Riding on the back of Brooks’ bike and getting coffee passed like a daydream. One moment, I was clinging tightly to him, and the next moment I was walking into the coffee shop where Gage had proposed. This place had always been my favorite. I came here every morning for a large dirty chai tea latte and ended my day with a decaf caramel latte and a few desserts for after dinner.
At least, I used to come here all the time.
I hadn’t been in the place since Gage passed.
Nevertheless, Brooks made it as painless as possible. And I tried not to hold it against him that he brought me back to this place. He’d been locked up for a while, how the hell was he supposed to know that I hated this place?
“Raven! Long time no see. Guys! Raven’s back!”
Maggie, the barista that apparently still only worked mornings, rushed around from behind the cash register and came to give me a massive hug. I felt Brooks’ inquisitive eyes on me as she hugged me tightly, so I patted her back with as much feeling as I could muster. She rushed around behind the counter, whipping up my regular morning drink before fulfilling the rest of the order. Brooks got a large black coffee with sugar and a massive cardboard carafe of coffee for the rest of the guys. Then, he got seven bags of dark-roast coffee for the clubhouse before we set our sights back on the road ahead of us.
Only, we took the long way around again.
And found ourselves paused at a scenic overlook.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked.
My arm twitched around his waist as I sighed. “I didn’t want to seem rude.”
He snickered. “You could’ve told me you didn’t go there anymore. I would’ve understood.”
“I just wasn’t ready to answer the questions I’d knew you’d have.”
“Since when have I ever bombarded you with questions when it wasn’t appropriate?”
He had a good point. “Anyway, I haven’t been there in a couple of years now.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
I shrugged. “Just hurts too much.”
“I’ll remember that for next time.”
There’s going to be a next time?
My heart fluttered at the idea, but that fucking guilt swallowed it whole before I could enjoy it.
“I’m sorry for dragging you back into this mess,” Brooks murmured.
I pressed my cheek against his back. “It isn’t your fault. I feel like the blame completely lies with those Black Flag assholes.”
He chuckled. “And I can’t even be of any help right now because I’ve got no fucking clue why they’re already breathing down my throat.”
“Do you think they saw you out there? I mean as they were rushing off?”
He took a pull of his coffee. “I can only operate under the assumption that they did, yes. Which was foolish and reckless of me.”
I nuzzled softly against his leather-clad back. “It’s okay. I know this isn’t your fault.”
A long pause hung between us as the sun rose over the city behind us. We watched mindlessly as the waves lapped at the cliffside that plummeted to the sand before us, and it painted the most serene scene I’d taken in with my eyes in a long time. Gage loved the beach, and I hadn’t been able to bring myself to enjoy it was much as I once did.
But sitting here with Brooks helped with that.
“I’m so sorry about Gage,” he whispered.
I closed my eyes. “I don’t really—”
“I know you don’t want to talk about it,” he said. “But I do. You have to know how sorry I am.”
“It’s okay. We don’t need to—”
“It is my fault.”
I blinked. “Brooks, really we don’t need to talk about this.”
He slid off his bike and turned to face me. “We do though. I—he was—”
For the first time in my life, I watched Brooks’ eyes flood with tears. He blinked them back and quickly turned around, but they had already been seen. I eased myself off the bike, being careful not to expose myself in my dress, then I went and stood beside him as we both gazed out toward the watery horizon.
“How do you believe it was your fault?” I asked softly.
He sniffled. “I tried telling you all of this while I was in prison. The calls and the letters.”
I sighed. “That would be my fault. It all just hurt so much that I couldn’t take any of those. Or stomach reading any of those letters. And by the time I got around to reading them and responding, I wasn’t sure if you’d even want to take them.”
His eyes peeked down at me. “You wrote back?”
I scoffed. “I was too chicken-shit to ever send them off to you, but yeah. I have a response to every letter you wrote me locked away in a lockbox beneath my bed.”
I looked up at him and found that his tears had cleared. “I would’ve read them, you know. Happily.”
It was time for my eyes to water and I looked away. “Anyway, tell me how you believe this is your fault.”
“Hyde had called us in to help with a job. I never had the chance to check out the job like I normally did. Everything was fucking shady from the start. And when the cops came Hyde panicked, making our situation even worse. Gage ran from the cops, and when he did that is when they fired. Raven, you have to believe me when I say that if I could have taken Gage’s place, I would have. I wish it was me that they killed, instead of him.”
My heart broke at his words. All these years, I had blamed Brooks for Gage’s death. But I realized now that Gage made his own choice. Brooks or the club didn’t force him to do anything. He made the decision to run when the cops arrived. I reached out for his hand to comfort him. “You need someone to blame, Brooks. I get that. But I know now that it wasn’t your fault. I know what happened that night. Gage ran from the cops that showed up when he shouldn’t have.”
His hand squeezed mine tightly. “I was the one that told Hyde to tell everyone to get the hell out of dodge.”
I sighed. “Because you were trying to save him from the cops before he showed up. But Gage was his own man. If they had him cornered, he needed to surrender. Not run off anyway.”
“I had no idea the cops would shoot, Raven. I’m so fucking sorry. All I ever wanted was to make sure you were happy, no matter what it took. All I ever wanted was to make sure Gage always came home to you so I could see you smile, even if the smile wasn’t for me. And I failed you. I failed the one promise I made to you when you married my best friend, and I refuse to fail my best friend now that he’s dead.”
I let go of the breath I had been holding. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say it sounds like you loved me at one point.”
And when his eyes met mine, my suspicions were confirmed.
Which sent my heart leaping for joy.
“What if I am?” he asked.
I swallowed hard. “You mean what if you were?”
His face approached my own. “I said what I said.”
My breathing became ragged. “Brooks?”
“Raven.”
His lips hovered just beyond mine and I couldn’t take it anymore. “Kiss me, Brooks. Please.”
And that was exactly what he did.
