Winter break came blazing through my life, tearing hopes and plans in its wake.
Going back home felt like facing death row, with Knight representing a class of skilled snipers, all of them aiming their rifles at me.
I wanted to stay at Boon. I even went as far as considering going home with April to Montana. Her offer seemed genuine, and she was trying to work out a scenario where Ryan, Josh, she, and I were going to hang out there before flying back to Boon. Alas, I didn’t want to cower, and I didn’t want to prevent myself from hanging out with Edie, Dad, Racer, and Theo just because of Knight.
Besides, home was so much more than just Knight. Edie had said Rosie wasn’t doing well, and I wanted to check on her.
Racer had a toothless smile now. I needed to take pictures.
Daria was getting married. I wanted to be there for her.
I even missed Vaughn and his dark, angsty moods.
So I went.
Dad picked me up from the airport and carried my suitcase to Edie’s Porsche. He asked about Josh, and even though I wanted to die from the prospect of telling him the truth, I couldn’t lie, either.
“We’re just friends, Dad.” I buckled my seatbelt.
“Whatever you are, I support you, kiddo.” There was a beat of silence after that. “I kicked Cole’s ass.”
My eyebrows shot to my forehead.
He shrugged. “More or less. He feels awful about it, if it makes any difference at all.”
I looked out the window, watching San Diego zipping by on our way to Todos Santos. I hadn’t spoken to Knight in weeks, but I knew our paths were bound to cross now that I was next door again.
Dad shifted in his seat, scratching at his stubble. “There’s a pre-Christmas party at the Coles’ tomorrow.”
“I’ll be there.” I schooled my features, staring straight ahead. Every fiber in my body didn’t want to go, but I’d be damned if I would disrupt everyone’s lives just because of a heartbreak I’d seen coming years ago. If I didn’t go, Edie and Theo wouldn’t go, either. Dad would have to keep face and show up. He’d take Racer, who’d ask about Edie and me the entire evening.
“You don’t have to.” Dad frowned. His fingers drummed on the steering wheel. I knew he was uncomfortable.
“I’m more than happy to.”
“Does that mean you and Knight talked it out?”
I’d done quite a bit of talking with Knight, actually. I felt guilty even thinking that. I’d given Knight something my father had begged me for, for years. My words. Not that selective muteness was a choice. I’d tried speaking to Dad plenty. It sucked that I couldn’t give him the thing he wanted most.
“We’re fine.”
At least I hoped we were. I was counting on having no more embarrassing secrets Knight could reveal at the party, so really, how disastrous could it be?
I was a ball of nerves that whole first day back home, a knot of puke making it hard for me to breathe, smile, or shove food down my throat. I tried to write, but nothing came out. Tossing the MacBook to the wall in a fit, I grabbed my bike and decided to ride in the woods, where I knew I’d never bump into Knight. But I was too distracted and ended up falling flat on my butt twice. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d fallen off my bike.
Actually, I could.
The day Knight had saved me.
The world kept on moving, and I wasn’t even trying to play catch-up with it. Edie and Racer made cookies and put on Christmas movies while I secretly Googled Val’s name. One time, Dad caught me and asked what was going on.
“You look upset,” he said.
I shook my head at that.
“What are you doing?” he persisted.
I shook my head harder, thinking, Ruining my life. That seems to be the theme lately.
Then the next day rolled around, and I realized I had to face Knight. I didn’t want to go to the party. The only thing that made me drag myself out the door—every step feeling like I had a three-ton sandbag on my back—was that I knew he’d expect me to bail. He wanted confirmation of the fact that I was sad and lonely and in need of him.
Surprise, jerk.
Whether it was true or not, he was about to be served a big piece of humble pie. Hopefully he was hungry.
I showed up at the Coles’ in my usual attire of boyfriend jeans, Vans, and a cropped yellow sleeveless shirt, ignoring the herd of women in gowns and men in double-breasted suits sipping expensive champagne. The party was in the backyard, which was as big as a wedding venue. Everything was red, green, or white, including the waiters’ uniforms. They moved around, offering silver trays full of delicious finger foods and sparkling, golden liquid. I consciously worked on not scanning the place for Knight, and when Edie, Theo, and Racer disappeared into the kitchen to help Rosie and her staff, I found myself leaning against a round table next to Daria and Penn, just like Thanksgiving.
Daria took a sip of her champagne and glanced around the crowd, looking stunning in a red velvet dress.
“Vaughn is wearing a suit,” she observed, and I nearly choked on my glass of water.
I followed her gaze. Sure enough, he was. He looked quite dashing, too, with his black hair slicked back and his permanent frown smoothed into a blank expression. Vaughn always looked rich, even in tattered clothes. But now? Now he looked not only formidable, but…delicious. Daria turned to me, pressing the cold champagne to her cheek. Southern California was notorious for not getting the memo about it being Christmastime, and this year wasn’t any different. The air was hot, dense with temperature and hormones.
“Who’s the girl?” Daria pouted. “There must be one, if he’s making an effort.”
“No idea,” I signed.
“Of course you do. You’re one of his best friends.”
“Try Knight.”
I hated that my mind went automatically to him.
Daria snorted out a laugh. “I would, but he’s busy getting lucky by the pool. Which is, like, totes odd. I always thought you guys were going to end up together. Honestly, I’m glad you have a boyfriend at Boon. Knight is such a manwhore. He’d be a terrible boyfriend to leave on the other side of the country.”
He’s a virgin, you fool! I wanted to scream. At myself, not at Daria.
Then I remembered that’s what got me into this mess in the first place. The entire world and its sister thought Knight was dipping his sausage into every sauce on the counter.
How could I have known he’d been waiting for me?
Still, her words sank into me like deadly claws. My eyes darted to the pool, frantically looking for my best friend. I found him standing by the edge, clad in an eccentric navy blue suit, a vest, and a pocket square in maroon red. His hair was tugged in every direction under the sun, and he looked outrageously sexy, talking to Poppy Astalis with his hand on the small of her back.
Poppy Astalis in the flesh, wearing an A-line, navy blue dress and a maroon cardigan. They’d coordinated, I realized, and that made me want to throw up. My stomach churned, dipped, and shot an arrow of nausea to my throat. It didn’t matter that Lenny, her sister, was standing right next to them, yawning provocatively in a simple black dress. Or that Hunter Fitzpatrick was standing next to Lenny, trying to strike up a conversation, his confident smirk collapsing with each passing second it became apparent she wasn’t going to give him the time of day.
It was still obvious Knight and Poppy were together.
“I’m going to ask,” Daria announced.
“Skull Eyes,” Penn warned, his fingers curling around her elbow.
He’d nicknamed her Skull Eyes for reasons none of us could fathom. It was their secret, I supposed, and I loved that they had that—something that belonged just to them.
“What? I’m out of the loop. There’s always drama in Todos Santos. I want to know. I deserve to know. It’s my home field. Are you coming, Luna?”
I shook my head, but Daria being Daria, my consent was low on her care list. She grabbed me by the hand and dragged me through the Coles’ garden, talking my ear off about honeymoon destinations.
She stopped abruptly, frowning. “Oh, one more thing. What’d you do to him?”
My eyes widened in question.
She rolled her eyes. “Don’t play coy. He’s obviously playing a game. What happened between you guys?”
I shook my head, shocked.
“Whatever. Don’t say; that’s fine. But don’t you dare show Knight that you care about this bitch. That’s exactly what he wants—a reaction out of you.”
Was this him getting even? Did he still want to hurt me? I liked it better back when Knight would have chopped his own leg off before inflicting pain on me. I swallowed, willing her comment to roll off my back. By the time we got to them, a mist of cold sweat decorated my forehead.
“Howdy, guys. We’ve arrived. Hence, the party can start.” Daria flipped her blonde mane, smiling big at Knight and Poppy, waiting for introductions. Instead of meeting his gaze, I directed a salute to Poppy and Lenny, smiling. They were safer to look at. Knight made the introductions, and maybe he looked at me, but I was too proud to glance and check.
Hunter squeezed my shoulder and whistled low. “I have to say—every girl at this party is wearing a gown more expensive than the other, but you, Rexroth, look like an enchanting Lolita, even in your pajamas.”
I wasn’t wearing pajamas, but I wasn’t going to correct him, either. It wasn’t worth taking my phone out and typing a comeback. I flipped him the finger, instead.
“It’s not pajamas, you wasted pile of scum. Don’t you dare patronize her,” Knight hissed through gritted teeth, heat radiating from his body.
Hunter’s confidence melted. Daria’s playful grin widened as Hunter threw Knight a dispassionate grin.
“Down, boy. You’ll pop an artery and ruin your precious Burberry suit.”
“I think my knuckles are the ones going to get messed up, and they’ve seen worse than your ugly face.”
“Righto, time to calm down. Hunter was just taking the piss.” Poppy rubbed Knight’s back, slipping under his arm into an embrace.
Daria stared at them like they were a game she was still figuring out the rules to. Her smile screamed trouble.
“So, Poppy,” Daria purred.
“Hmm?” Poppy batted her lashes.
They were two alpha females sharpening their claws in front of a thirsty audience. Poppy’s message was clear: she was not intimidated. Daria’s intentions were showcased perfectly, too: she didn’t like the British invasion.
“Knight here is like my baby brother, but he doesn’t tell me anything. Are you guys an item?”
Poppy giggled in a way that made her so much less lovable to me than I’d remembered. My stomach clenched. Whatever Daria was getting at, I knew she was team Luna. I just wished she wouldn’t probe. The sheer horror of being here next to them filled my annual quota for angst, and I didn’t care for a second serving.
“I reckon we are.” Poppy looked up to Knight, touching her blemished cheek. “Are we not, darling?”
I looked away just as Vaughn appeared, saving—or ruining—the day. It really depended how you looked at it. I focused on breathing through my nose and staring at the back of a waitress’ head. Vaughn gave me a peck on the cheek, throwing me off balance. He was not one for affection.
“Look what the pussy dragged in.” Daria bowed down, tugging at the hem of her gown theatrically. “Question is—which pussy was it that made you wear something you didn’t steal from Salvation Army? Care to shed some light on the matter?”
“Daria, I see you are still putting that sharp mind of yours to good use,” Vaughn drawled sarcastically. “If you must know, I lost a bet to my father.”
“BS. You never lose, Vaughn.” Daria knocked back her drink.
“I did this week,” he clipped unflappably.
“Bummer. Thought you were finally trying to impress a girl.”
“Girls are in the business of impressing me, not vice versa.”
“Can’t argue with that.” She slammed her empty champagne glass on a tray, snatching a fresh one from a passing waiter.
Lenora made a show of gagging. Vaughn, who caught the gesture like an eagle waiting for its prey to show a sign of life, went for the kill.
“I see the mediocre artist does not approve. How is your dead kingdom doing, Miss Astalis?”
“Splendid. Watching your empire sinking slowly and having a jolly good time, Mr. Will-Never-Be-As-Good-As-His-Mummy.”
“Jeez, your nerd-talk game is hot.” Daria pretended to fan herself. “So, are you kids bumping uglies?” She pointed between Lenny and Hunter, obviously adding fuel to the fire.
“It’s a work in progress,” Knight said, slinging an arm over each of their shoulders and looking between them. I stole a glance at him, and our eyes met, then darted in opposite directions. Bile bubbled in my throat.
“I have a boyfriend,” Lenny whispered hotly, her cheeks pinking.
“No one’s buying that, Lenora. You need to be at least semi-tolerable for that to happen.”
Vaughn was obviously turning on his charm this evening.
“We’re going on a double date next week,” Knight announced, and I couldn’t help myself.
I let out a bitter chuckle. So he and Poppy were officially dating. Good for them.
“You seem hell-bent on making that happen.” Daria eyed Knight curiously. “I wonder why.”
“Just playing matchmaker, like my good friend Vaughn, who threw me into Poppy’s arms so generously. Thanks, man.”
“You needed a shove in the right direction,” Vaughn said meaningfully, his eyes boring into Knight’s.
Knight shrugged. “Anyway… Three more couples to fix up, and I’ll secure my place in heaven.”
“Even if you find the cure for death, you won’t be getting a free pass into heaven,” I signed.
Vaughn and Daria, who understood what I’d said, burst out laughing. Knight ignored me, turning his head to Poppy, his eyes dropping to her lips.
“I can get a place in heaven, can’t I, Sunshine?”
Sunshine.
I was Moonshine, and she was Sunshine.
If I’d had any doubt he was playing a game to get even, I’d just received my proof.
“Of course,” she simpered. “I’ll take you with me.”
He leaned down, pressing his lips against hers. Kissing her. In front of me. Her mouth opened, and his tongue slid past her lips. I looked away, feeling something inside me collapsing. I felt the ground beneath me shaking. I needed to get out of there.
“Luna,” Vaughn barked, staring daggers at Knight, who was still engrossed in the kiss. “Come with me.”
“Where to?” I asked.
“The humble pie is getting cold. Better get Knight his fix.”
My legs carried me after Vaughn as we moseyed through the lush grass toward the Coles’ house. Even though I wasn’t sure where we were really going, anything was better than standing there with a front-row seat to Knight trying to wrestle his tongue into Poppy’s mouth, not stopping until he reached her liver.
I didn’t know why Vaughn was saving me—if, indeed, he was doing that. He was the one who’d insisted I go away so Knight could get over me. Job done.
Inside, Vaughn started throwing doors open, like he was looking for something specific. When he got to the laundry room, he motioned for me with his head to come inside with him. I did. I stood with my back against the wall. He kept the door ajar, crowding me with his back to it.
“You like Lenora,” I signed.
I didn’t want to talk about how much it hurt to see Knight with someone else. I didn’t want to ask Vaughn how long Knight had had a girlfriend. I clutched the ragged ends of my pride with bleeding fingernails.
“I hate her.” He let out a breath, and with it, his obvious frustration.
“Same difference.”
“We’re competing over the same spot at her dad’s academy. She’s her father’s daughter. Connect the fucking points, Lu.”
“Is that what’s bothering you?”
“What else could it be?” He scoffed.
“The fact that she might be more talented than you.” I jutted my chin out.
He threw me a patronizing smile, stuffing his hands into his pockets and taking a step toward me. He seemed relaxed, like he was burning time until something important happened. Vaughn was a world-class planner. His life was a chess game, each step perfectly calculated and in complete harmony with his end game.
“You seem to be taking Knight’s antics in stride. I’m proud of you. I thought you’d cower and break. You proved to be more resilient than I gave you credit for.”
I tipped my head up, meeting his gaze. He was close to me now. Too close for comfort. Vaughn was beautiful, but not in a way I found attractive. Like a god-shaped sculpture. Gorgeous, lifeless, and so terribly cold. He captured my chin between his fingers, slanting his head sideways as his eyes traced the shape of my lips.
“Terrible, isn’t it?”
My heart quickened. I wanted to step away. To turn my back on him and leave. To run back to my house. But running away from problems was getting old, and had proved to be destructive.
My grays met his blues, defying him to finish his thought.
“The sacrifices we have to make to put things back in order,” he explained.
“You wanted me gone,” I reminded him.
“I wanted you strong,” he amended. “You were no match for Knight, which was why you didn’t have the balls to go after him.”
“And now?”
My heart looped inside my chest. Why was I waiting for his confirmation? Who was he to decide, anyway?
“Now the jury’s out, and it’s your job to prove it.”
“You’re mad at Knight for pushing Lenny into Hunter’s arms.” I grinned. I’d found Vaughn’s vulnerability, dug it up with a little spoon.
“I’m never mad. Just fair.” He shrugged. “Besides, this is about you, not me.”
“Knight doesn’t want me anymore,” I signed.
I foolishly tried to goad him to tell me differently, but Vaughn was far too sophisticated to fall into this trap.
“You know, Luna, people dislike me because I fight mean. With no mercy. But what they don’t get is that terror and arousal are very similar. Same adrenaline. Same incentive. Same reaction. What do you say, Rexroth? Are you ready to fight back?”
Before the meaning of his words could register, Vaughn leaned down and pressed his lips to mine ever so softly. We hovered between a kiss and breathing each other in, our eyes still open, but I didn’t pull back. Didn’t push him away.
Vaughn kissed the corner of my lips, murmuring, “You are delectable, Luna Rexroth. I could devour you and not even feel sorry for it.”
He still wore a cunning grin when he was jerked back, and before I realized what was happening, Vaughn had been thrown on top of the washing machine and Knight’s fist hovered in the air as he towered above him. Knight was bigger by far, and physically stronger. But that didn’t stop Vaughn from smiling up at him, the flame of the devil’s match twinkling in his pale eyes.
“If it isn’t fucking Judas Iscariot himself.” Knight narrowed his eyes, spitting on the floor.
“Careful, Cole. You’re a taken man now. I wonder what your girlfriend is going to think about your little outburst. I was just kissing a perfectly single, shit-hot girl.”
“Traitor!” Knight screamed in his face.
Vaughn straightened. “Traitor, as in I hooked up with the girl you love and now you’re salty?” Vaughn asked conversationally.
Oh, God.
Oh, Lenora.
“Yeah.” Knight flashed a wolfish grin. “Exactly like that. You made Luna go to Boon.” His entire body shook with rage, a stark contrast to his schooled features. “Poppy said she overheard you in the courtyard.”
Vaughn shrugged, refusing to get pulled into the hysterical atmosphere in the room. “You babied her. You weren’t equals, and therefore couldn’t be together. I sent her on her way, and look at her now. All grown up and ready to face you. Where’s my thank you?”
“I’m going to kill you,” Knight whispered.
His expression scared me, but not enough to sit back and let him stake his claim. I didn’t want to move on with Josh, but that didn’t mean I didn’t have the right to. Knight and I had never been together, and he was now seeing someone else. He had no right to be mad. I grabbed Knight’s bicep, trying to pull him away from Vaughn.
He shook me off. “Stay out of this, Luna.”
My eyes widened in disbelief. I was part of this. I slipped between them, blocking his access to Vaughn. Not that Vaughn needed my protection. He’d kill for a chance to brawl. I obviously hadn’t thought the idea through, because now I was sandwiched between them, and Vaughn’s groin was pressed against my butt, something Knight could see very well from his eagle-eye angle, being so much taller and bigger than Vaughn and me.
I opened my mouth, trying to yell at Knight, but of course, it failed me again, and nothing came out.
Knight took a step back immediately, giving me space. He worked his jaw back and forth. “Get the hell out. It’s between me and Vaughn.”
I shook my head, opening my mouth again. I knew I looked stupid. I felt it, too.
Just say something.
“I’ll throw you out,” Knight said.
The hell he would. I gave him the finger and smiled. Here. One visual—a thousand words in it.
Knight advanced toward me, and I snapped.
“Stop being a hypocrite,” I yelled in his face, unable to take it anymore. “You have a girlfriend now. You moved on. You don’t have the right to get mad when I kiss other people. You don’t own me.”
As soon as I clamped my mouth shut, I remembered we weren’t alone. I stumbled away from Vaughn, still at my back, until I hit the wall. When I turned, Vaughn stared at me in disbelief. The room spun like a ball gown before my eyes, the colors and shapes blurring together.
“Say something,” Vaughn ordered, clamping a hand on my shoulder. “To me, Luna.”
I opened my mouth. I didn’t think I could do it, but a part of me desperately wanted to. I didn’t want Knight to feel special. Like he had a hold on me. A power too great to be shared with others. I felt my throat clogging up with my words, but pushed through anyway.
Do it. Do it. You can do it.
I tried, but I couldn’t.
Opened my mouth. Closed it.
Then opened it again. After a few seconds, I closed my eyes and shook my head. I couldn’t do it.
“Well, then. You keep saying you aren’t mine, but all evidence points to the contrary.” Knight’s smirk implied he was slightly unhinged as he stared at me.
He was most likely drunk again. He was so good at disguising it at this point.
“As for you, Moonshine, I think it’s time the tables turned. Unrequited love is a bitch. Time to taste your own medicine.”
Then, Knight turned back to Vaughn and launched at him with so much force, I thought Vaughn’s spine would snap like a twig. Knight grabbed him by the collar and threw him against the wall, then tried to punch him in the face, but Vaughn was quicker. He elbowed Knight’s collarbone, knocking him down on his butt. The door flung open and Poppy, Daria, Lenora, Penn, and Hunter rushed in. It was a tiny room to begin with, so Hunter and Penn didn’t have any trouble breaking up the fight by simply stepping between the two guys. Hunter pushed Vaughn, who didn’t need much restraint because he was in full control, toward the door. Penn—who was a big football player—secured Knight’s hands behind his back.
“You’re a dead man walking,” Knight spat at Vaughn.
Knight was red, his eyes glassy with anger. Vaughn sneered, once again looking bored out of his mind. Lenny and Daria pushed a crying Poppy out the door.
I realized it probably looked horrible from where she was standing. She didn’t deserve to feel like the other woman. Things had gotten out of control. I squeezed Vaughn’s arm.
“I’m off.”
Rushing past the stairway, I saw Poppy sitting on the bottom stair, Lenny and Daria stroking her hair and comforting her.
“I love him!” Poppy cried.
My heart nearly spilled out of my chest, I hurt so much for her.
“I know, darling. But I wouldn’t date a guy who’s so hung up on someone else,” Lenny admitted softly.
They all looked up at me when they heard my footsteps. I ducked my head.
“Saint Luna, what happened?” Daria asked.
She no longer looked smug and thoroughly entertained. I didn’t answer.
I slipped back to my house, as I always did.
Running from conflict.
From the truth.
From my voice.
From my silence.
