Zayn
“Need anything?” Xeno asks me as we step into the flat. He eyes me carefully, waiting to see how I’m going to react to the fact I’ve just murdered a man. I blink back the image of blood and staring, blank eyes.
“No.”
He grabs my arm, his fingers curling around my bicep. “Do you need anything?” he repeats firmly. I know he’s worried I’ll lose my shit in front of Pen, that the remnants of this evening will rub off on her. I get it. I don’t want our shitty fucking life to scar her the same way it’s scarred us, and that’s why I made a promise to myself to bury what happened tonight, to forget about it. I’ve done it before; I’ll do it again. He fucking knows that.
“I said, I’ve got this.”
Xeno drops my arm. “Good.”
“I’m gonna take a shower.”
The flat’s quiet when we head inside, which doesn’t surprise me given it’s almost dawn. Wincing, I place my hand against my newly stitched up wound that sits just below my left pec. Fortunately for me, it’s a shallow cut and will heal quickly. I can already tell it will only leave a faint scar. My opponent wasn’t so lucky. A knife through the heart is pretty fucking permanent. The serrated edge of my saw-tooth knife carved through his flesh, muscle and bone like fucking butter. He didn’t stand a chance, not against me.
Jeb knew that. Tonight he made his point. Frederico, and whoever he’s working for, would’ve received a very firm message. Fuck with the Skins and you’re dead.
Swallowing down the nausea I feel, I head towards my bedroom. I need to wash away this shitty fucking night, take a sleeping pill, and fall into the oblivion of a dreamless sleep it affords me. I sure as fuck don’t want to relive this evening’s events or any other I’ve had to endure for my piece of shit uncle.
When I reach my bedroom door and push it open, I find Pen curled up on my bed with a blanket thrown over her, one bare arm and leg showing. “Fuck me,” I whisper, so engrossed at how fucking stunning Pen looks lying on my bed in her sleep shorts and tank that I don’t notice Dax sitting in the armchair in the corner of the room. He raises his finger, pressing it against his lips, then stands.
“She wanted to stay up and wait for you but eventually passed out on the sofa… I carried her in here.”
“Why isn’t she in your room?” I ask. In his position, I would be wrapped around Pen and made sure she knew how much I fucking loved her.
“You need her more than I do right now. I ain’t feeling selfish tonight,” he shrugs.
“And York?”
“In his room dealing with blue balls.”
That draws a smile from me. “I bet,” I say, glancing back at Pen who is so fucking tempting right now. “Thanks, man,” I say, meaning it, because he’s right, I do need her. I need her so fucking badly. All I want to do is curl around her, press my face into her hair and fucking hold her.
“I got you, bro,” Dax says quietly, giving me a nod before stepping out of the room.
Kicking off my shoes and placing my jacket over the armchair, I step up to the side of the bed and look down at the girl I’ve loved for seven years now. She looks so peaceful with her bare legs drawn up and her mouth slightly ajar as she breathes softly. The fact that Dax was able to just sit there and let her sleep whilst she’s wearing this sexy little outfit blows my damn mind. The guy’s got next level restraint, that’s for sure.
“Look at you,” I whisper, wanting desperately to touch her, to lie down beside her, but I force myself to step into the bathroom and take a shower first. Even though I washed the blood from my hands and changed at Rocks, I don’t want her to wake up next to a man-made filthy by his actions. I’m well aware that having a shower can’t wash away my sins, but at least my body will be clean for her even if my soul isn’t.
After showering and changing into a loose pair of grey joggers and a t-shirt, I climb into bed behind Pen. Shifting closer, I wrap my body around hers, my arm snaking around her waist as I bury my nose in her hair. I instantly relax, knowing she’s in my arms, this girl I fucking adore.
“Zayn?” she murmurs sleepily. “Is that you?”
“Hey, Pen. Yeah, it’s me. Go back to sleep.”
She turns in my arms, her eyes hooded and a little unfocused as she reaches up to cup my cheek. I can’t help but lean into her hand. She’s so fucking warm and soft. “You’re back.”
“I am.”
“Are you hurt?” she asks, the sleepiness in her gaze replaced with concern as her brown eyes widen.
“It’s just a scratch,” I say, pulling her closer and brushing my lips against her forehead.
“That’s what you said before. Let me see,” she demands, fully awake now. She sits up, pushing me flat onto the bed and lifts up my t-shirt. I shudder at the feel of her fingers as they slide over my skin. Her gentleness unsettles me, the violence of the past few hours brought starkly to light with her soft touch.
“I’m good, Pen, seriously,” I lie.
“Don’t do that,” she bites out. Anger blazes across her face as she straddles me, her knees pressed to either side of my hips.
“Do what?”
“Lie to me. You’re not okay. This isn’t okay,” she exclaims.
“I’m not lying. It really doesn’t hurt.” My dick, however, that’s hurting right now. It’s straining against my joggers, desperate for a little respite as my body instantly reacts to her despite my exhaustion. She wiggles on my lap and my dick grows bigger. I watch her skin flush, but she just frowns, too preoccupied with my injury.
“It’ll scar, just like all the rest,” she whispers, her gaze trailing over my ruined chest before resting on my face. There are so many questions in her eyes, so much pain and regret that for the first time in my life I feel fucking helpless in a way that makes me uncomfortable. What the fuck must she think of me? I’m a murdering bastard. I took a man’s life tonight all in the name of the Skins, some piece of shit gang headed up by my poor excuse of an uncle. I’m doing this for a man I hate and a gang I want out of. Actually, that’s no longer true. I’m doing this for the Breakers, for Pen. We have a goal in sight, and now that Pen is back and ours once more, that goal is even more important. We’ve all got to carry on as usual until the time comes when we can take back our fucking freedom. Reaching up I brush her hair back off her face, my fingers trailing through the silky strands.
“I know what you’re thinking.”
“I’m mad, Zayn. So fucking mad. Furious, in fact.”
“I did what I had to do, Pen.”
Her nostrils flare, the concern in her gaze falling away, replaced instead with the anger she speaks of. “All of this is because of him. You’re scarred because of that fucking man!”
“I’m scarred by the choices I made.”
“That’s bullshit. That boy I knew wasn’t a fucking murderer. He made you that way. I know you, Zayn, you’re not this man!” she cries, her fingers curling into my shoulders as she looks down at me. I see her battling with herself, with her love for me and her disgust at what I’ve done. I don’t envy her position. I couldn’t love me either given the circumstances.
“But I am, Pen. Tonight I killed a man. I fucking watched the life bleed out of him. I saw his fucking soul snuff out right there in his eyes. I made sure I watched. Not because I’m a sick fuck who takes enjoyment in ending someone’s life, but so I can never fucking forget what I’ve done. I have to live with that.”
“You had no choice,” she says, grasping at excuses for me when we both know that there is always a choice.
“I could’ve said no and suffered the consequences. I could’ve stood back and let him win. I didn’t. I chose to live. I chose us, I chose the Breakers. I will choose you and my brothers every fucking time. So, if I have to fight a thousand men to get to that place we’re all dreaming of and blacken my soul whilst I do it, I fucking will. This isn’t just about me. This is about us.”
Pen grits her teeth, and although her eyes are misty with tears, she refuses to let them fall. I’m grateful for that, because her tears will undo me, and right now I’m trying so fucking hard not to fall apart. Pen was always the one who kept us grounded, out of trouble. Without her we would’ve joined the Skins a lot earlier. She gave us a reason to be good. When she left, we had three years of embracing the violence with no one to remind us that what we were doing was wrong. Now that she’s back and ours again, we have to adjust. It’s not gonna be easy to face our crimes beneath the spotlight of her love.
“Zayn’s right,” Xeno says, from the open doorway. I hadn’t even noticed he was standing there and by the look of surprise on Pen’s face, neither had she. “Every single thing we do from now on is about the five of us. Every decision is with all of us in mind. Zayn needed to be that person tonight. If he’d refused to fight, if he hadn’t fought back, Jeb would’ve known something was up and you’d better believe that cunt would’ve put a bullet in his brain. It doesn’t matter to him that they’re related. The only person Jeb cares about is himself.”
Pen’s shoulders drop and she nods, studying Xeno closely. “That’s why you went wasn’t it, to make sure if that happened, you’d be there to shoot the bastard first?”
“Partly, yes, but I really did think you’d need York tonight. Did he help to distract you?” he asks, crossing his arms and leaning against the door frame.
“Yes.”
“Good. I knew he would. York has a way of making you see the bright side of life even when it’s mostly fucking dark.”
“Is it…?” Pen asks him.
Xeno frowns “Is it what?”
“Dark… for you?”
Xeno fixes his gaze on Pen. “Yeah, it has been for a long time, Tiny.”
Pen swallows hard, accepting his truth before turning to face me. “And you?”
“Sometimes it’s so fucking dark I think I’ve gone blind,” I admit.
She doesn’t say a word, instead she cups my face in her palm and holds her hand out to Xeno, offering us both solace in her arms. I hold my goddamn breath, but he doesn’t move even though I know he wants to. I can see how much he fucking wants to.
“Are you really gonna stand there just like that stubborn seventeen-year-old kid you once were? There’s no need to be a fucking martyr, Xeno. Let her fucking love you.”
He narrows his eyes at me, and I swear to fuck if looks could kill, I’d be dead right now.
“Are you trying to piss me off?” he asks, stepping into the room and closing the door behind him. He leans against it scowling, but I see the tremble of his hand, and the way he watches Pen like he wants to fucking bury himself inside of her. Xeno ain’t fooling anyone. He wants her. He wants this.
I smile. “That wasn’t so hard, now was it?”
“Don’t fucking push me, Zayn.”
“You know as well as I do that I can’t make you do a damn thing, Xeno. But I am giving you a choice. You can be a chicken-shit and leave—”
“Or—?” he cuts in.
“Or you can join in,” Pen finishes. Her smile is soft, warm, welcoming. Still, he hesitates.
But I won’t.
When Pen turns her attention back to me, her eyes lighting up with love and lust, I reach up and cup the back of her head with my hand and pull her down for a kiss that blows every other kiss we’ve shared before out of the motherfucking water. I suck on the plumpness of her bottom lip, my teeth sinking gently into the flesh before I sweep my tongue into her mouth, consuming all the air within her lungs and setting fire to every last shred of doubt between us.
Wrapping my arm around her back, I haul her closer to me so she’s pressed tight against my chest. My pulse thunders and she kisses me as though wanting to erase my memory of the past few hours. She kisses me knowing what I’ve done and loving me anyway. With every stroke of her tongue, every brush of her lips, and every gentle moan of enjoyment, the image of the man I murdered is replaced with the woman I love, with Pen.
Her smell.
Her taste.
Her touch.
Her sighs and moans.
Her voice.
Her.
“Zayn, I love you,” she mutters, raining kisses all over my face.
This woman is everything. She’s the stitches to my scars. The balm to my pain. The hip to my goddamn hop. The fucking light in all this bullshit darkness.
“I love you, Pen. Fuck! I’m so in love with you I can’t think straight.”
She laughs softly, her lips brushing over mine. “Then don’t think. Just do.”
Sliding my hands up and under her vest top, I palm her tits, my cock jerking as she groans into my mouth. We kiss for long minutes like two fucking teenagers making up for lost time. My hand slides under the waistband of her sleep shorts and grasps her peachy arse. She rolls against me, her pussy rubbing over my cock.
Fuck, I really need her to be naked right now.
Pulling back, I glance over at Xeno who’s watching us both intently. He’s leaning back against the door, his hands tucked into his trouser pockets, but it doesn’t hide the fact that he’s as hard as I am.
“We’ve been here before, Xeno. Why torture yourself?” I ask, shaking my head at him before removing Pen’s top. Her hair falls over her chest, and I stroke my fingers over the strands, brushing her hair aside so I can palm her tit and suck her nipple into my mouth. She grasps my head to her chest, grinding against me, and I swear to fuck, she tastes like all things sweet and sinful. Like chocolate covered strawberries sprinkled with the purest cocaine. I feel fucking high.
She blows my damn mind.
“I’m not torturing myself,” Xeno replies, and in my periphery I see his hand lower over his cock. “I like to watch. I like to watch Pen. That turns me the fuck on. So, do me a favour Zayn, shut the fuck up and make love to our girl.”
“Then you watch, mate. Knock yourself out, because I’m gonna love our girl enough for the both of us,” I say, turning my attention back to Pen.
“I’m counting on it,” Xeno responds, resting against the door as he watches me wrap her hair around my fist and tug. I don’t understand the look on his face, as though he’s in pain, but I can’t think past this moment enough to figure it out. There’s a conversation that needs to be had, but right now isn’t the time.
Instead, I love our girl whilst Xeno gets his rocks off.
My gaze flicks over to him between kisses, and a huge part of me is turned on by him watching us. My best mate, my ally, my brother, watches as I slide my lips across Pen’s shoulders, up her neck and along her jaw. He fixes his gaze on Pen as she gyrates her hips against mine, her pussy rubbing against my cock. Unzipping his fly, Xeno stares intently as I flip Pen over and tuck my fingers under the waistband of her sleep shorts. He mutters curse words as I yank them down her legs and throw them across the room at him. He fists his cock as I push her legs apart, my finger sliding along her glistening, pink slit.
“Fuck,” he exclaims as I grip her thighs and bury my head between her legs, tasting her sweetness with my tongue. She’s so goddamn ripe, so fucking delicious.
When I pull back, replacing my tongue with my fingers I glance over at Xeno and catch him pumping his cock as Pen writhes beneath me.
Xeno locks eyes with me. “What the fuck are you doing, Zayn? Don’t deny our girl what she deserves.”
He jerks his chin and I grin, lowering my mouth back to her sweet pussy, loving how she tastes, how she writhes beneath me. Pen comes a few minutes later, a scream ripping out of her throat, her legs shaking, her cunt pulsating around my fingers. As she comes down from her orgasm, I grab a condom from the bedside cabinet and slide it over my dick. The whole time Xeno’s gaze is fixed on Pen as he pumps his hand up and down the length of his cock. Our eyes meet and Xeno nods, silently giving me his approval as I climb above Pen and slide into her with one firm thrust.
He watches me fuck our girl.
He watches as I bury myself deep inside her wet warmth.
He watches as I love Pen with every firm stroke, with every kiss, with every single cell in my motherfucking body.
I fuck her with a full heart, a damaged soul and my best friend looking on.
If I could crawl beneath her skin and stay there, I would. Fuck this world and all the shit in it. I would die a happy man buried deep inside this beautiful woman.
“I fucking love you,” I grind out, smothering Pen with kisses as I slow down my thrusts into a more even tempo. I want to savour every second of this. I want to imprint the memory of her beneath me into my soul. I want this to last forever. I never want it to end. Drawing back, I pull my dick out to the tip, loving the way Pen whimpers and grasps at my arse, urging me to slide back in.
“Zayn,” she whimpers, her voice breathless and needy as she pulls me down for a kiss. It turns me the fuck on that I have this affect on her, that I can make her this wet.
She’s finally mine. She’s finally in my arms.
“What, beautiful?” I ask, clasping her face in my hands, my thumbs rubbing over her cheekbones, as I sink inside of her inch by blissful inch.
“Zayn, please,” she begs, clawing at me. Her eyes roll back in her head, her back arches and her nipples pebble, scraping against my chest. “I need to…”
“Shh, I got you,” I whisper, my whole fucking body trembling with the desire to slam into her like a teenage boy fucking for the first time. Withdrawing to the tip once more, I slide back into her in one slow, torturous stroke. I continue like that, teasing us both with intense pleasure until I’m almost fucking blind with it.
“Zayn, I need to come,” Pen pants, her fingers digging into my skin, her teeth finding my shoulder as she bites down on me.
“Soon, beautiful,” I say, shaking now with my determination to hold back, to draw out this moment until we both come harder than ever before. I don’t want fireworks; I want an atomic fucking bomb. This has been three years in the making and you bet your arse I’m gonna make sure she comes harder than ever before. I want to give my girl the world, but for now I’ll make sure she has an orgasm that blows her fucking mind.
“Zayn, now!” Pen snaps, her hand flying up as she grips my jaw and pulls me down for a rough kiss. She’s mad, and greedy, and I’m fucking here for it.
“You heard her,” Xeno grinds out, his voice guttural as he steps closer to the bed. Pen’s eyes snap open as she looks from me to Xeno. Her pupils are blown wide, her skin is flush, and her lips parted. “Make her come,” he orders.
Bossy, motherfucking bastard.
“Do it, right the fuck now.”
“Gladly,” I respond, sliding balls deep inside of Pen, slamming into her as Xeno watches us both with heavy-lidded eyes and a heavy, straining cock fisted in his hand.
She screams my name as I fuck her, as I love her without restraint. We kiss messily, our hands roaming over one another. Pen’s internal muscles tighten around me like a fist with every hard thrust, and as she orgasms, I vow to never let her walk away from us again. I vow to protect her, to hold her close, to dance with her every fucking chance I get, but most of all, I vow to love this woman for the rest of my motherfucking life.
“I love you,” Pen whispers to us both.
I come with her words filling my head, Xeno following shortly after, and for a few bliss-filled minutes the world ain’t so fucking dark anymore.
