“I’m so jealous.”
Eric is sitting in the chair opposite me, spinning himself around like a five-year-old boy. I have zero clue what he’s talking about, crossing my arms as I wait for some sort of explanation to the inner workings of his mind.
“Of all the hot sex you’re going to have tonight while I’m busy binge-watching Grey’s.”
“Tonight? What’s tonight?”
“Uh, duh, your three-month anniversary with Batman… at that fancy restaurant in Brooklyn.”
“Oh shit,” I stumble out, checking my diary and instantly noticing the circle around the date. “I completely forgot. The Mackenzie case has been in the forefront of my mind all week. What the hell am I going to wear?”
“That little red number you bought last week, the one that accentuates your ass. And anyway, what’s with you? You’ve been acting weird today.”
I’m slightly taken aback by his comment. Sure, work has been over-the-top busy this week, but nothing I can’t handle. “Weird as in how?”
“As in I need a good bang in my cooch, but even with that big dick inside me, my mind is elsewhere kind of weird.”
“Wow, E, you really like to paint a picture, don’t you?”
“When it involves Batman and his giant dick, I’m all about painting pictures, lots of mental pictures.” He winks, flicking his perfectly styled hair to the side.
“Okay, when did I ever say he had a giant dick?”
“You never denied it…”
“I’ve never confirmed it, either!” I throw a pen at him, laughing, then I continue, “For the record, I’m not commenting on size, but I’m plenty satisfied. Now go, I need to get ready for this date I almost forgot about.”
I sense his nervousness. The constant tap of his foot under the table is driving me to distraction, his hands clutching the napkin with a tight grip, turning his knuckles white. His smile is genuine, yet something’s off.
Letting out a sigh, I suspect he’s experiencing the ‘itch.’ The three-month itch. I read about it in an article in Cosmo. Men generally get more comfortable around this time in their relationships. Yet, others get the itch, the itch to change what has become familiar. It’s common, and why should I expect anything different?
Except Julian is different. He’s amazing.
He’s the pin-up boy of the man your daddy wants you to marry. He treats me with respect and kindness, and I love spending time with him when our schedules permit it. I think we’re going somewhere, especially after the exchange of I love you last week.
Placing his hands over mine, he curls his fingers into my own, squeezing them gently, letting out a huge breath before he begins to speak.
“Charlie, you’re the most amazing, beautiful, smart, talented woman I have ever met. The last three months have been nothing short of spectacular. I’ve been thinking a lot about us and where I want to be. I love you, Charlie, but this isn’t enough for me…”
I can feel the bile rising in my throat.
Here it comes.
Opening my mouth, he politely raises his hand, prompting me to keep quiet.
“Charlie, I want you in my life every day. I want you to be the first thing I see when I wake up, the last thing I see when I go to sleep, and between those moments, I want you with me in my dreams.”
Julian drags his chair out, standing before me. Confused, I wait on edge until he gets down on one knee, his eyes staring right into mine as a wave of panic hits my chest.
“Charlie Mason, will you marry me?”
Letting out a loose cough, I almost choke as I hear the words out loud. Marriage? I thought he wanted to break-up! This is in the complete opposite direction.
Struggling to breathe, my heart begins beating unevenly, but so loud I’m sure the whole restaurant can hear. In the space of a few seconds, he produces a small black box, opening it slowly to reveal a sparkling princess-cut diamond.
“But… but…we’ve only been together for three months,” I stutter.
He removes the ring out of the box, delicately placing it between his fingers. “I love you, Charlie. I don’t need any more time to figure that out. You’re the one I’ve been waiting for.”
This moment is beyond overwhelming. I glance around, watching the people who are sitting at the tables on either side of us waiting in anticipation for my reaction. My hands begin shaking as I raise them toward my chest, trying to still the loud thumping inside. The air around us becomes incredibly hot, sweat forming beneath my clothes as the pressure mounts.
My focus returns to Julian, his hand extends with a ring waiting to be placed on my finger. With a yearning look, I stare into the eyes of a man who has only shown me love and kindness since the moment we met. He protects me when I need it the most, yet allows me my freedom and respects my boundaries, often encouraging me to go beyond my normal levels of comfort.
He loves me and only me.
“You’re kind of leaving me out on a limb here.” He laughs, nervously.
I look around again, knowing every second which passes probably feels like an hour in Julian’s mind.
What the hell am I supposed to do?
I catch myself by surprise, throwing all caution to the wind as I open my mouth and say, “Yes.”
The moment the word escapes my lips, Julian’s face brightens, his beautiful hazel eyes widen as his mouth follows suit. Unable to contain his joyous grin, he slowly slides the ring on my finger as the restaurant applauds around us.
Tilting his head, he places a kiss on my lips, almost like it seals the proposal. I sit back against the chair, raising my hand to admire the ring which perfectly fits on my finger.
“Charlie, you have just made me the happiest man alive.”
Placing my hands on his cheeks, I pull him back into me, kissing him deeply, desperately trying to get lost in this moment. Gently pulling away, my mouth curves upward into a smile, staring at the handsome man before me who will soon be my husband. I glance at the ring again, still in shock this happened only a few moments ago.
“Shall we go back to my place to celebrate?” he asks with a cocky grin.
“By celebrate, I hope you mean fool around before having some extremely hot sex?”
Letting out a laugh, he nods. “You read my mind.”
As we stand his phone rings, prompting him to answer. Annoyed, he talks for a few moments, his lips pressing together while grimacing. I only catch bits of the conversation, too busy staring at the rock, which feels like it weighs a ton on my hand and heart.
As his conversation finishes, I force a smile, flashing my ring enthusiastically.
“Charlie, I’m sorry.”
“Did the bat signal go off?”
“Even if it did, I wouldn’t leave, but a well-known politician has been caught in a rather compromising situation in Long Island. I need to be there in two hours.”
“Wow, like cock wrapped around a twenty-one-year-old mistress situation?”
“Something like that.”
“Two hours? That gives us plenty of time, Mr. Baker.”
My head falls onto the pillow, my back arching as he buries himself deep inside me. His movements push me closer to that moment, the moment when I scream his name, but something feels different.
His pace picks up, his grunts deepening. In an act of desperation, he buries his head between my breasts, kissing the curves until his tongue finds its way to my erect nipples. I clench with pleasure as his teeth graze over them. I’m almost there.
“Imagine us, baby, every day for the rest of our lives buried in each other. You’ll be my wife, forever mine.”
His words forever mine.
I will be his.
I will belong to him like he’ll belong to me—Julian and Charlie Baker.
The wave of panic sweeps over me again. I try to block it out, focusing on an orgasmic finish. I need it, more than I have ever needed a happy ending in my life.
“I need to feel you explode all over me. C’mon, gorgeous.”
I buck my hips into him, allowing his body to go deeper. Argh. My frustration is consuming me.
Where the hell is this happy orgasmic ending?
Focus, Charlie.
I pull his head away from my breasts, forcefully kissing his mouth where the taste of my desire lingers on his lips. His tongue swirls around mine, my body shuddering as I moan loudly into the air around us. I’m done.
As the two of us lay side by side trying to catch our breaths, Julian turns to face me with a ridiculous grin, dragging my hand toward him to admire the ring.
“To the future Mrs. Baker. May we have a lifetime full of exploding finishes, until that is, of course, we’re interrupted by a brood of kids, after which will result in late-night quickies.”
“Kids?” I strain my voice choking slightly, any remaining desire sinking faster than the Titanic.
“Sure, you do want them, right?”
“I uh… yeah, I guess so, but not anytime soon.”
“Don’t worry, we’ve got some time. Practice makes perfect, right?”
Surely, he can feel my body tense up talking about this.
“How many do you want?”
“Mmm… I don’t know… three, maybe four?”
“Four!”
“I want plenty of mini Charlies and Julians jumping in our bed every morning.”
There it is, that wave of panic again.
This time, it’s a tsunami.
Grand in its entrance.
A force to be reckoned with.
My stomach ties into all kinds of knots.
I hate that I’m this terrified, that I’m not basking in all this kids talk like every other female with a ticking biological clock.
“Hey, gorgeous, relax. It’s going to be you and me for a while. Think you can handle that?”
I turn to face him, then reach out and run my hand along his jaw. The diamond shines back at me. I can handle this.
Cupid has served me the most perfect man on a silver platter, and I’m questioning myself? You’re an idiot, Charlie. Plain and simple.
“I can handle that, future Mr. Mason.”
I walk through the door, placing my keys on the hallway table. Kicking my heels off, I make my way to the sofa, sitting in the middle as I sink between the cushions. My chest tightens, my stomach churning as my breathing begins to accelerate. Coco purrs beside me, demanding attention after me being gone the whole day.
I said yes.
I really said yes.
Why am I not calling everyone I know?
The ring is taunting me, its weight now unbearable. It’s beautiful, but this moment isn’t what I imagined. I feel guilty as I sit here wearing this piece of jewelry with a symbolic meaning. This ring means the promise of committing myself to Julian for the rest of my life. I take the ring off my finger, sliding it across the table as far away from me as possible.
My phone begins to ring, startling me. I glance at the screen, smiling instantly as his name and goofball face flashes on the screen. Always perfect timing, he’s just what I need right now.
“What are you wearing?” he asks in a low voice.
“A slutty black dress.”
“Why do I believe that?”
“Because I’m a New Yorker, and that’s what we wear on Tuesday nights…” I pause for a brief moment. “I miss you.”
“I miss you, too,” he responds at ease.
“When are you guys coming back to visit?”
“When are you gonna come home?”
Home—this is home, here in Manhattan.
“Finn, you know I can’t go back.”
“But one day, you will. You better come and stay with me, just like old times. I’ll fight ya hard for the remote. We can eat cookie dough straight from the packet, and if you’re good, and I mean real good, I may let you ride my Harley.”
I laugh out loud just like old times. “Do I get to bunk with the kids?”
“I’m sure they would love that.” He chuckles with his burly voice. “But, hey, your funeral, not mine.”
“I miss them. I miss you, and I miss Jen. How is she? Please give her big hugs for me.”
“She’s right here.”
The phone volume changes as I’m placed on speakerphone.
“Hi, honey. I miss you, too. It’s been too long. Where’s my weekly update on Batman?”
It’s now or never.
“Actually, I have some news. Tonight… well… Julian kind of… I’m engaged.”
There’s a long silence followed by a child’s cry in the background.
“Honey, congratulations…” Jen says, her voice unsure. “Listen, I have to put Milo down for the night. Call me tomorrow, let’s talk more. I need details. I love you.”
I heard the change in volume as I’m taken off speakerphone. “Finn?”
“Yeah, I’m here,” he mumbles.
I nervously laugh. “So… me, engaged. Who would’ve thought?”
The silence only prolongs what’s bound to be said. If anyone understands my hesitation in this moment, it’s Finn. The boy who stole my heart kept it in his pocket for safekeeping, then became my best friend.
“Charlie, I can hear it in your voice. You’re scared.”
“Not scared, Finn, just a little apprehensive. I didn’t think this day would ever come,” I whisper.
“It’s me. Your best friend since we were in our mother’s wombs. The guy you so willingly lost your virginity to at the age of sixteen. I know you, Charlie, and this hesitation is because of him, and I hate that.”
“Finn, I don’t want to get into this. The past needs to remain exactly that, in the past. Otherwise, we will never move forward with our lives. Just don’t say his name… please,” I beg, hoping somehow Finn understands I’m so done and need this more than anything.
“Agreed, but when the past affects your future, then what? Julian is great, right? You said so yourself.”
“He is great.”
I’m not sure who I am trying to convince more.
“So, stop beating yourself up over it. He loves you, you love him. He treats you like you deserve to be treated, and according to my wife, he’s sex on legs. Whatever the hell that means, but I can take a guess. Take the leap, Charlie. You’ll see how great life can be, and as time moves on, so will your feelings. This is great.”
He’s right. I need to let go of any negative thoughts that ever crossed my mind.
“You put up a good argument. You sure you don’t want to study law?”
“Miss Manhattan, big shot lawyer. Look, I gotta go. I love you. Please think about what I said.”
“I will. Love you, too.”
I hang up the phone, clutching it to my chest. Everything Finn said is right. I have this perfect man who loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I’d be stupid to say no. I know that, but I just can’t let it go, this feeling of guilt like I’m doing something wrong.
I lean over, reaching for the ring, and place it back on my finger.
That night, I toss and turn.
The dreams.
The nightmares.
Please stop, I beg myself.
Somewhere around three o’clock, the exhaustion outweighs my racing mind, and just when I find the peace I had hoped for, it happens. Those emerald green eyes flash before me, and I crumble.
The memory becomes all too clear, taking me back to the moment it all began.
