I sit straight up in bed, the covers falling to pool in my lap. Straining my ears, I hear a sound in my house, and I jump out of bed, grabbing my cell from beside me. I had fallen asleep after I finished a bottle of wine and cried into my pillow.
A look at the clock tells me that Saint dropped me off five hours ago, and it’s still dark outside.
Getting out of bed, I pull up his name and hover over the call button when I hear water running in my kitchen. Maybe he’s come back, and that just pisses me off. How dare he think I’m just going to forget what I saw? Or that he doesn’t have to answer my questions?
I make my way in there, expecting it to be him, but I come to a stop when I see someone else standing at my sink filling a glass of water. “What are you doing here?” I ask, taking a step back.
The man turns to face me, his eyes dropping to my bare feet and running up my oversized T-shirt. He sets the glass down and leans back against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest. “Ashtyn—”
“How did you get in?” I demand.
He reaches into his pocket and removes a key. “Dad gave me a key when he got you the house.” Then he drops it onto the counter.
I roll my eyes. “Leave.” I don’t want anything to do with any Lord right now—especially my brother. I didn’t see him there, but there were several in cloaks and masks. He could have easily been one of them. I turn and walk out of the kitchen, but he grabs my arm, yanking me back. I spin around and slam my fist into his face. I’m not in the mood to play games at the moment. Or be touched by anyone.
“Fuck, Ash.” He covers his nose with his hand.
“Don’t touch me!” I scream.
He holds his arms out wide, taking a step back. “I’m here to check on you,” he states.
“Bullshit,” I spit out.
Sighing, he removes his cell from his back pocket, unlocks it, and sets it down on the counter. Saint’s voice fills my kitchen. “Hey, man. Where the fuck are you? Your dad is pissed that you’re not at Carnage. Speaking of which…” He sighs heavily, sounding stressed. “I took Ash with me, and she saw…some shit. I just dropped her off at her house. She was pretty upset. I wasn’t able to stay with her because I have to head back. If you get a chance, can you stop by and check on her, please? I’m really worried.” He pauses. “I have to go. Kash is calling me.” Click.
“What did you see?” my brother asks, pocketing his cell.
I drop my eyes to the marble floor. “Doesn’t matter.”
“Ash—”
“You want me to believe that you came by to check on me in the middle of the night because Saint asked you to?” I’m not buying it. They’re testing me. Saint told me not to tell a soul what I saw. Although I’m pissed at him right now, I’m keeping my mouth closed. I won’t give the Lords a reason to kill me. That would be them taking the easy way out.
“Look, I know I’ve been a shitty brother. But…” He looks away from me. “There is some shit going on that I’m trying to make sure you stay out of.”
I step forward. “What do you mean? Does this have to do with what Dad was talking to you about the night of the party in the woods? The girl who went missing?”
His silence tells me enough.
“So you are in trouble with the Lords? Is that why you’re avoiding Carnage?” I can only imagine how mad our father is right now if Adam is supposed to be there like the others, and he’s not.
“I’m trying to find who is setting me up,” he growls. “And I can’t do that if I’m having to babysit you.” His eyes narrow on mine.
Babysit me? “You haven’t been a brother for years, Adam. I don’t need you to start now.” I roll my eyes and turn to walk away.
“Don’t blame Saint.”
I whip around. “He’s a Lord. He’s part of the problem.” Fuck him and what he thinks about my opinion of Saint.
He rounds the island, and I take a step back as he advances on me, but my ass hits the counter, stopping my escape. “Listen, Ash. Whatever you think you know, I promise it’s not the truth, and whatever you saw is a very small fraction of what the Lords are capable of. This…” He holds his hands out wide, gesturing to my house. “Is what the Lords want the world to see. Money and power are what they want us to think they will give us. But the dirty truth is Carnage.”
“What about it?” I ask nervously. I’m getting a sickening feeling after what I saw earlier this evening there. My father never talks about what goes on at Carnage, and my mother never asks. Either she knows or she doesn’t care.
“Carnage is a prison. It’s where the Lords send their own that do them wrong. We, the Spade brothers, are the ones that run the Lords’ hell.”
“Saint—’
He steps into me, cutting me off, and I tilt my head back to look him in the eyes. My stomach tightens at the look in his. “Saint is the only one who can protect you. He’s the only one who cares about you.”
I flinch at his harsh words.
“So whatever you saw, or whatever he did, just know any other Lord could do the same to you. Saint will be the only one to ensure it doesn’t happen.” Placing his hands on my upper arms, I stiffen. “I’m going to go away for a little while.”
“What? Where are you going?” I rush out.
“It’s better that you don’t know.”
“Adam…”
“Go home,” he snaps. Letting go of me, he steps back.
“I am home.”
“No. To Mom and Dad’s. Do not stay here alone. I had a key, but the next person who comes over might not. I’ve called Saint, Haidyn, and Kashton. All of their phones are off.” I swallow nervously as he runs a hand through his hair. “I’m not going back to Carnage, so I don’t know what’s going on…”
“Do you think he’s okay?” I can’t help but worry, and my pulse races at the thought that they might be doing the same thing to him that he did to that woman.
“Saint can hold his own, but you need to get the fuck out of here. Go stay with Mom. Saint will call you when he’s able to.” He goes to exit the house.
“What about you?” I ask, hating how worried I am for him. We’ve never been close, but that doesn’t mean I want him killed. The Lords preach brotherhood, but they’re as shady as they come. They’re raised to fight for the smallest amount of money and power. You can’t just undo that once you’re initiated. If they feel threatened, they attack. And no law or rule states that they can’t get “rid” of their own. If they think you deserve it, then they allow it.
“I’ll come back for you and Mom once I find what I’m looking for.” With that, he turns and exits my house, leaving a chill down my spine.
I run upstairs, grab a few things along with my cell, and throw it all in a bag. Then I’m hurrying to my car in the garage and rushing to my parents’ house, wondering if my father knows I was at Carnage tonight. If he does, what will he do to me? Would my mother stop him from trying to kill me? No. She wouldn’t step in and jeopardize her life for me. Even Adam knows that. He said Saint is the only one I can trust.
I don’t want to believe him, but that little voice in my mind screams that he’s right. Saint has never hurt me. Not in the way I saw him hurt that woman. Does that mean he’s incapable of hurting me? No. It just means I haven’t pushed him that far yet.
Pulling up to my parents’ house, I get out, grab my bag, and enter the house. It’s almost four in the morning, so I quietly make my way up to my room. I’ll let my mother know I’m here in the morning. But when I go to open the door, I hear her voice in the foyer below.
“Don’t come back here.”
Pausing, I stare at my door, trying to listen over the sound of the blood rushing in my ears.
“I’ve tried calling you.” A male’s voice growls.
“I was ignoring you for a reason,” she snaps. Then she adds in a softer voice, “You know you can’t come here.”
The sound of the front door opens, and just when I think I can walk into my room, I hear the man say, “Why is Ashtyn’s car here? I thought we were alone.”
Fuck! He just saw me parked in the driveway. I didn’t pull it into the garage. Who the hell is this that they know what I drive?
“She must have come home earlier,” my mother adds. “It’s fine. I’m sure she’s asleep.”
“Go check,” he commands.
My pulse races.
“I’m not—”
“Go fucking check,” he snaps, interrupting her.
I twist the doorknob as softly as I can. I rush to my bed as I rip the shirt up and over my head, throw my bag across the room, and kick off my shoes. I yank my duvet back and jump into bed, pulling it up to my neck, my back facing the door, and bring it up over my face so only half of my head can be seen.
My door opens, and I hold my breath as light filters into my room.
“See, I told you,” my mother whispers, and my heart hammers, knowing a man I don’t know is looking into my room.
The door softly closes a moment later, and I let out the breath I was holding but don’t dare move. Instead, I lie in the dark staring at nothing, trying to figure out what the fuck is going on and who is actually on my side.
I feel like I can’t trust anyone anymore.
SAINT
It’s been three days since Ashtyn ran out of Carnage, and I took her home. She’s avoiding me. I’ve called, texted, and left voicemails, but they’ve all gone unanswered.
I’m not sure what to do at this point. How much time does she need to come to terms with this life? She grew up around this. The woman who she saw wasn’t innocent, but she didn’t give me the chance to explain that. It’s not like we choose random women in the mall parking lot and kidnap them before torturing them. I hate to say it, but there is a method to the madness.
I’ve been watching her on camera. She’s staying at her parents’, secluding herself from the world. She mainly drinks and stays in bed, sleeping quite a bit. She’s going to classes, but not all of them. She’ll leave for an hour or two and then come home and crawl back in bed. It makes me mad that she’s being this way. That she’s so shaken up over a bitch who doesn’t deserve it. And the way she looked at me. Pulled away from me. Does she really think I’d hurt her? I’ve saved her. Of course I can’t tell her that. There’s no scenario where I’d come out as the good guy.
“Saint?” my father calls out.
“Yeah?” I walk toward him in the basement at Carnage.
“The woman isn’t pregnant.” He shoves some papers into my chest, and I reach up to take them so they don’t fall to my feet. “Take her to see Devin. He’s expecting her.” With that, he continues down the hallway.
I make my way to the woman’s room that she was placed in the night her husband brought her in. Unlocking the steel door, it creaks, letting her know she has a visitor. She lies on a black operating table that has wheels. Usually, you don’t get anything to lay on when sentenced to a cell, but her husband wants her strapped down at all times.
A white and brown medical restraint runs across the bottom of the table with her ankles buckled into them on each end. Another runs from side to side on her upper legs, strapping her thighs down, which force her legs wide open. She has a catheter that hangs on the side. The third and final strap runs underneath her neck, also fastened on her throat to keep her head down. The ball gag has been removed and replaced with bondage tape now over her lips and chin. I’m not sure who removed the gag, but they replaced something inside of her mouth by the way her cheeks expand.
When her wild eyes see me, she begins to scream into her gag and thrash around. She’s still got energy. It’ll take a few more days to lose hope. For her to understand that this will be her life now.
I drop the papers onto the straitjacket that she’s still strapped in and unlock the wheels. Then I begin to push her out of the room and down the hall.
The woman continues her worthless fight. She’s just wearing herself out. But it won’t matter. Devin is going to knock her out and perform a hysterectomy. I must say I’m relieved that she’s not pregnant. I don’t want to have to explain that to Ashtyn if she were to ask me. I think she plans on never talking to me again, but that’s not how it’s going to work. She’s just lucky right now that Carnage has kept me busy and away from her.
When I get the first chance, I’m going to her parents’ house and making sure she remembers who she is—mine. And that I’m not playing this silent game anymore. She can hate me all she wants; it’s not going to keep me away.
I enter the double doors of the hospital, and Devin waits for me. He is our main doctor here at Carnage. Has been since I was little.
I bring the table to a stop, and he takes over. I watch him push her into a room as her muffled cries and screams fade to nothing when the doors close behind them.
She’s a mother…was a mother. She traded her only child in for a life that she thought was better than this. Her husband was informed that his daughter was found dead of an overdose in an alley last week. She had never done drugs a day in her life. So he said. He had went through his wife’s cell and their banking accounts to find where she had set it up to have their daughter killed. Paid five grand to an old boyfriend of the daughter’s to make it look like a suicide. He had messaged his ex that he missed her and talked her into going out on a date with him. After they finished dinner, they went to a friends of his house where they shot her up with drugs and raped her before tossing her into an alley once done.
I knew of their daughter. She would be a senior at Barrington next year, and her mother didn’t want her living the life that her husband had planned for their daughter.
I grew up in this life around death and torture every day, so I’m desensitized by all of it. But this one gets to me because that could have been Ashtyn. Her mother has been so hell-bent on her not being my chosen that I know just how far she went to keep that from happening. I was lucky that Altus shared what he knew with me.
Now we’ve each got a secret. And that’s what bothers me the most. My hands are tied, and I can’t do shit about it. Not now anyway and maybe never. It’s eating at me, and I hate to let shit go.
“Hey, man.”
I turn to see Kashton walking toward me with an ice pack in his hand. “What the hell happened to you?” I ask, seeing the blood dripping from his busted nose.
“Trying to help Devin earlier with a patient. The bastard knocked the shit out of me.”
I laugh. “It happens.”
We both turn and exit the hospital to head back to the basement, and he looks around and sees we’re alone before he speaks. “Has anyone said anything about Ashtyn?”
“Nope.” Haidyn and I filled him in on what happened, but none of our dads have said anything to me. And as far as I know, Altus has been staying here at Carnage.
I haven’t told my brothers what Altus showed me, but I know that he’s on Ashtyn’s side. If the other dads found out, they would probably force his hand, but for right now, she’s safe. And I intend to keep it that way.
