise, then she pressed something into my hand. “Here. Don’t let Romero or anyone else see it. Now smile.”
I did, stunned. I could feel a folded piece of paper and what felt like a key in my palm. I quickly stashed them in my purse when Romero appeared beside me. “What are you doing here, Cosima?” There was a hint of suspicion in his voice.
She flashed her teeth at him. “I wanted to see how Aria was doing and asked her if we could meet for lunch soon. But now I need to go. I have a hair appointment.” She gave me a warning look, then she walked out, high heels clacking on the marble floor.
Romero was watching me. “What did she say?”
“What she told you,” I said, raising my chin. “I want to go up now.” He wanted me to act like his boss, so he couldn’t expect me to open up to him. He nodded and led me toward the elevator with a curt nod toward the two receptionists.
The moment we entered the penthouse, I excused myself and headed into the guest bathroom. I pulled out what Cosima had given me and unfolded the piece of paper.
Aria,
The key is for one of the apartments the Vitiello’s own. Come over tonight at ten pm to see what your husband is really up to while you warm his bed. Be careful and quiet, and don’t tell anyone. Romero will try to stop you. Shake him off.
The address was at the bottom of the page. The note wasn’t signed and it was written with a computer. Was it from Cosima? It would make sense. I read it over and over again. It could be a trick, or worse: a trap, but curiosity burned through me. Luca hadn’t exactly been the most present husband. The only problem was how to get to the apartment and how to get rid of Romero. He never left my side.
***
I convinced Romero to go out to dinner to a restaurant that according to google maps was only a five-minute walk from the address Cosima had given me. When Romero used the guest bathroom in our apartment, I used the moment to take a small gun Luca kept in one of the top drawers in the walk-in closet. I’d noticed it when I’d unpacked my suitcases and folded my clothes into drawers. I hid it in the side pocket of my bag. Even though I didn’t have much experience with guns, I knew how to handle them in theory. Better safe than sorry.
***
It was quarter past nine. Romero and I had just finished our starter, when I stood to head for the bathroom. Romero pushed back his chair and was about to stand as well.
I glared. “You won’t follow me to the bathroom. Do you think I will get lost on the way? People will be staring. Nobody knows who I am here. I’m safe.”
Romero sank back down. The bathroom was past a corner, closer to the door than our table. I slipped out of the restaurant, took flats from my purse and put them on. Then I hurried toward the address. It would take at least five minutes before Romero would venture toward the bathroom and hopefully even longer before he’d barge in to check on me.
When I arrived in front of the brownstone building, I hesitated. It didn’t have a reception, only a narrow corridor and a steep staircase. Then I took a deep breath and entered. The key said the apartment was on the third floor. I took the elevator hidden in a dark corner behind the stairs. During the ride up, doubt overcame me. Maybe I shouldn’t have listened to the letter. The elevator came to a halt and the door rattled open. My eyes darted to the button that would take me back to the ground floor but instead I stepped out and found the apartment door. It wasn’t completely shut.
My heart fluttered with fear. This seemed like a really bad idea, but curiosity was stronger than worry. I pushed the door open and peered in. The living room was dark and empty, but light was coming from somewhere else. I rested my hand on the gun in my purse, then crept further in, but froze when I heard a woman cry out. “Yes! Harder!”
Dread settled in me as I followed the voice. I had heard it before. The light was spilling out of an open door. I stopped in front of it, hesitating. I could still turn around and pretend I’d never received the letter. Another moan drifted out of the room and I peaked inside. Heat rushed up my face, then seemed to drain out of my body completely. Grace Parker was on her knees and forearms on the bed while Luca fucked her from behind. The slaps of his body hitting her ass filled the silence, only occasionally disrupted by her encouraging cries and moans. Luca’s eyes were closed as his fingers dug into her hips and he rammed into her over and over again. Grace turned her head to meet my eyes, and smiled triumphantly. Bile traveled up my throat. So this was what Luca had been up to the last two nights.
For a crazy moment, I considered taking the gun out and throwing it at her head. I wouldn’t shoot her, even if I wanted to. I wasn’t a mobster. I wasn’t Luca. My shoulders slumped and I took a step back. I needed to get away. Luca’s eyes shot open, hand reaching for a gun on the bed beside him but then he found me. He jerked, then froze.
“What’s the matter, Luca?” Grace asked, wiggling her ass against him. He was still buried inside her. Luca and I stared at each other and I could feel tears gathering in my eyes.
I whirled around and ran. I needed to get away. Just away. The moment I stepped out of the elevator on the first floor, I began shaking but I didn’t stop. I rushed outside almost bumping into Romero who must have followed my phone’s GPS. He stumbled back, looked at my face, then at the building and his eyes widened. He knew. Everyone seemed to know, except for stupid me.
I stormed away, running faster than I’d ever run in my life. When I crossed the street toward the underground station, I caught a glimpse of Luca in an unbuttoned shirt and pants staggering out of the door. Romero was already chasing me.
But I was fast. Years of working out on the treadmill finally paid off. I practically flew down the steps, fumbled for the Metro card my sisters and I had purchased before the wedding after we’d forced Umberto to show us the subway. I managed to squeeze into the already closing doors of a subway wagon. I wasn’t even sure where it was going. But as I saw Luca and Romero heading for the tracks, all that mattered was that it was taking me away. Away from the triumphant smile Grace had given me, from the sound of Luca’s body pounding her ass, from his betrayal.
On our wedding night I’d told Luca I didn’t hate him. I wished he’d ask me again today. I sank down on a free seat, but I was still shaking. Where was I going?
I couldn’t run away. Luca was probably already sending every soldier after me. I let out a choked laugh and got a few strange looks from other passengers. What did they know? They were free.
I grabbed my mobile and called Gianna. She answered at the second ring. “Aria?”
“I caught Luca in bed with Grace.” More people looked my way. What did it even matter? They didn’t know who I was. The wedding announcements in the newspaper had never included a photo of me. I really didn’t need any more attention.
“Holy fuck.”
“Yeah.” I got out at the next station as I began telling the whole story to Gianna. I quickly moved away from the underground because that would be the place they’d look first. Eventually I landed in a loud and dark place where burgers and beer were sold. I ordered a coke and a burger, though I had no intention of drinking or eating.
“Where are you now?” Gianna asked.
“Somewhere. I don’t even know. In a restaurant, sort of.”
“Be careful.” I didn’t say anything. “Are you crying?”
I was. Again I stayed silent.
“Don’t. Not when I’m not around to console you and kick Luca’s fucking ass. I knew he was an asshole. Fucking bastard. You haven’t slept with him yet, right?”
“No, I haven’t. That’s probably why he’s off cheating on me.”
“Don’t you dare blaming yourself, Aria. Any decent man would have kept his dick in his pants or used his hand.”
The burger and a coke arrived, and I thanked the waitress who lingered beside my table for a couple of seconds, her gaze lingering on my tears. I gave her a smile and she finally took the hint and left.
“What will you do now? Are you thinking of coming back home?”
“Do you really think Father will let me leave Luca because he cheated on me? Father has had a mistress for years.” Nor would Luca allow it. I was his, as Romero never ceased to remind me.
“Men are all pigs.”
“I can’t forget the look Grace gave me. She looked like she’d won.”
“She wanted you to see it, she wanted to humiliate you.” Gianna fell silent. “You are the wife of the future Capo dei Capi. If someone humiliates you, they are practically insulting Luca.”
“Well, he was busy helping her insult me.”
Gianna snorted. “I hope his dick falls off.”
“I’m not holding my breath.”
“I bet Romero’s getting his ass kicked for letting you slip away. Serves him right.”
I almost felt sorry for Romero, but then I reminded myself that he’d known about Grace all along. It had been written all over his face. God, how many people knew? Were they all laughing about me behind my back?
“Are you talking to Aria?” I could hear Lily’s excited voice in the background. “That’s none of your business. Get out of my room, you little snoop.”
“I want to talk to her! She’s my sister too!”
“Not now. This is private.” There was shouting, then the bang of a door, followed by fists hammering against wood. My heart swelled with warmth and I smiled. This had been my life not too long ago. Now I only had a cheating husband to return to.
“So what now?” Gianna asked eventually.
“I honestly don’t know.” I paid and left the restaurant, returning to roaming the streets. It was dark but they were still crowded with people on their way home from dinner or on their way to a club or bar.
“You can’t let him treat you like that. You must fight back.”
“I don’t know if fighting Luca is something I want to do.”
“What can he do to you? You aren’t his enemy or his soldier, and he said he didn’t beat women, nor would he force himself on you. What’s left? Lock you in your room without dinner?”
I sighed.
“Maybe you should cheat on him. Go to a club, find a hot guy and sleep with him.”
That would go over well with Luca. “He’d kill him. I don’t want blood on my hands.”
“Then do something else. I don’t care as long as you pay Luca back for what he’s doing to you. He’ll probably just keep cheating on you. Fight back.”
But Gianna was the fighter. I preferred subtle tactics. “I should get rid of this phone now. I need more time to think and don’t want Luca to track me down.”
“Call me as soon as you can. No matter the time. If I don’t hear from you tomorrow morning, I don’t care who I have to take down to fly to New York.”
“Okay. Love you.” Before Gianna could say any more, I turned my phone off, disabled it and threw it into a dustbin before walking the streets aimlessly. It was past midnight and I was getting tired. The only thing that kept me going was the image of Luca going crazy because he couldn’t find me. He hated not being in control. And now I’d slipped away from him. I wished I could see it.
I bought a coffee and wrapped my fingers around the warm paper cup as I leaned against the facade of the coffee shop and let my eyes wander over the thinning number of passerby. Every time a couple walked past me, holding hands, kissing and laughing and being in love, my chest tightened. My eyes burnt from exhaustion and my earlier crying. I was so tired.
I hailed a taxi and let it take me to our apartment building. As I stepped into the lobby, the receptionist immediately picked up the phone. Good dog, I wanted to say. Instead I twisted my mouth into a smile and stepped into the elevator, then slipped in the card so it would take me to the right floor. I was almost calm now, at least on the outside. Was Luca in the penthouse? Or was he out hunting me? Or maybe he’d returned to his whore and let his men do the work for him. When I’d woken with Luca’s arms around me, or when he’d kissed me, I’d let myself believe that maybe I could make him love me. When we’d had dinner together I’d thought I could fall for him.
I entered the penthouse. Romero was there and practically sagged with relief. “She’s here,” he said into his phone, then nodded before ending the call.
“Where’s Luca? Back with his whore?”
Romero frowned. “Searching for you.”
“I’m surprised he bothers. He could have sent you or one of his other lapdogs. After all you do everything he says. Even cover for him while he’s out cheating on me.” Romero didn’t say anything. I wasn’t sure why I was lashing out at him.
I walked away.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going to undress and shower. If you want to watch, be my guest.” Romero stopped but his eyes followed me up the stairs. I slammed the bedroom door shut after me, then locked it before walking into the bathroom to take a shower. I turned the temperature as high as I could bear but the water couldn’t wash away the images that had taken refuge in my brain. Luca buried in Grace. Her smile. The sound of his hips slamming against her ass. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was feeling. Disappointment. Jealousy? I hadn’t chosen Luca, but he was my husband. I wanted him to be faithful to me. I wanted him to want only me. I wanted to be enough.
There was banging at the bedroom door when I got out of the shower. I wrapped a towel around myself and slowly walked out of the bathroom into the bedroom.
“Aria, let me in!” There was anger in his voice. He was angry?
I dropped the towel and slipped a silk nightgown over my body.
“I’m going to kick in the door, if you don’t let me in.”
I’d like to see you do it. Maybe you’ll dislocate a shoulder.
“Aria, open the fucking door!”
I was too tired to keep playing with him. I wanted this day to be over. I wanted sleep to magically take away my memory. I unlocked the door, then turned and walked back to the bed. The door flew open, banging against the wall and Luca stormed in. He grasped my arm and fury burned through me. How dare he lay hands on me after gripping that whore’s ass with them?
“Don’t touch me!” I shrieked, wrenching out of his grip. He was panting, eyes wild with emotion. His hair was a mess and his shirt wasn’t buttoned properly. Matteo stood in the doorway, Romero and Cesare a few steps behind.
“Where have you been?” he said in a low voice, he reached for me again and I stumbled back. “No! Don’t ever touch me again. Not when you use those same hands to touch your whore.”
His face became very still. “Out, everyone. Now.”
Matteo turned and he and the other two men disappeared from view.
“Where have you been?”
“I wasn’t cheating on you if that’s what you’re worried about. I would never do that. I think faithfulness is the most important thing in a marriage. So you can calm yourself now, my body is still only yours.” I practically spat the last few words. “I only walked around the city.”
“You walked around New York at night alone?”
I stared into his eyes, hoping he could see how much I hated him for what I’d seen, how much it hurt to know he respected me so little. “You have no right to be angry with me, Luca. Not after what I saw today. You cheated on me.”
Luca snarled. “How can I be cheating when we don’t even have a real marriage? I can’t even fuck my own wife. Do you think I’ll live like a monk until you decide you can stand my closeness?”
That arrogant pig. He and my father had made sure I didn’t even talk to other men until my wedding to Luca. “God forbid. How dare I expect my husband to be faithful to me? How dare I hope for this small decency in a monster?”
“I’m not a monster. I’ve treated you with respect.”
“Respect?” My voice rose higher. “I caught you with another woman! Maybe I should go out, bring a random guy back with me and let him fuck me in front of your eyes. How would that make you feel?”
Suddenly he flung me on the bed and was on top of me, my arms pinned above my head. Pushing through the choking fear, I said. “Do it. Take me, so I can really hate you.” His eyes were the most terrifying thing I’d ever seen.
His nostrils flared. I turned my face away and closed my eyes. He was breathing harshly, his grip on my wrists too tight. My heart pounded against my ribcage as I lay unmoving beneath him. He shifted and pressed his face into my shoulder, releasing a harsh breath. “God, Aria.”
I opened my eyes. He released my wrists but I kept my arms above my head. Slowly he raised his eyes. The anger was gone from his face. He reached for my cheek but I turned away. “Don’t touch me with her on you.”
He sat up. “I’m going to take a shower now, and we will both calm down and then I want us to talk.”
“What’s there left to talk about?”
“Us. This marriage.”
I lowered my arms. “You fucked a woman in front of my eyes today. Do you think there’s still a chance for this marriage?”
“I didn’t want you to see that.”
“Why? So you could cheat in peace and quiet behind my back?”
He sighed, and began unbuttoning his shirt. “Let me take a shower. You were right. I shouldn’t disrespect you further by touching you like this.”
I shrugged. Right now I didn’t think I’d ever want him to touch me again, no matter how many showers he took. He disappeared in the bathroom. The shower ran for a long time. I sat against the headboard, sheets pulled up to my hip when Luca finally emerged. I averted my eyes when he dropped his towel and put on boxer shorts, then he slipped into bed beside me with his back against the headboard. He didn’t try to touch me. “Did you cry?” he asked in a puzzled voice.
“Did you think I wouldn’t care?”
“Many women in our world are glad when their husbands use whores or take on a mistress. As you said, there are few love marriages. If a woman can’t stand her husband’s touch, she won’t mind him having affairs to satisfy his needs.”
I scoffed. “His needs.”
“I’m not a good man, Aria. I never pretended otherwise. There are no good men in the mafia.”
My eyes rested on the tattoo over his heart. “I know.” I swallowed. “But you made me think that I could trust you and that you wouldn’t hurt me.”
“I never hurt you.”
Did he really not get it? “It hurt seeing you with her.”
His expression softened. “Aria, I didn’t get the feeling that you wanted to sleep with me. I thought you’d be glad if I didn’t touch you.”
“When did I say that?”
“When I told you I wanted you, you pulled back. You looked disgusted.”
“We were kissing and you said you wanted to fuck me more than any other women. Of course, I pulled back. I’m not some whore you can use when you feel like it. You are never home. How am I supposed to get to know you?” He looked frustrated. Mafia men seemed even more clueless than normal men. “What did you think? I’ve never done anything. You are the only man I kissed. You knew that when we married. You and my father even made sure it was the case, and despite that you expect me to go from never even having kissed a guy to spreading my legs for you. I wanted to take it slow. I wanted to get to know you so I could relax, I wanted to kiss you and do other things first before we slept together.”
Realization finally settled on his features, then he smirked. “Other things? What kind of other things?”
I glared. I wasn’t in the mood for jokes. “This is useless.”
“No, don’t.” He turned my face back to him, then dropped his hand. He’d learned his lesson. “I get it. For men the first time isn’t a big deal, or at least it wasn’t for the men I know.”
“When was your first time?”
“I was thirteen and my father thought it was time for me to become a real man since I’d already been initiated. ‘You can’t be a virgin and a killer’. That’s what he said.” Luca smiled coldly. “He paid two noble prostitutes to spend a weekend with me and teach me everything they knew.”
“That’s horrible.”
“Yeah, I suppose it is,” Luca said quietly. “But I was a thirteen year old teenage boy who wanted to prove himself. I was the youngest member in the New York Familia. I didn’t want the older men to think of me as a boy. And I felt like a big deal when the weekend was over. I doubt the prostitutes were overly impressed with my performance but they pretended that I was the best lover they’d ever had. My father probably paid them extra for it. It took me a bit to figure out that not all women like it if you come all over their face when they give you a blowjob.”
I wrinkled my nose and Luca let out a laugh. “Yeah,” he murmured, then reached for a strand of my hair, and let it glide over his finger. I wasn’t sure why he always did that. “I was really worried tonight.”
“Worried that I’d let someone have what’s yours.”
“No,” he said firmly. “I knew, I know you are loyal. Things with the Bratva are escalating. If they got their hands on you…” He shook his head.
“They didn’t.”
“They won’t.”
I shifted away from his hand that had moved on from my hair to my throat. I didn’t want his touch. He sighed. “You’re going to make this really difficult, aren’t you?”
I stared.
“I’m sorry for what you saw today.”
“But not sorry for what you did.”
He looked exasperated. “I rarely say I’m sorry. When I say it, I mean it.”
“Maybe you should say it more often.”
He took a deep breath. “There’s no way out of this marriage for you, neither for me. Do you really want to be miserable?”
He was right. There was no way out. And even if there was, what for? My father would marry me off to the next man. Maybe a man like Bibiana’s husband. And no matter how much I wanted to deny it, I could imagine developing feelings for the Luca I saw in the restaurant. It wouldn’t have hurt so much seeing him with that woman, if I didn’t. When he’d touched my hair or kissed me or wrapped his arms around me during the night, I’d felt myself wanting to fall in love with him. I wished I could hate him with all my heart. If Gianna had been in my stead, she would rather have gone through life hating her husband and being miserable than ever giving him and our father the satisfaction of coming to care for him. “No,” I said. “But I can’t pretend I never saw you with her.”
“I don’t expect you to, but let’s just pretend our marriage begins today. A clean start.”
“It’s not that easy. What about her? Tonight wasn’t the first time you were with her. Do you love her?” My voice trembled as I said it.
Luca noticed of course. He looked at me as if I was a puzzle he couldn’t figure out. “Love? No. I don’t have feelings for Grace.”
“Then why do you keep seeing her? The truth.”
“Because she knows how to suck a cock and because she’s a good fuck. Truthful enough?”
I flushed. Luca brushed a finger over my cheek. “I love it when you blush whenever I say something dirty. I can’t wait to see your blush when I do something dirty to you.”
Why couldn’t he stop to touch me? “If you really want to make this marriage work, if you ever want the chance to do something dirty to me, then you’ll have to stop seeing other women. Maybe other wives don’t care, but I won’t have you touch me as long as there is anyone else.”
Luca nodded. “I promise. I’ll touch only you from now on.”
I considered him. “Grace won’t like it.”
“Who gives a fuck what she thinks?”
“Won’t her father give you trouble?”
“We pay for his campaigns and he has a son following in his footsteps who needs our money soon as well. What does he care about a daughter who isn’t good for anything but shopping and eventually marrying a rich man?” The same could be said for me and every other woman in our world. Sons could follow in their father’s footsteps, they could become members of the mafia. I still remembered how much Father had celebrated when he’d found out his fourth child was finally a son.
“She probably hoped you’d be that man.”
“We don’t marry outsiders. Never. She knew that, and it wasn’t like she was the only woman I fucked.”
I gave him a look. “You said it yourself. You have your needs. So how can you tell me you won’t cheat on me again soon if you get tired of waiting for me to sleep with you?”
Luca tilted his head, eyes narrowed in thought. “Do you intend to make me wait long?”
“I think we both have very different concepts of the word ‘long wait’.”
“I’m not a patient man. If long means a year…” He trailed off. I couldn’t believe him.
“What do you want me to say, Aria? I kill and blackmail and torture people. I’m the Boss of men who do the same when I order them to, and soon I’ll be the Capo dei Capi, the leader of the most powerful crime organization on the East coast, and probably the US. You thought I’d take you against your will on our wedding night and now you are angry because I don’t want to wait months to sleep with you?”
I closed my eyes. “I’m tired. It’s late.” It was so late it was actually early.
“No,” Luca said, touching my waist. “I want to understand. I’m your husband. It’s not like you are like other girls who can choose the man they’re going to lose it to. Are you scared I’m going to be rough with you because of what you saw today? I won’t be. I told you I want you to writhe beneath me in pleasure, and while that probably won’t happen the first time I take you, I’ll make you come as often as you want with my tongue and my fingers until you can come when I’m in you. I don’t mind going slow, but what do you want to wait for?”
I watched him through half-lidded eyes. For something that will never happen: that you’ll want to make love to me and not take me like I’m your possession. Part of me didn’t want to settle for less, the other part knew I had to. ‘Love is something girls hope for when they don’t know better, something women long for when they lie awake at night, and something they’ll only ever get from their children. Men don’t have time for such notions.’ That’s what my father always said. “I won’t make you wait for months,” I said instead of what I really wanted to say, then I fell asleep.
