LACEY IS in the lobby of my apartment five minutes before eight.
She’s sitting on a leather bench tucked away in the corner and staring at her phone. A suitcase is next to her, a bright orange monstrosity that makes my eyes hurt. Her fingers type away on her screen, and there’s a small smile on her lips.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I pull it out.
LACE FACE
I’m really disappointed your building doesn’t have an ambiguous sculpture.
What do visitors talk about? Kind of awkward.
A laugh rumbles out of me and I walk toward her.
“They don’t talk about anything,” I say, and Lacey lifts her head at the sound of my voice. “Everyone sits in silence and stares at each other.”
“Hey.” She jumps to her feet and grins when she spots me. “Good morning.”
“Morning.” I bend down to give her a hug, and I run my hand over the small of her back. “I could’ve picked you up, you know. You didn’t have to trudge all the way over here with your bags.”
“It was nice to get some steps in. We’re going to be sitting for a while, and I wanted to work out some of my nervous energy.”
“Don’t be nervous. Everything’s going to be fine. We’re going to go in, spend a couple of days with my family, make them think we’re head over heels in love with each other, then leave. Super simple,” I say, and she nods.
“You’re right. It’s no big deal. We know each other and we’re comfortable around each other. We kicked ass at the game Aiden made us play. There aren’t going to be any issues.”
I nod toward her bags. “Want me to take that for you?”
“That’s okay. I can handle it. Thanks, though.”
Lacey follows me into the elevator, and we take it down two floors to the parking garage. I lift her luggage and put it in the trunk, and I add my bags beside it.
“You’re bringing a lot of stuff,” she says. “It’s making me feel like I’m wildly unprepared.”
“Most of it is presents. Don’t worry; I wrapped them and put both our names on them.”
“Oh, thank you. I have a bottle of wine for your parents, but I didn’t know what to get anyone else. Speaking of presents, I have a couple for you. Can I give them to you when we get home?”
“I’d like that. I have some for you, too.” I shut the trunk and open the passenger door for her. “I already got the seat warmers turned on for you. It’s nice out today, so I’m not sure how much use they’ll be.”
“Like the balmy days of late July,” she says, and I offer her my hand so she can climb inside. “Looks like snow on Christmas, though. Just in time for me to kick your ass in a snowball fight.”
“Dream on, Daniels.” I shut the door and hustle to the other side of the car. I slide into my seat and shift the car to drive. “Pretty sure my right arm is stronger than yours.”
“Are you sure about that?” She kicks off her shoes and crosses her legs in the seat. The black tights she’s wearing stretch over her muscles, and they’re the same distracting pair she wore on Thanksgiving. I remember those little frills at the top like the back of my hand. “Is there anything else I need to know about your family?”
“What, like if we do any sacrifices in the basement? A little late to be asking about that, don’t you think?”
Lacey rolls her eyes and reaches over to poke my ribs. I dodge out of the way and grab her hand, threading it through mine. “Tell me about your nieces. What does your parents’ kitchen look like? Is there a tire swing in the backyard?”
I rub my thumb over her knuckles and smile as we head north. “I have five nieces. The oldest is eleven and the youngest turned two last month. Parker, Madeline, Eliza, Megan and Perry—which is short for Persephone. My parents’ kitchen got remodeled four summers ago. There’s no tire swing in the backyard, but there is an old wooden bench under this big oak tree. All of our initials are carved into it.”
“So many girls.” Lacey brings her knees to her chest and turns her body to face me. “You’d be a good girl dad.”
“Oh yeah?” My eyes flick over to her, and she’s watching me with her chin cradled in her free hand. A smile pulls at her lips, and I wonder what she’s thinking about. “What makes you say that?”
“Because I know how you treat me, Maggie, and Maven. You’re not grossed out by period stuff. You think women can truly do anything. You’re patient and kind and… I don’t know. You’d be a great boy dad, too. All those football helmets and tackling and stuff. But you’re soft, Shawn. Your heart is gentle, and sometimes you like to be quiet. Perfect for girls.”
I swallow, and images of Lacey and me being parents run through my mind.
A line of girls, and I’m trying to tie ribbons in their hair.
Pink shoes.
Pink soccer cleats.
A breakfast table full of high-pitched laughter and squeals.
Fuck.
Fuck.
What the hell is going on? I’ve never imagined myself as a parent before, and definitely not with someone I’ve slept with a handful of times.
But it’s there, clear as day, like a bruise you can’t get rid of.
A thread in me pulls tight at the vision, and I blink it away.
“Thanks. Being a girl dad would be pretty fucking cool.” I squeeze her hand and let go. Maybe touching her is making me think these things, a whole life of happily ever after stretching out in front of me every time her palm connects with mine. “Want to put on some music?”
“Sure. What are you in the mood for? How about some songs from the sixties? That’s close to your generation.”
“Jesus, Daniels. It’s too early for that kind of attack,” I say, but I laugh anyway. “Nothing from the sixties, thanks. Or country. I hate it.”
“How can you hate country?” she asks, and she sounds appalled. “An entire genre is on your shit list?”
“Yup. I don’t see why anyone would find a tractor sexy, but that’s just me.”
“So I shouldn’t sign you up for Farmers Only?”
“God, no. Can you imagine what people’s bios must say? Must love chickens. I’m all set.”
“Missed opportunity for it to say must love cocks and for it to not mean you’re talking about organizing an orgy,” she answers, and then she bursts out laughing.
It’s uncontrollable, and I almost have to pull the car over because I’m cackling too hard. Tears fill my eyes, and my sides ache. Lacey howls beside me, her face buried in her hands and her shoulders shaking.
God, she’s fun.
I could listen to her stupid jokes for hours and they’d never get old.
“You know, if the whole badass-pediatrician-who-helps-the-community thing never pans out, you might have a career in standup,” I say when the giggles subside.
It dulls to quiet, and all I can hear is her gentle breathing. The sound of the road beneath the car. The beat of my heart when she practically climbs across the center console to loop her arm around mine and rest her head on my shoulder. I should tell her to stop being reckless, to sit back down and not get too close, but I can’t.
She makes me want to be reckless, too.
“Glad to know I have a backup option,” she says. “Though, to be honest, I think you can only talk about cocks one or two times before someone starts to think you really might be trying to organize an orgy.”
“Three times a charm. Hey, I want to talk to you about tomorrow.”
“Okay. What’s tomorrow?”
“There’s this thing my family and I do every year. It started back when my dad was a mail carrier—he delivered letters for thirty-five years. Christmas was always his favorite time of year. He would read the letters kids wrote to Santa, and he’d partner with local companies to surprise them with a gift off their wish list.”
“Wow. That’s incredible. That’s a great way to get in the holiday spirit.”
“It is. It kind of grew over the years. I remember the first time we went around we had fifteen families to drop off gifts for. It wasn’t a lot, but it was enough to make them smile. When I signed my rookie contract, I wanted to make what he was doing an official organization, so I did.”
“Oh, Shawn. What a thoughtful gesture.” She nestles her cheek onto my arm and squeezes me tight. “Please keep talking. I want to hear more.”
“It’s called Operation Give Back, and we’ve kept that gift giving tradition in place. It’s grown a lot, and so many people benefit from it. It’s a good reminder of what the year is about, you know?”
“I definitely know. Whenever I walk through the hospital to visit Maggie in November and December, you see these folks who are sick or hurting but they’re still smiling because they’re surrounded by the people they love. They don’t have a million presents under the Christmas tree, but what they do have, they’re so grateful for.”
“Exactly. Tomorrow is the day we designated to deliver gifts. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you—I feel like I’ve been running around the last couple of weeks, and I forgot you don’t know what my family does for the holidays. It’s going to be cold and we’ll be spending a lot of hours on our feet, so please don’t feel obligated to join. I just wanted to give you a heads up for where I’ll be tomorrow when I disappear.”
“Are you kidding? I’d love to join you all, if that’s okay.”
“It’s more than okay.” I turn my cheek and give her a quick kiss on her forehead. “I want you there, and I’m glad I’ll have you by my side.”
THE DRIVE IS SHORT, and traffic is light for a holiday weekend. We zip up I-95, and soon we’re turning onto my parents’ street. The sun inches higher in the sky, and I’m hit with a wave of nostalgia from being back in a place I know so well.
“That’s their house on the corner,” I say. I park the car on the road and turn off the ignition. The driveway is full of rental cars and my parents’ Subarus—matching white Outbacks they’ve had since 2015 and refuse to trade in. “Ready to get this party started?”
“Let’s do it.” She reaches over and high fives me, and I chuckle when she jumps out of the car. “I didn’t even ask, but I’m assuming we’re sharing a room?”
“Yeah. Shit, I’m sorry I didn’t run that by you. I can sleep on the floor or something.”
“Shawn. You’ve seen me naked. You’ve bent me over my couch and jerked off with a pair of my underwear. We can survive sleeping in the same bed.”
“If you feel uncomfortable in the middle of the night, you can kick me out,” I say.
“It’s really sweet of you to think I’ll be able to move your two-hundred-pound body,” Lacey says, and she grins. “I’m sure I could push you with all of my might and you wouldn’t go anywhere.”
We head up the driveway, and I nod toward a bush on the left. “My sister Katelin shoved me into that shrub once when she found out I hid all of her Paramore CDs in the backyard.”
“I’d shove you in it, too,” she says, and I pinch her hip. She squeals and runs toward the door, raising her fist to knock. “Wait, do we just walk in? You don’t technically live here anymore.”
“Sweetheart, my blood is literally on these front steps from the time I stumbled home drunk on my eighteenth birthday. We’re not knocking.”
“The audacity of them to put stairs here, honestly.”
“Can’t believe they didn’t ask me about my drinking habits when they bought the place a year before I was born.”
“Okay, so we’re just—”
The door flies open before Lacey can finish asking her question. Three small bodies barrel into me and wrap their arms around my waist.
“Uncle Shawn,” Parker, my oldest niece, says. “You’re here.”
“Hey, princess.” I set my bags down and pick her up. She’s halfway through her first year in middle school and getting taller every time I see her, but she still lets out a giggle as I spin her around like a helicopter. I’ve been doing it since she was a toddler, and I hope she never asks me to stop.
“Me next,” Eliza demands, her eight-year-old personality shining through. I switch girls, spinning her around too, and she squeals with delight.
“Last but not least. The tiniest princess,” I say, and I pick up Perry. I toss her high in the air and catch her. “Merry Christmas, gang.”
“Who’s that?” Eliza asks, and she points to Lacey.
She’s standing off to the side, letting me have a minute with the girls, and I smile. I’ve never introduced a woman to my family; there have been the occasional run-ins at games where the person I’m sleeping with meets my sister, and it’s unbelievably awkward.
They always try to insert themselves into the moment, like they’re establishing themselves as an important fixture in my life when I don’t even know how they take their coffee in the morning.
Not Lacey, though. She’s biting her bottom lip and watching the madness unfold, a twinkle in her eye as her gaze drags to mine. I motion her forward and she shuffles toward me, shyness in her soft smile.
“This is Lacey,” I say. “She’s my girlfriend, and I like spending time with her.”
“Pretty,” Perry says. She touches Lacey’s hair then her nose. “Princess.”
I chuckle and kiss Perry’s cheek. “She is kind of a princess, isn’t she?”
“Do you love her, Uncle Shawn?” Eliza asks. “Mommy says Christmas is about being with people you love. You must, if she’s here with you.”
Our eyes meet, and the color on Lacey’s cheeks deepens from pink to a deep shade of red.
“I like her very, very much,” I say. “She’s my favorite person in the entire world.”
“The entire world?” Eliza wrinkles her nose. “But there are a lot of people. You haven’t met them all.”
“Doesn’t matter. She’s still my favorite,” I say, and Lacey wraps her fingers around my wrist. Brings my hand to her mouth and kisses my palm, right in the center.
“Hi. I’m Lacey. I’m very excited to meet you. Your Uncle Shawn has told me a lot about you all,” she says.
“Do you like Barbies?” Eliza asks. “Would you play dress up with us?”
“Of course, I would,” Lacey says. “That sounds so fun.”
“I like her, Uncle Shawn,” Parker says, and I chuckle.
“I do, too. Let’s get you kids back in the house before your moms yell at me for letting you stand out here without a coat on. I can’t get in trouble before we open presents,” I say, and I corral the girls inside.
I set Perry down, and they all take off toward the kitchen. I spy the Christmas tree in the living room, its lights turned on and ornaments dangling from the branches. The smell of apple pie wafts through the air, and I inhale, happy to be home.
“You love it here,” Lacey says softly. “It’s one of your safe spaces.”
“Yeah.” I nod, and my shoulders relax. “There’s no place like home, right?”
“Right,” she agrees, and I tug her toward me. I cup her cheek with my palm, and I smile as she glances up at me.
“This is going to be the best year yet, though. All my favorite people are in one place. What could be better?”
“An orgy,” she says, and I tuck my laughter into the crook of her neck. I wrap my arms around her and hug her tight.
We stay like that for a minute, the wreath on the door our only witness, and I kiss her forehead. She’s warm under my mouth, and I want to kiss her everywhere.
“Ready?” I ask, and I take her hand in mine.
“Let’s do it.” Lacey smiles at me, a grin as bright as the twinkling lights draped over the fireplace and the stockings hanging from the mantle. “Best Christmas ever. I can already feel it.”
