“CAN I OPEN THAT ONE?” Eliza asks, and she points to a box under the tree with a red bow in the right corner. “It’s so big.”
“Sorry, princess. That one is for Parker,” I say. “But I have this one for you.”
I reach behind my back and slide a bag her way. Her eyes light up and she grabs for the present, gleeful giggles spilling out of her.
“What do you say?” Amanda says, and Eliza leans forward to kiss my nose.
“Thank you, Uncle Shawn,” she whispers, and I give her a tight hug.
“You’re welcome, kid.”
“Good planning,” Lacey says from beside me, soft enough so only I can hear. “I imagine you have to really think out everything ahead of time when it comes to kids and presents.”
“Everyone has to have the same number of gifts,” I explain, and I rest my hand on her knee. “You know how kids operate. They see things in quantities, not qualities. Eight smaller gifts are better than two nicer gifts. If they have less than the others, it’s a tantrum waiting to happen.”
“You’ve done a good job. Definitely solidified yourself as the coolest uncle.”
“I’m the only uncle.”
“Doesn’t mean there isn’t a competition,” she says. “The scooters were a big hit.”
“I thought they might be. Those kids are always on the go. I’m sure my sisters are going to be pissed about the mayhem they’re going to cause, but it’s not my problem. After this, we get to go home and sleep in silence.”
We watch the kids open the rest of their presents. Piles of toys start to stack up around the room, and you can barely see the floor. We take a break for cookies, a plate of sugar and chocolate chip treats making its way around the room.
When my mom hands me a small box, I look up in surprise.
“You already gave me something,” I say, and she smiles.
“I know I did, but this is for you and Lacey. It’s nothing big,” she explains. “But I’ve gotten one for everyone else. Now it’s your turn.”
I hand the box to the woman beside me. “You open it.”
“No way. I’ve seen how you open gifts. You’ll scream if you learn I just rip the paper in two, and I really don’t want us to have our first fight while I’m eating a delicious cookie.”
“Monster.” I peel the tape away from the paper and unfold it carefully. I wiggle the top off the box and stare at the glass ornament sitting on a small stack of tissue paper. “Mom. This is very nice of you.”
“What is it?” Lacey asks, and she rests her chin on my shoulder.
“It’s an ornament for us. Our First Christmas, it says, with the year underneath it.” I turn it around, and I see our names engraved on it, too. “It’s perfect. We’ll hang it on the tree next year.”
“Just a little something to commemorate your first holiday together,” my mom says.
“This is so thoughtful, Kelly.”
Lacey pushes off the couch and walks to my mom.
A rush of love hits me as I watch them. I know our relationship started as something artificial and fake, but I also know she’ll be here with me next year. On this same couch, with these same people. We’ll have a second Christmas and a third Christmas together, amassing them until we’ve collected fifty ornaments, and we’ll have a tree decorated in mementos documenting our love story.
There might be an end date for this arrangement between us, but I’m not letting Lacey Daniels walk away from me. Not when my mom hugs her tight and plays with the ends of her hair. Not when my nieces—all five of them—barrel into her and ask her to play dress up and house and pirates with them. Not when I can’t wipe the stupid smile off my face when she glances at me from across the room later that night at dinner, the brightest twinkle in her eyes.
We’re going to have to adjust the terms.
I love her so much it hurts.
It hurts to think about saying goodbye. It hurts to think about a life where I don’t wake up next to her. It hurts to imagine her making someone else happy when she makes me feel on top of the fucking world.
I’ll take one more day with her over a thousand with anyone else.
“THANKS FOR THE PRESENT, MOM,” I say as I drop the last dirty plate in the kitchen sink and take a seat at the small table next to her. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know I didn’t, but I wanted to.” Her eyebrow lifts and she rests her chin in her hand. “I’m onto you, you know.”
“What do you mean?”
“Sweetie, I’ve been your mother for forty-six years. I know you better than you know yourself. Do you honestly think you’d find a girlfriend and bring her to Christmas, and I wouldn’t know it was fake?”
My cheeks burn and I rub my temples. “How did—why—” I sigh and shake my head, not even bothering to come up with an excuse. “Shit. I’m sorry.”
“Tell me the story.”
And I do. About the kiss cam and how I wanted to take away Lacey’s embarrassment. About the decision to pretend to date each other through the holidays.
I leave out telling her about the supply closet. Lacey’s couch. Upstairs in my bed last night—twice—because I don’t think she needs to hear all the details.
When I finish, I take a deep breath and reluctantly bring my gaze to meet hers.
“I’m a shitty son, aren’t I?” I ask.
“What are you talking about? Do you know how horrible it is to know you thought you had to lie because it would make me happy? Darling, all I want is for you to be happy. I don’t care if that’s by yourself or with someone else. I’m so sorry I ever made you feel like you had to have a partner.”
“It’s not your fault.” I sigh and lean back in the chair, kicking my legs straight out in front of me. I cross my ankles over each other and look at the ceiling. “I think I’ve just been so desperate to be… not alone. And this was an excuse to not be alone, again, for another holiday season.”
“Tell me about Lacey.”
My lips twitch, and I glance over at the brunette leaning over the sink, soap up her arms and a sponge in her hands. “She’s a breath of fresh air. She’s the first woman who hasn’t been impressed with my name or how much money I make. If I lost everything tomorrow, she’d still be right there. And that’s scary, because she sees me. I can have a panic attack, and she’ll hold me after. My team can lose a game and she’ll order pizza with me and sit on the couch like it’s no big deal. I feel like I’ve been drowning for years, and she’s pulled me to the surface. With her I can laugh. With her I can just… just live. I can finally breathe.”
My mom takes my hand in hers and holds me tight. “I want you to listen to me, Shawn. What you have with her is special. I don’t care if it’s friendship or if it’s something deeper and more complex. You’ve taken care of your heart for so long, and it’s okay to let someone else in who will help take care of it, too. You don’t have to do it alone.”
“I know.” I squeeze my eyes shut and take a deep breath. “She’s the most important person in the world to me, Mom. I’m desperate for her attention and greedy for her time. She smiles at me, and I go weak in the knees.” I laugh and shake my head. “I sound obsessed, don’t I?”
“No.” My mom kisses my cheek and rests her cheek on my shoulder. “You sound like you’re in love.”
I POP my head into the bathroom and find Lacey in the tub. Bubbles cover her body, and her head rests against the porcelain. Her eyes are closed and her hair sits on the top of her head, and I smile at how relaxed she is.
I knock my knuckles against the door softly, not wanting to disturb her. One of her eyes opens, and she sits up when she sees me.
“Hey. There you are.”
“Hi. I was reading bedtime stories,” I say. “How’s your bath?”
“Incredible. I’m not leaving here tomorrow. This is my home now.”
“Might get a little cold, don’t you think?” I walk over to the tub and sit on the edge. I dip my fingers in the water and swirl the bubbles around. “Can I get you anything?”
“No.” She sighs and lifts her arm to me. Her hand touches my cheek, and I turn to kiss her palm. “It’s so peaceful in here. I need to wash my hair, but I’m too tired to move. The snowball fight today taught me I’m wildly out of shape, and you can’t be trusted when a trophy is involved.”
“I’m sorry.” I bend over and kiss her forehead. “You’re never going to forgive me for that, are you?”
“I will. Only because you gave me the best orgasm of my life minutes before.”
“The best of both worlds. Get comfortable. I’ll wash your hair for you.”
“What?” Water trails down her neck and catches in the hollow of her throat. “Have you ever washed someone’s hair before?”
“First time. Can’t be too hard, can it?”
“I’m sure you want to spend the last few hours of our time here with your family.”
“No.” I shake my head and pull down on her bottom lip with my thumb. “I want to spend it with you.”
Lacey lets out a breath, and I see her guard come down. She swallows and dips her chin, the smallest indication that she’s giving me control. I smile and kiss her softly before grabbing the shampoo bottle and the showerhead.
She adjusts her position, scooting down the slant of the tub and pulling her hair free from the scrunchie keeping it in place. Brown waves spill over her shoulders, and I turn the water on, checking the temperature before I bring it to her head.
We don’t speak as I wet her hair and squeeze shampoo into my hands. I rub my palms together and massage the strands until her scalp is covered in suds.
“That feels nice,” Lacey whispers. “Much better than when I do it.”
“Good.” I kiss her shoulder and press my thumb into her neck, working out the tension in her muscles. She melts into my touch, her eyes fluttering closed and her breathing slowing down.
Her throat bobs and she stays still while I rinse out the shampoo, making sure I lift the hair off her shoulders to get those pieces, too.
It’s the most intimate I’ve ever been with a woman. It feels more monumental than fucking her into a mattress for the first time, like there’s weight in the way I use the conditioner next and rinse that out, too.
Her arm loops around my neck and she brings me to her lips, kissing me as my shirt gets soaked and her wet hair tickles my ear. It’s tender and it’s sweet, and I realize she’s too far away and I have to be with her right this very second.
I break our contact and stand, pulling off my jeans and underwear. My shirt follows, and her eyes roam down my naked body, taking in every tattoo, every muscle and every line.
“Come here,” she says, reaching for me and practically pulling me into the tub.
I climb in and water sloshes over the sides. We barely fit, the basin just large enough for us to not be completely on top of each other, but I don’t care. I lean back and pull her toward me, her back against my chest as I hold her.
“What are you thinking about?” I ask, because I’ve never heard Lacey this quiet.
“That I like being here with you.” She traces my knee, her fingers drawing designs on my skin. “That this moment is perfect.”
“It is, isn’t it?”
“Ten out of ten. No complaints.”
I chuckle and rub her shoulder, resting my chin in the crook of her neck. “My mom knows we’re not dating.”
“What?” Lacey spins around and gapes at me. “Are you serious?”
“Dead serious. She told me in the kitchen when you were washing the dishes.”
“Oh, no.” She buries her face in her hands, and I have to pry her palms away. “I can never see her again.”
“She doesn’t care. She’s just happy I’m happy. And fuck, Lacey girl, I’m really happy.”
“You are?” she whispers, and I nod as a grin stretches across my lips.
“I am. I haven’t been this happy in a very, very long time. Not ever, I don’t think.”
“I’m happy, too,” she says, and I kiss her again.
It’s more frantic this time, like we’re both well aware we’re leaving tomorrow and heading back to reality. This is hurried and desperate, teeth and tongue and hands everywhere they can reach.
I bend my neck and kiss her chest and the spot between her breasts. I wrap her hair around my wrist and give a gentle tug, just hard enough for a moan to slip out of her mouth.
She tastes like the whipped cream on the top of the pie we had for dessert, sweet and sugary and a delicious slice of heaven. Lacey climbs into my lap and hovers over me, her thighs on either side of my hips and a question in her eyes.
“Yes,” I say, and my hand curls around her throat. “The answer is always yes. Tonight. Tomorrow. Six months from now. Everything I have is yours, Lacey girl.”
Her eyes soften as she sinks onto me, and we hiss in unison.
I’ll never get over how good she feels, tight and warm and absolutely perfect for me.
“Shawn,” she whispers, and her fingers dig into my shoulders. Her hips move in a small circle, and I bite on my bottom lip to keep from yelling her name.
“You take me so well,” I whisper back, and my free hand dips into the water, finding her clit and rubbing her in slow circles. “Every inch is yours.”
“I feel you everywhere.” Her palm folds over the one wrapped around her neck, and she drags my hand to her chest. “Here,” she says, and my hand squeezes her tit. She moves our hands to between her legs, her fingers brushing against mine. “Here.” She guides my hand to her heart, and I feel it race under my touch. “And here.”
I close my eyes and lift my hips to meet her, getting another inch deeper as more water splashes over the edges of the tub.
I love her. I love her. I love her.
“Open your eyes, Shawn. I want to watch you while you come undone.”
My eyes fly open and I stare at her as she lifts her arms above her head, a goddess in her skin and an angel on Earth.
“I’m not—you feel too good, sweetheart,” I say, and my breaths come out ragged. “You make things very difficult.”
“I could stop, if you want,” she says, and her smile hitches up when I kiss her chin and the slope of her jaw.
“No,” I say roughly. I rub my cheek against her chest and take her nipple in my mouth. “Never, ever stop.”
“Use your thumb,” she whispers, her words stuttered and strained as she tightens around me. “I like when you use your thumb.”
I switch out my fingers for my thumb, listening to her guidance because I’m never one to deny her. Her moan comes out like a laugh, sweet music to my ears when she tumbles over the edge, her orgasm causing her to rock forward and almost fall in my arms.
“I’ve got you,” I say in her ear, and my hands scoop under her thighs as I thrust into her. I feel her teeth sink into my neck and bite the skin, and I let out a grunt.
“I want you to come in me,” says, her tongue running over the marks her teeth just left behind. “Fill me up, Shawn. Let everyone know I’m yours. Because I am, you know. I am yours.”
I groan as pleasure barrels into me. I lift my hips again, my release spilling inside her until my legs go numb and my lungs stop hurting. I think I’ve died and ascended to heaven because all I see are whites and yellows behind my eyes.
“Hell.” I drop my head back and pant. “You are incredible.”
Lacey nestles into me and runs her hand over my chest. “That was good.”
“Better than good.”
“Eh. I’d give it a seven out of ten,” she says, and I lift an eyebrow.
“A seven out of ten? Guess I need to try again.” My fingers run up her thigh, and she shivers against me. “I can’t stop until I get it completely right.”
I love her. I love her. I love her, I think as I lift her out of the water and carry her to my bed, her laughter something I want to get tattooed across my skin to keep forever.
