Butterflies & Vicious Lies: Epilogue

I DON’T KNOW how parents do it. Just eight hours in a studio full of kids puts me on my ass. Exhausted, I collapse face down on the leather sectional and hug a pillow under my head. It’s moments like these after my long shifts that I regret not taking Rafferty up on his offer. He told me I didn’t need to work anymore. Since he officially moved me out of Zadie’s apartment the day after he put his ring on my finger, I no longer have to worry about rent. And given he’s the reason Zadie is without a roommate, he’s agreed to pay my half on the apartment until the lease is up. It’s not a big change for him seeing as he was already covering some of my rent to begin with.

He will always have more money than he knows what to do with, but I don’t want to live solely off him. It doesn’t feel right, and that’s why I insisted on keeping my job at the ballet studio. There are days, like today, that are exhausting, but I also love it. I enjoy sharing my love of dance with those young minds. My own dance future is still up in the air, and whether or not I’ll end up back on stage is unknown, but until I figure it out, I’m happy at the studio.

My goal right now is to make it through the rest of this school year. Rafferty is graduating in the spring, and after he does, we’re moving into the penthouse he’s purchasing in downtown Seattle. It’s a two-story place, and every wall is basically floor-to-ceiling windows with views of the water. It’s over the top and lavish, but I wouldn’t expect anything less from him.

He originally planned on selling the firehouse, but now with everything up in the air with Pax, he’s decided to hold off until his brother has some kind of plan.

I wish I could say that Pax stayed sober after his encounter with Adrian, but that hasn’t been the case. He lasted almost a week before he came home high, and he was so fucking upset with himself. I sat with him until he fell asleep, and then I stayed by his side the following two days while he detoxed again. He’s been trying hard to stay clean, but he’s fallen into a bit of a vicious cycle the past month. Raff and I are helping him as best we can and supporting him through it all. I’m proud of him for deciding he wants to be sober. That was a big step for him.

During the moments of clear-headedness over these weeks, he’s made comments about the possibility of returning to school and getting his degree. It’s those comments that have Rafferty holding off on selling this place.

Footsteps coming down the wooden stairs have my eyes opening.

“Hi.”

“What are you doing?” Pax asks, making his way around the couch to sit across from me.

“My shift started at nine this morning. I really don’t understand why parents would sign their five-year-old’s up for early Saturday classes, but here we are.” I roll onto my side and hold my head up with my hand so I can look at him while I talk. He’s not sober. I can tell by the glassiness in his eyes. “How are you doing?”

I understand Adrian being dead doesn’t magically erase the years of trauma he lived through, but I’d hoped knowing that his tormenter was gone would help him sleep a little bit better—that it would bring him a sliver of peace. He hasn’t said a word about that night, and I haven’t brought it up to him—to either of them—so I can only infer how he’s feeling about it based on his actions and facial expressions. The latter has become hard to read lately as he draws further into himself, and that’s why I can only assume he’s been struggling. Which is more than understandable.

His palms rub anxiously together, and he fidgets in his seat.

The nervous energy radiating off him instantly puts me on edge and I pull myself into a sitting position. “Pax?”

“I need your help.”

The déjà vu hits me like a fucking semi-truck. We’ve been here before and my answer is the same as it was back then. “Name it.”

What he’s going to ask is a mystery to me, but there isn’t any doubt in my mind that I’ll do everything in my power to make it happen. For the Wilde boys, I will always drop everything and help them. That’s a promise I made a long time ago.

Pulling his phone from his back pocket, he reaches across the dark wood coffee table to hand it to me. Glancing at the screen, there’s a phone number already typed in. Someone just needs to hit the green dial button.

I look back at him, confused about what he needs me to do. “Whose number is this?”

His lips press into a thin line. “It’s a rehab facility based in Oregon. It sounds like it could be a good fit for me. They focus not only on the addiction, but on the source. They have … trauma specialists on staff. Which is what I think I need.” My heart hurts when his voice becomes a low whisper as he says the last sentence. “I’ve already registered and set everything up. I just can’t bring myself to make the last call.”

The pride I feel for my best friend right now is indescribable. I could only hope for him that he would reach this point, and the fact that he’s made these steps alone is amazing. He needed to decide when he was ready for more help, and he’s finally reached that point.

I sit up straighter and clear my voice. He doesn’t need me to cry happy tears for him right now. I’ll save them for later. “What is the last call?”

“They send a car to come pick you up. They’ll have a handler with them, and they’ll stay with me during the flight there. From the airport, they’ll take me directly to the facility.”

“You don’t want Rafferty or me to take you?” I can’t help but ask. It goes against everything in me to let him face this alone.

His head shakes. “No, I think I need to do this part by myself.” The ghost of a smile that forms on his face reminds me of the ones he used to wear before his world went so dark. “I’m ready to be sober—to be healthy. He told me I wouldn’t fight back, and as long as I depend on these pills, I won’t be able to fight to get my life back.”

Adrian thought he’d broken his children, but he was wrong. They’re strong despite what he did to them, and it’s because of that he lost.

I hope Mollie is as proud of her boys as I am, and I hope she knows they’re safe with me.

Fuck it. I let the tears fall from my eyes. Standing from the couch, I close the space between us and wrap my arms around him. He hugs me back just as tight and buries his face in my shoulder.

“I’m proud of you, Paxton.”

THE WILDE CORPORATION has had an annual New Year’s Eve party every year for the past fifty or so years. My grandfather decided it would be a good way to celebrate the successful year with the staff and shareholders. We rent out various venues around the city and people dress up like they’re attending a movie premier in Hollywood or something. It’s a lot of unnecessary fanfare, but it’s tradition.

And Grandma Claire said I wasn’t allowed to cancel it. She never had a leadership role at the company, and she’s been retired for decades, but make no mistake, she still calls the shots on the holiday parties. It was a fight I didn’t see myself winning so I let her have this one.

Standing on the outskirts of the gold and white decorated room, I try to keep to myself. I recognize many of the faces in this room as I was raised around many of them. It’s an odd thought to know this time next year, I’ll be their boss. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think I had a daunting task in front of me, but I also know I can do it. Grandpa showed me the ropes my entire life. I feel more ready to take it on than I ever did.

The weight of the past I’ve carried around with me has started to lift as pieces of my life fall back into place. I’m healing and Posie’s the reason.

Every day I spend with her at my side, the anger and chaos that’s burned inside of me lessens. The wounds that have been bleeding freely for so long are closing, and soon, we’ll all bear matching scars. Those will never fade and that’s okay. They’re reminders of what we’ve survived.

Dressed in a white suit, Claire approaches with two glasses of champagne in her hands. “Hiding in a dark corner as usual, I see,” she teases as she passes me the flute.

“Some habits die hard.”

Her thin lips pull up in a grin before she takes a sip of her drink. “You don’t have to be by yourself anymore, though. Where’s my beautiful future granddaughter-in-law?”

Her use of the word future has me frowning. Every night, when her arms wrap around me and her head lays on my bare chest, I ask if we can get married. She laughs and tells me soon. She’s enjoying being engaged, but I’m ready for her to have my last name. I would take her to city hall any time and get married in front of a random judge. I don’t care about having an actual wedding. It’s a glorified party with a specific color scheme. Posie wants to do something with our family and friends, and that’s the only reason I haven’t thrown her in the back of my car and hightailed it to city hall. Even if my patience is being severely tested, her happiness is the priority.

I lift my glass in the direction of where the human embodiment of my heart stands. Dressed in a short shimmery gold dress and her long hair curled, she looks absolutely stunning. While I struggle with small talk, she’s easily chatting with one of the finance guys’ wives. A smile grows on her pretty face, and it makes somewhere deep in my chest ache.

Fuck… The way I love this girl.

 “I’m happy for you, Rafferty.” Claire’s boney hand grips my forearm. “This is exactly what your mother would have wanted for you.”

“I know.” In August, I couldn’t have fathomed believing that, but now I understand it’s the undeniable truth. She loved Posie like a daughter and she would love her even more knowing what she sacrificed for Paxton. I know I do.

 “Now we just need to get Paxton better, and everything will be perfect.”

Pax was the one who called Claire and admitted his struggle with the pills and alcohol. He did it on his way to the rehab facility in Oregon so she wouldn’t worry about where he was for three months. Posie and I have gone down to visit him twice so far and are planning to go again in the next few weeks. He’s doing really well and working his ass off. He doesn’t see it yet, but one day he’ll realize how strong he is.

“He’s getting there,” I tell her at the same time Posie’s eyes lock with mine from across the room. “I’ll catch up with you in a bit, Grandma.”

Leaving my glass on a nearby table, I weave my way through the room to make it to her. I ignore the few people who call my name in an attempt to start up a conversation with me. If I’m going to be their boss, it’s probably best they learn now that I’m not exactly cordial or approachable. It’ll make it easier on us all if they do.

Posie’s hand is already reaching out to me before I get to her, and as I pass her, my fingers intertwine with hers. I don’t stop or slow down. I simply pull her with me toward the glass doors leading to the rooftop deck.

No one else is out here because it’s too damn cold, but I don’t care. The silence and her company are all I need right now. Leading her to the edge, we stare out over the city. From here, we can see the Space Needle and the various firework shows going off across the town.

“Oh, wow…” she murmurs, stepping forward to put her hands on the glass railing.

Knowing she’s probably freezing, I take my black jacket off and slip it over her shoulders. Carefully pulling her hair free from the collar, I pull it to the side and expose her neck. Unable to stop myself, I dip my head and press my lips to her skin. The sigh of contentment has me smiling against her throat.

She leans her back into my front when I stand behind her and circle my arms around her waist. We stay like this, watching the fireworks light up the sky, for I don’t know how long. It’s these quiet moments that I like most. I let her calmness soak into me and allow it to center me.

Because it’s become a habit at this point—tradition if you will—to ask every night, I dip my head and whisper in her ear, “Can we get married now?”

I expect her to laugh at me and shake her head like she usually does, but this time she remains silent, attention still glued to the bright lights flashing in the sky. Those very lights reflect in her eyes when she turns her head to look up at me.

My heart all but stops when she nods her head and simply says, “Okay. Let’s get married.”

Not believing her, I take a step back so I can see her entire face. “Seriously?”

“Seriously. Let’s get married.”

“What happened to you wanting family and friends there?”

 Her narrow shoulders shrug, and a breathtaking smile grows on dark-red lips. “We’ll have a party another time, but this… This feels right. I want to marry you tonight. Just you and me.”

Fingers tipping her chin up, I press my lips to hers. “Fucking finally,” I murmur against them.

I have no idea where I’m going to find someone to marry us this late on New Year’s Eve, but I’ll figure it out.

For my Butterfly, I’ll kidnap a priest if I have to.