Once we return to Carnage, I find myself going down the hallway to enter her room. She’s asleep in bed, face down, arms spread out wide, hair still a little damp from a shower earlier.
Last time she lived here, we shared a room in the east wing. That was when our fathers occupied the birdcage. I never went a day without her, let alone slept alone. It was something that I had dreamed of. But men like me don’t get to live out their dreams. Not for long anyway.
Walking over to her bed, I sit down next to her. She doesn’t move as I lower the covers to her ass so I can see she’s naked.
I should tie her down and fuck what’s mine just like I did last night. But I won’t. I want her to know it’s me. I want her to be conscious and aware that she’s my dirty whore who I’m going to use.
I get a look at the package I ordered earlier that Jessie left for me. Walking over to it, I open the box and smile. It’s perfect. Once I put it on her, I kiss the side of her cheek. “Sleep tight, sweetheart. Tomorrow is a new day for your training.” With that, I get up and leave her room to go to mine. We both need our rest.
ASHTYN
I woke up this morning disappointed but also surprised. My body wasn’t sore so that meant that Saint didn’t fuck me last night while I slept. But he did come and see me at some point because I woke up with a gift wrapped around my neck.
The thin black leather collar has a black silk bow in the center with a bell. He’s made me a cat. It’s so he can hear me when I’m out walking around. He thinks it’s going to stop me, keep me locked in my room.
Fuck that!
If he wants me confined to my room, then he should shackle me to that bed. The collar also has a small lock on the back so I can’t take it off.
I like it. Just another way for him to claim me.
Jessie brought me some breakfast, which I refused to eat. I wasn’t hungry. My mind’s a mess, my body on fire. He’s toying with me. What’s the point of making me his pet if he won’t play with me? I was always needy. That hasn’t changed. My pussy is wet and begging to be touched.
Have you ever craved something so much that you’ll do anything for it? That’s where I’m at. I’ve paced my room, sat on the bed, stood on the balcony. I’ve even called out Saint’s name a few times, hoping he’d hear me on the cameras that I know are in here even if I can’t see them. Nothing. I’m being ignored. It’s him proving his point that I’m to be used, not rewarded.
I can’t take it much longer.
I’ve dressed in a pair of yoga pants and a white crop-top sans bra. Those are some things I know I won’t need. I never used to wear one, so I’m not sure why he’d let me now.
Walking over to the bedroom door, I twist the knob, half expecting it to be locked, but to my surprise, it opens. Maybe I’m not a prisoner after all.
The thought of staying in my room crosses my mind, especially after the way that man hit me, but I square my shoulders and refuse to let him stop me. Besides, a part of me wants to get Saint’s attention. He used to love coming to my rescue. We’d go out to a club or bar, and I’d start a fight with some random man and then Saint would come in, beat the fuck out of him, and save the day.
We’d end up fucking in the back seat of the car while one of the others drove us all back to the house of Lords. I love a man willing to fight for what is his.
Entering the hallway, I see three other doors. The one to my left has to be Haidyn’s. That’s the one he popped out of the other day. The one directly to the right of it is propped open.
Placing my hand on it, I gently push it open to see it matches the one I’m in size-wise. Large open space, double doors that lead out onto a balcony. A four-post bed sits in the center with deep-purple bedding and matching pillows. The walls are matte black with intricate gloss black designs.
I walk over to the bed when something catches my attention. It’s a metal collar and a chain for a leash. A large and bulky lock sits beside them. Kind of like what I wear but bigger, heavier, sturdier. I imagine the bruises it’ll leave and lack of movement it’ll provide once in place.
“Interested?”
I jump at the voice behind me and spin around to see Kashton leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest.
“In being someone’s pet? No thanks,” I lie, giving a rough laugh to avoid how nervous I am that he just caught me in his room.
He arches a brow, his eyes dropping to my bell collar. Saint might as well write Saint’s bitch across my forehead. Kashton pushes off the doorframe and steps into his room, and I step back.
“Imagine…” He gestures to the items on his bed. “You lie down after a long day at work. You’re exhausted. When you wake up the next day, you’re naked, wearing a collar with a chain connected to it and anchored to a wall.”
“Every woman’s dream.” I roll my eyes even though my pussy clenches at the thought. I’ve wished to wake up bound and gagged, left to wait for Saint to come and fuck me.
“Isn’t it, though?” He calls my bluff. “Diamonds and pearls are offered in a world where if a man doesn’t give them, he’s broke or not interested. But…” He reaches next to me and picks up the collar in one hand and the leash in the other. The chain clanks as it drops to the floor at his feet. “This shows a committed man. He feeds her, bathes her, fucks her.” His eyes meet mine. “He gives her everything she needs to survive and then some.”
“She’s a slave,” I argue, but it’s breathless.
The corner of his lips twitch. “She’s his to do as he pleases. She’s taken care of.”
“Locked in a basement.”
He shrugs. “If she wants to scream her lungs out until she’s got no voice left in order to feel better about her situation, she’s more than welcome to do so.”
I snort. “Yeah, because no one can hear her.”
He sets down the collar and leash, the weight of them making the bed dip, then he steps into me, pinning me between the foot of the bed and him. “Women want to be desired, cherished, owned.” His eyes drop to my lips, and I suck in a shaky breath before they return to mine. “I’d be more than glad to strip her naked, walk her around the block, and show her off to the world.”
“Kashton…” His name trembles on my lips. He’s so close if I puckered them, he’d kiss me.
He reaches up, cupping my face and my pulse races. “Women love a man who is proud to call her his.”
“You’re degrading her.” I manage to get out.
“You of all women know that some are into that.” He turns to leave, but I stop him.
“How many women do you have chained in the basement, Kash?”
He turns and smirks at me. “None right now. But one day there will be one. I’m a patient man.”
The way he says it tells me he already knows exactly who it will be. He turns and exits his room.
I left Kashton’s room and went back to mine. I paced for another two hours, waiting for Saint to barge into my room and get onto me for wandering around in Kashton’s. But I was still ignored.
So I left my prison again to explore some more. This time, I go to the elevator. I used to spend a lot of time roaming the halls of Carnage, but no one was allowed up here on this floor. I’m not sure if these rooms have always been here or if this is something the guys did after they took over.
Stepping inside the elevator, I take it down to the basement. I know that no matter where Saint is, he’s watching me on the cameras. Maybe he’ll show up and drag me back to my room, tie me down, and fuck me.
A girl can hope.
Stepping off the elevator, I shiver. It was always so cold down here—something I never got used to. A song filters down the long and cold hallway. “Hallelujah” by No Resolve.
It makes the hairs on my neck rise. It’s such an odd song to be played down here. I find myself walking toward it with my arms out wide, running my fingertips along the concrete walls.
I come up to pieces of plastic strip door curtains that hang in the doorway. You know the kind I’m talking about? They’re in every scary movie usually covered in blood. I push them out of my way and step through them. The music has grown louder, but I realize the song has started over. Whoever it is has it on repeat.
I slowly come to a stop outside of an open door, finding the source. Taking in a shaky breath, I look inside. A man has his back to me, but I’d recognize him no matter what. Haidyn stands in the center of a room, his right hand is down by his side, holding a knife as blood drips from it onto his black combat boots. A line of it flows down into the drain next to him.
A man hangs from the ceiling. His arms are tied above his head with chains, and he’s naked. He softly rocks back and forth because his toes cannot touch the floor. He’s bleeding from his chest. It appears his brand has been removed. Pieces of skin cover the metal table to the left.
It looks like Haidyn has used the man’s body as target practice. Different sizes of knives are sticking out of the man’s legs, arms, and stomach. Blood runs down his sweaty body and onto the floor as well.
My hand comes up to my mouth and nose to try to lessen the smell of blood, sweat, and piss. A knot forms in my throat. I almost forgot how sick this place is. It’s made of nightmares.
The man lifts his head, a strangled moan escaping his busted lips. His dead eyes meet mine when he speaks. “He-lp…me.”
I take a step back just as Haidyn turns to see me. I freeze, my body stiffening.
Haidyn has always had the power to tear a man’s head off with his bare hands. I once watched him gut a guy without blinking. So the fact he’s smiling at me right now with a bloody knife in his hand scares the shit out of me.
Without even looking back, he stabs the knife into the man’s stomach as he hangs from the ceiling. His head falls back, and he begins to sob. His voice is hoarse. There’s no telling how long Haidyn has had him down here.
Haidyn walks over to me, and I tremble as he reaches for me. “Haidyn—” He yanks me forward and wraps his arm around my neck from behind. I start kicking and screaming over the music as he lowers his lips to my ear.
“Shh, calm down, baby girl. I’m not going to hurt you,” he says softly.
Tears spill over my bottom lashes as my fingers dig into his bloody forearm. My throat is still sore from Saint yesterday, then the added pressure of his muscles makes it even worse. “Haidyn, please—”
“Watch him.” He interrupts me. “Watch him suffer, Ash. Like the piece of shit he is.”
The guy’s head hangs forward, and snot and drool fall from his face. He’s sobbing uncontrollably, and every breath he takes makes the knives move.
“Do you want him to suffer, baby girl?” Haidyn asks.
It’s a trick question. Suffering is what Carnage was built on, what the Spade brothers do. The man coughs up blood, and it lands on me, making me flinch. “No,” I say roughly.
“Go ahead.” Haidyn removes the arm around my neck, gently placing my feet on the floor and instead grabs the back of mine. His fingers pinch into my sensitive skin. “Go ahead, Ash.” He repeats. “Help him out. Show him the mercy that you think he deserves.”
“Pl…ease,” the man cries, his voice barely audible over the song that plays on repeat. It’s almost as terrifying as the bleeding man hanging naked before me. “Help me.”
I sniff, my nose running. But I reach out with a shaky hand and wrap my fingers around the bloody handle. When I yank it out, he screams. I pull another one out of his side, and he starts to thrash around. Blood gushes from both wounds, and his body begins to spasm, making the chains rattle. Blood pours from his mouth and down his naked torso before his head falls back and his body goes limp.
He’s dead.
I release the last knife as if it just burned me, and it clanks to the floor. I’m grabbed from behind, and I scream out in surprise. My back is slammed into a wall. So hard that the air is knocked out of me, and my watery eyes look up to meet Haidyn’s hard ones. His large hand wraps around my throat and he gives it a firm squeeze, crushing my collar into my skin as he holds me captive to the cold wall.
“If you don’t want to get hurt, I suggest you stay in your room, Ash. There are no cameras down here. Saint can’t save you if he can’t see who is hurting you.” His words aren’t menace in any way. They’re actually spoken softly.
I always loved Haidyn. Something about him terrified yet excited me at the same time. I wonder if he still keeps my secret.
Four Years Ago
I run out of her office, not caring that my mom’s therapist is calling out to me. I can’t hear anymore. So many lies. So much betrayal. And now a baby?
Sucking in breath after breath, I round a corner and run into someone. I scream as hands grab at me and lift me off my feet. I kick and fight, but they drag me into a room. It’s one of the fathers. She called them to come get me and take me downstairs. They’re going to kill my baby, force me to have a hysterectomy, and then throw me in a cell.
Saint won’t protect me. Not after what he finds out. A hand slaps over my mouth, muffling my screams, and I buck wildly since my nose is so stuffed up I can’t breathe through it.
“Shh, Ashtyn, calm down,” a familiar voice growls.
My body instantly goes limp, and he releases my mouth. I sob as he sits me in a chair and kneels in front of me. “What the fuck is going on?” He places his hands on my shaking thighs and rubs them over my jeans.
“I’m…pregnant,” I cry, knowing I can trust him.
“Shit.” He sighs, running his hand through his hair. “Does Saint know?”
I shake my head, tears spilling from my eyes, and I run my hand under my runny nose.
“I’ll call him.” He stands and removes his cell from his pocket, and I slap it out of his hand. “Ash—”
“No, You can’t,” I cry out, and he grabs my trembling shoulders.
“It’s okay,” he assures me softly.
He’s so wrong. “No.” I shake my head quickly. “He cheated.”
His brows pull together. “What? No. He’d never—”
“He cheated.” I gasp, trying to breathe, but my throat is closing. “You…can’t.”
“Ashtyn,”
“Tell him.” I grip his T-shirt and bury my face into it. He wraps his arms around me, and I begin to sob, repeating that he cheated, hoping he’ll understand what I mean because I can’t form a fucking sentence right now.
“Ashtyn…I can’t keep this from him.” Haidyn rubs my back.
I pull away and wrap my arms around myself, bowing my head. “If you do this, it’ll get him in trouble.” I lift my watery eyes to his, hoping I can get through to him.
He frowns. “Saint loves you, Ashtyn. He would do anything…”
“I know.” Sniff. “That’s the problem.”
His eyes search mine before he lets out a long breath and runs a hand down his face. “What do you want me to do?”
“I need a doctor.” I have to know. What if Laura somehow made the test have a positive result? I don’t put that past her to try and scare me. I need more tests done. Blood work? Ultrasound? Something that can confirm it other than her.
“I’ll call Devin…”
“No.” I shake my head. “Someone else. Someone…not here.” Devin is devoted to the Spade brothers, not me. I need someone on my side.
“Gavin.” He nods to himself, pulling out his cell. “I’ll call Gavin.”
I rock back and forth as he steps away, giving me his back, and I close my eyes, trying to stop the tears. I’m shaking, having a hard time catching my breath.
“He can see you now,” he says, getting my attention.
Licking my wet lips, I taste my tears and whisper, “How?”
“I’ll take you. No one will even know we left. But Ashtyn…” He pins me with a stare. “Who all knows about this?”
I give him a quick rundown of what was supposed to have been my therapy session, and he curses. “We’ll have to come up with a story. When we get back, you’ll have to go back and see her. You need to confide in her. Let her think she’s helping you, okay?”
I nod, hating that thought but knowing he’s not wrong.
“I mean it, baby girl.” He kneels back down in front of me, taking my shaking hands in his. “I’m going to help you, but it won’t be easy.”
Things changed after I saw Gavin. I knew right then and there when I saw the baby on the monitor that I had to stop thinking about me and Saint. But like everything else in my life, it just wasn’t meant to be.
My lips tremble as I look up at Haidyn. I can only imagine what he’s going through after that day as well. I’ve wanted to say it for a long time, but that would have required me to return, which I never planned on doing. “I’m sorry….”
“Don’t fucking apologize!” he yells in my face, making me whimper. Closing my eyes, I try to turn my head away from him, but he’s got a death grip on me. “Look at me,” he commands.
I pry my watery eyes open and meet his and take in a shaky breath. My hands dig into his bloody T-shirt, trying to push him away, but he’s got his large body pressed into mine.
“Accept your punishment, Ashtyn. We all had to.” He steps back, yanks me from the wall, and shoves me toward the door. “Get the fuck out of here before I make you skin what’s left of him.”
I don’t have to be told twice. I run out of the room, through the plastic doorway as “NUMB” by Ryan Oakes blares from the room I just vacated.
I look over my shoulder, making sure he’s not chasing me down, my hair slapping me in the face. I’m gasping for breath, my heart in my throat. I look back to see where I’m going just in time to see I need to turn a corner.
I run toward the opposite end of the hall, needing to get the fuck out of here and back to my room. Coming up to the elevator, I pound on the button and rush in when the door opens. I continue to hit the button on the inside for the floor that my room is on.
