Monday rolls around, and I’m a little sore between my thighs and pleasurably exhausted, but alas, it’s back to classes for us all. I haven’t seen Robert around, rumour is that after his dad’s arrest, he and his mum have had to move states to escape the hounding by the media. Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say!
It’s the second to last week before winter break, and we’re preparing for a full five days of exams next week. I’m pretty much studying every spare minute, with one of the guys always by my side revising, too. I don’t know why I’m so surprised at how studious they are. Even Jax, whose focus is sports, takes his theory subjects very seriously.
We all sit down for dinner on Wednesday evening in our dorm. Kai has made an incredible Pad Thai dish that has my mouth watering. There’s also these little dumpling-bun things, filled with duck, and some teriyaki marinated chicken skewers.
“Kai, this smells amazing!” I gush, piling my plate high, and stuffing half a dumpling-bun into my mouth, moaning at the incredible flavours. All the guys chuckle, even Ash, used to my table manners, or lack thereof, by now.
Turning to Jax, I swallow my mouthful, slightly nervous butterflies fluttering in my stomach.
“So, I’ve been looking into the best way for you to come off the steroids,” I inform him, twirling some noodles on my fork. “We have to be careful because sudden withdrawal can cause all sorts of unpleasant symptoms, including depression, suicidal thoughts, and reduced sex drive.” Jax spits his water out at this, and Loki barks out a laugh.
“Don’t worry, Pretty Girl, the rest of us can pick up the slack,” Loki emphasises, then grunts as someone kicks him under the table.
“Unhelpful, Loki,” I roll my eyes at him, then look back to Jax. “Anyway, the best course of action is to seek a medically assisted detox, usually as an inpatient in rehab,” I gently suggest, taking his hand in mine. Jax’s brow is furrowed, and he’s stopped eating. “I know it sounds extreme, but then you can get the best treatment, and any medicine or hormone replacements that you need, plus access to a therapist, Jax,” I entreat him.
“It’s too public,” Ash remarks, and I glare at him. “Oh, don’t get your panties in a twist, Princess. They say that in England, right?” he smirks at me. Fucking shitpouch. His gaze turns back to Jax. “We’ll go private, hire a team, and Jax can stay at our private island house over winter break.”
“Your fucking what?!” I exclaim, disbelieving the words that I’m sure he just said.
“We own an island near Bali, so Jax can stay there and get clean,” he explains with an eye roll. “Will your parents miss you over Christmas?” he asks Jax, and I’m still stunned and speechless. Fucking rich arseholes.
“Nah. Doubt the cunts will even notice,” he scoffs gruffly, and I squeeze his hand, feeling a pang in my heart for him. I was so lucky to have Mum. She would have ripped me a new one if I’d suggested spending Christmas apart.
“I could spend Christmas with you if you’d like, Jax?” I ask softly. “My uncle has said that I can’t go back to England, so I’m free.”
His hand tightens on mine. “I’d love that, Lilly, it’s just,” he hesitates, “I don’t know how I’ll be, and I’m not sure I want you to see me like that,” he admits quietly, his piercing blue eyes serious and uncertain. I feel crestfallen at his words, although I try to keep my smile in place. This isn’t about me, it’s about what is best for him.
“Hey, Pretty Girl,” Loki interrupts my pity party and I turn my gaze to him. “My folks aren’t home again, so how about you spend Christmas with me and the girls, and if Jax is up for a visit, we can go see him?” he suggests, and I feel some tension drain from Jax next to me.
“I’d love to spend Christmas with you, Loki,” I grin, looking back at Jax. “Is that okay with you?”
“That’s perfect, baby,” he replies, leaning over to kiss my cheek softly.
The rest of the week is filled with more frantic studying, and Ash makes arrangements for Jax’s rehab. Soon, it’s Friday night, and after getting a stack of boxed pizzas from the dining hall, we sit down on the sofas, Jax and Kai on either side of me, eating them without plates. I laugh to see that Jax has three fucking boxes in front of him. Three!
I moan aloud at the cheesy melted goodness of my good old fashioned margarita pizza, licking my fingers when I look up to see four heated gazes turned my way.
“Keep eating like that, Pretty Girl, and you won’t get the chance to finish your meal,” Loki threatens, his voice a purring rumble. I hear Jax growl out his approval so I snatch my box and clutch it to me.
“Touch my pizza, and see which part I cut off first. Don’t think I don’t know how to do it. Jax taught me,” I boast playfully. Loki throws his head back and roars with laughter, and I hear Jax chuff a chuckle beside me.
“That’s my girl,” he praises, giving me an approving grin.
“Let’s play a game!” Loki suddenly cries like an excited puppy, bouncing up and down.
“Fuck’s sake,” Ash groans, wiping his hands on a napkin. “Fine. But no strip poker. You’re shit, and I don’t want to see your hairy balls tonight,” he points a finger at Loki in warning.
One of these days I’m gonna bite that finger.
“Spoilsport,“ Loki teases, “let’s play truth or dare.” He has an evil grin on his face, and I get the feeling clothes will be shed anyway. I bet none of these fuckers will back down, they’re so competitive it’s ridiculous. “You can go first, Lilly,” he offers sweetly.
“Truth or dare?” I ask him, one brow raised.
“Dare,” he replies, a provocative smile on his lips.
I narrow my eyes, thinking for a moment, then the perfect idea comes into my mind and I bite my lip, wondering if he’ll take it.
“Loki, I dare you to kiss Kai. With tongue,” I challenge, smirking. His emerald eyes widen a fraction with surprise. I don’t shift my gaze from his, not even to look at Kai to see his reaction.
“That’s your fantasy, is it, Lilly Darling?” he asks, a lascivious smile on his plush lips and his voice dropping an octave. “Would that make you wet, Pretty Girl?” I swallow hard, regretting my life choices right about now, but nod anyway. He chuckles darkly, getting up, and sauntering over to Kai, who is on the other side of me. “Far be it for me to deny our girl her darkest fantasy.”
He drops to his knees in between Kai’s spread legs, giving me a front row seat as he reaches to tangle his hand in Kai’s thick chestnut hair. My breath turns shallow, my gaze captivated as Kai smiles, not objecting when Loki leans forward. Loki’s eyes close and he presses his lips lightly to the other boy’s, teasing the seam with his tongue. Kai’s own eyelids flutter shut as he opens for Loki, letting him dominate the kiss.
My breathing picks up, and I gasp as they deepen the kiss, their tongues tangling. My core begins to ache, and I rub my legging clad thighs together to try and ease the throbbing that’s started up. The kiss comes to an end, and Loki playfully nips Kai’s lower lip as he releases his grip on the other guy’s hair.
“How was that, Pretty Girl?” Loki asks huskily, his pupils blown with lust, and there’s a definite bulge in his sweats. I look at Kai who seems to be in a similar state. Now that’s a manwich I need to be inside!
“Perfect,” I breathe, my voice husky.
He gives me one of his panty-incinerating grins, getting up, adjusting himself, then leans down to capture my lips in a scorching hot kiss that leaves me even more breathless. I moan as I taste Kai on his tongue. Oh, that is so happening again, preferably with less clothes on.
Straightening up, he turns to Ash. “Truth or dare?” he asks, his tone goading.
“Dare,” Ash’s grey eyes are hard with provocation, even if his face looks utterly bored.
“I dare you to get a dick piercing over Christmas,” Loki smirks, looking entirely too pleased with himself.
“Loki!” I screech at him, aghast. Fucking hell!
“Any particular one?” Ash questions, a brow raised and ignoring my outburst, like it’s no big deal that he seems to be agreeing to get his knob pierced.
“You can choose. As long it’s something our girl will enjoy,” Loki grins patronisingly, winking at me, then walking over to Ash and holding out his hand.
“Deal.” Ash grasps it in a hard grip and shakes to close the deal.
“Did that just happen?” I question aloud, shaking my head as I look at the two guys. These boys do take this shit seriously!
“My turn,” Ash declares, looking straight at me with his steel gaze. I swallow hard, butterflies taking flight in my stomach as a shiver of premonition comes over me. “Truth or dare, Princess?” he asks.
“Truth,” I decide, hoping that he goes easy on me, but knowing that he won’t. He’s Ash, after all.
His eyes soften slightly, and I just know it’s going to be bad.
“Tell me how you found your mother.”
Those seven words stop my heart, the world ceases spinning, and it’s like the blood has frozen in my veins. My gaze latches onto his, pleading with him not to do this. Not to make me relive that day. But he holds firm.
“What the fuck, man!?” Loki snarls, and I hear Jax growl low beside me. “You don’t have to answer that.” Loki turns to me, anger and desperate sadness making his emerald eyes churn and froth, like a violent sea.
“Yes, she does,” Ash commands, voice unwavering and firm, yet not unkind. “She needs to face this, Loki.”
They start to argue, getting in each other’s faces, but it’s as if they are far away, or I’m underwater, because all I can hear is the rush of blood in my ears as the memories assault me one after the other.
“It was my fault,” I whisper, unable to stop the words from spilling from my lips.
“What was your fault, baby?” Jax asks gently, taking my hand in his larger one. Ash and Loki stop and look at me, Kai shifting closer to me, his warmth comforting me as he rubs my arm.
“My mother’s death. It was all my fault,” I answer him, already feeling the burn of tears at the back of my throat.
Loki starts to say something, but Ash puts a hand on his arm to stop him. “How?” Ash prompts, and like a dam has burst, the whole sad story comes pouring out of me.
“W–we were meant to go out shopping together, but we fought about something that was so trivial, I can’t even fucking remember what it was now. So I left, and met up with a friend instead,” I tell them, taking a shaky breath to steady me for the next part. “When I got home, I remember opening the door to our flat and being hit by this metallic smell, like copper pennies.” I hesitate, and the scent comes rushing back, filling my nostrils as bile hits the back of my throat.
Leaning over, I take a sip of water from my glass on the side table. “I called out, but there was no answer. The radio was on in the kitchen playing Lovely by Billie Eilish, I used to love that song. Anyway, I headed in that direction, ready to apologise for earlier.” I take another desperate breath, closing my eyes as I relay the next part. “There was so much blood, my mind didn’t realise what it was at first, and it soaked into my favourite yellow TOMS.” I can see the crimson river as if I was back in the flat, looking at the scene again. I blink my eyes open, and I’m back in the dorm, Jax gripping my hand tightly, Kai rubbing soothing circles on my back, and Loki at my feet. I look up and see Ash is still across the room, a devastating sadness in his eyes.
“I tried to stop the bleeding, but it was no use, she was already…gone.” I taste salt as tears flow freely down my face, dripping off my chin until Jax starts to wipe them with his thumb. “After that, I passed out, and woke up in a hospital, with what I later discovered was my uncle standing nearby.”
“Oh, Baby Girl, it wasn’t your fault,” Jax rumbles out, pained. He scoops me up and places me onto his lap, and I sob against his chest, my fists clenched in his hoodie. He strokes my hair as Loki massages my feet, and Kai keeps rubbing my back.
Finally, my tears dry up, and I’m bone tired, yet a little lighter at the same time. More at peace. Ash was right. I needed to face what had happened, instead of running away from it. I look up with a watery smile, gazing into the faces of these boys who are my family now. We belong to each other so completely, nothing will ever separate us.
I turn to seek out Ash, wanting to thank him for forcing me to finally confront my grief, only to find him gone
