We’re crowded together at the table in our kitchen, having a Friday night family dinner. Jules is heading back up to Maine this weekend, and so our normal Sunday night won’t work. It’s loud and rambunctious with four adults and three kids, and I love having my whole family together like this.
But Drew’s empty seat next to me is putting a damper on things. He had a mid-week game in Tampa, so I haven’t seen him in days, and he was supposed to be here already. I glance at my watch, and when I look up, I see him through the kitchen window as he walks up the back steps. His head is hung low, and he looks…not like himself.
Jules is at the counter, so she lets him in, and when Graham sees Drew, he runs across the kitchen and throws his arms around Drew’s legs. Drew bends and picks him up, giving him a huge hug, but the way he squeezes his eyes closed like he’s in pain has me worried. What the hell is wrong?
He carries Graham back to his seat, then slides into the chair next to me, leaning over and kissing me on the cheek. It’s a chaste kiss, the kind you’d give a friend or a relative, but maybe it’s just because we’re in front of my whole family and it’s his first time being here for a dinner with us?
I glance over at him and don’t miss the purple circles beneath his eyes. He looks like he hasn’t slept in a week. Lauren offers him the serving platter of pasta, which we’d made because he has a game tomorrow. One of the things I’d forgotten from when Jameson used to play is how much damn pasta hockey players eat when they’re carb loading the night before a game.
I watch him eat a few bites here and there as his eyes scan the table, but it feels like he’s somewhere else. So I slide my arm along the back of the chair and lean my head on his shoulder, looking up at him as I whisper, “Everything okay?”
“Not now, Audrey.”
It takes everything I have not to respond—not to whip my head up and look him dead in the eye and tell him not to take that tone with me. There’s obviously something going on, and he clearly doesn’t want to talk about it in front of my family. I just wish he’d given me a heads up.
Across the table, Jameson’s eyes flit from Drew to me, and he does not look happy.
When we’re done eating, Graham is chasing Ivy and Iris around the living room while Lauren and Jameson take care of the dishes. Jules excuses herself and heads to the bathroom, so I turn in my chair to face Drew. His hand drops from where he’s been playing with my hair while staring off into space.
“What’s going on?” I ask him quietly.
“I can’t talk about it right now.”
“I haven’t seen you in days, and you show up here and act like a totally different person, and I’m supposed to…what? Pretend like everything’s fine?”
“Maybe I should go.” My stomach drops at the despondency in his voice.
“Drew,” I say, grabbing his forearm where it’s now folded across his chest. “What the fuck?”
“There’s just a lot going on right now, Audrey. And I can’t talk about it with everyone around.”
I think back to last weekend and how happy Drew was to have me at the hospital with him when his mom fell. And how earlier this week, before he left for Tampa, Graham and I went with him to visit his mom when she came home from the hospital. We’d felt like a family, and Graham clearly loved getting to spend time with his grandmother.
I know Drew’s worried about her, and even the Apple Watch with the fall detection feature that he got her isn’t taking that worry away. But this is more than that.
“Is something going on with the team?”
He stands quickly, and his chair scraping along the terracotta tiles makes a screeching sound that has all heads turning his way. “Sorry, I have to head out,” he says as I sit there in stunned silence, staring up at him. But he doesn’t even look at me. He gives Graham a hug goodbye, asks Lauren to tell Jules that dinner was delicious, nods at Jameson, and then heads out the door. Jameson is hot on his heels, and even though he slams the door behind him, we can hear their raised voices.
I glance at the living room, wanting to see if Graham has noticed any of this going down, but he’s playing with the twins, blissfully unaware. So I cross the kitchen to where Lauren stands near the sink. “What the hell is happening?” she whispers.
“I don’t know, but I have a feeling Jameson does.” I watch as my brother shoves his hands deep into his pants pockets, exhaling a deep breath that crystalizes in the icy air while he watches Drew drive off. He doesn’t turn to come back in immediately, but when he finally does, he looks up at us watching him through the window, and his shoulders slump.
“What the hell was that all about?” I ask as soon as he steps back inside.
“I hate to say this, but as his agent, I really can’t tell you. You need to talk to Drew about it.”
“Hard to do when he just left without telling me what’s wrong or even saying goodbye.” There’s a bitterness in my voice that I don’t like. I hate this feeling of us not communicating, of him saying that he loves me and wants forever with me, and then turning around and icing me out like this. This isn’t how relationships are supposed to work.
“Maybe…” Jameson pauses, then looks between me and Lauren. “Maybe you should go after him. I don’t think this is the kind of thing that you should wait on.”
“I have to see if Jules can watch Graham.”
“Just go,” he says. “If she has other plans, one of us can stay.”
The look of concern on Lauren’s face has me worried. “Sometimes,” she says, “we need to bury our pride and step up to fight for the relationship when the other person can’t. I don’t know what’s going on, but Drew obviously isn’t in a position to fight for you guys right now. So you need to.”
Next to her, Jameson nods in agreement, so I nod back. They have the best, strongest relationship I’ve ever seen. This is probably an area where they have some experience, so I need to trust that their advice is right. Because even though I don’t know what’s going on with Drew, I know that what we have is worth fighting for.
He’s been the one fighting for us all along, so maybe now it’s my turn.
AUDREY:
I’m at your door. Can you buzz me in, please?
I wait outside, standing at his door for a few minutes, and there’s no response. But I know he’s in there because I checked that his Jeep is parked in his spot behind his building, and I can see lights on through the top-floor windows.
I hit the button to call him, and I’m surprised that he answers on the first ring. “Hey.”
“Did you see my text?”
“No, I just stepped out of the shower.”
I couldn’t have been more than five minutes behind him. How do guys shower so fast?
“Can you buzz me in?”
“You’re here?”
“Yes. And it’s freaking cold out here, so unlock the door, please.” I don’t think he’s going to refuse to let me in, but I play up the fact that I’m waiting in the cold, just in case.
“Hold on.” I hear his footfalls as he walks through his otherwise silent condo, and then there’s a buzz, followed by a click, and I push the ornate wood and glass door open. I’ve never been so glad to walk up four flights of stairs as I am now, because by the time I reach his door, I’m already warm again.
He’s standing in his doorway when I approach the top landing, and he’s in nothing but a towel.
“Do you have any idea how confused and embarrassed and frustrated I am right now? Drew, what the hell is going on?” I put my hand on his chest and push him back into his entryway, shutting the door behind me. I can tell he wants to talk to me, or he wouldn’t have let me in so easily, but he also clearly doesn’t know what to say. “Talk to me.”
He folds his arms across his chest and leans back against the wall. “I’m just under a lot of pressure and trying to deal with it all. I’ve never had to consider anyone’s feeling but my own before, and I fucked up at the game a few days ago, and I just feel like everything is imploding around me. I can’t drag you both into that with me. I might just…need some space for a bit.”
My stomach drops, and then anger flares through me. But I think about Lauren’s words. He can’t fight for us right now, but maybe what he needs to see more than anything is that I’m willing to.
“Hell no! You don’t get to promise me forever—the marriage, the family, the house, everything—and then start to pull away because things are stressful. We don’t do that to each other.”
He won’t even look me in the eye as he just stares down at the floor.
“Drew, there are going to be hard times in our life and in our relationship, but we have to deal with them, and get through them, together.”
He looks up at me then. His eyes are so full of anguish that it has me worried. “And what if we can’t?”
“Why wouldn’t we be able to?”
His nostrils flare, and then he says, “I’m being traded.”
I stumble back a step into the wooden door behind me, but I’m glad to have it there because it might be all that’s holding me up at this point. “What?”
“It’s not definite, but it looks likely.”
“Where?”
“Las Vegas.”
How is this possible? He’s only been back for a couple of months. “But you’re having a great season. You’re on the first line. You’re staying out of the penalty box like AJ told you to. You got a goddamn hat trick in the last home game. Why would they trade you?”
“We need another goalie, and Vegas needs another center.”
That’s an odd trade, but it must make sense or AJ wouldn’t be pursuing it. She doesn’t seem like the kind of person to make any decision that isn’t incredibly well thought out.
“When will you know for sure?” I ask, swallowing roughly.
“I don’t know. A lot of times you don’t even find out about this stuff until the day the trade happens. In this case, Jameson had a bit of a heads up and told me.”
“When?”
His throat bobs, and there’s nothing but guilt in his eyes.
“When, Drew?”
He tightens the towel around his waist as it starts to slip, then admits, “When I was in Tampa.”
“You’ve known for three days and you’re just telling me now, and only because I followed you home and demanded an explanation?” Now I understand why Jameson was yelling at him. He must have assumed Drew had already told me. “Why didn’t you tell me when you found out?”
“Because I don’t know what to say, okay!” Drew’s voice cracks and his eyes fill with tears, and it’s fucking heartbreaking to see him like this. “It’s like someone handed me every amazing thing I could have ever wanted in life and now it’s all being ripped away!”
“What’s being ripped away?”
“You and Graham!”
“Why?” I pause as I take in the anguished look on his face. “Ohhh…” The word comes out slowly as the realization dawns. And then I step forward, drilling my finger into his chest with every question I ask. “You think you’re being traded and so we’re over? That after you forced your way into my life, showing me what a good father and good partner you are, practically demanding that I fall in love with you…you think what? That you’re just going to walk away because you’re being traded?”
He grabs my hand and holds it against his chest. “What choice is there, Audrey? I would never ask you and Graham to uproot your lives and move across the country.”
I look up at him, and it hurts to have to ask the question. “Why not?”
Does he not want us to come with him? Or does he not think we would if he asked?
“Because you and Jules just started an amazing company, and Graham just started elementary school. Your whole family is here, and so is mine. Graham just met his grandma, aunts and uncle, and cousins. I would never uproot you from all that. Boston is your home.”
My shoulders relax as I exhale, trying to calm my racing heart. I step closer to Drew and wrap my free arm around his waist, relishing the feel of his warm skin against my hand as it slides along his back.
“Did it ever occur to you to ask what I would want in this situation? Drew, how could Boston be home if you weren’t with us?”
He bites his lower lip as he looks down at me. “Are you serious right now?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” I pull my hand from his and use it to cup his jaw. “Don’t think for a second that you’re getting rid of me that easily.”
“Audrey.” He drops his forehead to mine. “I’m not trying to get rid of you. The thought of losing you was killing me. I was trying to figure out how I could still make this still work while I was in Vegas and you were here—but the thought of being without you was physically painful. Even though I would just be doing it until the end of the season.”
“What about your next contract?”
“There wouldn’t be one. I’ve already decided it’s Boston or nothing.”
That has my head snapping back to look at him. “What? Why?”
“Because you and Graham are here. My family’s here.”
“Hockey families move, Drew. It’s part of that life, and one that I accepted the minute I agreed to this relationship with you. I hope it can work out for you to stay in Boston, but our relationship isn’t contingent on you playing here. If we have to make our home somewhere else, Graham and I would go with you. That’s what family does.”
For a moment, he’s frozen, like he’s trying to process what I just said—trying to make it make sense. Then, he wraps his arms around my back, pulling me to him as he brings his face down and ghosts his lips across the bridge of my nose. “What did I do to deserve you?”
“Everything. Every single thing you’ve done since you’ve been back in my life has made me fall more and more in love with you.”
His head snaps back and his eyes widen as she stares down at me. Voice thick and words rough, he says, “Say it again.”
“What? That I love you?”
“I’m never going to get tired of hearing that,” he tells me, his breath warm as it caresses my skin. “In fact, I’m probably going to be needy as fuck, demanding that you say it all the time.”
“I’ll tell you as often as you need to hear it,” I say with a light laugh. “But don’t you ever try to push me away like that again. That’s not what we do. Okay?”
“Promise.” He leans down and takes my lips gently in his. The kiss is slow, and sensual, and as much as I want to let it lead to more, we have business to attend to first.
So I pull back, looking up at him, and ask, “Okay, so how are we going to deal with this?”
