THE LAST FIFTEEN minutes were an out-of-body experience.
I know I’m here in Shawn’s apartment, but I don’t think I’m actually here.
I’m still soaring above the clouds, higher than the stars, and I never want to come down.
Sex always feels good, but he scrambled my brain with those orgasms; it’s never felt this good before.
The way he talked to me and praised me lit a fuse inside of me, and now he’s carrying me down the hall. Kissing me softly and slowly. Savoring me like he said he would, and this is the most beautiful I’ve ever felt. The most adored and wanted.
It’s intimate and soft, a different side to the man who whispered filth in my ears a few minutes ago.
Shawn kicks a door open and walks inside a room. He turns on a lamp, and I look around. It’s clean in here, just like the rest of his apartment. A king bed sits in the middle with a dozen pillows and a comforter that looks like a cloud. I can see the city behind the headboard, and I smile at the twinkling lights.
He sets me down on the mattress and takes a step back. I’m completely naked while he still has all of his clothes on, and there’s a moment of self-consciousness. A second where I feel like this is entirely one-sided and he doesn’t want me like I want him. I cover my chest with my hands and Shawn shakes his head.
“Don’t do that,” he says, and he pulls his shirt over his head. “Don’t hide, Lacey girl. Not from me.”
The endearment lodges itself between my breasts. Behind my ribs, dangerously close to my heart, because I’m his girl.
At least for the next few weeks.
I stare at him as he undresses, and god, Shawn is a devastating man. The tattoos that go down his left arm span across his chest, too, right over his pectoral muscle. There’s an array of colors and shapes and designs, and I want to learn what each one means.
His body doesn’t seem real but something an artist created. Sharp lines. Powerful muscles. Tan skin. A dusting of dark hair that trails down his stomach.
I stop breathing when he pulls off his sweatpants and lets them fall to the floor. He’s not wearing any underwear, and seeing him naked makes my mouth go dry. His cock hangs thick and heavy between his legs and I watch his fingers fold around his length as he gives himself a tug.
I don’t know where to look; it’s hard to focus on one spot when there’s so much I want to see. My eyes drag back to Shawn’s, and he’s watching me with heat behind his gaze.
“I’ll never hide from you,” I say. I hold out my hand and he takes it. He kisses the tip of each one of my fingers, and he rests my palm over his heart. “You’re the only person I want to be myself around.”
His eyes soften as he climbs onto the bed. He moves across the mattress and holds himself above me on his hands and knees. I sit up and kiss him, my nails massaging his scalp and the spot where his shoulder meets his neck.
“You’re the only person I want to be myself around, too,” he says, and there’s a shift in the air.
This is more tender than out in the living room. Soft. Romantic, almost, if a one-night stand could be considered such a thing.
Maybe it’s silly to think that, but it’s nearly impossible not to as he traces my jaw and cups my chin in his hand. As he stares at me and eases me onto my back. There’s such care and consideration to his actions, and I feel like I’m the only girl in the world.
“I got tested six months ago,” I whisper, wanting to have this conversation before we turn mindless. “I haven’t been with anyone since.”
He nods and pulls down my bottom lip with his thumb. Smears my lipstick a little in the corner and drags it down my cheek to make me look thoroughly wrecked. “Same. Negative on all tests.”
“I’m also on birth control.”
“What are you saying? No condom?”
“I want to feel you.” I take a deep breath and try to steady myself. “But I’m sure you… you might have… I’d never do anything to put you in an uncomfortable position or trap you or anything.”
“I would never think that,” he says fiercely. “I trust you completely.”
“Okay.” I nod and wrap my hand around his cock. I stroke him up and down, and his eyes flutter closed. I think he’s trying not to lose too much control too early. “Then it’ll just be us.”
“Going to fuck you raw,” he says through a strangled exhale. “Really make you mine.”
For the night, I want to say, but I keep that thought to myself.
“How do you want me?” I ask. I run my thumb over the head of his cock, and I rub the pre-cum I find there down his length. He lurches forward and nearly falls on top of me, but catches himself at the last second. “What makes you feel the best? You made me feel so good, Shawn. I want to make you feel good, too.”
“Anything with you is going to feel like heaven.” He taps my knee and lifts his chin. “Move up to the headboard.”
I slide across the sheets and lean back against the stack of pillows. I open my legs and rest my hand on my stomach, impatiently waiting for him to join me. Shawn stares for a minute before he shakes his head, like he’s trying to rid himself of thoughts he shouldn’t be having. He positions himself between my thighs and tips his mouth to mine.
“Do you want me?” I ask him, and in the dead of night there’s no one around to hear his answer. No one to see the way he kisses me and pulls me close. Up here, it’s just us, nothing but the light of the moon, the stars in the sky, and our naked bodies as we reach for each other.
“You know the answer to that,” he says into my neck like it’s a secret. His tongue runs up my throat and he bites my earlobe. When he sucks on my skin, I let out a sharp breath. “I’ve never wanted someone as much as I want you.”
Shawn pushes inside of me. Gentle at first, as I arch into the pillows and get used to his small thrusts. Harder when my hands grip the sheets on either side of my body because I’m afraid I’m going to fall. There’s a gradual build up and then he’s moving faster, harder, lifting on his knees and getting deeper as he tries to find the best position.
He fucks like he kisses; possessively. With every part of himself. Teeth on my neck. A hand taking my arms and pinning them above my head. Words of encouragement whispered in my ear and a soft laugh when I arch my back and ask for more.
“Harder,” I say through a gasp, because as mind-numbing as this is, I still want more.
I lift my leg so he can drive deeper into me, and he lets out a string of expletives at the new angle. His muscles flex and his eyes squeeze shut, concentration painted beautifully across his face.
“Lacey. I can’t—” He swallows, and I watch the bob of his throat. The shade of crimson on his cheeks and how hard he is between my legs. In and out, the rhythm makes me dizzy with lust. He’s still inside of me, but I already want more. “If I go any harder, I’m going to come. I’m not going to last for you.”
“So come,” I say.
My hands escape from his hold and move up his chest. They settle around his neck and I pull him toward me. I kiss his throat. Lick at his collarbone and sink my teeth into his shoulder. He makes a sound from deep in his chest, a rumbly noise of pleasure I love instantaneously.
Shawn opens his eyes. He looks down at me and thrusts so hard, the headboard slams against the window. I’m afraid the glass might crack.
“I said I’m getting three from you.” He reaches between us and his thumb finds my clit. He rubs in a circle, and there are spots in my vision. “I don’t come until you do.”
“Such a gentleman,” I get out. He pinches me hard, and flashes of color sparkle behind my eyelids. “Can we switch positions?”
“What do you want to try?” he asks. His thrusts slow, and he looks distressed. On the verge of ecstasy, but not close enough.
“Can you fuck me from behind?” I look away and bite my lip. “It’s my favorite position.”
Shawn squeezes my cheeks and turns my head so I have no choice but to look up at him. “What did I say about hiding from me?”
“To not.” My hand curls around his bicep, and I hold on to him for support. “I’m sorry.”
“You never have to apologize,” he says, and he slides out of me. My cheeks heat when I see his cock is almost dripping, and I know most of it is from me. “Get on your hands and knees for me, Lacey. Let me watch your ass bounce while you take me from behind.”
I crawl down the bed until I have enough space to get into position, and I look at him over my shoulder. Shawn is touching himself, and his hand gives his cock a couple of pulls.
“You don’t need permission,” I say, and the wind gets knocked out of me when he rests his palm against my backside.
“It’s a shame we said only once. I’ve been wanting to take your ass since the minute you walked into my apartment tonight,” he says. He kisses the top of my spine and pushes down on my shoulders until my chest rests against the bed. “I bet you’d like that.”
My eyes roll to the back of my head, and I nod. “Yes. I like—I like that, too.”
“I knew you would. We’d have to work up to that, and we don’t have enough time. Guess I’ll have to dream about it,” Shawn says, and he slides two fingers back inside me. “You’re still wet for me, aren’t you? You’ve been so patient.”
“I’ve been good, right?” I ask, and I’m desperate to hear his answer. “I can still have a third?”
“Oh, Lacey girl, you’ve been so good, and I want you to come around my cock this time. Once you do, I’m going to fill you up with my cum because I know that’s what you want.” He leans forward and lines himself up with my entrance. “I’ll tell you a secret: once is never going to be enough. I’m going to think about you every goddamn night until the day I die.”
Shawn slams into me, and my eyes fill with tears. I grip the sheets and moan with delight as he gives me every inch of himself. It’s chaotic. It’s messy. It’s the best I’ve ever had because it’s him and it’s perfect.
He touches me everywhere. I can feel myself teetering toward that precipice of pleasure, a ledge I so badly want to jump from. The orgasm races down my spine to my belly. It takes my breath away and I moan so loudly, I’m surprised the walls don’t shake.
“Lacey,” Shawn says, and all his control seeps away.
He thrusts into me, one hand on my chest and the other around my neck. I think I’m grounding him now, the one to keep him stable and afloat as he lurches forward and pulses inside me.
We stay like that for a minute; him folded on top of me and my ass lifted in the air. When he pulls out, his release trails down my leg. His fingers dance up my thigh and through the mess he left behind. I bury my face in the sheets, and hot mortification and lust roll into me as I lower myself onto his finger and take every drop he can give me, aching for more.
“Good girl,” he murmurs. “Not wasting anything, are you?”
Shawn kisses my shoulder. He collects me off the mattress and pulls me into his lap. I dip my chin and bury my face in his chest as he brushes the hair out of my eyes.
“Um.” I clear my throat. “I should go.”
“Stay with me for a minute. Let me hold you. Can I do that?”
I nod and take a deep breath. I pull away and look up at him. He’s watching me as he rubs soothing circles on my back. “That was good,” I whisper.
The best I’ve ever had.
“Are you okay? I didn’t—”
“No.” I shake my head. “You didn’t. It was perfect. Exactly what I needed.”
“Is the itch scratched?” Shawn asks.
“Yeah. Yeah, I think it is. Thank you for your service.”
He chuckles and brushes his nose against mine. “You’re not going to disappear on me, right?”
“Never. You’re stuck with me, buddy.”
“Good.” His eyes bounce to my mouth and they linger there before darting away. “Let me call you a car.”
“I can take an Uber. Shouldn’t take long.”
“You’ll let me know when you get home?”
“Yeah.” I untangle myself from him and I slide across the mattress, planting my feet on the floor. I look back at Shawn, and he’s lounging on his elbow, staring at me. “What?”
He shakes his head and pulls on my wrist. I tumble back to him, and he surprises me when he kisses me. I sigh against his mouth and the warm, soft lips I won’t get to taste again. I’m tempted to climb on top of him. To straddle his lap and ride him until morning. He’s half-hard under me, and his hand closes around my neck again like my favorite piece of jewelry.
I’m never going to look at that tattoo the same way again.
“We can’t,” he says when I guide him to my entrance, desperate to feel him again. “We said one time.”
“It’s still the same time,” I answer, and I was a fool to think just once with him would be enough. “You kissed me first.”
“You came to my apartment looking like a goddess and begged me to fuck you.”
“I didn’t beg.”
“You sure about that, sweetheart?”
I sigh and rest my forehead against his. He blinks up at me, and there are stars in his eyes and a smile on his lips. “I’m going to go,” I say, but I don’t make any effort to leave.
“Okay,” Shawn says, and his hand stays on my hip, keeping me in place.
“In a minute.”
“Just a minute.”
“Soon.”
He chuckles and kisses me again. “You can stay as long as you want, Lacey girl. I’m not going to kick you out. But if you stay, I’m going to have you again, and I know that goes against what you want.”
What if I want him?
“Thank you for tonight,” I say. “I’ll see you soon for the holiday party.”
“Looking forward to it. I’ll get us a car and pick you up at seven. Your clothes are in the living room, by the way.”
“Right.” I bob my head and climb off of him. I kiss him one more time and move away from the bed. “I’ll let you know when I’m home.”
“Thank you. I’m keeping your underwear, by the way,” Shawn says, and I bark out a laugh. “For prosperity.”
“Fine.” I scoop his shirt off the ground and pull it over my head. I’m swimming in the cotton and it reaches past my knees, but I don’t care. “Then I’m taking your shirt.”
“Fine.”
“Good.”
“Glad we settled that.”
“Bye, Shawn Yawn.”
“See ya, Lace Face,” he calls out.
I leave his bedroom and grab my scattered clothes off the floor. I sneak out of his apartment and shut the door quietly behind me. I lean against the wall in the hallway and close my eyes. My phone buzzes in my hand and I open the text message.
It’s from Shawn, the words good night written on the window directly above the rumpled sheets where we just laid. My heart twists in my chest, and I think I’ve made a terrible mistake.
