Despite the fact it was two in the morning, Liesl was wide awake. She, Janka and Elsie had drunk two bottles of red wine and had devoured two pizzas between them. She should be exhausted, drunk or in a food coma but as she rolled onto her pillow, pulling Isaias’ pillow to her face, and inhaling deeply, she was missing him too much to rest.
She knew it was seven in the morning where he was. He was probably up, ready for the day and likely already hard at work. One of the things she had noticed about him was he worked far more than Merlin ever had yet, when he was spending time with her, his focus was on her. He would put aside his work to talk to her where Merlin often told her to wait until he was done whatever it was, he was doing.
She sighed at the thought. She well and truly needed to stop comparing the two men and the two vastly different relationships. Moving on meant she needed to forget everything Merlin and focus on everything Isaias.
He had called her late in the afternoon to make sure she was okay after her fight with Sandy, and he’d been furious to know her sister wanted her to be a godmother to the child. She had let him know she was now completely done with the antics of both and had spoken with Elsie tonight to discuss getting no-contact orders against both of them, especially given Merlin’s entrance into her home and Sandy’s assault. He had been pleased with her decision. He had offered her the full use of his legal team if she needed it.
Her phone buzzed on the nightstand, and she rolled over and lifted it and smiled at the message. A simple good morning from Isaias confirmed her suspicions he was already hard at it. She responded with a good morning of her own and sighed happily.
Her phone rang and she giggled as she answered it. “Hello.”
“Hello. You are you up late. Did the girls stay with you?”
“I am up late. We watched movies and ate pizza. We tucked Elsie in and then I came to bed.”
“Did she drink too much?”
“Yes,” she snickered, “she outdrank us two glasses to one.”
“Oh dear. Are you in bed now?”
“I am. Hugging your pillow,” she admitted with a tiny smile pulling her lips.
“I wish I was there for you to hug instead. I miss you beautiful.”
“I miss you too.”
“What did you wear to bed?”
She looked down at herself chuckling, “do you really want to know?”
“Yes.”
“You know the dress shirt you wore Tuesday and hung on the back of the closet door?”
He gave a laugh at her admission, “you’re sleeping in my shirt?”
“Yes. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Not in the slightest. I’m happy to hear this actually. I should have stolen a pair of your panties to bring with me.”
“Imagine customs going through your bag and finding my lacy thongs.”
He laughed loudly now at her words, “I would say they were mine.”
“You know it would get leaked by customs to a tabloid.”
“And you know I wouldn’t care less.”
She lay there listening to his quiet breathing, staring at the ceiling his pillow clutched in her fist as she kept the phone close to her ear.
“Liesl, are you still awake?”
“I am.”
“What are you thinking about?”
“I had a conversation with Janka and Elsie this evening. Actually, it was a continuation of the conversation I had with Janka this morning before Sandy busted into my workplace.” She inhaled deeply, forcing herself to be brave. “I talked to them about how I was feeling.”
“About what?”
“About whom,” she corrected. “And it was about how I’m feeling about you and me, us.”
“I see,” he was quiet. “You’re having second thoughts?”
“I,” she paused as she blinked, “Isaias, I’m falling hard. It took me months and months, probably a year to even consider the L word with Merlin and I’m not saying it right now, because I’m scared, you’ll freak out, but I’m feeling far more for you than I was anticipating.”
His silence goaded her to continue.
“I wasn’t looking for this. I wasn’t looking for a relationship or to fall so quick and so hard for a guy two months after my marriage ended but, here I am laying in your bed, in your shirt, sniffing your pillow and missing you so much it aches inside. I don’t know what to do with this feeling and I sure as hell know it’s going to break me far more than Merlin and Sandy did if we ever break up, but I don’t want to walk away from it.”
He still said nothing, and her heart clenched painfully.
“I’m not asking for you to feel the same way or to even respond, Isaias, but the girls reminded me tonight, I might have become a Stepford wife over the last several years but the one thing I never did become was a coward. I’m not a chicken and I’m not afraid. I’ve always faced my life head on. Being scared of the heartache of eventually, possibly, losing you isn’t going to stop me from lov-,” she caught herself, “feeling the way I feel for you as much as I do. I know it’s a lot and it’s too much but what I’m feeling, in my heart tells me it’s right. At least for me it’s right and I wanted you to know this.”
There was an awkward silence hanging between them as she finished her speech. She knew he was still there because she could hear his breathing in her ear. She felt a tear edge the corner of her eye as she curled onto her side clutching his pillow to her chest and blinking her emotions away.
“Are you still there?” she asked quietly.
“I am.”
“Too much?”
“No.”
They were both quiet for at least a full minute before embarrassment forced her to speak, “Anyway, I should probably get to sleep. I’ll see you Saturday?”
He cleared his throat, “yes, of course. Sweet dreams, Liesl. I’ll see you on Saturday.”
She watched as the call ended and she sadly slid her phone back to the nightstand and pulled her lips between her teeth and bit down. It hurt he didn’t tell her he cared for her, but she had told him he didn’t need to. It didn’t change how she felt. She was in love with him, and it was only going to intensify as time went on. Better he knows now than not at all. If he came back on Saturday and ended things because she’d made declarations too soon, then it was what it was.
She pondered this reality and questioned then, why did it hurt so much when he’d remained so silent. The question kept her awake all night.
