The sun peeking through my curtains is what wakes me up, blinding and bright. Squinting, it takes me a moment to orient myself, remembering where I am.
Boston.
I’m in Boston.
I’ve woken up most of my adult life this way, needing to recall where I am, what city I’m currently passing through.
Rolling over, I’m struck with another reminder.
I’m sore.
I’m sore from Kai stretching my body.
Because we had sex.
Mind-blowing, made-me-come-three-times, better-than-I’ve-ever-had sex.
Flashes of his dark hair, wet with sweat, pass through my mind. His body, long and lean, knowing exactly how to take care of mine. And his words . . . God, he talks dirty in bed.
I squeeze my thighs at the memories.
My attention darts to the side table where he left his glasses last night, but they’re gone, as are the clothes he left scattered across the floor. But yesterday’s olive-green overalls are still right where I left them, so without fussing over a bra or shirt, I step into them, needing to cover some of my naked body, not knowing if Kai has picked up Max from his brother’s room yet.
And right on cue, I hear the front door of Kai’s room unlock. The one connecting ours is still wide open and it’s only a few seconds later that he takes over the threshold, a coffee in either hand. He’s wearing athletic shorts that cut well above his knees, showing off that thigh tat, with a gray tee and his glasses back in place.
He’s so hot and put together at this early hour while I’m barely dressed with my hair still a mess from his hands running through it last night.
He smiles at me, all sweet and sexy, clearly not thrown off that I kicked him out of bed last night.
“Did you just wake up?”
“Yes.” I turn away from him, using the full-length mirror on the wall to quickly throw my hair up in a knot. “It seems someone here exhausted me last night.”
“Well, that seems fair.” Kai occupies the space behind me, looking at me through the mirror. “Because you exhaust me on a daily basis.”
I smile into our reflection. The last thing I needed was Kai coming in here talking about us making love or something like that. What I needed was for him to give me shit.
He bends to kiss my now exposed neck. “Morning.”
“Hi.” I find myself curving into him. “Did you bring me coffee?”
“A chai.” He reaches the cup over my shoulder, putting it in my hand.
“How’d you know I like chai?”
“It’s what you were drinking the first day we met, when your dad stuck me with your ass all summer.”
A smile ticks on my lips. How observant of him. “Thank you.”
Kai’s eyes lose their previous cheery glint, replaced instead with concern. “Are you okay?”
“In regards to . . .”
“Are you okay with what happened last night?”
A slow grin spreads on my lips as I look at him through the mirror. “More than okay.”
His worry washes away, his smirk taking on a boyish edge. “Yeah?”
“Yes.”
“Would you be more than okay if it happened again?”
God, he’s cute, all shy with his question.
“I’d love for it to happen again.”
He’s full-on smiling now, a smile I didn’t know existed only a month ago.
A smile that seems hopeful, reminding me of what this man has gone through in his life, and that I can’t be the next person to hurt him when I leave.
“But,” I interrupt. “I think we should have some rules.”
“Haven’t we learned that we aren’t very good at holding strong on those?”
I lift a single brow.
“Okay,” he chuckles. “I’m not very good at holding strong on those.”
“I think it might be a good idea, you know, to make sure we’re both clear about what this is.”
“Trust me, Miller. You’ve made it perfectly clear what this is for you and I told you I’m fine with it. I’ll keep it casual.”
“No sleepovers,” I begin.
“Yeah.” His tone is entirely unimpressed. “Got that one already.”
“No kissing unless we’re hooking up. No PDA.”
He narrows his eyes through the reflection. “We’ve always been a little touchy though.”
“Right, but now that we’re sleeping together, I think that should stop. You know, to keep the lines clear.”
“Just so I can keep things clear, are these rules to remind me what this little arrangement is, or are they a reminder for you?”
God, this man drives me nuts with how much he can wiggle his way into my brain and understand its patterns. Sure, I don’t want to hurt him, knowing how many people he’s counted on only for them to leave, but more so, after last night, I think I need the boundaries these rules will enforce to keep me from growing attached when I don’t have the space for that in my life or career.
I’ve never been worried about that before.
“And lastly,” I shift, needing to include the most important rule of all. “This ends the moment I leave Chicago for my next job. There will be no grand declarations of love after all is said and done. We enjoy ourselves, but we remember exactly what this is. A summer fling.”
“A summer fling,” he repeats. “You drive away and it’s over just like that?”
“Just like that.”
Kai hesitates. “If that’s what you want.”
It is, and even if he won’t admit it right now, it’s what he wants too. Long-term, he and Max need someone grounded and safe. We both know that someone isn’t me.
“You know.” Kai’s palm sinks into the side opening of my overalls, grazing my ribs and stomach. “I’m pitching tonight.”
“I do know that.”
“And baseball superstitions are very serious. I can’t risk messing with them.”
He drags his fingertips up my stomach before his thumb dusts over my already stiff nipple.
I fall back into his chest. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying, I can’t break routine.” He kisses the sensitive skin just below my ear as he gracefully unhooks one of the straps on my shoulder. The fabric falls open, exposing my bare chest and Kai stares right at me through the reflection. “If I pitch well tonight, I’m going to assume it’s because of last night and I’m going to have to spend the rest of the summer sinking into you every chance I get. You know, because of superstitions.”
“And if you pitch poorly?”
He smiles against my skin. “We’ll just have to keep fucking until we figure out what we did wrong.”
I giggle at his logic. Yes, giggle. Like a schoolgirl with a crush.
Kai trails his hand over my breast and stomach, dipping lower. He takes his time exploring my skin, touching and kissing me before his middle finger grazes my clit. He rubs gentle, easy circles, working me up, but it’s different from last night. There’s nothing rushed or frenzied. It’s slow and searching.
Reaching back, I hook my palm around the base of his neck.
Kai hums into my ear, and I’m about to drop this chai right to the floor so I can use both of my hands to explore him, but then there’s a knock on his door and we both pause.
It’s his brother and son, I’m sure.
Kai pulls his fingers from me before bringing them to his mouth and licking them clean, all while staring right at me through the mirror. “God, you taste good.”
“Who the hell are you and where did this version come from?”
With a single hand, he reclasps my strap. “Been here the whole time. Just forgot what it was like to enjoy things for myself.”
A knock sounds at his door again.
“And I’ve never enjoyed something as much as I enjoy fucking you.” He finishes with a kiss to my temple before taking off towards his room, but he turns back to give me one more look through the mirror. “Now put some goddamn clothes on before you make me miss my game.”
His smile is light and relaxed as he closes the door between our rooms.
All I can do is look at myself in the mirror and try to figure out who the hell is looking back at me. Because right now, I don’t see any sign of the woman who showed up in Chicago five weeks ago.
“There’s my guy!” I hear Kai say on the other side of the door.
“Dadda!”
“Did you have fun with your uncle?”
“Mmm, yeah,” Max says, using a new word he learned last week.
“Oh, man.” Kai exhales an audible breath, and I can’t see them, but I can picture him holding his son tight to his chest. “I missed you so much, Max.”
I look at my reflection again, but all I see is a woman who is completely soft over a little boy and his dad.
Isaiah laughs. “You were that bored without him, huh?”
Kai remains silent.
“Why do you look like that?” his brother asks.
“I don’t look like anything.”
“I almost forgot you had teeth, it’s been so long since I’ve seen you smile like that.”
“Stop.”
“Oh my God, did you . . .” Isaiah drifts off. “Hot Nanny! Why is my brother smiling like an idiot?”
I hear his footsteps charging towards my door, so I get my ass in gear and race to it. I lock it just in time for him to jiggle the knob. “Miller Montgomery, are you responsible for this?”
I slap a palm over my mouth, not wanting Isaiah to know I’m in here.
He tries the door again.
“Isaiah, stop,” Kai laughs.
“You’re laughing. Why are you laughing? Why are you in such a good mood?”
“I’m not . . . I’m just glad Max is back.”
“You got laid, didn’t you?”
Kai doesn’t confirm or deny.
“You did! Fucking knew it!” There’s so much excitement in Isaiah’s voice. He knocks on the door. “Hey, nice work, Miller!”
“Okay, you’ve got to get out of here.” From the sounds of it, Kai is pushing his brother out of his room. “Thanks for watching him last night.”
“If I knew I just had to babysit for Daddy to get laid, I would’ve done it fucking months ago.”
“Language.”
“Yeah, language,” Isaiah deadpans. “Because my language is the most inappropriate thing to happen in this room in the last twelve hours.” There’s a smack of a kiss, most likely on Max’s cheek. “Thanks for hanging out with me, Bug. Kai, I’m so damn proud of you.”
“Please shut up.”
The door closes, but I can still hear Isaiah in the hall. “Miller, I know you’re in there, and I’m proud of you too, girl!”
The team bus parks in the private lot of Fenway. It’s mid-afternoon and the game doesn’t start until seven, but there’s plenty that needs to happen beforehand.
Typically, Max and I would stay back at the hotel when the Warriors are playing an evening game, but Kai wanted to show his son one of the most iconic parks in the league before he takes the mound.
Lingering back, I watch as the two of them take their time getting off the bus. Now that Max is walking, he’s adamant about being on his feet at all times.
Max’s backwards hat matches his dad’s, and his little jersey shares the same name and number as the one Kai will be wearing tonight.
Kai’s tall frame is bent to hold his son’s hand, Isaiah on the opposite side holding Max’s other. Travis and Cody are chatting and giving each other shit, but also walking so incredibly slow, as if it were second nature for them to move at Max’s speed now. In fact, no one is left behind. The entire team is moving at the pace of a sixteen-month-old.
An unfamiliar burn pricks the back of my eyes. I don’t know why I would get emotional over it, but this group is so good to each other. They’re so good to Kai and his son.
After spending so much time in kitchens with majority male staff, I was hesitant to spend my summer with another group of guys, but these ones proved me wrong.
I’m going to miss them all when I go.
“You all right?” My dad swings an arm over my shoulders as we keep pace behind his team, taking our time getting inside.
“Allergies, I think.” Clearing my throat, I swallow whatever the hell is going on with me.
My dad’s eyes bounce from me to Kai to Max. “Yeah,” he says. “Sure.”
“How do you feel about the game tonight?”
“Good. I always feel good when Ace is starting. Not to mention he seems to be in an exceptionally good mood today.”
“Is he? I hadn’t noticed.”
My dad chuckles and it’s knowing and annoying. “You, on the other hand, seem entirely in your head. What’s on your mind, Millie?”
“Trust me, Dad, you don’t want to know what’s on my mind.”
“All right. Well, did you have fun last night at least? Where did Kai take you?”
“To a bakery in the North End. He took me in hopes I’d get some inspiration for work since I can’t bake while we’re on the road.”
My dad slightly shakes his head. “He’s a good one.”
I find Kai again. He’s wearing a proud smile, looking down and watching his son walk into Fenway with him. All eyes are on him tonight as he takes the mound, but he’s only got eyes for Max.
“Yeah,” I exhale. “He is.”
I can feel my dad’s stare burning into the side of my head. “Do you know what you’re doing there?”
“Yes. I’ve got it handled. Don’t worry, I won’t hurt him. We have rules in place to make sure of it.”
He squeezes me tighter. “And what about you? Are you going to get hurt?”
I huff a laugh. “Of course not.”
“Of course not,” he repeats dryly. “Because you, Miller, don’t let yourself get attached enough to get hurt, right?”
“Right.”
“Well, for both your sakes, just be careful, yeah?”
A week ago, he would’ve left me out of that statement. He would’ve told me to be cautious for Kai. Now, he sees it as clear as I do.
There’s potential for me to be in as much trouble as his pitcher.
With the team in the clubhouse, Max with his dad, and my dad in a coach’s meeting, I wander the maze of the visitor’s side of Fenway until I find the training room.
And when I open the door, my shoulders sag in relief to find it empty minus the one person I’m looking for.
“Kennedy, I need to talk to you.”
She’s organizing the tape, each one labeled with which player it’s for, because of course they all have a unique tape preference.
She peeks over her shoulder, her copper ponytail swinging. “You okay?”
“Yes.” I frantically pace the room. “No.”
A single brow raises as she turns around, arms crossed over her chest, leaning back on a massage table. She’s in her typical uniform of a Warriors polo, black yoga pants, team-issued sneakers, and topped with a make-up-less face, showing off her freckles.
“Look, I know we don’t really know each other, but I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this. And you’re the only other woman on the road and—”
“Miller, do you want to be friends?”
I pause in my tracks.
“Is that how it works? You just say it like that?”
Kennedy pops her shoulder. “Hell if I know. I’ve spent almost every day of the past three years with a bunch of dudes. I don’t have many girlfriends.”
A smile ticks up on my lip. “Same here.”
“So . . . friends?”
I hop my ass on a training table. “Friends. Now, I need to tell you something.”
“You fucked Ace.”
My mouth drops as Kennedy takes a seat on the table across from me.
“How did—”
“Oh please. That guy is walking around here today like his shit is made of gold. It’s obvious something happened between you two. Besides, he’s been pining after you since you got here.”
“Uh, not exactly. He wasn’t all that excited when I first showed up.”
She laughs and it holds no humor. “Yeah, well, I’m sure he wasn’t all that excited that he wanted to sleep with Monty’s daughter knowing how close the two of them are, but we all see how he looks at you.” She checks her nails as if this is the most mundane conversation of all time. I like that. I feel less frantic with how undramatic she is about it. “So, what’s the issue?”
What is the issue?
“I . . . I don’t know.”
“Was it bad? Is it small?” Kennedy’s eyes widen, leaning forward, finally invested. “Oh my God, does Ace have a micro penis?”
“No! Trust me. Size was not the issue. Have you seen that man’s hands? He’s very . . . proportionate.”
“Damn. I work on those hands. How are you walking today?”
“No clue.”
“So, it was good then?”
I shake my head. “It was perfect.”
Kennedy’s face softens. “Is his magical giant penis confusing you?”
“Maybe? But I don’t know what I’m confused about. It’s casual and we both know that.”
She pauses, choosing her words carefully. “Do you want it to be more than casual?”
“No. Absolutely not. Casual was my idea. I have a full-blown career waiting for me to get back to in a few weeks.”
She pops her shoulders as if this is the simplest of solutions. “Then keep it casual. Stop overthinking it. Ace is a big boy, and you’ve made it clear what this is for you. Have fun and enjoy the frustratingly good sex while you’re still here, and when the time comes for you to leave, you get back to your life.”
Wow. How utterly simple. It’s the exact advice I would give myself if I were thinking straight.
“Besides, we don’t let men get in the way of careers we love,” she continues.
“You’re right.” I give a single, confident nod. “Damn, I should’ve gotten a girlfriend years ago.”
“That advice was easy. I would give my left kidney for frustratingly good sex right about now.”
“Well, Kai does have a brother.”
She barks a laugh, falling back onto the massage table behind her. “Don’t even go there.”
“Isaiah is cute and very much into you.”
“He’s into everyone. And besides, that’s an easy way to get fired. I sure as hell am not risking my career for a night with one of the players, least of all Isaiah.”
“But you can be friends with them, right? You just can’t date them?”
“Yeah. Casual relationships between staff and players are cause for termination, but a few years ago, a player’s wife was hired on as a team photographer. That was allowed because of how serious their relationship was.”
“Am I considered staff? If people find out—”
Kennedy waves me off. “Trust me, Miller, everyone already knows.”
“What?” I laugh in disbelief. “How?”
“Because he looks like the old Ace again, the one that had a smile plastered on his face and was just happy and grateful to be playing baseball. That’s the version I met last season before he found out about Max and convinced himself he was doing a shit job raising him. But I can promise you, there’s not a person here that doesn’t know why he’s walking around on cloud nine today.”
Checking her watch, she hops off the table and continues setting up the training room. “Besides, you’re Monty’s daughter. You can do whatever the hell you want, and no one is going to try to say otherwise.”
My phone dings in my pocket.
Baseball Daddy: Hey, you around? Would you mind coming to get Max? I gotta get ready.
Sliding off the table, I swing my arms around Kennedy from behind. “Thanks, friend.”
She chuckles. “You’re welcome, friend.”
I find Kai and Max outside of the visitors’ clubhouse. Kai is already stripped down to his compression shorts, ready to go get stretched and taped, contacts in and messy brown hair pushed back from his fingers that keep running through the waves.
His smile is the first one to bloom when he catches me walking down the hall towards them, but when Max sees me, his facial expression lifts and mirrors his dad.
My lungs clutch at the sight. This is what I’m confused about. Why does the image of those two make my heart scream mine?
I jog down the hall, bending down when I get close, and giving Max space to run into my open arms.
“Ah, I got you!” I pretend to wrestle with him, tickling him to hear his laugh before I pick him up in my arms. I gesture towards Kai. “Give your dad some good luck.”
“Dadda!”
Kai runs a hand over his son’s head, brushing his unruly hair out of the way to place a kiss on his forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Be good for Miller tonight. I love you.”
Max falls onto my shoulder and I watch as Kai tracks the movement, a soft smile on his lips as his eyes bounce between us. Then he tucks my hair behind my ear, and I can see him contemplating bringing his lips to my forehead the way he did to his son.
The three of us could not look more like a family, standing so close with him touching me this way, longingly. Lovingly.
I clear my throat and take a step back to break the moment.
We’ve always touched. It’s been easy, like another language between us, but now things are different. Everything seems to have meaning behind it when it can’t.
I give him a thumbs-up. “Good luck out there.”
Yes. Very casual. Nice work, me.
“Did you just give me a thumbs-up?”
I do it again as if it’s not the lamest thing I’ve ever done. “Yep.”
“I was literally inside of you less than twenty-four hours ago and you’re giving me a thumbs-up?”
I choke on my saliva as an arrogant smirk lifts on Kai’s mouth.
“Well, as I said, good luck tonight. I hope you have some . . . gold star pitching.”
He bursts a laugh, so much bright joy coming through his smile. Kennedy was right. He looks different today. So light. And so, so good.
“Gold star pitching, huh?” There’s a twinkle in his eye at the memories of last night, I’m sure. In the same way, I haven’t been able to wipe the knowing smile off my face when those same memories have flooded my mind today. “Thank you for the luck, but I don’t need it.”
“No?”
“I’ve got superstition on my side.”
“I wouldn’t rely on that.”
“Oh, I would. I know the kind of weight it holds. How important it is that I pitch well because of it.”
I roll my eyes playfully. “Well, you’re starting on a Friday night at Fenway, so I’ll say good luck to you regardless. This is big and it only happens a few times in your career, so enjoy yourself.”
He nods. “Thanks, Mills. I will.”
We both linger, unsure how to end this. He seems like he wants to lean down and kiss me, but because of my rules, he can’t.
So instead of doing anything, I turn, carrying Max towards the exit.
“Hey, Miller?” he calls out to stop me.
“Yeah?”
“I promise I won’t text you to check on Max between innings, but if you want to text me about how good my ass looks in my baseball pants, I wouldn’t be mad about it.”
My laugh comes easy. “I’ll see what I can do.”
Kai’s smile is smug and excited and looks so damn good on him as he ducks into the clubhouse to get ready.
And that night, on the TV in the hotel room while Max sleeps soundly in his crib, I watch his dad’s game. Kai starts each inning looking at the interior of his hat, running his thumb over something tucked into the corner, and by the end of the ninth, I watch as his teammates explode in excitement for him because he just completed his second career no-hitter.
Earning himself a new superstition.
