I RUSHED AROUND MARTA AND ANNALIESE’S NEW APARTMENT, lighting candles and making sure everything was in place. They’d hired two servers to do this type of thing, but I couldn’t sit still—not when thirty guests would be arriving any minute for their housewarming and everything wasn’t just right.
“Claire!” Marta barked.
I startled, nearly jumping out of my skin. Marta yanked the lighter from my hands, a frown pulling at her lips.
“Chill out, kidlet. The place is perf and you’re a guest. No more working.”
I shook my hands in front of me, scanning the spacious, immaculately decorated apartment. Annaliese and Marta had been together for three months and moved in here last week when I finally got my own place.
They were deliriously happy, and so was I. Happy for them. As for me, I was…content.
“I’ll try. Being busy soothes my nerves,” I said.
She tugged at one of my curls. “Don’t be nervous. I really don’t know if he’s coming, and if he does…well, you can avoid him if that’s what you want.”
Annaliese came up behind me, slipping her arm around my waist. “You know Mar will cut a bitch if it comes down to it.”
I snorted. “And Dominic is the bitch in this scenario?”
Marta grinned wickedly. “Always. Now, let’s ply you with alcohol so you forget your troubles.”
Guests began arriving by the time I had one of Marta and Annaliese’s signature cocktails in my hand. The fact that they had a signature cocktail was so saccharine sweet, had they been any other couple, I would have hated it. But not them. Not my two favorite people in the world. They were hardcore meets cottagecore, and the way they blended was simply beautiful.
So, I drank their cocktail and forced myself to mingle and not watch the door. If Dominic did show up, I had no idea how I would feel…or if he’d even have any desire to speak to me—and vice versa. After all, I’d been the one to ask for space two months ago, and he’d given it to me willingly. So much time had gone by at this point, I wondered if I had imagined the deep connection I’d felt with him. And if it had been real, had it faded away by now?
The night wore on, and it became clear Dominic wasn’t showing. Needing air, I excused myself from a group of Annaliese’s friends to step out on the terrace spanning the length of the apartment. Summer had come and gone, and fall had settled over the city. Luckily, I wore a leather jacket over my gauzy pink dress, so I wasn’t too chilled in the crisp evening breeze.
I had no idea how long I stood there, leaning on the railing, staring out at the twinkling city lights, but when the door opened behind me, I didn’t bother turning around. There was plenty of room on this terrace for another person.
When that person came to stand right beside me, I did turn my head. Endless black pools beneath slanted ebony brows stared back at me. My heart leapt into my throat, lodging there so I couldn’t get a single word out.
“Hi, Claire.”
I straightened, giving my heart more room to dance wildly in its cage. “I thought you weren’t coming.”
Dominic rested one elbow on the railing, his body facing mine. I’d let myself forget how devastatingly beautiful he was. How looking at him like this, so close I’d barely have to reach out to touch him, impacted me.
I backed up a step, needing to. His brows drew tight, telling me he hadn’t missed my retreat.
“I was always coming. I just got held up at the house.” He tipped his chin, examining me. “How are you?”
I nodded too many times. “Really, really good. You?”
“Better. The house is almost done.” He gazed at the view. “This is my first time back here.”
“What do you think?”
His mouth quirked into a half-smile. “It’s loud.”
“Are you giving up your city boy ways permanently?”
“I don’t think I could.”
“Why not?”
His foot slid forward until the toe of his boot touched mine. My heart hammered so hard, I wondered if he could hear it.
“I’ve got a lot of unfinished business here. Marta’s here. And you—you’re here.”
I sucked in a breath, unsure of how to respond. Our gazes caught, and then his foot slid next to mine, his pants brushing my knee.
“Where are you living, Claire? Not here, right?” he asked.
“No. Not here. I moved into a studio not much bigger than my closet-room. It’s my first time living alone.”
I loved it so much. I’d hung prints of my favorite bands, put a thousand fluffy pillows on my bed that doubled as a couch, and had pink and gold accents all over. I paid a fortune for my four-hundred-square-feet of freedom, but it was more than worth it.
“What do you think?” he echoed my question.
I bit my lip, deciding my answer. “It’s quiet.”
“Do you like that? The quiet?”
“Mmmhmmm. For now I do.”
He cocked his head, then chuckled in a way I’d never heard. It tumbled out of him, but he didn’t fight to hold it back.
“You’re not giving me much to work with, Claire.”
“I’m not really sure how much I should be giving you. The last time I saw you, you told me to keep on riding.”
His lids lowered to half-mast. “That was right back then. For both of us.”
“And it’s not now?”
His knee pressed into my leg. “I wouldn’t have come tonight if I didn’t have every intention of having you back. You asked for space, and I gave it to you. But make no mistake, I never once stopped thinking about you.”
Blinking, I retreated again. “I’m not…I wasn’t expecting you to say that.”
He ran his fingers through the side of his hair. “To be honest, I wasn’t planning on saying that. It’s just…you’re standing here, taking my breath away all over again. You look beautiful tonight. Just beautiful.”
“You look beautiful too,” I whispered. “But I’m—”
“No, you don’t have to say anything.” He threw up his hand. “You could have a boyfriend for all I know. Or maybe you’re really done with me. I’m making a mess of this.”
I giggled at how flustered he had become. “I don’t have a boyfriend. As for the other thing—”
“Let me take you to dinner.”
My nose wrinkled, cringing at the memory of the last time we went out to dinner in Utah. “I don’t really want to have my picture taken with you. I’m sorry.”
The door burst open beside us before he could say anything else. We both twisted as Marta came out with her arms raised, Annaliese trailing right behind.
“Dominic, in the flesh! You don’t have a MartAnna cocktail, and that’s just a crime,” she squealed, pulling him inside with her.
Annaliese cocked a brow. “That was her subtle way of giving you room if you needed it. You looked like you needed it.”
I tucked my hair behind my ear. “I don’t know. I think I did. That was much more than I was ready for.”
“He had some things to say?”
“A lot of things.” I leaned my forehead against hers. “Would you kill me if I left? I need to think, and I don’t think I’ll be able to do that with him here.”
“You can go, but don’t you sneak out without saying goodbye to him.”
“That’s not my style.”
We drifted inside together, finding Dominic and Marta in the kitchen, grabbing drinks. I caught his attention, tipping my head to the front door. He came with me to the empty entryway.
“I know you just got here, but I’m leaving now.”
He scanned me carefully. “Running away?”
“Nope.” I fought the urge to smile. “If I were, I’d have snuck past you without saying goodbye. If you’re not leaving town right away—”
“I’ll stay as long as you want me to.”
“I’ll text you tomorrow. I’m working at the nursery, so it’ll be evening.” I tucked a curl behind my ear, heat creeping up my face for no reason at all. “You look different, and it’s disconcerting, so I’m going to go now.”
His laughter trailed behind me out the door.
Chris, Annaliese’s business partner and my other boss, wheeled over to where I was wiping down shelves. “Hey, Claire. It looks like the sky’s about to open up any minute. Do you think you can go outside and bring everything in? I’ll close things out inside.”
I turned to the front windows of the shop. The sky had gone gray and dreary. Luckily, we were set to close in fifteen minutes, so I doubted we’d have many more customers, especially if it rained.
“No problem.”
Chris got around really well in her wheelchair, but carrying some of the larger lawn decor we kept outside during business hours was easier for me to do.
As soon as I stepped outside, a raindrop hit my head. The air had cooled enough, I wasn’t looking forward to getting soaked. Hurrying, I bent down to pick up a pair of kitschy lawn gnomes and carried them to the locked storage area on the side of the building. Whirling around to grab the next thing, I ran into a wall.
Warm, familiar hands steadied my shoulders. “I feel like we’ve done this before.”
Sucking in a breath, I looked up at Dominic. “It does seem like I have a habit of running into you.”
“And me catching you.”
“But maybe you keep putting yourself in my way.”
His hands slid slowly down my arms. “Maybe you’re right.”
Thunder cracked in the distance, and the rain began falling in earnest. Big, fat drops landed on both of us.
“I have to put all this stuff away.”
He followed me back to the front of the store, helping without being asked. We hurried, running back and forth while getting drenched. I had to admit, it was nice having him there, working with me.
I locked up the storage shed once we’d put everything away and turned to find Dominic right beside me. His dark T-shirt clung to the solid muscles in his chest. Rain dripped from his lips, beading in his beard. He made my heart hurt.
We stared at each other, ignoring the rain and everything else. After an eternity, he reached for me, gripping the back of my neck and pulling me against him. I rose on my toes as he bent, and our mouths collided in the sweetest reunion. His lips moved over mine like they’d never stopped, kissing me breathless, then breathing me back to life again.
My fingers curled into his chest, digging in hard enough for him to grunt into my mouth, but he never stopped kissing me. Dominic’s touch remained gentle and controlled, even as I clawed at him. Tears fell from my closed eyes, mixing with the rain pouring down on us.
“Claire! Are you out there?” Chris called from around front.
We broke apart, but I couldn’t look at him. My knees were shaky, but I managed to walk around the corner and tell Chris I’d be right there. Of course, Dominic was right behind me, his solid front skimming my back.
He cupped the side of my neck. “Can I come to your place? Or will you come to mine? I can order dinner so there’s no danger of pictures.”
My heart flipped, but I nodded. “My place.” I covered his hand with mine, leaning into his touch. “I have to finish up here…”
His lips pressed against my cheek. “Text me the address. I’ll meet you there.” He shifted to stand in front of me, dipping down to meet my eyes. “Okay?”
I nodded again, my mouth flattened into a straight line as I willed my emotions to stop roiling inside me. “I’ll see you soon.”
An hour later, I was showered and dressed in a sweatshirt and leggings, opening the door to Dominic Cantrell. He carried a paper bag filled with Chinese takeout, wearing fresh, dry clothes too.
The first thing he did after kicking my door shut and setting down the takeout was gather me in his arms and bury his face in my neck. He breathed me in like this was the first full breath he’d taken in a long time.
“You still smell just as good as I remembered,” he murmured as he straightened, looking me over. “I brought you something, besides dinner.”
“You did?”
Below the bag of takeout was a small cardboard box. Dominic placed it on my narrow kitchen counter and opened the lid. I peered inside, and immediately covered my mouth with my hands when I saw the contents.
“Did you make this?” I rasped.
He smiled wider than I’d ever seen. I had to grip the counter, my knees went so weak at the sight of him that way. Happy, lighter, open, present.
“I don’t know if it’s as good as my grandmother’s, and it’s not fresh from the oven…”
I poked the top of his creation. “You made me a pie.”
“I did.”
My eyes narrowed. God, how I wanted to give in and fall into his arms like nothing had ever driven us apart. It couldn’t be that simple, though, not if he was going to push me away again as soon as we got close.
“You’re here and kissing me and telling me you have every intention of having me back and making me a pie and that’s adorable and sweet and I really, really love it, but I’m not sure I’m done being mad at you. Tell me what’s changed between then and now. I need words.”
“I know.” He kneaded the back of his neck. “I met you and wanted everything with you. It was instant and powerful, and it freaked me the fuck out. Giving us that solid end date was the only way I could allow myself to enjoy you. I opened up to you because you wouldn’t be around very long. But when you said you’d stay with me…I panicked. I wanted that too, but I couldn’t do that to you. I couldn’t let you tie yourself to a sinking ship.”
My eyes burned. This man had been so broken, more than I’d even understood at the time. “If you could have said that—said anything besides making me feel like it was like nothing for you to let me walk away…”
“It wasn’t nothing, Claire. It ripped me apart, but I had myself convinced I was being selfless.”
“You hurt me badly. And you scared me, more than once. Your anger, the violence…it’s a nonstarter for me. I can’t be with you if I have to be on edge all the time.”
His face crumpled with shame. “I’m so fucking sorry, Claire. I would never hurt you, but I get that seeing me hurt someone else isn’t okay either. All I can tell you is I’m not in that dark place anymore, and the place I’m in now makes me want to be better. Not just for you, but for me. For Dyl.”
He tucked his hands in the pockets of his joggers, glancing around my apartment. “This is nice. Looks like you.”
I had to laugh at how absurd it was that he could say all that, then compliment me on my apartment. “Thanks. I used a chunk of my divorce settlement to furnish it.”
He let out a long exhale. “That’s final?”
“It is. Marta and Annaliese convinced me to take the settlement from him. Now, I’m single like a Pringle, as Marta says.” I folded my arms over my stomach. “I think we’re getting away from the topic.”
He squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’ve been seeing someone—”
“What?” I breathed.
His eyes flew open. “A therapist. I’ve been seeing a grief therapist.”
“Oh.” I slumped against the wall. “Your phrasing needs some work.”
He chuckled, leaning against the wall across from me. “I’m sorry. I’m trying to get this right and bumbling around like a fucking teenager.”
“Just talk to me,” I pleaded, desperate to hear more.
The toe of his shoe touched my bare foot, whipping butterflies into a whirlwind in my stomach. This man had put his tongue on every square inch of my body, yet his toes against mine were what made me blush.
“My therapist has pointed out, just as Marta has, I had done shit-all to grieve and work through my loss. I’ve been locked down for so long, I didn’t know how to turn the key, even when I wanted to.”
Hope entered my heart like sunshine through a crack. “But you do now?”
“Claire, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. I’m still too old for you. I have more baggage than you rightly deserve to deal with. I’m a grumpy asshole, and yeah, it’s hard to go out to dinner with me and not have your picture taken. The thing is, I’m really hoping you’ll look past all that.”
I closed my eyes, letting his words settle over me. God, they felt good. In truth, I’d been waiting for him to come back. I’d been working, building my own life, making new friends, but in the back of my mind, Dominic was always there. And this, having him here in front of me, saying more than I could have ever hoped for, was like the last puzzle piece of my new life clicking into place.
“Why?” I whispered.
When he spoke, he moved closer. “You don’t know?” My eyelids fluttered open, peering up into his crow-black eyes. He was completely unguarded, letting his emotions dance across his features. “I’m in love with you. I’ve weighed the risks, and loving you is worth it.”
I’d said the same thing to him when he’d asked how Chelsea could take a chance having another baby. To know he’d listened and truly taken my words to heart overwhelmed me. He’d changed so much, yet he was still my larger-than-life, rough, brooding rocker. He was just more than that now.
“So, you told two lies?” I whispered.
He stopped moving, cocking his head. “What do you mean?”
“In the game, in Miami, you said you didn’t believe love was real and lasting.”
He breathed heavy through his nose as realization dawned on him. “No. I didn’t lie. I’d never loved you before. If you asked me again, my answer wouldn’t be the same. Nothing’s been the same since I let you in, and I never want to go back to the empty shell I was. The way I love you is so fucking real, Claire. And I intend to love you like hell for the rest of my life. Even if you send me away right now, I’ll love you.”
“Dominic…” I sighed his name, laying my head on his chest. His arms came around me, holding me with great care.
“I’m asking for a chance, Claire—however that looks to you. I know I have penance to pay, and I’m willing. I’m here.”
A sob shook me, and his arm tightened. He held me close, swaying slightly, then he sang my song under his breath.
“I love you,” I said through tears. “I do love you. And I’ve missed you more than I can say. I’m glad we weren’t together, though.”
He nodded, swiping tears from my cheeks. “Glad isn’t the word I’d use, but we both needed this time.”
Smoothing my hands over his beard, I sucked in a shaky breath. “I’m ready now. But I need you to know I have to keep standing on my own feet. You don’t owe me penance. I only need you, to be here, to love me aggressively.”
He sniffed, bemused. “Aggressively?”
“Mmmhmmm. Love me out loud, so I never question it. No lukewarm. No half measures. I’ll do the same back.”
“That’s something I can do. I don’t think I’ll be able to help myself with you.”
I pressed up on my feet and touched my lips to his. “Okay.”
He caught my nape when I went to pull away. “Okay?”
“You’re worth the risk, Dominic.”
A laugh of pure joy rolled from his chest. “I think that’s the first time anyone’s ever said that to me. Fuck, Claire, do I love you.”
I laughed with him. “That was a really good start on the aggressive love thing.”
He nuzzled my neck, smiling into my skin. “Just wait, baby. Just wait.”
I knew what it was like to settle for lukewarm. Stooping down for a man who refused to rise once had been second nature to me. This didn’t feel like that at all.
We were starting over, building something fresh on the ashes of our pasts. I was under no illusions it would always be easy or perfect, but I didn’t want easy. I wanted Dominic.
And if we fell, we’d fall together.
