Liesl was studying her canvas as Janka approached her in the workshop of the gallery. She had let herself in earlier and opened up so Janka could sleep in a bit.
“Wow. Your restoration work on this piece is impeccable. I can’t tell where the water stain was.”
“Thanks.” She smiled as she drew a brush stroke over the spot she was fixing.
“How was your first night alone in the house without Isaias?”
“Good but he’s called me seven or eight times since he left yesterday afternoon.”
“Really? Why?”
“He thinks I’m going to leave the minute he’s out of the country. He knows I’m reluctant to move in with him.”
“I don’t know why. It’s clear the man is enamored.”
She bit her lower lip and sighed, “I think I’m in love with him,” she whispered to Janka.
“Really? Those are big words, Liesl.”
“I know.”
“Did you tell him?”
“No. I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I’m scared once he knows how I feel he’s going to run.”
“Why?”
“What if it’s the chase? What if the truth is, he likes chasing me because I’m the ex-wife of his arch nemesis and since I’ve been playing it cool and non-committed, he likes the pursuit but once he gets me, he won’t anymore?”
“I think he really cares for you. I think he came home after a weekend away where gorgeous movie stars threw themselves at him and missed you so much, he left his own bed in the dead of night to come to you. You’re overthinking things Liesl.”
She set her brush down and pushed a tendril of hair off her cheek, “what if Merlin is right?”
“When he was at my apartment, he kept saying Isaias doesn’t do relationships. He said he’ll never make love to me, and it will always be fucking without any kind of emotional connection.”
Janka grabbed her hands and tugged her to sit at the table, “hey, just because the sex isn’t the same as what you had with Merlin doesn’t mean it’s less emotional. Missionary sex isn’t making love any more than doggy style is. Sex is sex, Liesl. It’s what your heart feels when you’re having sex which differentiates making love from fucking.”
“Merlin keeps messaging me telling me emotionless fucking is all I’ll get from Isaias and when I’m ready to be made love to again I need only to call him, and he’ll come running.”
“You should show those messages to his wife.” Janka said snidely.
“I delete them but yesterday morning, Isaias,” she picked at her fingernails nervously, “before he left, he, um.”
“He fucked you?”
“Against the closet door in his wardrobe. Told me he was going to miss me and how happy he was I was staying and then railed me in the walk-in closet.”
“That’s hot.”
“It was. It was sexy as fuck but then when he left and I was starting on my sketches for Granny, Merlin messaged me with his shit and all I could think of was Isaias’s way of saying he was going to miss me was to plow me.”
“Are you complaining the sex is bad?”
“No.”
“You think it’s mindless sex?”
“Not for me.” She whispered. “Every time he touches me, every kiss, every passionate grab, whether in bed, the shower, or the closet or anywhere else he initiates sex, I feel so much. He also loves a good cuddle. I mean he sleeps wrapped completely around me. There is something to be said about being held. He also always touches me. Always. Doesn’t matter where we are, he’s holding my hand or kissing my knuckles or my cheek or my temple. Oh god when he does the kiss to the temple or forehead, I damn near turn into Niagara Falls.”
Janka laughed, “you’ve got it bad.”
“I do and I’m scared.”
“Liesl, you don’t have to tell him anything. You don’t have to admit your feelings or tell him you love him. You’re allowed to take this as slow as you want. If you’re not ready to say it, you’re not ready to say it but don’t shut him out or pull away from him because you’re nervous.”
“What if it hurts? What if it hurts more than Merlin and Sandy?” she wiped a tear off her cheek.
“What if it doesn’t?” Janka squeezed her hand. “What if it is way better than what you ever had before? Things happen for a reason, Liesl. Maybe the universe threw you and Merlin together so you could appreciate the incredible man Isaias is.”
“Do you think?”
“I think,” Janka smirked, “for the last eight years, we all tiptoed on eggshells because we were all worried Merlin would find a way to make you cut us all out of your life if we didn’t support you with him.”
“I wouldn’t have.”
“No? Are you sure?” Janka asked quietly. “He changed everything about you because you so desperately wanted him to love you and you did it willingly. Liesl, he made you go to tea parties with his mother’s friends to display your etiquette. He monopolized your time. He only let you work two days a week. We were allowed one night a week where we could see you, but Elsie and I had to do it jointly because the rest of your evenings were taken. Babe, we love you and we wanted you happy, but Merlin is a controlling, manipulative bastard who wanted you to be his perfect robot wife. Elsie and I had so many conversations about how much we hated him, but we bit our tongues because we were scared if we spoke out against him, he would turn you against us.”
“You’re my best friend Janka. I wouldn’t have.”
“I don’t think it would have been intentional. Do you remember the weekend he was away, and we took you camping, and we got drunk? It was when you told us about the bad sex.”
“I remember.”
“Do you realize it was the last time we all went away? Merlin was pissed about how hung over you were when we brought you home. You gave us excuses for the next six trips we tried to book with you.”
“No.” She shook her head in confusion.
“Yes. We tried to get you to come to the Catskills with us and Merlin suddenly came down sick with the flu. We tried to get you to go to Coachella with us and Merlin had a sudden business trip he needed you to accompany him on in New York but the minute our flight left his trip got cancelled. We asked you to fly out and join us but instead he convinced you to stay home and have a romantic night. He was putting distance between us, and you didn’t even realize. Eventually, you would have stopped working here. I’m sure of it.”
“I didn’t notice. Why didn’t you say anything?”
She shrugged, “you loved him, and we love you.”
“I’m sorry Janka. I’m such a shitty friend.”
“Liesl, you love the people you love so much you dive in headfirst.”
“What if I do this with Isaias and I do the same thing and lose you?”
“Not likely. He asked me and Elsie to go spend the night with you tonight at his house.” She pushed her phone with the text message open. “Asked us to make sure you laugh until your sides hurt.”
She read the text and felt her chest burning with emotion.
“He only wants you to be happy, Liesl. This isn’t a guy who is going to alienate you from the world. He wants the world at your feet. It’s okay to feel nervous but don’t paint him with the same brush as Merlin. It’s not fair to him. They are so opposite in every single way. With him you’re blossoming like a rose. With Merlin you were turning into potpourri. Crunchy and dried up.”
She smacked her friend and giggled. “Very funny.”
“Don’t let Merlin in your head. He doesn’t deserve the space.”
She nodded. She was about to speak again when the bell of the gallery door jingled and then the sound of her name being called made both women groan loudly. Sandy.
