Ethan’s car purrs beneath me, its smooth vibrations at odds with the rough gravel of the country road. The noise of the city’s morning rush—a blend of honking horns, distant sirens, and the murmur of countless conversations—gradually replaced by the quiet desolation of rurality, where the only sound is the occasional chirping of a distant bird.
My mother and little brother, stranded beside their smoking vehicle, come into view, and I can’t suppress the pang of sympathy that strikes me.
As I pull up beside them, honking lightly, Billy’s eyes, identical to our father’s, light up with that childlike wonder he’s managed to retain despite our hardships while Mom’s eyebrows knit together, forming a silent inquiry.
“Poppy, whose car is this?” Mom’s voice holds a note of caution.
“It’s a friend’s, Mom. Don’t worry about it,” I reply, trying to sound casual.
“You’ve never mentioned this friend before,” she probes, her eyes scanning the luxurious interior.
Billy, blissfully unaware of the undercurrent of tension, bounds into the back seat, his small fingers leaving smudges on the immaculate windows as he gawks at the world outside. “This car is so cool!” His voice, filled with genuine awe, breaks through the awkward silence. “It’s like Batman’s car!”
Mom settles into the passenger seat, her expression a complex mix of questions and unspoken words. “It’s too late for camp today,” she murmurs, glancing at her watch with a resigned sigh. “And my interview…” Her voice trails off, lost amid the worries clouding her eyes.
A flurry of questions whirls in my mind. Why hadn’t she mentioned this interview? What else was she keeping from me? But then, wasn’t I doing the same with the car?
“Don’t worry about Billy,” I assure her, glancing in the rearview mirror to meet my brother’s excited eyes. “I’ll take him to have breakfast with me. What do you say, munchkin?”
His face lights up at the prospect. “Can we go to the Pancake Palace?”
I nod, a smile playing on my lips, and turn my attention back to Mom. “Where’s your interview? I’ll drop you off, and you can call me when you’re done, okay?”
She hesitates, then quietly provides the address in the business district. As I drive toward the location, the silence in the car is punctuated by Billy’s excited chatter from the back seat, easing the tension.
Mom’s eyes scan the interior, taking in the plush leather seats and polished wood dashboard.
She reaches out, her fingers lightly grazing the dashboard. “Is this real wood?” Her fingers tremble as they graze the surface, a significant departure from her usual composed demeanor. I notice her clutching a neatly folded piece of paper—probably her résumé. She opens it briefly, scanning the contents one last time, then takes a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves.
I glance her way, and she looks in the side mirror, trying to straighten her hair.
I mollify a little at the previous cautions she harbors toward the car. I can’t blame her for being cautious, and I can see how much she needs this win.
“You’re beautiful today, Mom. Very professional,” I tell her with a smile.
She straightens her navy polyester suit jacket that is a little too big for her, but all in all, it looks quite polished for something I know she got at the surplus stock shop near the park.
“Really?” She runs her hand over her pencil skirt. “I was not sure it’s…” She shakes her head with a little sigh.
“You’re the prettiest mom ever!”
“She’s the most beautiful mom in the whole world!”
Mom chuckles, but I see her throat bob as she swallows past the overwhelming emotions. I recognize it because I’m the same. I remember a cold winter night when our heater broke. Mom, determined and resourceful, wrapped us in layers of blankets and told stories until morning, turning a moment of despair into one of warmth and love. It was in moments like those that she taught me resilience. In our previous life of luxury, women were seen as soft. Unprepared for the world. Yet, faced with adversity, we learned not to sink, but we learned to swim against the current. We built walls, sometimes so high that even we couldn’t scale them, but they were our protection, our fortress. She’s proven that she’s a fighter, that she possesses a fire that nobody knew she had. The same fire she’s passed on to me. The same fire that tells the world we might bend, but we’ll never break.
As the towering glass building comes into view, she leans closer, her voice barely above a whisper, laden with desperation. “I need this, Pops.” Her eyes, normally full of resolve, now carry a touch of vulnerability. I think back to her first job hunt after my father’s imprisonment. She’d come home from a job interview, her spirit crushed by a dismissive interviewer. She’d picked herself up then, and I know she can do it again.
I take her hand, feeling the roughness of her skin from her hard work, and give it a reassuring squeeze. “You’ve always been the strongest person I know,” I whisper back, hoping my words bolster her confidence.
She smiles at me and turns toward my brother. “Be good for Pops, okay?”
“Always.” He gives a wide, angelic smile that makes us both laugh, easing some of the tension.
Mom turns back toward me and takes a deep breath. “I’ll text you when I’m done.”
I nod. “You’ve got this, Mom.”
As she steps out, Billy’s voice rings out, “You’re perfect, Mom!” She hesitates, a smile touching her lips, then ascends the stairs with newfound confidence.
Once Mom disappears in the building, I look at Billy in the rearview mirror. “Ready for pancakes?”
He rolls his eyes at me. “When am I not ready for pancakes?”
With a light-hearted giggle, I navigate Ethan’s car through the bustling morning streets.
“Are we keeping the car, Pops? It’s so nice!”
“Bil—”
“Maybe Mom can borrow it sometimes? It will be cool to go to school with it.”
It would stand out, given that hardly any parents at Billy’s school have cars.
“No, munchkin, it’s my friend’s car. I have to give it back to him.”
“Oh.” He seems pensive for a minute, and I hope he’s dropped the subject, but I’m not that lucky. “Is that Jeremy?”
“Jeremy?”
“Your friend from my birthday!”
“Oh!” I forgot what bogus name I’d given Ethan. “Yes, it’s his car.”
“I like him.”
I snort as I park in the nearly empty parking lot of the breakfast place. “Of course you do. He got you Star Wars stuff.”
Billy shoots me a cheeky grin, his laughter echoing as he dashes toward the blue-and-white diner.
I can’t help but laugh, too, despite all the emotions of this morning. His innocent laughter and wide-eyed wonder always remind me of the pure joy he brings into my life, and as I told Ethan, I would bleed to try and protect him from the darkness that taints this world.
We take the corner booth, allowing me to keep my eyes on Ethan’s car—no matter what, it looks a little out of place in this neighborhood. As Billy asks the waitress way too many questions about potential flavor combinations, I can’t help but stress about Mom’s interview, and my thoughts drift back to the smoking car. How will she even take care of that? How will she get it towed and fixed?
I glance at my phone and wince. I know what I should do, but my pride and my fear of perception are screaming to find another solution.
I hesitate for a split second, then type out a message to Ethan. Hey, are you busy? The moment I hit send, anxiety flutters in my stomach.
It’s not for you, Poppy, it’s for your family. Swallow your pride and ask for help.
“I’ll get the Pancake Royal, Pops. Is that okay?”
I raise my eyebrow with a little smile. “Are you sure you can eat all that, buddy?”
He pats his stomach. “Watch me!”
I laugh and nod. “Fine. Just a coffee for me, please,” I tell the waitress, extending the menu back to her.
He lowers his voice, concern evident in his eyes. “Is it too expensive, Pops? We can share if you want.”
A lump forms in my throat and my eyes sting with unshed tears as Billy’s words sink in.
“What? No, of course not! I had breakfast at Eth— Jeremy’s house before taking the car.” My phone buzzes with Ethan’s incoming call, a timely distraction from the weight of my thoughts.
“Hey. I’m lacing up for practice. What’s going on?”
I catch Billy’s eye, pointing to my phone and mouthing, “I’ll be back,” then step outside for some privacy.
“I didn’t mean to disturb your practice. I… needed-I-We can talk later. I—”
“Take a breath. I always have time for you. What do you need?”
His voice wraps around me like a comforting blanket, each word spoken with patience and care. It warms my heart, and I find myself smiling despite everything.
“My mom’s car is dead, and it needs towing and fixing, but money is a bit—”
“I’ll take care of it. Where’s the car?”
“I promise I’ll pay you back,” I add quickly, “it’s just that getting the money out all—”
“Poppy,” he interrupts, voice firm yet gentle. “Remember, we’re in this together. Where’s the car?”
“Well, no, it’s not because we slept together that you owe me anything. Ethan, I don’t want you to think that I had an ulterior motive. It’s just…” I bite my lip, suddenly self-conscious of the concerned glances from passersby as I pace back and forth in front of the diner’s windows.
“Where’s the car, beautiful?” His tone is calm, almost soothing, and I cave, giving him the location of the car.
“Nothing extravagant, Ethan!” I warn him, realizing I should have said that before giving him the address. “I can’t have her come home to a new car.”
Ethan doesn’t reply, and I understand I was spot on.
“Ethan…” I trail off. “I swear you do something like that, and you and I, we’re… we won’t be doing stuff anytime soon.”
“By ‘stuff,’ are you referring to your orgasms? Multiple orgasms?”
Heat rushes to my cheeks, and I shift uncomfortably. “Y-yes that. And you won’t have yours either.”
He sighs. “Fine, just fixing.”
“Thank you.”
“For you, always. No thanks needed, beautiful.”
“I’ll bring you the car as soon as possible.”
“I don’t need it. Use it and do what you need. Okay, I have to go. Talk to you later.”
Ethan’s voice fades as I end the call, the screen of my phone dimming. I take a moment, leaning against the diner’s brick wall, letting the weight of our conversation sink in. The cool morning air is a sharp contrast to the warmth inside, and I can see the fogged-up windows of the diner, a testament to the bustling activity within.
Pushing off the wall, I reenter the diner. The bell above the door jingles faintly, and I’m immediately hit with the comforting aroma of freshly brewed coffee and sizzling bacon. I make my way back to our booth, sliding into the seat opposite Billy. He’s almost done with his Pancake Royal, a triumphant grin on his face as he tackles the last few bites with gusto.
“You weren’t kidding about being hungry,” I tease, reaching over to ruffle his hair.
He swats my hand away playfully, his mouth too full to retort. Just as he’s about to claim victory over his breakfast, my phone buzzes again. I pick it up to see Mom’s name flashing on the screen.
Taking a deep breath, I answer the call. “Hey, Mom,” my voice wavers, betraying the hope I’m trying to hide. “How did it go?”
Billy, syrup still clinging to the corners of his mouth, stops midchew, his gaze locked onto mine. The significance of the moment hangs between us, the diner’s ambient noise fading into the background.
There’s a brief pause on the other end before Mom speaks, her voice cautious. “I think… it went okay. The interviewer seemed impressed, but you never know with these things.”
“You’ve always been great at what you do, Mom. I’m sure they saw that,” I reassure her.
“Can you come pick me up?”
A wave of relief washes over me. “Of course. We’re wrapping up here. Billy’s almost done with his mountain of pancakes.”
Billy pipes up, his voice filled with excitement, “I told you I could eat it all, Pops! Mom, you should’ve seen it. It was huge!”
Mom laughs. “I bet it was. I can’t wait to hear all about it. See you soon.”
The drive to pick up Mom is a quiet one. The earlier tension has been replaced by a thick cloud of anticipation. Every traffic light and stop sign feels like an unnecessary delay, prolonging the moment of truth.
When we finally pull up to the towering glass building, Mom is waiting outside. She slides into the passenger seat, her face giving nothing away. I throw her a questioning look, searching for any hint of how the interview went. She offers a small, enigmatic smile in return, then turns her attention to Billy.
“Tell me all about these legendary pancakes,” she says, her voice light, but I can detect the underlying fatigue.
Billy, ever the chatterbox, launches into a detailed account of his breakfast adventure, complete with animated hand gestures. “And then, Mom, I had this huge dollop of whipped cream on top! It was epic!”
Mom laughs, her worries momentarily forgotten. “Sounds like quite the feast.”
Once we reach the trailer park, she instructs Billy, “Go on up, sweetie. You can play video games for an hour, okay?”
Billy’s eyes light up, and he dashes toward the entrance, leaving Mom and me alone.
She takes a deep breath, turning to face me, her eyes searching mine. “Poppy, about the interview…”
“Why didn’t you tell me, Mom?” I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.
Her eyes hold a faraway look. “I didn’t want to give you false hope, Poppy. But Sarah Miller from the agency called two days ago. The job as a fundraising administrator… it’s perfect for me.” She turns to me, her eyes shimmering, hope and apprehension intermingling in their depths. “They’re offering a position with an option to relocate. We could get an extra three hundred dollars a month or a three-bedroom house in Brenthill. We could finally leave this place behind, Poppy.”
“Brenthill? That’s a big change, Mom. When will you find out?” Brenthill. The name alone evokes images of green meadows, good schools, and a fresh start.
“It would be a fresh start, good schools for the boys,” she replies, wringing her hands. “I should find out in a couple of days.”
“It lasted a while. That’s usually a good sign, right?” I try to offer some comfort.
She gives a half smile. “I don’t want to get my hopes up too high, but with that salary… it could change everything for us.”
I nod, taking her hand in mine. “About the car. It’s being taken care of. You’ll get it back in working order in a day or so.”
Her eyes narrow, her gaze sharp. “This morning, when I called, were you with your boyfriend?”
I frown, taken aback. “Who?”
She smirks. “Your brothers mentioned a boy… Jeremy?”
My cheeks flush, betraying me. “It’s complicated, Mom.”
She chuckles. “Isn’t it always? Is this his car?” Her eyes scan the plush interior of the luxurious vehicle.
I wince, nodding. “Yeah, it is.”
“Rich boy, huh?” she teases, but there’s a trace of genuine concern in her eyes.
“You don’t like them, I know, but…” I trail off. But what, Poppy? This is even worse. He’s the son of the man who destroyed our life. “He makes me happy, Mom. And it’s not about the money or the car. It’s… him. The way he listens, the way he understands.”
She leans in, her voice gentle. “I don’t have a problem with wealthy people, Poppy. If this young man makes you happy, then I’m happy for you. Just remember to be careful. Money can be intoxicating, and it’s easy to lose oneself in its allure.”
She reaches across the seat and pulls me into a hug. I sink into it, craving my mother’s love. As we pull apart, Mom plants a gentle kiss on my forehead, her eyes filled with hope tempered by weariness. “Take care, Poppy,” she whispers.
I watch her retreating figure, the weight of our shared burdens evident in her every step, as she heads back to the trailer. Closing my eyes, I send a silent prayer to the universe. Please, let Mom get this job. After all she’s been through, she deserves a break, a bit of the luck that’s been eluding us for such a long time.
Starting the car, the engine purrs to life, and I navigate my way back to campus, and my thoughts drift to Ethan.
The thought of seeing him, with his comforting embrace and understanding gaze, fills me with a mix of anticipation and anxiety.
A pang of realization hits me as I recognize the depth of my feelings for Ethan. I am far more attached to him than I ever wanted to be, and it scares me to know that despite my best efforts, I have fully opened up to him and given him the power to hurt me.
All I can do now is trust in the bond we’re forming and hope that he’ll never betray my vulnerable heart.
