me a text.
MyCaptor: Take the day off.
Monday and Tuesday, he sent me two more.
MyCaptor: Don’t need you today.
MyCaptor: Have a thing going today. Don’t need you at the house. I’ll let you know when I want you.
“Oh my god, what’s so fascinating on your phone?” Elena groaned, grabbing for it after I checked it for the tenth time.
“Nothing.” I stuffed it in my messenger bag to rid myself of the temptation. “Sorry, I was just waiting to hear from my mom.”
She picked the cheese out of her veggie wrap. “That’s fine and all, but I’m needy, Zadie. If I don’t have enough attention, I have a tendency to become destructive.”
We were having dinner at a table Elena had chosen in the center of the dining hall, and more than one person continually glanced at her or out and out stared. After living with her for a semester, I already knew she was rarely without attention. One of the reasons I liked her was because she was unabashed about who she was, including the facets of her personality that many people—okay, most people—would consider flaws.
I offered her a grin. “Eli’s coming to visit with my mom this weekend. I’ll bring him by the suite. He’ll give you all the attention you need.”
She threw down her cheese. “Okay, no. I do have standards, and sixteen-year-olds do not meet them. Not that baby bro isn’t adorable, but…no.”
I giggled imagining the heartbreak Eli would go through if he knew Elena had called him adorable.
“Tell me what kind of attention you need then. My phone is gone, it’s just you and me.”
She tossed her wrap down then picked up her napkin to twist it between her fingers. “I’m thinking about breaking up with all my friends.”
My smile fell away. “Okay…”
Her eyes met mine, and she must have seen my rising hurt, because she waved her hands in a flurry. “Oh my god, obviously I don’t mean you. I have more couth than to sit across from you and share that I’m thinking of breaking up with you. If that time ever came, I’d go out in a blaze of glory, not over a crappy veggie wrap in the dining hall.”
Before she could explain, Helen set her tray down on our table with Theo beside her, and their friend, Lock, on Theo’s other side. Where Theo was handsome, Lock was rugged and built like a mountain. He looked like he belonged in a forest chopping down trees rather than the pristine, palm-tree-lined Savage U campus. They both made me nervous and too shy to do anything other than offer a brief smile.
“What’s happening?” Helen asked. “I feel like we interrupted something.”
Elena picked up her wrap again. “That’s because you did. You could wait until we’re done talking, snatch.”
Helen flipped her off. “No one wants to hear your business, bitch.”
Elena arched a brow. “Then why are you sitting here?”
“Z’s here. I can’t leave her alone with you for long or you’ll turn her into one of your pod people friends.” Helen shuddered. “Living with one of you is my limit.”
Elena unrolled her wrap completely and began to dismantle it. “Do you think living with you is a dream? You could try not to corrupt Zadie. I saw you teaching her how to make shanks out of my toothbrush.”
Helen snorted. “Didn’t I tell you toothbrushes make terrible shanks?”
“Yeah.” All eyes swung to me. “It wasn’t your toothbrush, El. It was actually your comb, and I was the one who asked Helen for a tutorial.”
Theo was the first to crack, slapping the table as he laughed. Lock let a deep rumble of amusement roll through him. Helen grinned at me, and Elena sent a sharp elbow jab to my ribs followed by a kiss to my head.
For a girl who’d completely stepped away from forming any attachments after Drew took over my life, it was a little overwhelming…but nice. Nice to feel normal, liked, make them laugh with silly, makeshift prison weapon jokes.
“Anyway,” Elena tossed her shiny blonde hair behind her shoulder, “I was telling Zadie I am done with my friends. They’re just…” She made a snarly face.
“Is that brand-new information?” Helen asked.
Elena tore off a piece of her wrap. “Obviously not. They’re vapid and boring half the time, but our parents are friends and blah, blah, blah. Boring. I just can’t do it anymore.”
“Why not?” I asked.
Elena blended in with her pretty blonde friends. She had the same money, social status, clothes, looks, but to me, she stood apart. Not that she wasn’t capable of evil. But beneath it all, she was good. It was just that there were layers of thorns and brambles to get to that part of her. The other girls, at least the ones I’d met and lived with freshman year, didn’t have that same core. I hoped she was beginning to see that too.
“I was at this dinner thing with some of them…actually, it was a dinner with some guys from your frat, Theo.”
Theo raised his hands. “I just live there. I’m not one of them.”
Elena lifted a shoulder and went on. “Well, they’re guys you know at any rate. They were talking about some stupid movie called Dogfight where they throw a party and the guys compete to invite the least desirable date. I don’t know, I haven’t watched it.”
Helen groaned. “Don’t tell me they’re going to throw a party like that.”
“That’s their plan. It was just…gross. The whole thing.” Elena shuddered, and my stomach flipped. Those poor, poor girls. “What really got me was the girls I was with were laughing about it and cooing over these assholes like they were so fucking clever, when really, they were just cruel. Like, I’m not usually rah-rah sisterhood or anything, but are we really at the point where we’re cheering guys on for misogyny?”
“Careful, girlie, next step is burning your bra,” Helen said dryly.
Elena cupped her breasts and gave them a jiggle. “Oh, god, can I? Let the tits breathe.”
“Which guys?” Theo brought the subject back around.
Elena flicked her fingernails. “The usual suspects. Ryan, Sean, Dylan, Deacon, Owen…a few others. I didn’t write down names or anything, but I think most of the house was involved.”
Lock made a rumbling sound, but he didn’t say anything. He studied his food as he methodically shoveled it into his mouth, pointedly not looking at anyone, but we were all looking at him.
“What’s on your mind, man?” Theo slapped his arm.
Lock swallowed, wiped his mouth, then slowly turned his head to Theo. “Nothing.”
Theo folded his arms. “Nothing? Right.” Then he addressed us. “At the end of the semester, I’m moving out of the frat house and getting a place with Lock. So yeah, my ties will be cut with those guys. I encourage you to do the same, El.”
She folded her napkin into a triangle. “Believe me, I’m done with those boys. The girls will be more of a slow extraction.” Then she grabbed my arm. “We should move in together too. Abby asked me, but I’ll just tell her you and Helen needed a third roommate, and since I felt sorry for you guys, I agreed.”
Helen’s head jerked back. “I did not agree to that.”
“But it’s a great idea, right?”
“No,” Helen replied. “I can’t afford it, so no.”
Elena pursed her lips, then her eyes alighted. “We’ll pay on a sliding scale. We’ll each contribute based on our parents’ income. Equity, babes. I’m all about the equity.”
“You could rent a house by ours, baby,” Theo suggested.
Lock pushed back from the table so abruptly, his chair made a loud screech. “I’m out.” Then he lumbered off, his tray looking like a playing card in his big hand.
Elena’s narrowed eyes followed his wide back and something about her deflated when he disappeared. It was strange, but now that I thought of it, Lock never hung around when Elena was nearby.
I touched her hand. “I’ll live with you, if you’re serious. I’m kind of over the dorm.”
Helen sat up straight. “What? No. I’m not leaving you alone with her.”
I met her gaze and raised a brow. “I guess you’re going to have to live with us.”
Helen sighed and let her head drop onto her arms. “God, I guess so.”
By Wednesday afternoon, I hadn’t received a text from Amir at all, so I decided to take that to mean he still didn’t want me at the house. It was just as well, since I had an exam coming up. I headed straight to the library after my last class, intent on burrowing in and studying for the next few hours.
I found a spot on one of the upper floors in a low traffic area that was quieter than any other part of the library. There were a few students at tables divided to make cubbies. I snagged a cubby on the end of the table, the girl beside me hunched over her computer with headphones covering her ears.
I read, highlighted, and took notes. Then I went back and quizzed myself. Doing well in school was important to me, but it didn’t come naturally. I had to work my butt off for my grades. Because of everything with my stalker, my grades slipped my senior year of high school. I’d only made it into Savage U by the skin of my teeth. Having a mom, dad, and stepdad who were alumni also helped. A lot, I suspected. But that meant I didn’t take being here for granted. Slacking off wasn’t an option. Even if I could, I planned to one day work as an accountant where precision mattered.
Fortunately for me, I took pleasure in studying. I liked sitting in the cool library, snuggled up in my hoodie, with nothing to distract me. I relished the moment information clicked and settled in my brain. And there was nothing better than getting my exam back with a big fat A on it.
I had accepted I was a nerd a long time ago. I didn’t try to fight it.
After a couple hours, I needed to stretch my legs, so I left my stuff and took a walk through the aisles, inhaling the delicious scent of old books. Once my blood warmed up and my mind cleared a little, I wandered back to my cubby. It was evening now, and many of the people who’d been studying when I’d come in had cleared out, including the girl who’d been sitting beside me.
It wasn’t until I sat down again that I noticed a folded piece of paper on top of my notebook. My stomach instantly churned with dread.
It might be nothing.
It was silly to try to convince myself of that when all I had to do to find out was unfold it. I just…didn’t want to.
I did anyway.
Zadie, Zadie, Zadie, can’t you see
Your bright blue eyes hypnotize me
I just like your hips that sway
Guess that’s why I follow when you run away
Zadie, Zadie, Zadie, can’t you see
Your soft, thicc thighs hypnotize me
I just love your sweet girl ways
Guess I’ll show you one of these days
- D
I would have laughed at how terrible the poem was—and how un-Drew-like it was—if I hadn’t been so utterly horrified. Someone was here, watching me, even now. The quiet library, filled with corners and blind spots and shadows, suddenly felt ominous instead of peaceful. I threw my things in my messenger bag as quickly as possible.
“Zadie.” A quiet whisper, barely audible, but I heard it. Someone was calling for me. God, I wasn’t even sure this was Drew anymore. Did it matter? “Zadie, wait.”
My heart pounded with terror. I had to force my leaden legs to move. I would not be the dumb girl who waited around for the bad guy to show up—especially not when the bad guy was telling me to wait.
Black closed in on the edges of my vision. Panic disoriented me. I rushed down an aisle, only to come to a dead end. This wasn’t the way to the exit. Where was I? Someone was behind me, footsteps approaching.
I turned, forcing my feet to move faster, even with my chest feeling like it was caving in. Why? Why were they doing this to me? Was this Drew? Was it someone else? Was I losing my mind?
No, no, the poem was still in my hand. It was real. And my name, I heard it. I hadn’t imagined it. Someone was coming for me. Someone wanted me afraid. They wanted to get to me. And now, I was cornered. The only thing in front of me was more walls, and to my left and right were endless rows of books. God, where was the exit?
I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. I need a door. Someone, please, give me a door.
Sweat beaded on my forehead and upper lip. If someone was coming behind me, I couldn’t hear them over the galloping rhythm of my terrified heart.
Ahead of me was my answer. I lunged for the door, throwing myself inside and yanking it closed behind me. This wasn’t an exit. I was standing in blackness, but the heavy smell of cleaning products told me I was in a closet. There was most likely a light switch somewhere along the wall, but I didn’t dare move. If I stayed here, if I didn’t make a peep, they wouldn’t find me. They’d go away, and I’d be safe. At least for now. I’d find the exit. I’d call Helen or Theo or even Lock. Yeah, Lock was big. He’d walk me back to my dorm. He’d scare anyone away who meant to harm me.
I just had to be quiet. Only for a little while.
My reassurances meant nothing when the doorknob jiggled. My hands flew to my face, as if it were some type of protection, but it was all I could do.
He’d found me. After all this time, he had me where he wanted me, trapped. I might as well have given myself to him on a silver platter.
“Zadie, what the fuck?”
My heart stopped. The door clicked shut. My knees turned to liquid, and I fell.
