Bound: Chapter 22

“I just need the loo,” I say, when we get back to the dorm, not even taking off my shoes as I rush into the bathroom.

I can feel their eyes on me as I close the door, but I need to do this alone. I just want to process whatever the result is before telling them. Kicking off my green sequined heels, I tear open the purse, finding a digital test inside. I silently thank Willow for getting the one that literally tells you if you’re pregnant or not, and open the box, taking the test out of its wrapping.

Now or never, Lilly.

I set the test to one side whilst I hitch the silk of my dress up, tucking the hem into the top so it’s completely out of the way—I know! I am the epitome of ladylike behaviour.

Grabbing the test, I sit on the loo and do as instructed, peeing on the stick then popping the lid back on. I set it to one side, washing my hands and untucking my dress as I wait.

And wait.

And fucking wait.

Jesus! How long do these things take?!

My breath catches as the screen finally changes.

Pregnant.

Fine tremors wrack my body and I suddenly feel ice-cold. Yet at the same time, a strange surge of blissful elation fills me at the thought of carrying a child. Loki’s child. I wonder for a brief second if this is how Mum felt when she found out she was pregnant with me. This bizarre mix of happiness and sheer terror.

Oh god, Loki.

I have to tell him. I look up at my reflection in the mirror, noticing my wide eyes and flushed cheeks.

“You can do this, Lilly Darling,” I tell myself, my voice much more confident than I feel.

Grabbing hold of the test, I walk to the door, pausing briefly with my hand on the handle and taking one final deep breath before opening it.

The guys are all sitting on the sofas, the fire roaring as they swirl various liquids in glasses. They’ve taken their jackets off, loosened their ties, and Loki, Jax, and Kai all have their shirt sleeves rolled up. I smile at the fact that Ash hasn’t, although he has undone the first couple of buttons.

“Everything okay, Pretty Girl?” Loki asks, and my head snaps to him. Immediately, he gets up, setting his glass down and coming towards me as if he knows. “What’s happened?”

I see the others stiffen behind him, standing up, but my focus is on the auburn-haired angel in front of me.

“I’m pregnant,” I whisper, holding out the test for him to see.

His brows dip for a second, looking down at the screen which still shows that one word. I watch him intently, seeing the flush rise on his cheeks as his eyes widen. His gaze comes back up to me, and suddenly I’m so worried about how he’ll react.

“Christmas Day,” he says, not as a question but as a statement. I nod, my throat tight, waiting.

“What the fuck is going on?” Ash demands, striding towards us.

“Lilly’s pregnant,” Loki tells him, not looking in his direction, but keeping his wide eyes on me.

Ash stops like he’s just been sucker punched. “What?”

I can see the others come up next to him, shocked expressions on their faces, but I stare at Loki, waiting for his reaction.

‘It’s not the end of the world, is it, Loki?’ I whisper, pleading with him to anchor me, to tell me that it’ll all be okay, regardless of how crazy having a child now is.

‘No,’ he answers, and my shoulders sag, my breath whooshing out of me at his answer. ‘It’s really not the end of the world, Pretty Girl.’

He cups my face in his palms, his emerald eyes full of such tender emotion that my own fill with tears.

‘I couldn’t imagine anyone else I’d rather be in this mess with,’ he tells me, his own eyes wet as he places a soft kiss on my lips. “Me and you are in real trouble now, Pretty Girl,” Then he drops to his knees, his hands framing my middle as he kisses over my flat stomach. ‘Hello, little one.’

My eyes close, the tears falling freely as I feel a sudden lightness wash over me. Fingers wipe the tears away, and I open my lids, turning my head to the side to see Jax looking at me, his eyes full of fierce protectiveness and love.

“We’ll look after you both,” he tells me simply, cupping my face and making more tears fall, and my throat ache.

“Nothing will happen to you, either of you. I swear,” Kai vows from my other side, and an uncomfortable shiver runs through me at his promise. I shake the uneasy feeling off, giving him a watery smile.

Loki stands back up, wiping his eyes, and my heart aches with love for him, for them all.

“Fuck, I’m gonna be a dad,” he says, running his hand through his hair.

“Yeah, to my wife’s child,” I hear Ash snap out, and I look past Loki to see Ash standing there, a face like thunder.

Loki’s face blanches. “Shit that’s a clusterfuck.”

My attention returns to Ash, who’s still standing there, and looking lost. Stepping away from the others, still clutching the damn test in my fist, I walk towards him in a swish of silk. Dropping the test onto the side table with a clatter, I step right up to him, my hands coming to rest on his chest.

“Hey,” I say softly, his blistering gaze landing on me. There’s anger there for sure, but also a blinding terror. “I need you, Asher Vanderbilt. We need you,” I tell him, taking his hand with my spare one and placing it on my stomach. I swear I almost feel something as his palm strokes me, his fingers twitching. “You will all be fathers to our baby.”

“What if I’m no good?” he asks, the worry shining brightly in his eyes. “I don’t exactly have a good role model to look up to.” He huffs out a self-deprecating laugh that cuts me to the quick.

“You will be an awesome dad, Ash, and our child will love you for it,” I say, my voice firm with conviction in that truth.

His eyes close for a moment, his head tipping forward until our foreheads are resting together, his hand still resting over my stomach, warming the area under his palm.

“I love you, Lilly,” he croaks, his voice choked with emotion.

“I love you, Ash,” I reply, placing a gentle kiss on his lips.

The others come to us, surrounding me with their loving protection as their hands come to my stomach until there’s not a space left untouched where our baby is growing.

A week goes by, then two, then three, and yet no word from Julian, or any of the other members of the board. I can’t even bring myself to think of them as the guys’ families. There’s no familial love there, nothing that gives them the right to be known as such. The radio silence leaves a sour taste in all our mouths, distracting us from our schoolwork as we wait on tenterhooks for some kind of backlash.

Meanwhile, Kai works on the plan. The murder plan. I hate how right it feels, to be plotting someone’s death and the downfall of several others. But this is one thing that they have earnt, and if that makes me a monster then so be it. I’ll embrace the darkness with open arms if it keeps us all safe, and stops the abuse that my guys have gone through, and continue to go through.

The weather warms up, signs of spring in the air, although apparently it’s not officially spring until we get snow on the tulips that fill the academy planters. Something eases in my heart, my breaths coming a little easier as winter starts to wane. It’s silly really, bad things can happen at any time, regardless if the birds are chirping and the sun is shining.

We’ve decided to keep my pregnancy quiet for the moment, I’m only ten weeks or so along anyway so it’s not as if anything shows yet or will for a while. The sickness still plagues me and reminds me of stories Mum told me of how morning sickness was a load of bollocks when you feel sick all damn day. How right she was.

Kai spends hours in our kitchen making me things to try and tempt me to eat, and he brings me lemon and ginger tea in the mornings which helps to settle my stomach enough for a plain breakfast of peanut butter on toast. He tells me he’s stockpiling recipes for when I feel up for more and has researched the best diet during pregnancy to ensure that the baby and I are getting all that we need.

Jax has me on various vitamins and supplements, having done his own research into what I need. He’s also planned an entire exercise regime suitable for pregnancy and has added a massage course with a focus on pre- and postnatal massage to his studies.

I’ve had to stop Loki on more than one occasion from buying up the entirety of the Frugi newborn store, an English company online that he found, which specialises in rainbow designs. He holds me close pretty much every night, hardly letting the others get a look in, telling me all the things that he plans to do for our child, the ways in which he’ll care for us.

It’s enough to make me cry, which I seem to be doing at random points now. Apparently, that’s normal.

Ash is the only one that seems a bit reserved, a bit separate from us. I hate it, but I know that he’s coming to terms with the situation, with his worry about what lies ahead, and what will happen when Julian decides to get his revenge.

We don’t have to wait much longer for the first hit.

We’re lounging on the grass outside, in the formal gardens of the academy, Willow with us, when Jax’s phone buzzes. He answers it, his face going deathly pale as his eyes lock onto mine, like a drowning man.

“What?” he growls, chills running down my spine at the danger in his voice. “When?”

I sit up from lying back on Loki, the others and Willow all looking at Jax with alarm. He ends the call, his hand still like the calm before the storm as he looks at the now dark screen.

“What’s going on, Jax?” Ash asks, casting a quick look at Willow, who flushes.

“I’ve, um, got some homework to catch up on,” she says, getting up and giving me a quick peck on my cheek.

“Thanks, lovely,” I whisper in her ear, and she just nods with an understanding smile. This girl really is the shizzle.

Jax watches as she walks off, waiting until she’s disappeared into the doors of the academy before he speaks, his voice low and pained.

“Mom’s in hospital,” he tells us, and my heart stills, knowing it’s not for something routine. “She was beaten half to death last night, supposedly by intruders who left her for dead while they stole all the valuables.”

“No,” I whisper, my hand coming to cover my mouth as tears spring into my eyes, making Jax bob and weave in my watery vision.

“It was dad, I fucking know it was!” he snarls, suddenly standing up and launching his phone at a nearby planter with a roar, shattering the device, and sending little pieces of plastic and glass flying. He turns to us, his eyes wild, and my soul breaks for him. “He’s been beating on her for fucking years, always holding back under Julian’s orders.”

“What?” I ask, horror coming over me and filling me with its icy touch.

“It would look bad for the company if one of the board was found to be a wife beater,” Kai spits out, disgust clear in his tone. A fine tremor begins in my muscles, and I wrap my arms around myself in a bit to warm up my cold limbs.

Just then, my own phone vibrates in the pocket of my dungarees with an incoming message.

I take it out with a trembling hand and glance at the screen, my breath stilling as I read the words on the screen.

“Oh god,” I whisper, dropping my phone like it’s just burnt me. I look up into Jax’s anguished face, my body temperature rising as nausea swims in my stomach. “I’m so sorry, Jax.”

My head drops into my hands as sobs wrack my body. It’s all my fault. I was so fucking stupid thinking that I could basically send Julian a middle finger with no repercussions. Stupid, so fucking stupid.

“Hey, hey, Baby Girl, look at me,” Jax says softly, his big hands cupping my jaw and lifting my head up so that I’m looking into his beautiful blue eyes. “This is not your fault, baby,” he assures me, but I’m shaking my head before he’s even finished.

“Read the message, Jax! It’s all my fault for being a stupid fucking idiot! Your mum is in hospital because of me,” I tell him, blinded by my anger and heartache. His eyes harden.

“Don’t let him do this to you. Don’t let him fuck with your mind. You’re smarter than that.”

I want to believe him so badly, but my stomach churns with guilt at what my reckless actions have caused.

“I’m so sorry, Jax” I whisper, my voice a sad broken thing as more tears spill down my cheeks.

“It’s not you that owes me an apology, baby,” he replies, placing a gentle kiss on my trembling lips. “You didn’t order this. You didn’t strike the blows.”

I might as well have.

I don’t say it out loud, but if the sigh that escapes from his lips is anything to go by, and the fact that he knows me better than I know myself sometimes, he sees it in my eyes. My self-blame.

“We should go and visit,” Ash says from behind us, already up and brushing off his suit. “I take it she’s in Mount Vernon?”

Jax nods, letting go of my face and standing up. He looks down, holding his hand out to help me to my feet. My mind races with bloody images, the scene of Mum’s murder flashing before my eyes, before I blink it away.

Jax refuses to let go of my hand as we walk to the student car park, throwing the keys to his truck at Ash who deftly catches them, and opens the driver’s side. Jax opens the back, ushering me into the middle, then getting in behind me, Loki on my other side. They buckle me in, my hands too shaky to be able to do it for myself.

“Drink this, Baby Girl,” Jax orders, passing me some kind of sports drink as the car starts to move. I bring it to my lips on autopilot, making a face at the tart fizzy taste. “Small sips, that’s it, good girl,” he praises as I continue to take small sips as he ordered.

Loki rubs my other hand, which is feeling a little warmer, and I no longer feel quite so dizzy.

“Thanks,” I say, looking up to see Ash’s furrowed brow and worried gaze as he looks at me in the rearview mirror.

“You went all pale and cold, Pretty Girl,” Loki tells me, bringing my hand to his lips and kissing it. I turn to look at him, noticing that his shoulders are tight as he takes a deep breath.

“I think you went into shock, baby,” Jax says, my head turning to look at him. He studies me with a professional eye, and I suddenly have the thought that he’d make an awesome doctor. “But your colour is returning and you don’t feel cold and clammy anymore.”

“I’m sorry, Jax. I should be taking care of you after…” My voice trails off, unable to finish my sentence.

“Don’t do that, don’t blame yourself,” he grits out through clenched teeth. “This is not your fault.”

Fresh tears sting my eyes at his words. I know he’s right, I only stood up for myself. I didn’t hurt his mum. But guilt still slivers uncomfortably in the pit of my stomach.

“We’re here,” Kai says from the front passenger seat, and I start feeling like I must have lost time as I’m sure we only just left the academy. Looking out of the front window, I see that we’re pulling into a circular drive.

The building that sits behind it doesn’t look like any kind of hospital that I’ve seen before, more like an old-style Golden Age mansion. It’s all white columns and tall windows, with what looks like beautiful grounds and manicured lawns surrounding it.

We come to a stop at the front entrance, a smartly dressed valet walking out to greet us. Ash tosses him the keys once we get out, coming round to stand in front of me, and taking my face in his hands.

“You okay, Princess?” he asks, the muscles in his arms strained as he studies me.

“I’m fine, Ash. just a little shaken,” I tell him, feeling even warmer when he leans in and places a gentle kiss on my forehead.

“You went so pale,” he murmurs into my hairline, pulling me close until his body is flush with mine. “Shit, I was scared, Princess.”

And it’s then that I realise that this must be bringing up awful memories for him too, memories of finding a loved one covered in blood but too damn late to help.

He holds me for a moment, surrounding me with his spicy ginger scent before pulling back, but keeping hold of my hand as we head up the few stone stairs that lead to some imposing glass front doors.

“The hospital has valet parking?” I ask incredulously, stepping through the automatic doors that open with a quiet swish.

“Only the best for the Black Knight families,” Loki drawls sarcastically on my other side as we walk on the marble floor towards the reception desk.

The inside feels a lot more like a normal hospital, with modern tech and the residue smell of antiseptic. It still has a glass chandelier though, just to make sure we all know that this is not a place for the peasants. Conceited fuckers.

“Janette Griffiths,” Jax announces in a gruff voice to the young receptionist, who looks up slightly startled before she schools her features and puts on an award-winning smile.

“Of course, she is expecting you Mr. Griffiths,” she says brightly, totally at odds with the situation. “Room two-oh-three, up the stairs, through the door, and third on the left.”

Jax grunts his thanks, then turns, heading in the direction of the stairs.

“Thank you,” I offer as I pass, giving her a smile which she returns tenfold. That’s just fucking creepy.

“You’re most welcome, Miss Darling,” she replies, and both myself and Ash stop in our tracks, looking at each other with matching looks of concern creasing our brows.

“Come on, Princess,” Ash says, putting aside that fuckery for another time as he leads me after the others.

We find the room easily, opening the door to see a huge space filled with bouquets of flowers, which act as pops of colour in the dim lighting. The curtains are drawn, and as I look over to the bed, to the machines that beep, I can see why.

My breath leaves me in a horrified gasp as tears fill my vision. Jax’s mum looks so small and helpless on the bed, her face a myriad of purple and blue, and one arm in a plaster cast.

“Mom,” Jax says, his voice shattered and broken. He strides to her bedside, picking up the hand that’s not in a cast as he lowers to a seat next to her bedside.

Her eyelids flutter open, and her chest rattles with a deep, painful breath as she slowly turns her head to look at him.

“Jax?” she asks, only able to open her swollen eyes a fraction.

“I’m here, mom,” he says, the heartbreak clear on his face. “The guys and Lilly too.”

“Lilly?” she questions, her voice rough, turning her head to try and find me in the gloom.

“Hi, Mrs Griffiths,” I say softly, letting go of Ash and stepping forward, walking towards her bed. I pick up her cup of water, placing a straw in it before bringing it to her lips for her to drink. Jax gives me a grateful look, his eyes shining.

“Thank you, Lilly dear,” she croaks, her voice less raspy than it was before. A lump forms in my throat, hating that she’s thanking me when it is partly my fault that she’s in this position in the first place.

“Was it him?” Jax bursts out, his voice hard and cutting. “Was it dad?”

An anguished look comes over her face then, and she doesn’t take her eyes off me as she replies.

“I’m not as strong as your mother was, Lilly. She was always the bravest of us all.”

My world spirals, my breath whooshing out of my chest as I look into her familiar piercing blue eyes, and see the truth of her words, even if I can’t understand them.

“What?” I whisper, but before she can answer, the door bursts open and a nurse strides in.

“Time for more…oh! I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise that you had visitors,” she fumbles, flushing as we all stare at her.

“Not to worry, my dear,” Janette Griffiths responds, a kind smile tugging her split lip, making her wince. “I could do with some more pain relief.”

Jax leaps up, moving to one side so that the nurse can administer the meds. Before I can step away, Janette grabs my hand, forcing me to look back down at her.

“You have formidable blood in you, Lilly. Don’t let them make you forget it,” she says, her voice quiet but intense, giving my hand one final squeeze before letting it go as she closes her eyes.

I look up into Jax’s eyes, finding him looking down at his mother as if seeing her anew. He definitely heard her cryptic remarks, and it’s clear that he has no idea what she is talking about.

She’s just confirmed that she knew my mum, and by the sounds of it, quite well. What did she mean she was strong, the bravest of them all?

Why does it feel like I’m getting more questions than answers the more time passes?

And the biggest question of all?

Who was Laura Darling?