Pen
“Here we are,” Xeno says as he parks outside the pawn shop, which fronts Jewels nightclub, the following evening. I smile over at him as his hungry gaze slides up from my killer heels, along my bare legs and up my deep purple, floaty dress, finally resting on my face. “You look beautiful, Tiny.”
“Thank you.” My cheeks heat under the scrutiny of his stare and the dangerous edge of his love. Whenever Xeno looks at me this way, I feel like a glacier melting under the intense heat of the sun. Tonight he’s wearing a sharp, dark grey suit, an open collared white shirt, and black and white brogue shoes, the kind gangsters would’ve worn back in the 1920’s and 30’s. His curly hair is slicked back with wet-look gel and he’s cleanly shaven. I’ve never seen him look so handsome. I shift in my seat, pressing my thighs together.
“You okay?” he asks, his eyes flicking downwards, a knowing smile lighting his emerald eyes.
I raise my hand and brush my thumb over his bottom lip, my fingers sliding along his jaw. “I’m more than okay. You look amazing, Xeno.”
“As much as I’d love to watch you two get it on, I kinda want to hear Adele sing first,” Clancy says, laughter in her voice.
River chuckles. “I dunno, I reckon Pen and Xeno would put on quite the show.”
“One you’ll never be invited to watch, my friend,” Xeno replies with a wink. He bites my thumb playfully then hops out of the car. A couple of minutes later we’re sitting down at a large circular table right next to the stage.
“Where are the guys?” I ask.
“They’ll be here soon,” he replies, motioning for the waiter to come over as we settle into our seats. Xeno orders a bottle of Dom Perignon and a bottle of Cognac.
Clancy grabs my hand beneath the table, leans over and squeals excitedly in my ear, successfully distracting me from the fact that Zayn, Dax and York aren’t here yet. “Dom Perignon! That stuff costs a bomb!”
“Fifty pound a glass, apparently. I’ve no idea how much that bottle costs.”
“Shit on a stick. I do not have that kind of money…” she hisses under her breath.
“You’ve been good friends to our girl. We appreciate it. Tonight’s on me,” Xeno says gruffly, before turning his attention back to the waiter who’s still hovering nearby. He motions him back over and talks in a low voice. After a moment the waiter nods, then tips his head at me and disappears into the club, presumably to get our drinks.
“Everything okay?” I ask Xeno, still feeling unsettled that the others aren’t here yet.
He rests his hand on my thigh, squeezing gently. “You’re stressing out. Don’t. They’re on their way.”
“But—”
“How did last night go with the rehearsal?” he asks, changing the subject.
“Shouldn’t I be asking you how last night went? Jeb rubbing his hands in glee yet?”
“We’re not talking about him tonight, okay? I’ll fill you in on everything later.”
“Fine. You’re right.”
“So the rehearsal?”
“It was great. The girls are getting better and better with every routine I teach them. Grim seemed pleased, and I guess that’s all that matters.”
Xeno nods. “Anything you put together is incredible. You’re a beautiful dancer, Tiny. Grim’s lucky to have you even if I hate you working there. As soon as this is over, your obligation to Grim will end.”
“It’s not an obligation. Despite everything that’s happened I like working there. I want to cont—”
“No. Absolutely not,” he counters, shaking his head. There’s a finality to his tone, and it puts my back up instantly. I give him a look which he meets with a stubborn one of his own. “I’m already pissed at Beast for taking you with him to meet The Deana-dhe. I’ve never met them, but I’ve heard the stories.”
“Exactly, stories. They’re humans like the rest of us.”
Xeno’s jaw tightens. “Yeah, I don’t believe in those fairytales either, but that doesn’t mean to say they’re not fucking demonic in every other sense of the word. I don’t want you rubbing shoulders with the likes of them and you will if you continue to dance for Grim. That’s her world, it’s not yours, Pen.”
“We’ll discuss this later,” I say, trying not to let this moment ruin our night. There’s a lot of sense in what he’s saying, but I’m not some little woman Xeno or the rest can push around. I need to make my own choices, and my own mistakes.
Xeno gives me a curt nod. “Agreed.”
“OhMyFuckingGodThisPlaceIsUnreal,” Clancy blurts out from beside me, running her words together in her excitement as she pulls my attention away from Xeno and starts pointing at the stage. The curtains have been pulled back to reveal a stunning grand piano, the smooth dark wood glinting in the overhead lights. The club is large enough to house a couple dozen tables and a large dance floor, but the decor is stylish and the lighting soft, giving the impression of a much more intimate space.
I smile. “It’s pretty impressive, isn’t it?”
“Urgh, it’s surreal. So, this is how the other half live, is it?”
Laughing, I nod. “I guess it is.” Little does she know that the other half she’s referring to includes Xeno and the rest of the Breakers who own this place.
“You look gorgeous by the way, and totally fit in.”
“Thanks! I do feel sexy.” Clancy grins, then leans in close. “River actually said he’d rather spend the night fucking me in this dress than come to the club. So, I know I must look good.”
“I’m not surprised.”
“That’s not quite what I said…” River pipes up. “I said that I’d really love to fuck you all night long in that dress.”
“They’ll be plenty of time to fuck all day tomorrow,” Clancy counters, biting on her crimson lip seductively. The colour matches perfectly with her slinky, low cut, dress. The second I saw it; I knew she’d look killer in it. Paired with a pair of strappy black heels and her shapely dancers’ legs, she looks hot. The flickering candlelight at the tables and subdued lighting throughout the club picks up the golden lights in her red hair perfectly. River really is a very lucky guy, and by the appreciative looks she keeps getting from other patrons, I’m not the only one who thinks that.
“I’m happy to be here. It’s a pretty cool place…” River’s voice trails off as his attention is drawn to someone on the other side of the club. “Is that Stormzy?” he asks, his eyebrows lifting in surprise. For someone who isn’t usually impressed by famous people, he’s looking pretty starstruck right about now.
“Yep. Stormzy and Adele are good friends. They’re regulars here. It wasn’t long ago when they performed together on the stage,” Xeno says like he knows them both intimately. Perhaps he does.
“Sir, your drinks,” the waiter says, interrupting the questions that I just know Clancy is desperate to ask, given the wide-eyed look on her face. Xeno nods his thanks to the waiter who places the
a bottle of Cognac on the table with four crystal cut glasses then takes the champagne cooler and glasses from a fellow waiter and adds those to the table too.
“Champagne or Cognac,” Xeno asks us.
“Champagne for me and River, please,” Clancy replies, taking the glass from the waiter when he hands it to her.
“And for Madam?” the waiter asks.
“Champagne too, please.”
Once the waiter has poured me a glass and Xeno a double shot of Cognac, he leaves us to enjoy our drinks.
River takes a sip of his champagne, watching Stormzy greet some friends a few tables over. “I got to admit, I love his music.”
“You love Stormzy?” Xeno asks, looking at River above the rim of his glass.
“What, because I happen to be a ballet dancer, I can’t enjoy Grime music?”
“He’s got a point,” I say.
“You don’t seem the type, that’s all… I don’t give a shit either way,” Xeno shrugs, taking another sip of his Cognac and focusing on the stage.
“Well, I’m glad we got that cleared up,” River mutters.
Clancy pulls a face and fidgets nervously in her seat next to me. This is the first time outside of the studio that our respective boyfriends have socialised. Neither one of us wants it to go tits up.
Xeno glances at River, lowering his glass to the table. “That was rude. I apologise. I’m not a cunt, at least not all the time.”
“Just a cunt in rehearsals, to people you don’t like, and when deciding who should or shouldn’t like Grime music, then?” River counters with a smirk.
Xeno doesn’t respond immediately, and for a minute I think he’s going to pull a gun and point it at River’s head. He doesn’t, thankfully. Instead, he chuckles. “That’s about right.”
River shrugs. “Hey, at least you’re man enough to admit it.”
“I’ve got Tiny to thank for that,” Xeno says, sliding his gaze from River back to me.
For the next half an hour we sit and talk, enjoying each other’s company, until Xeno gets up and excuses himself. I capture his hand, looking up at him. “Should I be worrying?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “Nope, five minutes and the guys will be here. I just need to check in with Jasper, the Maitre d’. I won’t be long.”
“Okay.” I frown. He’s acting cagey and I’m not sure I like it.
Xeno presses his finger against the crease in my brow, then strokes slowly down my nose before bending down, cupping my face and kissing me breathless. By the time he finishes I’m too flustered to call after him as he strides away. “No fair,” I finally manage to mutter.
“You really are a lucky bitch,” Clancy says, chuckling.
Just when I’m about to go look for Xeno, the lights dim in the club, casting us all into darkness. A familiar tune begins, the piano chords sounding out around the club as it descends into silence.
“Oh. My. God. This is it!” Clancy whisper-shouts under her breath. She grasps my hand on the table and squeezes. “It’s When We Were Young! I love this track. I might cry!”
I’m about to respond when Adele begins to sing, and the stage is slowly illuminated to reveal her sitting behind the piano, her fingers moving expertly over the keys. She looks stunning in a simple white blouse and wide-legged black trousers, her hair up in a sleek chignon and her make up perfect. The audience falls into raptured silence, and my skin breaks out in goosebumps at her beautiful voice, but it isn’t her singing that has me gasping.
It’s my Breakers.
“What. The. Fuck?” Clancy exclaims, her fingers squeezing mine in a death grip. “They’re dancing!”
My mouth drops open in shock, no words forming as I watch York, Xeno, Dax, and Zayn spin out onto the stage in a series of side-split leaps. They jump so high that Adele smiles and the crowd gasps.
My heart… it fucking gasps with them.
Bare chested and wearing loose white trousers that sit low on their hips, showing off their beautifully defined muscles and stunning tattoos, my Breakers dance. The move fluidly around the grand piano, with light, graceful steps that are full of emotion and feeling. The only dance I’ve ever seen them do together is hip-hop, so I’m stunned by the gentleness, and the absolutely stunning expression of longing and love that fits perfectly with the lyrics.
They’re just so… so beautiful.
“This is for you. You know that, right?” Clancy whispers, her voice choked with tears. “Jesus. I can see why you love them so much. I think I’m in love with them all a little.”
“Me too,” River adds softly.
I can’t answer. I can’t seem to do much more than breathe, and even that is difficult. My hands begin to shake, my throat tightening, clogging with heavy tears. Every step they make, every move across the stage, every word Adele sings and the incredible conviction of their dancing, it does something to me. It gives me hope. Hope that despite our mistakes, despite our bad decisions, despite our circumstances, despite the people trying to destroy us, we have a chance to be happy. Really, really happy.
We were lost for so long. All of us wrapped up in our own pain, afraid to move forward, afraid to forgive, afraid to love again. Now we’ve found a way back to each other. Through dance, we found a way to see each other once more. To see who we really are beyond the various masks we all wear to protect ourselves from the world.
Right now, they’re not the Breakers, they’re not gangsters or members of the Skins, they’re not the owners of this club, they’re not even my guys. They’re dancers. They’re their own true selves. They’re the men they were always supposed to be and it’s a beautiful thing to watch.
Xeno dances with a freedom I’ve never seen before. He’s usually more guarded, more protective of who he truly is. But I see more of his heart than ever before as he launches into the air in a front flip and lands on light feet. His chest heaves as he looks out into the audience, at me, and even though he must only be able to see darkness and the faint glow of the candles flickering, I feel the connection, it zings across my skin as I break out in goosebumps.
“Holy fucking shit,” Clancy mutters.
Xeno steps back into the shadows and Zayn steps forward, grinning, then he throws himself into a series of hip-hop moves that astound the audience with a display of his genius. Zayn transitions from a head slide into a windmill then a turtle before flipping upwards and finishing up with happy feet, reminding me of a time when things were so much simpler, even though it didn’t feel that way at the time. It reminds me of when we were young, when life was less complicated. He throws a smile into the audience, winking sexily and I know it’s just for me.
“These guys…” Clancy mutters, and those tears I was holding inside begin to slide down my face. This is their way of expressing their love. It’s an apology for the three-year absence, for the hurt and the longing. This is forgiveness. This is… everything.
“I know…” I whisper, utterly entranced as Zayn steps back and York steps forward, high-fiving as they swap places.
York’s dance is a mixture of joy, grace and exuberance. There’s a freedom to the way he tap dances that is impossible to replicate, and a power that comes from a place deep inside, from his soul. Every step, every shuffle-ball-change, every stomp, every flare of his arms, every fucking droplet of sweat is York giving himself to me.
“I swear York is Fred Astaire reincarnated,” Clancy says, as enraptured as I am. “Wait, actually more like Bill ‘Bojangles’ Robinson. He’s in-fucking-sanely good. I’m in awe, Pen.”
“Me too,” I whisper. “Me too.”
The spotlight falls on Dax next, illuminating him in a soft yellow glow as he performs a series of pirouettes, spinning on the spot with his right leg extended then bent as he turns, moving so fast and with such elegance that there isn’t one person in the club who isn’t astonished by his gratefulness. Finishing with a side split, his left foot flat on the floor, his right toe pointing to the ceiling and the material of his trousers leg sliding down to his hip revealing even more ink, the audience goes nuts. They cheer and clap, in awe of this huge, muscular, tattooed man performing ballet with such dexterity and finesse.
“Fuck me!” Adele exclaims, saying what everyone else is thinking.
With a heaving chest and a wide grin, Dax lowers his leg and looks out into the crowd, his eyes searching until a second spotlight falls over me. He smiles and raises his hand, jerking his head as the rest of the Breakers step back into the light. All four of my guys look at me just as Adele takes the mike and stands.
“Pen, care to join us?” she asks, laughing in that dirty-sexy way of hers at my clear shock.
“Oh. My. God!” Clancy blurts out, nudging me with her elbow.
“I can’t…” I murmur. This is different to dancing at Tales with the girls. This is Adele. These are my guys. This is too personal. My heart is pounding so loud I’m afraid it’s going to give out.
“You bloody well can! Slide off those heels and go dance with your boys. If you don’t, then I will!” Clancy encourages with a laugh.
A different beat begins to play and another, male voice starts to sing, breaking only to speak. “Get yo arse up here, Pen!” Stormzy shouts, stepping out onto the stage and winking at my Breakers.
“Hell to the fuck, yes!” River exclaims loudly, jumping to his feet as he starts to dance to the music that begins to play. All four of my men grin as Stormzy and Adele begin singing Own It.
“Oh, what the hell,” I exclaim, kicking off my shoes and striding towards the stage.
The club erupts with cheers and whistles as I step up onto the stage and fucking own it, dancing with the men I love.
