Slamming my front door shut behind me, I head straight to the refrigerator and grab a cold beer.
I almost turned around on my way here in a sudden panic that Sofia might think I’m just walking out on them both.
I’m not.
There’s no way I would do that to her. I couldn’t break her heart like that.
She didn’t do any of this to spite me. In fact, what she has done for me is nothing short of incredible.
And I need to show her that.
I need some space to gather myself. I’m on my own now. I don’t have Kai guiding me out of causing chaos in my life.
I didn’t trust myself back there, in the heat of the moment, not to ruin everything. So, I did what I do best, get on my bike. It’s the only way I know how to think.
Grabbing a bag from the wardrobe, I shove in some clothes.
If I fuck this up, I lose them both. That isn’t a possibility.
And that little flutter I get in my chest, just thinking about waking up and cuddling my daughter, tells me everything I need to know.
That I need to get my ass back there. Yet I can’t shake that nagging voice in my head telling me I’d be a useless father.
Sliding out my phone, I hover my finger over Nikolai’s name, but pause. There is one other person that I look up to that will kick me into gear.
I scroll down to find Frankie Falcone’s number and hit dial. I need someone to tell me that I can fucking do this. That I won’t ruin them.
“Ah, Mr. Carter. Everything okay?” His deep Italian accent comes through the speaker.
“Uh-Yeah. You?”
“Don’t bullshit me with small talk, Jax.”
I blink a few times. He was never one to beat around the truth. A moment of silence passes while I find the words to say without sounding like a complete asshole.
“I-I just found out I’m a dad.” It feels weird, like I just admitted it to myself.
“Shocker.”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
“You knocked someone up in Vegas? What does she want, money?”
“No, Frankie. She’s already had her. I have a daughter.” I pause. “With Sofia.”
“Oh, shit. Jax. When did you find out? You sure she’s yours?”
I immediately get defensive. Sofia would never lie about that.
“Yes. She’s mine, and about half an hour ago.”
“Where are you?”
“Back at my place.”
He mutters something under his breath in Italian. “Please don’t tell me you found out and ran.”
“No? I came back to get some clothes. I’m going back. I just needed a minute.”
“Does she know that?”
I can sense the irritation in his voice.
“Well, yeah, I told her.”
“What the fuck are you doing calling me? Get your shit and get back there, Jax.”
I wince, holding the phone away from my ear. I don’t get why he’s so pissed.
“Jax, do me a favor. Sit and think about it for a minute. I know you didn’t run. I know you’ll be a brilliant father. Sofia, she doesn’t know any of that, does she?”
There’s muffled noises coming from the speaker. I rub my hands across my beard.
Shit.
Zara clears her throat. “Jax Carter, get on that fucking bike right this second.”
“Oh, hey, queen Zara.”
“Jax. I mean it.” She scares me sometimes.
“Okay, okay! I’m going.”
Her biting tone calms. “Congratulations, though. A little girl. We can’t wait to meet her. What’s her name?”
I swallow past the lump forming in my throat. That suffocating feeling is coming back into my chest.
“Maeve.”
That was the name above her crib. My little girl is called Maeve. My eyes sting. I’m a dad and I know nothing about my daughter.
“Beautiful.” Zara’s soft voice knocks me back into the real world.
“Thank you guys. I’ll see you soon.” I cut the call. Grabbing my bag from the bed, I throw it over my shoulder. Kai would punch me square in the jaw if I didn’t go back there and try to be the best dad I could be.
Fuck.
I wish he could meet Maeve, too.
