Pen – Present day
I take the proffered drink from Grim and swallow back the contents in one go. It’s whisky, and the fiery liquid burns the whole way down my throat. “Another,” I state, pushing the glass back across the table.
“You need to slow down. You still have anesthesia in your bloodstream,” Xeno warns.
“I said, give me another.” My fingers clasp firmly around the glass as I glare at Xeno. Grim nods, pouring me a second generous shot. This time I sip it slowly, relishing the burn. Loving the way my legs feel heavy and everything Xeno’s just told me is a little less difficult to absorb.
“It’s a lot to take in,” Hudson says.
“A lot to take in? That’s the understatement of the century.” I shake my head, trying to make sense of everything. Right now, I just feel numb. This is all so much bigger than I had ever anticipated. I knew they were keeping secrets, but this? I had no fucking idea. “So you were hired to take down this Santiago Garcia guy in return for riches and freedom from the Skins, is that right?” I ask Xeno, but it’s Hudson who answers.
“Yes,” he confirms. “For the past year the Breakers have been working undercover, gathering information and feeding it back to me. In turn, myself and my brothers have been passing that information on to Interpol who are gathering a case together.”
“So you can get your revenge?” I spit, narrowing my eyes at Hudson, and I can feel it, that anger boiling inside of me. How dare he use my Breakers like this? How dare he put them in danger like this. I’m not stupid, I know how this shit works. Fuck, Jeb put a bullet in his security guard’s brain right in front of me without a second thought because he failed to do his job and keep his secret from being found out. I’ll never forget walking in on Jeb getting his dick sucked by a man, but this is nothing compared to that. I can’t bear to think what could happen to them if Jeb, if Santiago, finds out what they’re doing. I’m betting whatever they’d do, a bullet to the brain would be the better option.
“Pen, it’s not as simple as that,” Grim says, noticing my sudden change in mood. I’ve gone from shocked to pissed off in under a second.
“No? It seems pretty fucking simple to me. Your best friend here, the man you’re asking me to trust, is using my Breakers, the men I love to mete out his revenge. He’s put them in danger, Grim, and you’re asking me to listen to what he says? I can’t fucking believe it.”
“Do you think we can’t handle ourselves? Is that it, Pen?” Xeno asks me in a tone of voice that pisses me the fuck off.
“That’s not what I said—”
“Do you think we’re weak fools who follow Hudson’s lead because we can’t think for ourselves? Stop looking at us like we’re those boys you knew and start seeing us for what we really are. Maybe then you wouldn’t be so blinded by your love,” Xeno snaps.
I scowl, every word coming out through gritted teeth. “I’m not blinded by my love, Xeno. Don’t throw that back in my face as though you’re somehow allergic to it. I might not know what you’ve been doing these past three years exactly, but I can fucking guess. But right now, all I see is someone with a different kind of power using you to get what he wants,” I say, narrowing my eyes at Hudson. “If you’re offended by what I’ve just said, that’s because I want you to be.”
Hudson nods, but he doesn’t try to deny it. “Understood.”
Xeno shakes his head in frustration. “Maybe that was true when we were kids. Maybe we were led by the nose by Jeb. Not anymore. Hudson doesn’t own the Breakers, and he sure as fuck isn’t the boss of me, though at times he fucking acts like it,” Xeno states, casting a scathing look at Hudson and daring him to object. “We’re doing this for us. We’re doing this because we fucking can. Jeb’s a piece of shit. Santiago is a dangerous man, granted, but a piece of shit nonetheless. We help Hudson, he helps us. It’s a win-win. A partnership,” he points out.
“Not to mention your Breakers have already done pretty well out of this deal, and will continue to do so,” Grim interjects, then cants her head at me. “I understand you’ve already had an evening at Jewels Nightclub…”
I snap my head around to look at Xeno. “You own Jewels Nightclub? Rag ‘n’ Bone man played there. How did you manage—”
Xeno shrugs, like it’s no big deal. “It’s a cool club, singers want to perform there. We own Chastity Nightclub too.”
“The sex club?” I choke out.
“Why do you think I was so angry you were there? I know exactly what goes on in that club because I fucking own it.”
“Jesus Christ. Are there any other clubs you own that I should know about?” I ask, my head spinning.
“No. Just those two.”
“And what does Jeb think about your little side venture? Is he skimming the profit from your clubs just like he does with The Pink Albatross? When I ran into Jeb there, he basically said he owned the place even though D-Neath’s name is on the deeds.”
“Jeb doesn’t know shit about our clubs and that’s the way it’s gonna stay,” Xeno says, his words brooking no arguments.
“So you’re telling me that Jeb doesn’t have a clue that you’re double-crossing him? That you’re owners of not one but two exclusive clubs in his city and he doesn’t know about it,” I ask, doubtful.
“As far as he’s concerned, we’re his most trustworthy soldiers and that’s the way it’s going to stay until the time comes to pull the fucking rug out from under him. We own those clubs, but if anyone were to go digging, they’d see Grim’s name on the deeds.”
“So that’s where you come in,” I say, barking out a laugh, even more pissed off than before.
“You’re set to gain an awful lot if this goes tits up, right? Fuck, you really are smart.” It’s not a compliment and she knows it.
Grim flinches, but she doesn’t rise to the bait. “Whether you choose to believe it or not, I’m not helping Hud and your boys just on the off chance they fail, Pen. Though I completely understand why you would assume that. You’re right, I am smart, smart enough to keep those who’ve shown me loyalty and friendship close. Unlike some of the criminals I mix with, I happen to have a conscience, a moral fucking compass. Last year I helped Hudson get Asia, Eastern, Ford—my half-brother, by the way—Camden and Sonny out of a tricky situation with the King because it was the right thing to do.
“That guy who picked up the phone when you called Asia was your brother?”
“Half, and yes.”
“Wow.”
“Anyway, Hud filled me in on his history with Santiago and told me about that sick bastard’s new business venture. Given my past experience and what could’ve happened to me, I wanted to help.”
“What new venture?” I ask.
“Sex trafficking, Pen. Women, girls mainly. Santiago sells them into the sex trade. Most of the girls are under the age of eighteen. A high proportion under the age of fifteen. His operation was stopped in its tracks when the King was killed but now he’s taking up business again,” Grim explains.
“Jesus fucking Christ!” I exclaim. “And Jeb’s involved in that? The sick fuck!”
“Actually, no. Jeb deals purely with the drug side of the business here in the UK. Though I don’t think it’d take much to push him in that direction,” Xeno clarifies. “We do have reason to believe that David, however, is more than happy to step up.”
“David?” I retort sharply. “What are you saying?”
“We found out very recently that your brother is heavily involved in the sex trade. He is the go-to man in Mexico,” Hudson informs me, a dark look flitting across his face. “Santiago is already doing business with him. As far as we can tell, Jeb isn’t involved, and if he’s aware of their relationship, he doesn’t give two fucks.”
“I feel sick.” Nausea rises up my throat, but I swallow it down. “Why is David so evil? Sex trafficking… Fuck!”
“I know this is a lot to deal with. Take a deep breath, okay?” Grim says gently, reaching for my free hand that’s curled up into a fist on the table. They give me a moment to absorb all the information, and it’s the first time all evening that I wished I was still out cold.
“I still don’t understand why you’re at Stardom Academy. What has being there got to do with anything?” I ask.
Xeno sighs. “Jeb sent us to Stardom Academy to work with D-Neath.”
“D-Neath?” My mouth drops open. I don’t know why I’m so shocked given his history, but I am.
“Yes. Santiago has developed a very dangerous drug that he wants to bring to the UK club scene. He needed an opportunity to test it out. Duncan was the perfect person for Jeb to choose to help make that happen because of his past experience, his club, and his access to a readily available market. You’ve heard of Molly, right?” Hudson asks.
“Yes,” I nod, glancing at Xeno.
“Molly is essentially the powder form of ecstasy,” Xeno continues, “A drug that was at its height in the late eighties and early nineties in the rave scene. Add in speed, a dash of cocaine— and a secret ingredient that even we don’t know about, to the mix—and you have a very powerful narcotic.”
“And potentially, a very deadly one,” Grim adds.
“So, D-Neath hasn’t turned over a new leaf then? He’s at the Academy to supply the dancers and distribute through The Pink Albatross, is that what you’re saying?”
“Precisely,” Hudson agrees.
“But he’s Madame Tuillard’s boyfriend and she has a zero drugs policy at the Academy…” I say, in disbelief. “Wait. Please don’t tell me she’s in on this too?” Then I remember the conversation I’d overheard that day Sebastian sent me to her office, and I share it with them. “A couple of weeks ago I overheard D-Neath assuring Madame Tuillard that he had a solid plan. She was pissed off, she said that she hadn’t built the Academy for some arsehole she didn’t know to destroy it. She’d said she didn’t need the police on her doorstep either. Fuck, this is what she meant!”
Grim’s head snaps around as she pins her gaze on Hudson. “Do you think she’s losing her nerve?”
“Wait, what?” I exclaim, looking between them both. I feel like the stupidest person in the room. Nothing’s making sense. “I don’t understand.”
“Tuillard’s aware of what’s going on, to a certain extent at least. D-Neath isn’t working for Jeb. He’s working with us. He’s an informant, just like we are. Jeb and D-Neath go way back,” Xeno explains. “When D-Neath was released from prison, Jeb contacted him, bringing him into the crew, having no idea about the deal he secured a few months before with Interpol to lessen his sentence.”
My mouth drops open as I try to process everything. “And you trust him? This is insane.” I rub my fingers against my forehead, trying to subdue a headache I can feel coming on.
“In answer to your first question, I trust him now. I didn’t at first, but he’s proved himself loyal, and in answer to your earlier question, Jeb began to get suspicious of D-Neath,” Xeno explains. “He started to think that D-Neath had gone rogue and was trying to cut a better deal with Santiago. That’s why Jeb sent us in. He wanted to make sure D-Neath wasn’t fucking him over. Little does he know we’re the ones who are doing that. We’ve managed to convince Jeb that D-Neath is still trustworthy when really none of us are. At least not to him.”
“Fucking hell. I literally can’t wrap my head around any of this.”
“Jeb’s instincts were on point,” Xeno explains tiredly. Exhaustion pulls at his features as he swipes at his face. “We believe your brother’s suspicions were roused because we were back in your orbit. He knows we’re still part of the Skins so he knew we wouldn’t be at the Academy to pursue a career in dance. What better way for him to find out why we’re at the Academy than use you.”
I look at Xeno for a long time until both Grim and Hudson become just blurred images in my peripheral vision. “Now I understand what you meant by returning to reclaim what’s yours. At one point I’d convinced myself that was me. It wasn’t though, was it? You came back to take down Jeb and Santiago in exchange for riches, for your freedom. This was never, ever about me… The fact I’m at the Academy is purely coincidental.”
“Tiny—” he begins, the shadows in his eyes growing darker.
“I’m such an idiot,” I mutter, taking another sip of the whisky and closing my eyes against the heat of everyone’s stare. It hurts to know Xeno wasn’t lying when he said that they hadn’t returned to the Academy for me. It hurts so much more than I ever thought it could.
“No! Fuck that. You’re not an idiot. You’re everything. You’re everything to us!” Xeno exclaims, drawing a surprised look from Grim at his sudden passionate outburst, but I can’t look at him right now. I just can’t.
“You’ve known all along…” I say, focusing my attention on Grim as I push away from the table and stand. I walk over to the other side of the room needing to put some space between us. “You’ve known about the Breakers and what they were doing at the Academy.”
“I didn’t know who you were to the Breakers until that night Jeb brought you to my club. I’d believed you were just his side-piece for the night. I judged you based on that prick. It was wrong and I’m sorry for it. Then you danced and I knew you were something special. I saw how the Breakers reacted to you and it didn’t take a genius to work out that you meant something to them too. Dax’s reaction to Malik touching you and Zayn’s need to protect you from him were pretty fucking big clues. Why do you think Beast didn’t shoot Dax? It wasn’t because he was feeling generous, it was because we’re working together.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” I ask.
Grim sighs. “It wasn’t my place to interfere, Pen. Your relationship is your own. Don’t get me wrong, I would’ve stepped in eventually if they didn’t fucking pull their heads out of their arses. Not because I think they deserve you— because the jury is still out on that— but because you deserve to be treated better. As it turns out, they got there in the end.” She smiles knowingly, then nudges Hudson. “Come on, let’s go. I have a club to clean up and the leader of the Skins to entertain.”
“What about The Masks?” Xeno asks.
“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Besides, that really isn’t on you guys. Beast shot him in my club, after all. They won’t act right away. Taking out their father is a blow, and it will take them time to recover and get a plan in place before they make their move,” Grim says. “And by that time, I’ll be ready.”
“Shit, Lena!” I blurt out, panic suddenly returning. I’ve been so consumed by everything that’s happened tonight and all that they’ve told me that I haven’t stopped to consider how Lena is. I’ve been a shit fucking sister. “This will just make her even more of a target, surely?”
“She’s safe. Beast called me just before I got here. He knew you’d worry. She’s staying at her friend’s house this weekend by the looks of it. My men are watching her twenty-four seven,” Grim reminds me, immediately putting my mind at ease. “No one will get near her. I promise.”
“Thank you, Grim, for keeping her safe,” I say, a lump forming in my throat. Despite some of the revelations tonight, I do believe she’s a good person underneath it all.
She frowns, then moves around the table and across the room. In a couple of strides has her arms around me. “You listen to me, Pen,” she says, whispering in my ear. “You’ve got a friend in me. I like you, so I’m going to give you a piece of unsolicited advice despite Xeno’s warning. Don’t forgive him easily. Fuck him, sure, but make Xeno work for your heart. If he loves you like he says he does, he’ll win you over.” Then she steps back and winks at me before giving Xeno the once-over. If I wasn’t so shattered, I’d laugh at the scathing look she just gave him. It must’ve been a monumental task for Beast to win her over.
“I’ll call you in a few days. We’ll meet soon. Catch up and discuss next steps,” Xeno says to them both. “I’ll also fill D-Neath in on what’s gone down.”
“Good. Keep me apprised with anything else that comes up,” Hudson replies.
Xeno nods, pushing up from the table. “Of course.”
“Come on, these two need to sort some shit out, and you need to go home to your family,” Grim says, winding her arm through Hudson’s.
“This isn’t your house?” I blurt out.
“It’s one of them. My brothers and I take turns to stay here when we’re working at the office in the city. Max and Bryce are at our family home with Louisa and the kids. I’m heading back there now. Max will return here Monday. You’re welcome to stay until then. There’s food in the fridge, so help yourself to whatever you need. Our housekeeper has cleaned the house and changed the sheets too, just avoid the largest bedroom upstairs. Otherwise, make yourself at home.”
“I appreciate it,” Xeno says.
“Goodnight, Pen. It was good to meet you, though I do apologise for the circumstances.”
I smile tightly, still pissed at the man. “Goodnight.”
Xeno follows them both out. By the time he returns I’m standing at the fireplace looking at a photograph of a beautiful woman with long blonde hair and a pretty smile. “They look so happy,” I say softly, my fingers running over the photograph. The woman—who is surrounded by three men, one of which is Hudson—is holding a newborn baby in her arms. Clutching hold of her leg is a toddler whose face is covered in ice-cream. All of them are smiling. They’re happy.
“That’s Hudson’s wife, his brothers and their two kids.”
“His brothers?”
“Yeah. By choice, not by blood. They grew up in a care home together. Hudson took Max and Bryce under his wing. Looked out for them… Or so the story goes. They built their business from the ground up. I’m surprised you’ve never heard of Freed Corporation.”
“She’s with all three of them.” I say, focusing on the part of their story that most intrigues me. I don’t really care that the Freed’s are hotshot businessmen, what I care about is this family they’ve created. A family I’ve always wanted.
“Yes. She is. Her name’s Louisa. Hudson’s very protective of her.”
“They make it work.”
“It looks that way,” Xeno says roughly.
Placing the photo I’m holding back on the mantle I pick up another one where Louisa’s kissing Hudson passionately as a guy with a beard looks on adoringly. “They don’t care what anyone thinks, Xeno. All I see here is love. So much love…” My voice trails off as I try to wrap my head around what I’m feeling. There’s this pang of longing deep inside my chest. I want what they have so much. Placing the photo back on the mantle, I turn around to face him.
Xeno sighs heavily, his eyes tracing over every inch of my skin like flames licking up a pyre. The heat makes me breathless. “Love is dangerous.”
“You truly believe that?”
“I do. It’s a weakness other people will exploit. Love can be used against you. You know that better than anyone.”
“Yet you love me. So where does that leave us?”
“In a very dangerous position.” Xeno rocks on his feet, his fingers flexing and curling into his palm. He swallows hard and I watch his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he battles with himself.
“What is it? Aren’t we past all the secrets and lies, Xeno?” I ask. He remains stubbornly quiet watching me with his assessing gaze for far longer than is comfortable. I wish I could get inside his head. Understand him better.
“Loving you makes us vulnerable. It makes you a target… Jeb was suspicious enough that he tested us. When we were kids, he knew that you were the one thing we cared about more than the Skins. You were a threat. You were the reason we held back—”
“Until I walked away.”
“It was a trigger, I can’t deny that, but being in the Skins was always an inevitability. Zayn had to join the crew, and we wouldn’t let him do that on his own. Like I said, you weren’t to blame. It was just a hell of a lot easier to do that.”
“Must be nice…” I say, feeling jealous of the loyalty and the brotherhood they share. At least they had each other.
“Nice?”
“Yes, to have that kind of bond. You would do anything for each other, even join a crew you hated.”
“Tiny…” The sound of my nickname on his tongue feels bittersweet. Every time he refers to me that way, my heart squeezes. If only that was enough. “We let you down.”
“I missed you all so much.” I meet his gaze with a sad smile. “I never once stopped thinking about you, worrying for you, loving you.” I heave out a sigh, but my lungs just refill with all the past mistakes we made, clogging them up with regret that starves me of oxygen. My head begins to spin, and I’m not sure whether it’s the lingering effects of the anesthesia and alcohol or the emotional drain of this evening’s events, but either way I suddenly feel exhausted. Xeno takes a step towards me but stills when he sees the look on my face. “When you returned, do you know what hurt the most, Xeno? More than your rejection, your harsh words and your hate?”
He shakes his head and keeps his gaze fixed on me. I see him drag in a breath and straighten his spine as though expecting to be felled by my last and final truth. “Tell me,” he demands, stoic.
“It was the family you’d created with each other, without me. That hurt more than anything, because whilst I was mourning your loss— dying a little inside every day, living with a woman who despised me, struggling to survive in the absence of affection— you were living a life together. You were brothers. Inseparable. We’ll never get those years back. The only person I had was Lena. Thank God for her.” My eyes fill with tears, and this time when they spill over, I don’t try to stop them. I let them trickle down my face, needing the release. Needing to let this final shard of pain out. “So, yes, I agree, Xeno. Love is dangerous, but the alternative, to live without love, to feel the cold absence of it… That, that is so much worse. I know because I’ve lived it.”
He gives me a pained look, and for a moment I think he’s going to stride over and fold me in his arms. I want him to do that more than anything. Instead, he turns his back to me, presses his palms against the table and drops his head. “You should rest. I’ll wake you up as soon as the boys arrive.”
His dismissal doesn’t surprise me, I expected it. He’s still holding back. It’s that restraint that will ruin us in the end, that will keep us from having what Hudson clearly has with his family.
As I head back to the room I woke up in a few hours ago, I can’t help but wonder if we’ll ever be able to get over the mistakes of our past or if this brief reconnection is just an interlude for more agony yet to come.
