KAETHE MOVES TO CLEAN UP the shattered plate.
Before she can bend down though, I grip her upper arms in my hands. I must be scaring her, but I can’t stop myself. I have to touch her, I couldn’t keep my hands off her now if I tried, but I do restrain myself from crushing her to my chest like I want to.
She wouldn’t welcome that, especially not after this confession.
“How long ago?” I growl. Her dark eyes blink up at me. Thankfully she doesn’t look fearful of me right now. I don’t think I’d be able to stand it if she did.
“A long, long time ago.” Her voice is quiet, and my grip on her only tightens.
“Do you know what clan it was?”
She shakes her head, her pink hair tickling my hands. The blanket she wrapped herself in fell off her shoulders when she stood up, leaving the skin of her arms bare. She’s so warm, the flesh of her upper arms soft and supple in my grasp. My thumbs graze the soft curves of her breasts. I wish I could savor this, but I’m too angry right now. Angry for her, angry at myself for not recognizing the signs. It’s all so obvious to me now.
How many humans have I helped who acted the way she did after being met with the cruelty of my kind? I curse myself.
“I was a child. I barely even remember their faces.”
My vision goes red. The longer I touch her, the longer I stare at her gorgeous face and the more the rage inside me grows. I can almost picture it, Kaethe, smaller than she is now, alone and scared. My kind caused her fear. I’m lucky she hasn’t tried to kill me. If I was in her position, I don’t know if I could resist.
She has every right to hate my kind…so why did she come here? I let go of her arms, but I don’t move away. Her neck is craned all the way up to look at me. I’m trying not to show just how angry I am, how much I want to find who hurt her family and make them pay. Make them suffer for scaring her, for making her fearful of me.
For taking away the life she should’ve had.
“Why have you come here, Kaethe? It makes it all the more reasonable for you to be a spy now that I know about your past.” Would a spy really tell me this information? I don’t think so. She told me this because she wanted me to know and that warms some dormant part of my heart.
“I have my own motives for coming here.” She ducks her head so I can’t see her eyes anymore. “My king allowed me to come so I could learn about the orc’s teeth poison, that is true. But…there is another reason.”
I hold my breath. Finally, finally she is going to tell me the truth. All I want to know is why she’s here. Maybe it’s nothing deceitful at all. Maybe it’s something I can even help her with.
“What is it?” I ask gently.
“I’ve carried around this hatred and fear for so long. And I let it control so many aspects of my life. I realized facing it was the only thing that could help me. Volunteering to come here was the first step in doing that. I have my reasons, ones I can’t share yet.” Her eyes lift to mind once more and for once I don’t want to push her on it. “But more than that I think I wanted to come here to see what you all were really like. There are bad elves and bad orcs and bad humans. I wanted to see for myself that there are good ones too. I needed to see that.”
“And have you seen that here?” I ask. Kaethe’s smile is small but she nods her head.
“I’ve lived in fear of that night for too long. It’s only since I’ve been here that I’ve been able to face my fears instead of being swallowed by my past.”
My palms itch to hold her and tell her everything is going to be alright. I can’t do that. I can never do that, especially given what I know now. She may no longer fear my kind, but I doubt she’d welcome one between her thighs.
Humans with stories like Kaethe’s take years to accept my kind. I know this firsthand. They certainly don’t take them as lovers or mates.
“I’m sorry,” I say, crossing my arms so I don’t give in to the urge to touch her again. “Raids like that don’t happen as much anymore. I’ve made sure to put a stop to it.”
I want to say more but I don’t. She has her secrets and I have mine. I’m not ready to reveal everything about this place to her yet.
“You are safe here, Kaethe. I promise.”
She laughs softly. “Everyone says that.”
“It’s true,” I plainly state. She takes in my serious expression and nods her head.
Together, we clean up the broken plate, moving in tandem to avoid cutting ourselves on the sharp pieces. After, we tuck into our meal of meat and vegetables. It’s been years since I’ve had food like this. Meals have always just been a way to refuel myself quickly, I’ve never had much reason to savor them.
But the delight I see on Kaethe’s face as she polishes off her plate makes me want to cook like this every night. The silence between us is comfortable. Something sprouted between us last night and now, after her confession, that something is beginning to grow. What exactly is it? I don’t know and a part of me is terrified.
Terrified that she’ll look up into my eyes as she changes the dressing on my wound and see the truth in my gaze. The truth I will bury until it is rotting and incapable of exposing me.
“You’re almost healed,” she says surprised.
“Orc skin is thick. Our bones are thicker still.” She raises a dark brow at me.
“Even your skulls?”
“Yes, we have very thick skulls,” I say matter-of-factly. She snickers as she ties off my bandage and I have the feeling she was making another joke. It matters not: I was the cause of her smile and that makes me happy.
We crawl into bed together, no longer awkward and stilted, but as two people sharing a space. Sharing comfortable silence. After a few minutes pass, the bed creaks as she rolls toward me in her sleep. Her feet gently press against my legs. The moonlight highlights her smooth cheek, her breast pressing against the neckline of her nightgown.
The fact that she can share a bed with me despite what happened to her is amazing. I am grateful she allows me to be this close to her. Even if my skin burns to be closer. I should close my eyes and go to sleep. Allow her sweet scent to lull me to sleep like it did last night.
I should turn away from her sleeping form.
Instead, I prove to myself that I am just a weak male deep down. I roll onto my good side and watch her sleep. Powerless but to count her freckles and tuck a stray piece of magenta hair behind her ear.
In the dark I make a vow. I repeat it to myself over and over, inhaling her scent deeply one last time, before finally allowing sleep to take me.
