One, two, three, four… I count the buzzing fluorescent lights that pass by as I stare up at the ceiling, trying to ignore the burning of my skin. I have no control over any part of my body. I’m strapped down to a bed as Haidyn and Saint push me through Carnage.
My vision has finally returned, but they took away my voice with the gag. It’s bulky and rubber, filling my mouth. My teeth dig into it as saliva runs down the back of my throat and every now and then, I gag on it. They ignore me. The tape that he wrapped around my cheeks is pinching my skin.
I love you, sweetheart.
His words keep echoing in my head like a song on repeat. It’s what every girl wants to hear, right? I’ve heard others at Barrington say love is hard. I never believed them. Loving Saint has been the easiest thing in my life.
Until now. Why does it have to be so painful? Why do I have to be so stupid?
It’s a game of lose-lose. I mean love is like anything else—temporary. People fall in and out of love just as easily as people pass away. You just wake up one day and no longer feel anything for them. I’ve seen it. Not in my world, but the one that doesn’t know we exist.
They bring me to a stop, and I hear the metal squeak of a heavy door. I can’t breathe. My arms are secured tightly to my chest. My legs are also strapped down and I try to yank them free, but there’s no use. The leather straps I’m buckled in just rub against my skin, and I feel like I’m covered in razors. It burns so bad. But why am I so wet?
My pussy clenches, and I cry into the gag, hating how fucking wet I am right now.
Saint looks down at me, and his eyes soften. I close mine as a sob wracks my body. This isn’t about pleasure. He’s going to hurt me. But he knows I like pain and get off on it.
Is that his plan? Humiliate me? Have me beg him to fuck me? I’m naked and my nipples are hard rubbing against the itchy inside of the straitjacket. My arms are crossed right underneath my breasts and my body gently rocks back and forth with the movement of the bed they’ve got me tied to.
They wheel me forward, and the sound of a door latching behind us has my heart racing. Looking around aimlessly, I see nothing but concrete walls. I’m strapped in a straitjacket sweating my ass off with a blanket over me, yet coldness sets over me. The room is freezing.
They place me in the center and rip the blanket off.
I buck, thrash, and scream into the gag. I can’t stop trying to escape. But do I want to? I’m not sure. I pull my thighs to close to hide my wet pussy, but of course, it doesn’t work. I’m wide open for him to see, and my face heats up with embarrassment.
The bed I’m strapped to is adjusted where my head is lifted and my feet lowered, tilting me so I’m more upright than lying down. The new position has me sliding down just a tad, pushing the already tight belt around my neck pushes deeper against my throat.
My eyes catch sight of the mirror in front of me, and suddenly, I can’t breathe.
I’m the woman. The one on display for whoever is on the other side of the two-way glass.
My eyes shoot over to the back of Saint, and I see him at a counter, but he’s standing in the way. I can’t see what’s in his hand. Haidyn stands next to him. “Adrenaline?” he asks, but it’s muffled over the blood rushing in my ears.
“No,” Saint answers. “I don’t want to kill her.”
He doesn’t want to kill me? Isn’t that what I’m here for? To die? Everyone else in my family is dead. I’m the last one they must get rid of. He said he was going to hurt me.
“I’d prefer her to pass out.” Saint goes on.
“And if she doesn’t?” Haidyn asks.
“She will,” he assures him. “Her body won’t be able to handle it.” Reaching over, he flips a switch on the wall, and a red light comes on up in the corner. There’s a speaker next to it. Whoever is in the observation room is now listening to us.
I yank on my arms and pull on my neck, trying to free it, but the leather wrapped around it chokes me in the process. I cough and sputter as saliva shoots through the hole in the middle of my gagged mouthpiece.
Saint turns to face me, and I plead with my eyes for him to stop. His eyes stay on mine as he walks over to me. I flinch when something cold wipes across my exposed pubic bone. I’m naked from there down. I can tell by the way the cold air from the vents in the ceiling touch my skin.
He does it again, and I close my eyes trying to hold in a sob. He’s cleaning me. Yeah. I’m that woman. They’re going to brand me. The question is will he leave me like this afterward? If so, how long until my arms go numb? Isn’t that what her husband told her? She’d lose feeling? That could be a blessing right now, considering how much my skin burns.
I’m gasping, trying not to panic. It feels like my heart races in my chest. Can you have a heart attack at twenty-one? I’m sure it’s possible.
Saint comes to stand in front of me once again, and this time I see the burning end of the brand. My eyes are too blurry from unshed tears to know what’s on it. It doesn’t matter, really. I said my vows in front of the Lords. In our world, they’re more binding than blood. I’m his to do as he pleases.
“Take a deep breath, Ashtyn.”
His words are as cold as this room. I know they’re for whoever is on the other side of the mirror, but they make my stomach drop, nonetheless.
Snot running from my nose, I take a shaky breath and brace myself, praying he’s right, and I pass out.
SAINT
Saint’s whore is written across the duct tape that covers the bottom half of her face. I thought it’d be a nice touch to my fuck you attitude toward our fathers for forcing my hand to hurt her like this.
Ashtyn’s gasping for breath; her body shakes uncontrollably, and her eyes are squeezed shut as tears run down her face and tape.
“Are you sure?”
I look up at Haidyn who stares at me. His eyes say everything that I feel. What if she doesn’t pass out? I’ve been branded. It hurts like hell. But I chose that. She’s being forced. Am I willing to take that chance?
“No.” I answer his question. I can’t guarantee that she’ll pass out. Even if she did, she’ll still feel it. I nod to the counter to my left. “Go ahead and give her the adrenaline.”
Ashtyn’s wide, red-rimmed eyes meet mine, and she starts shaking her head, thrashing around on the stretcher. Her cheeks hollow out, and the tape wrinkles from scrunching her features.
Haidyn walks over to the counter, opens a drawer, and fills a syringe from a clear vial. Pulling the plunger back, he draws it out and then tosses it to the side, where it rolls onto the floor and breaks.
She’s screaming into the tape as he walks back over to her. He unbuckles the belted strap that pins her neck to the stretcher, and she goes to lean up, but he grips her taped face with his free hand, forcing her neck back at an angle, exposing it to the room before he sinks the needle into it, administering the liquid.
She instantly goes limp, and her eyes close. He didn’t really give her adrenaline, but since our fathers were listening and would only allow that to be administered, I had to say that. It’s better that she’s sedated and doesn’t remember this.
I press the end of the brand to her pelvic bone. It’s the longest five seconds of my life even though I know she’s out. I’ve branded plenty of people in the past few years, but I hate to have to do it to her. The smell of burning flesh fills the room.
I remove the brand and look over the reddened 666 that will forever be there because of me. Because of our life.
I toss the brand to the side and turn to face the mirror. I can’t see them, but I can feel all of their narrowed eyes on us. They’re mad that we sedated her. Fuck them!
Walking over, I flip the switch, turn off the intercom system and go back over to her. They just wanted to hear her scream. It was all about torturing her. Forcing her to give what Carnage requires—your soul. Your fucking life. She’ll forever belong to it. And me.
“Call Devin,” I order Haidyn. “Tell him to meet me in my room.” She needs to be looked at anyway for what Tyson and Miles did her to earlier this evening.
“On it.” He pulls out his phone, and I rip the tape off her mouth, unwrapping it from around her head, pulling her hair and skin. Prying her mouth open, I remove the mouthguard.
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” I say even though she can’t hear me. I really am. She didn’t deserve this, and when I find Adam, I’m going to fucking take my time killing his ass.
I undo the buckle over her chest. I yank off the ones that pin her legs down. I take the blanket that I had her covered in and place it over her and then pick her up, not even bothering with the straitjacket. I’ll take it off when I get her back to my room.
I’m lying in my bed with the TV on but muted. She lies next to me, naked. Devin came and saw her as soon as I got her back to the room. He placed some ointment on her brand and bandaged it up. Her neck was fine. Nothing too serious and it didn’t need stitches. A bandage was all it needed.
She’s been in and out for the last few hours now. Haidyn has come by to see her, but I still haven’t spoken to Kashton. He’s mad at me for the decision I made, but what did he expect? Did he truly think I was going to hand her over to our fathers? To this hell? I stand by my decision. A Lord does what needs to be done.
Ashtyn begins to stir, and I watch her heavy eyes open and then close. Reaching up, her hand goes to her neck, and I grab her wrist. “It’s just a bandage, sweetheart.”
Her eyes spring open at my voice, and pretty blue eyes meet mine. She stiffens next to me, and I let go of her wrist to cup her cheek. She flinches, and my chest tightens. “Ash, I’m—” I stop myself from saying I’m sorry because I’m not. I’d brand her five more times if I need to if that meant I got to keep her.
She stares at me unblinkingly as they start to fill with unshed tears. My eyes lower to her chest, and her skin is still red and irritated from the straitjacket. I can’t help myself and run my knuckles over her soft nipple to watch it harden at my touch. I’m not going to fuck her, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to. I always want her. Always have. I think she’s experienced enough pain for one day.
“W-hy?” she asks in her soft voice.
I watch the first tear fall out the corner of her eye. “I had a choice to make.” That’s my only answer.
She swallows and closes her heavy eyes, forcing another tear to fall free. When she looks up at me this time, I cup her cheek, and she pulls away, sitting up and pushing her back into the headboard.
I sit up as well and cup her face with both of my hands, not allowing her to pull away. “I love you, Ash.”
“No,” she whimpers, gently shaking her head. Her bottom lip starts to tremble when she sucks in a deep breath. She’s not 100 percent herself yet. The drugs are still in her system, so it’s going to fuck with her emotions for a few more hours. Plus, given the day she’s had…
“Yes.” I nod. “I’ve been in love with you.” She sniffs, and I run my thumb over her parted lips. “And when forced to choose—keep you or let you go—I will hurt you before I live a life without you.”
Her wide eyes swim in tears before they spill over her bottom lashes, falling down her face. She doesn’t have to love me. I don’t need that kind of acceptance from her.
I know that makes me a bastard. The villain in her story. It sounds like I’m heartless and cold. And I might be, but I sure as fuck don’t care.
Letting go of her face, I get up out of bed and walk over to the edge she sits on. “Come on, sweetheart.” I pick her up in my arms, and I’m surprised she doesn’t fight me. Instead, she buries her head into my shirt, and her cries fill the room while I carry her into the bathroom. I’m going to bathe my girl. Get all the adhesive off her face from the tape and wash her body free of the lining of the straitjacket. Then I’m going to put her back in my bed where she will stay for the rest of her life.
