Meeting Lex for coffee is a bad idea.
I thought I could act mature, ignore his flirtatious ways, but I am weak. And then he mentions flying back to London. My reaction takes me by surprise.
I am livid.
At him.
At me.
He’s sitting in front of me, and every part of me hates the fact that I miss him, even though I no longer know him. He isn’t the man I fell in love with many years ago. Lex Edwards has changed into this controlling, heartless creature who only thinks about his needs.
When I ask him how long he will be away I have officially let my guard down, regretting the words immediately. I can’t understand my actions. I’ve spent years building up a thick skin given my line of work, and in just a few short days, everything I’ve spent years achieving is now an afterthought.
Around him, I crumble, and I hate that.
I no longer belong to him, but then again, did I ever?
I tell him I have something important to do at work, then I quickly grab my things. He asks if he can call or text, but I ramble on about being busy during the week. Then he mentions Julian. I am way too exhausted to get into it, so I tell him to just stop. It’s a battle neither one of us will win.
Walking out of the café as fast as I can, I hail the first cab in sight. As I sit in the back of the cab, I try to calm myself down. Why did I let all this happen? I should’ve been firmer from the beginning. But no. I let him dance with me, I let him kiss me, and I even let him finger me. This back-and-forth turmoil is wearing me down, and things must change. I have to muster the strength, align it with my values, and say goodbye to someone who’s no longer a part of my life, romantically.
Back at the office, I sit across from my client, Mrs. Vandercamp.
“You look on edge, sweetie.”
“Mrs. Vandercamp, thank you for your concern, but let’s get down to business.”
“Man troubles?”
I purse my lips, shaking my head. “Honestly, it’s not worth talking about.”
“I heard you attended the charity ball.” She forces a smile. “Unfortunately, with Mr. Vandercamp and his bimbo there, I wasn’t able to attend.”
“Right, Barbie with an overkill of fake tanning lotion,” I snort.
“Sounds like her. I can’t thank you enough for helping me fight this.”
“It’s my job. Plus, you deserve it after all the humiliation Mr. Vandercamp has put you through.”
“I didn’t think things would turn out this way. George was the love of my life, and now we can barely be in the same room together, even for the sake of the kids…” She pauses, playing with the canary yellow diamond ring nestled on her finger. “When I first met George, it was love at first sight. I was dating another man, a man who had asked my father’s permission to marry me. He was great, but he wasn’t George. I thought I could tame him, thinking I was the woman who would be his wife, have his babies and that he wouldn’t need anyone else. I was so naïve…”
When Mrs. Vandercamp enlisted our services through a recommendation, both Nikki and I were hesitant given the legal battle between her and Mr. Vandercamp. From a monetary perspective, the divorce is messy. However, Mrs. Vandercamp only wants her house in Martha’s Vineyard and the businesses she’s built while they were married. Everything else, he can keep.
Nikki has her opinion on the matter, yet Mrs. Vandercamp has made it clear she wants to move on, not wanting the negative attention of a legal battle for possessions she doesn’t care for. Mr. Vandercamp, on the other hand, has other plans, almost like he hates seeing her not care, and he’s making her life miserable. Thankfully, Tate is a shark in the courtroom and eagerly took on this matter. Today, she just wants to chat while passing the time waiting for him to end his other meeting.
“A leopard can’t change its spots. Perhaps it’s time to move on. The ship has sailed, and you need to focus on the future,” I tell her.
As I say the words and it dawns on me how hypocritical I sound. Everything I just said is the opposite of what I’m doing or have done with Lex. We have history, plenty of it, and no matter what happened it can’t be erased.
Evolving as a person means never looking back.
Move forward, work toward the future—that has always been my mantra.
But how can I see the future when the past keeps biting me in the ass?
“I’ve been seeing someone,” she admits, her eyes sparkling at the mention of this so-called lover. “He treats me like a queen, but I don’t want to get hurt again. I don’t want to screw this up.”
“If he feels the way you do, you won’t screw it up. Some things have a way of working out. Relationships are hard. It’s trying to find that right balance. Enjoy each other’s company, be considerate of each other’s feelings, and most importantly is trust and honesty. Without it, you’ve got nothing.”
Sheesh, talk about channeling my inner Dr. Phil.
“Perhaps I should hire you as my shrink?” She laughs, clutching her chest. “I don’t remember the last time I have smiled so much, not since George and I first started dating. Maybe I do deserve this. If George wants a different girl on his arm every week, then so be it. I want more, Charlie. I want a real man.”
I think about her words and Lex’s and my relationship. There’s no longer a blank canvas ready to paint a future. Instead, there is this painting of a man and woman, and the history behind it is too much to paint over. It can never be the same. Yet, I allow myself to remember the pieces of the past. These pieces bring me so much happiness, the moments that are stuck in my head.
First loves, they always stick with you.
Maybe that’s what this is—this unwarranted pining for him—that first love feeling.
But the truth behind it is I don’t trust Lex, and I’m not honest with him therefore, we have nothing.
Why is that the most gut-wrenching feeling in the world right now?
