We spend the next couple of days enjoying the sights of London, doing the whole tourist thing. We take an open-top bus, something I’ve never done before even though I grew up here. Lexi and Ryan join us every day, and it’s wonderful to have them back in my life again, as if they were never out of it.
Ryan is still a little unsure of the guys, casting suspicious looks their way every so often until one day, Jax and him start talking and discover that they both spent time in South Africa training. Although I’m not sure what that means for either of them. I know that it can’t be good if Black Knight was involved, which they would have been given that Jax mentions it as part of his training. It hurts my soul that they went through that, especially Jax. I can see a newfound respect in Ryan’s eyes after that, and I’m glad that they’ve found some common ground.
We have two days left, and I wake up in an empty bed, wondering where Loki and Jax, who spent the night exploring my body in the most mind-shattering ways, are. Coming out of the bedroom, dressed in just Loki’s t-shirt, I sleepily stumble into the living room area to find a wonderful breakfast laid out for me, and all four guys sitting round the small dining table with Slow Hands by Niall Horan playing softly in the background. They all stop talking when I enter, looking up at me as I walk towards them, their eyes drinking me in and causing a blush to spread across my cheeks.
“Morning, Princess,” Ash greets me, getting up and pulling out the chair in between his and Kai’s for me.
He kisses my cheek sweetly when I reach him, then motions for me to take a seat, pushing the chair in as I lower myself down. He resumes his seat, and it’s then that I notice they’re all still looking at me intently. I can’t help narrowing my eyes at them.
“What’s going on?” I ask, raising a brow as I watch Kai begin to fill up a plate with pancakes, fruit, greek yoghurt, and then drizzling it all with syrup.
“We thought, Pretty Girl, that you might like a girls’ day with Lexi, so we organised a spa day in town with lunch and champagne,” Loki tells me, pouring me a large glass of fruit juice, most likely tropical, as he knows that’s my favourite.
“Oh,” I respond, my lips lifting at the thoughtfulness of these men. “That sounds wonderful, thank you,” I tell them, accepting the plate from Kai and the glass from Loki.
I take my knife and fork, cutting some pancake and piling on some strawberries and yoghurt, and bring my fork to my lips just as Ash speaks.
“And then tomorrow, we’re visiting your mom’s grave, Princess.”
His tone is gentle, but even so, my hand freezes, my appetite vanishing. I’ve been avoiding the subject, knowing that I have to face it soon, but unable to bring myself to even think about it, about going there.
With measured control, I lower my fork down, the food uneaten on it. Looking up and round at the guys, they’ve all paused in their eating, and are looking back at me with varying degrees of love and concern etched on their faces. Taking a deep breath, I turn to face Ash.
“Okay,” I say with a nod.
His hand comes up, his warm, dry palm cupping my face in a gesture so loving and sweet that the tears I’ve been trying to hold back spring to my eyes, and a lump forms in my throat.
“Good girl,” he says softly. “Now, eat your breakfast, and drink your juice.”
Part of me knows that I should probably bristle at his dominating ways. That my inner feminist should be burning her bra and screaming ‘down with the patriarchy!’ But I just feel a sense of relief at following his orders, at not having to decide anything. There’s something so freeing about relinquishing control to another person. Ash knows that I need to eat, even if I don’t feel like it, so he’s not saying it just to be a controlling dick. He’s just taking care of me in the only way that he knows how
Before I can pick up my fork again, Kai’s slender fingers grasp the silver handle and bring the morsel to my lips. His honey eyes capture mine sans glasses, encouraging me to open up, which I do, letting him place the fork on my tongue. I take the food off with my teeth as he pulls the fork out, a smile lifting his lips as I begin to chew, the sweetness of the fruit and syrup bursting on my tongue and making me realise how hungry I am.
“Mmmm…thanks,” I mutter, swallowing it down and reaching for my juice.
I take a big gulp, smiling when the tropical flavour fills my mouth. I can feel my forehead crease as I see that darkness is still there in his amber depths. I hate that it looks a lot like pain and inner turmoil. Reaching out, I take his hand, twining my fingers with his, marvelling for a second that although he’s slighter than the others, his hand is still bigger than mine.
“I love you so much, Kai Matthews,” I whisper to him, catching his gaze so that he can see the truth of my words.
Afterlife by Hailee Steinfeld starts playing softly in the background, and his hand tightens around mine, his breath leaving his chest on a shaky exhale.
“I wish I deserved it,” he murmurs back, his demons rising to the surface so clearly I can almost see them gazing back at me, eyes full of self-loathing.
My heart drops at his words at the same time that a fire lights inside of me, determined to make him believe that he is worthy, regardless of what happened to him to cause this doubt.
Getting up out of my chair, I let go of his hand and manage to squeeze myself onto his lap without knocking anything off the table—go me! His hands immediately go to my bare thighs, the touch sending a shiver running through me that goes straight to my core. Placing my hands on his cheeks, I run them up the sides of his face and into his hair, gently tugging until he’s looking up into my eyes again. His pupils are blown, a mix of lust and self-deprivation swirling in his eyes.
“You are worth everything, my love,” I tell him fiercely, feeling his fingers digging into my thighs as I speak. “Every drop of love, every-fucking-thing. You are mine, Kai, as I am yours, and nothing on this earth will change that. Understand?” I’m practically snarling at him, my grip tight as I force him to feel my truth. I’m so fucking angry at a world that would make this incredible man feel undeserving.
A small growl sounds in his throat when my fingers pull his hair more, the sound making a rush of wetness leave my pussy that’s pressed up against his rapidly hardening dick. I can’t help but grind against him, inwardly cursing the silky material of his pyjama trousers that acts as a barrier.
Abruptly, I let go of his hair and reaching down, I pull Loki’s t-shirt off, dropping it to the ground next to us.
“Now, show me you deserve me by taking what you want,” I command him, knowing that it’ll make his dominant side sit up and take notice, and hopefully help to draw him out of this pit of self-despair.
A breath hisses out of him as he takes in the sight of my naked, flushed body. My nipples peak even more when his hungry eyes alight on them, and one of his hands leaves my thigh, pinching the nub between his thumb and forefinger hard enough that I cry out as another rush of wetness coats my inner thighs.
The sound must be his undoing as in the next second, my feet crash to the floor as he stands up, his chair falling on the wood with a thwack. I’m spun around and pushed down, my breasts squashed into his plate of food, the sweet smell of crushed fruit and syrup filling my nose. I hear other items crash to the floor seconds before a hand cracks across my arse so hard that I scream, my cunt clenching on nothing but air as my fingertips claw at the wooden tabletop.
“Dude,” I hear Loki say, his tone uncertain just before a second punishing hit lands, causing another shriek to leave my lips.
“I’m okay,” I rasp out, my heart pounding in my chest. I trust Kai, even now. He won’t hurt me, not ever.
Kai growls at Loki, low and loud in return, and this time a moan leaves me, my hands grasping at the tabletop on either side of my head. It’s such a fucking sexy sound that I can’t help but squirm, seeking relief for the desperate ache that has built so suddenly in my core.
“Do. Not. Move,” Kai rumbles behind me in a voice so unlike his own that I immediately obey.
I hear the rustle of foil, then suddenly my legs are being kicked apart wider seconds before I feel the tip of him nudging at my entrance. An animalistic keen sounds in my throat as he pushes inside me, forcing his way into my tight channel with no preparation, his metal hitting me in all the right places. A hand wraps around my messy bun, pulling me up sharply, my palms supporting my weight as I finally look round me, both of us moaning when he bottoms out.
All three guys are now standing, watching us with a mixture of lust and worry, yet their sweats are tented. I meet each of their stares, giving them a small smile to show that I’m okay. My heart rate picks up because even though I trust Kai completely, this is uncharted territory for us.
His monsters are riding him hard, and I’ve laid down a challenge that he’s unable to resist. However, I’d be lying if I said that the fear is not turning me all the way on, and if the grunt behind me is any indication, Kai can feel my pussy clenching around him in excitement.
Kai presses us forward, taking something from the table that I’m unable to see due to his tight grip on my hair.
“Kai!” Ash exclaims, stepping forward with his eyes wide just as I feel cool metal pressed against the top of one of my breasts.
“Tell him your safe word, darling,” Kai purrs in my ear, his breath hissing as my inner walls tighten round him.
“Red,” I whisper, holding Ash’s worried gaze. I’ve an idea of what Kai might be doing, and if I’m correct, I can totally understand why it may be triggering for Ash. “I’m okay, Ash. Truly.”
He gives a brief nod, but I can see his hand shake as it sweeps through his hair, even as his gaze fill with lust, his inner Dom enjoying watching me in fear. Kai chooses that moment to use his grip to tip my head down so that I can see that my guess was correct. He’s holding a small fruit knife with a wooden handle, and a wicked sharp, slightly curved blade, the tip indenting my flesh just above my areola, but not cutting it. Not yet.
Even though I knew it was there, seeing the blade pressed against my skin causes my heart to start drumming in my chest even more, something that Kai must feel as he thrusts forward, burying himself even deeper inside me, which feels fucking amazing.
“See how fucked up I am, Lilly love,” he growls in my ear, nuzzling the side of my neck with his nose, a gasp falling from my lips as I shudder. “Your fear turns me on like nothing else, and I want to hear you scream in pain as I’m buried deep inside you. I want to see your blood running red when I’m using you like you’re nothing but a hole.”
“Kai…” I moan, my voice low, letting him know how much his words are affecting me in all the right ways, which is probably the complete opposite of what he thinks they would do. “Please.”
His grip on my hair turns punishing, pulling until tears sting my eyes. The room wavers, and although I know the others are there, everything else fades away apart from me and the broken man behind me, holding a knife against my soft skin.
Bad Drugs by King Kavalier, ChrisLee begins to sound in the room, and I gasp as a sharp pain stings my right breast. I’m still at an angle that I can look down and see a bead of red well at the knife point. Fascinated, I watch as it drips down the globe of flesh, trailing a path towards my cleavage. A hiss of pain falls from my lips, my fingers flexing as he draws the blade down, creating a shallow cut, and more drops of blood drip down over my pale flesh.
Jesus fucking christ. Who knew Diesel Viper had it right all along?
The fear, mixed in with the pain, and having his thick, pierced cock inside me is a heady combination, leaving me gasping as the familiar burn of an orgasm begins to build in my centre.
“Fuck, Kai,” I groan, as he takes the knife away, the acidic fruit juices coating my skin stinging the cut, and just adding to the myriad of sensations that are assaulting my senses.
Suddenly, I hear the clatter of the knife against the table as he withdraws, leaving me bereft. For a moment I worry that he’s going to leave me unsatisfied, covered in fruit, yoghurt, and my own blood, but before the thought can settle, he twirls me round, picks me up under my thighs, roughly lifting me onto the tabletop. Giving me no time to adjust to my new seated position, he pushes my chest roughly, my back landing amongst the spilled breakfast as he forces me down.
He snarls, leaning over me to lick and lap at the cut, the sharp pain from his tongue leaving me squirming and desperate for more, my fingers trying to find purchase on the smooth wood I’m lying on.
“Sir,” I plead, hoping that he won’t leave me unfulfilled for long.
His head snaps up, and I’d laugh because the tip of his nose and his chin are covered in a mix of squashed fruit and yoghurt, but the sight of my blood on his lips stops me, as does the feral look in his eyes. He bares his teeth, which are also tinged red, in a smile that sends shivers running all over me as fire races through my veins.
Straightening up, he reaches over for the knife once more, picking it up as he stands between my open thighs. I watch transfixed, my heart racing, as he brings it to my inner thigh, gasping sharply as he makes three shallow cuts in quick succession. With a wicked smile on his lush lips, he places the knife carefully down beside my hip on the table, then brings his hand back to my leg. Wiping his finger along the cuts, the sting intense, he gathers my blood on his fingertip, seemingly hypnotised by the drops of glistening ruby.
His eyes flick up to mine, the amber almost entirely swallowed up by black, before they look back down, and with barely a touch, his finger alights on my cunt, rubbing my own blood on my clit.
I’m so wound up with the pain, fear, and the taboo nature of what he’s doing, that one brief touch is enough to detonate an earth-shattering orgasm that rips through me, my liquid release gushing out of me as I yell his name.
I crack my lids just in time to see Kai kneel down, eye level with my still pulsing pussy. Before I can even think about coming down from the heavens, his hot warm tongue licks my clit in a firm hard stroke.
“Fuck! Shit! Fuckity shit!” I whimper, as he licks me again, and again, and again, until I’m squirming, whining, and panting, not sure if I’m trying to escape or get closer as wave upon wave of pleasure rolls over me.
Suddenly, he stops and I yelp like a kicked puppy.
“Hold fucking still!” he bellows in a rough voice, making me jump, the remaining crockery on the table rattling. My heart feels like it’s pounding hard enough to escape the confines of my chest, a slight tremble in my limbs.
“Kai!” Ash snaps behind us, and I hear Jax’s growl sound in warning.
“I’m okay, Ash,” I say, not taking my wide eyed stare off Kai.
My eyes meet his, dark and drowning as he gets up, my gaze darting down to see his beautiful cock rock-fucking-solid, and begging to be buried deep inside me once more. I look back up to see his chin glistening, and a dangerous smirk on his lips.
“You still deserve me, my love,” I pant, watching as his eyes widen and nostrils flare.
With a roar that leaves me quivering and snatching my arms onto my chest, he sweeps his hand across the tabletop to my right, sending dishes of food crashing to the floor. He repeats the move on the other side before stopping to look down at me, his chest heaving, hands and arms covered in breakfast foods.
I lie there, the slight shivering of my body the only outward sign of the effect his behaviour is having on me. And part of that is pure, unadulterated lust. This uncontrolled wild side of his is turning me on. A lot.
With a snarl, he grabs my thighs, spreading them even wider to the point of pain, and I gasp. A malevolent grin takes over his lips, and he catches my hand, wrapping it around my leg, and then doing the same with the other until I’m holding myself completely open for him.
The next thing I know, he’s grabbing his dick, lining it up with my soaked entrance before he slams inside of me, hard and fast. An animalistic groan leaves his lips as a scream of pleasure-pain leaves mine, then he starts pounding into me, using me like I’m a hole to be filled, just as he promised. I know I’ll be aching later, but I currently have no more fucks to give because it feels so damn good, my whole body lights up with pleasure that has an edge of exquisite pain.
I look up to see his face creased in a frown, his hands holding my hips in a bruising grip as he thrusts harder and harder, impaling me on his cock, the sound of our bodies, moans, and grunts louder than the music in the background.
Sparks ignite in my core, my climax rushing towards its peak with the force of two atoms colliding until I’m screaming his name, uncaring if the whole fucking hotel hears, my nails digging into my thighs as I come. Stars burst, and new galaxies are formed as my orgasm tears me apart, leaving me utterly spent.
Moments later, I hear the roar of a thousand lions as Kai finds his own release, jerking inside of me, then collapsing on top of me, his weight a welcome heaviness.
We lie there, panting and breathless as the world rights itself around us. Slowly, I begin to hear the sound of someone clapping. Opening my eyes, I look to the side to see Loki standing there, his rapidly softening dick hanging out. Clearly he enjoyed the show. His emerald eyes are alight with sated satisfaction, as well as the usual shit stirring mischief.
“Bra-fucking-vo, my friend!” he shouts. “Nice to finally see you let go, dude,” he adds, continuing to clap until Jax steps into view, and cuffs him on the back of his head.
“That was…a little fucked up,” Jax tells Kai, a feral grin on his face, and he, too, obviously liked what he saw, especially if his flushed cheeks and post orgasm glow are anything to go by. “But so fucking hot.”
Kai lifts his face off my chest, a huff of laughter escaping as he turns to look at me.
“Are you okay?” he asks, concern filling his honey eyes as he lifts himself off me even more, looking down to the cut on my breast, a flash of predatory satisfaction gleaming in his eyes.
“I’m peachy,” I reply, still breathless and my voice all kinds of husky. “Are you?”
“I—” he starts, biting his bottom lip adorably. “I do feel better,” he tells me, a blush staining his cheeks as he stands up, holding out his hand for me to take.
I can’t help but chuckle softly, then wince as I sit up, Kai noticing the move and frowning. Her Vagisty, for once, is quiet, probably hiding after the pounding we just got.
“Good,” I say, using his help to stand. I wobble, and he catches me, bending down to pick me up bridal style. “I can walk,” I tell him, although that may be bullshit if my still quivering legs are any indicator.
“I know,” he says softly, nuzzling my cheek. “But I need to take care of you,” he whispers in my ear, giving me all the warm and fuzzies as he turns and walks off towards the main bedroom.
I look over his shoulder to see the others starting to clean the mess up. Catching Ash’s eyes, I raise a brow, hoping he knows I’m asking if he’s okay. Placing a hand on Kai’s pec, I halt his movement so that Ash can come towards us. My dark Knight, my big daddy Dom—fucking snort—cups my face with his warm palm, looking deep into my eyes as Kai stands there holding me close.
“You okay, Princess?” he asks, his voice rough. There’s a fine tremor in his hand against my face, and a spark of worry tinged with guilt alights in my stomach. With Ash’s history of self-harm, that must have been all kinds of triggering for him.
“Yes,” I murmur back, rubbing my cheek into his hand. “I’m sorry if that was triggering for you, love,” I tell him, loving the way his breath hitches at the term of endearment.
“Shit, dude, I didn’t fucking think,” Kai says, obviously upset if he’s cursing so much.
“It’s cool,” Ash replies, looking up at Kai briefly. His steel grey gaze comes back to mine, swirling with love, and lust, and a hundred other things. “Maybe, in the future, we keep the knife and blood play to a minimum when I’m around?”
“Sure,” I reply at the same time as Kai does, also agreeing.
Ash gives me a soft smile before he leans down to place a gentle kiss on my lips, then goes back to clearing the mess of shattered plates and squashed food. I’m seriously impressed that they’re actually bothering to clean. Being the rich bastards that they are, I had expected them to just call for one of the maids to come and deal with it.
Carrying me back into the main bedroom, Kai walks over to the en suite, switching the light on as we pass. He takes us to the enormous shower, setting me carefully down onto the chaise that’s next to it as he turns it on, waiting a few moments for the water to warm up.
I watch as his back muscles bunch and cord as he goes about his tasks. Turning to face me, he stops, going to push his glasses up his nose then realising that he’s not wearing any.
“I love you, Kai,” I say with a smile as he leans down to help me up. He pauses, his hand coming to cup my jaw.
“I love you, Lilly,” he whispers gazing into my eyes with such intensity it’s a wonder the world doesn’t stop spinning.
Then he proceeds to make good on his promise, taking care of me thoroughly and showing me that he is a man of more than just words.
If only he would believe mine.
