It’s a silent journey back to the dorms, all of us lost in our own minds. I can’t stop thinking about Jax and his drug abuse.
Did the guys know? Why did they not stop it? And did he start taking them in the first place because his father made him? Or is there another reason?
I look over at Jax, once again in the driver’s seat. His brow is deeply furrowed, and I can see him practically vibrating, his shoulders tense and his nostrils flared. I wonder if I could have reacted a little better back at the gym, and a stab of guilt runs through me. I was so angry, so blinded by my rage, that I didn’t stop to think about the fact that I was taking out my fury on Jax.
Pulling up into the student lot, we all get out and hurriedly head back towards the academy. The temperature has dropped now it’s November, and we’ve already had a couple of small flurries of snow.
Arriving in our dorm, I quickly shower, then help Kai prepare a delicious ramen for lunch, whilst Loki then Jax wash up. I love cooking with him, he makes it so fun, and his passion is intoxicating. Not to mention the small teasing touches that leave me panting and breathless. As we sit down to eat, the atmosphere is still a little tense, and I know that I am partly, maybe mostly, to blame. Biting my lip, a thought springs to mind.
“Why don’t we watch a film together after lunch?” I suggest, thinking that what we all need is to curl up on the sofas in front of a funny movie.
After much debate, we decide on Deadpool. I wait for Jax to sit down on one of the sofas, Loki next to him, and then curl up on his lap, eliciting a grunt of surprise from his lips. I look up into his slightly startled blue eyes and try not to get lost in their depths. There’s a fear in them, a fear that I’m pretty sure I caused, and that I’m desperate to erase.
“I love you, Jax Griffiths,” I say softly, willing him to believe me. “And I will help you to get through this. You’ve got me now, and I’m not going anywhere.”
His hands tighten on my waist before he wraps his massive arms around me, pulling me even closer to him. I love his fresh warm lemon scent, I don’t think that I’ll ever get enough of it.
These guys are definitely turning me sappy.
“I love you too, Lilly Darling. And I’d give up the world for you,” Jax confesses in a rumble above me, my head tucked tightly under his chin.
I can feel his heart beating in his chest, its sound a soothing melody. Jax has a way with words, he says things so simply, but with such a depth of feeling that I can feel their truth in my bones. In my very soul, like he brands me with each word that falls from his lips.
The lights are dim and the film starts, and I can’t help asking him, “Why did you start taking them, Jax?”
His body stiffens underneath me for a moment, he knows what I’m asking about. Then a long breath leaves his lungs on a sigh.
“My dad is a weak, pathetic man,” he starts his deep, rumbling voice a whisper, and I can hear how much he hates him. “But unfortunately for me and my mom, he was also a strong man. When I was a child, I vowed to one day be stronger than him,” he tells me as the opening credits begin to roll. “And now I am.”
Once again I’m appalled at the guys’ parents. Although, why I am surprised by anything they do anymore is beyond me.
“I’m so sorry, Jax,” I whisper, hating the useless words. His arms tighten around me and I burrow closer.
“The roids helped to get me bigger quicker, and I guess I became addicted to that feeling, of being the biggest,” he explains into the darkness. I can see Loki and Kai paying attention, their bodies still as they listen to our hushed conversation whilst watching the film. His jaw is tight, fists clenched.
“Oh, Jax,” I murmur, my heart bleeding out for him, and what he’s done to himself in order to keep those he loves safe. My hand caresses his chest, my palm gliding over the bare skin and tracing the tattoos on his firm pec.
“I’m scared that I won’t be able to protect everyone if I stop,” he admits, voice barely above a whisper, and my heart shatters.
I sit up and move so that my knees are on either side of his hips, my hands gripping his face, lifting it up to look into those stunning eyes.
“Jax, we protect each other. You don’t have to do it alone. Not anymore”
His eyes are swirling with so many emotions, it’s hard to keep track of them all. He lets out another deep breath, closing his lids.
“I don’t know how to get off them. To let go,” he says, hanging his head, his voice tired, like he is exhausted by it all.
“I’ll help, and I’m sure the others will, too.” I bring his head back up, his eyes opening again, and this time, there’s a shred of hope in the blue depths.
“You’re too good for us, Baby Girl,” he sighs out as his hands come up around me, pulling me close and placing a kiss over my heart. “But we’re too selfish to let you go.”
We hold each other for a time, our hearts beating to the same rhythm, our breathing synchronised. Eventually, I snuggle down in Jax’s lap, my feet resting in Loki’s, and I drift off surrounded by their warmth and love.
ASH
“Again!” my father’s voice barks out from across the room, his voice stinging like a whip.
Sweat drips into my eyes as I bounce on my toes, fists raised, not daring to let them droop, even though we’ve been at this for hours now.
John gives me a slightly apologetic look, before nodding to his guys that surround me. He knows the drill as well as I do, we’ve been training together at my father’s behest for years now.
I feel the rush of air to my left and duck, just as one of the guys throws his fist at my head. The next several minutes are lost to the violence that surrounds me, the swing of fists, the meaty sound of those same fists making contact.
“Enough!” my father roars and we come to a sudden halt.
I sway slightly on my feet, breathing hard. I didn’t do too badly considering the odds are five to one.
“Pathetic. Just like the waste of space your brother was,” he sneers at me, his lip curled. My fists involuntarily clench at my sides, the only outward sign of the rage that his comment elicits in me.
He’s perfectly put together, in slacks and a turtle neck cashmere sweater, and even though it’s hot in our home gym, he doesn’t have a single drop of sweat on him.
He’s a fucking devil in disguise. An evil motherfucker who hides behind smiles and charm. But he’ll gut you and play with your innards just the same.
“You can go, John,” he commands. “Bring better men next week.”
Only my father would be arrogant enough to insult ex-Marines. But he’ll get away with it. For now anyway.
John gives me a slight nod, my father distracted by something on his phone, as the others all follow their leader out.
I’m still standing there, my breathing settling and my heart rate finally coming down. There’s a fine tremor in my limbs, exhaustion washing over me. I can’t show it to him, though. He can’t know how fucking tired I am. Tired of it all.
Looking up from the screen, his top lip curls again and it transforms his handsome face into something ugly. “Go get showered, I have a call to make,” he orders me like a fucking dog, and I have to bite my tongue on the growl that wants to leave my lips.
He heads across the gym towards the door, already bringing his phone up to his ear. Good. I want him to turn his back on me. That way, he’ll never see me coming when I make my move. And trust me, that day is coming.
“Good evening, Ace,” I hear him say, waiting a beat before continuing as if in response to what this “Ace” has said. “Everything is in hand. Our little flower is being well taken care of, don’t you worry.”
My heart beats a frantic rhythm again as panic floods my veins, making me go cold all over. This must be about Lilly, it can’t be a coincidence with that nickname.
“We’ve got the boys on it, Ace. There’s really nothing for you to worry about,” he replies, stepping out of the door before I can hear any more.
Fuck!
Why is Julian so interested in Lilly? And what the fuck did he mean he’s got us on it?
My hands itch to grab the weights beside me and hurl them at the mirror in frustration. I rein the desire in, the ironclad control over my emotions having been instilled in me since birth.
My father is right. I’m so fucking pathetic, so useless that I can’t even protect those that I love. I couldn’t with Luc.
Terror floods my entire body, making me stumble a step, as I think about what may happen to Lilly. What I might be unable to save her from.
I can only pray that together, we can shield her from the monster that is Black Knight Corporation. From my father and all of his depravity and evilness.
A shudder runs through me, remembering the doubt that crept into my mind when I first saw my father’s interest in her. And now this.
What if we can’t?
