“Five bucks says someone will change that boring-ass movie we’re supposed to watch to porn.” Kara took a sip from her milk shake.
I choked on my drink, shaking my head. I really hoped she was wrong.
The school grounds were illuminated by three tower spotlights, blinding anyone who looked directly at them. More than half of the parking lot was already filled with parked cars. Alcohol wasn’t allowed, but I’d seen empty beer bottles scattered on the ground.
“I’m sorry I made you postpone your visit to the nursing home, Kar.”
Her grandma had lived in a nursing home for years and had passed away, but Kara continued to visit there. She acted rough and tough, but inside she was a soft teddy bear.
She shrugged. “I’ll bring them some damn whiskey next week, and they’ll love me again,” she replied.
“I’ll throw in some gin. I owe you.”
“You owe me your firstborn.”
“Thanks, really,” I said, then looked at her more closely. “Why is your face shiny?”
Her brows drew together. “Are you for real? This is what you would call a highlighter. I’m a princess. I glitter. I sparkle. I rule over the land.”
“The land of glitter.”
“Exactly. Now you’re learning. Where are you going?”
I stopped in my tracks. “Don’t they practice at the North Gym?”
She shook her head and steered me in the other direction. “Unless it changed, it’s always been at the South Gym. Trust me.” Her voice turned cold. “I know.”
I felt guilty. I knew it would be hard for her to see Cameron again.
“Kar—”
“I’m absolutely fine. I’m made of steel,” she said with confidence. She paused at the entrance and took a deep breath. “Steel, baby.”
As Kara opened the gym doors, I heard the sharp sound of a whistle, shoes squeaking against the floor, and a lot of yelling. Only a few people were watching—mostly girls, which was not surprising since the sun was setting and most of the students were probably at the drive-in theater. We sat in the middle row of the bleachers near the exit.
I heard Kara take another deep breath as her eyes darted to the court. A look of pain flitted over her face, but she masked it quickly. I followed her line of sight and spotted Cameron passing the ball to…Caleb.
I felt a huge smile on my face. Caleb was wearing a red jersey, with LOCKHART and a number 7 printed on the back. He caught the ball in his big hands, raised his arms, and expertly threw it into the basket. The girls on the sidelines cheered.
Caleb raised his head to look at the wall clock and then glanced toward the front entrance. Someone yelled at him to get his attention back to the game. He was distracted. I felt a pinch in my heart.
Was he waiting for me?
Oh, Caleb, what am I going to do with you?
The squeeze in my heart was getting uncomfortable. I took a deep breath.
No one had ever paid attention to me like Caleb did, and no one had affected me this much, no one I really wanted. It flattered me and made me feel very special because he could have gotten any girl he wanted, but he chose me.
I liked him. A lot. I was so very, very close to giving in. Could I do it? Could I trust him?
My fear of getting hurt was stronger than my like for him. I barely knew him. What if he only liked me because I was a challenge, and once I gave in, he would spit me out faster than I could blink? How much of myself was I willing to lose?
Nothing, I thought. I had no plans of giving up any part of myself. I didn’t want to be like my mother. This boy would break my heart.
* * *
My mother and father were married for three years before they adopted me. They couldn’t have kids and my father really wanted children, so they got me. We were happy until I turned five, when my father lost his job and started gambling and drinking and whoring.
I remembered waking up in the middle of the night as he stumbled into our small studio apartment drunk as a skunk, throwing things around, blaming me for losing his job, for not having kids, for starting the bad luck that he couldn’t shake since they adopted me.
I was five. I didn’t understand back then. All I knew was that this man—who I’d thought was my father, who had loved me like his daughter and bounced me on his lap and carried me on his shoulders—terrified me now.
He burst in my room, mad as a bull, banging the door against the wall. I thought he was going to kill me. Petrified, I huddled in my blanket in the corner of my room. He was about to smack me in the head when my mother yelled for him to stop.
He turned on her instead and started slapping her.
I hated him with a passion. This man, the only man I loved, broke my heart into pieces. My heart had never been whole after that night.
He left us for a while, but he kept coming back and my mother just…accepted him. I didn’t understand it. She was a strong woman, and yet when this man came in her life, she lost her self-respect and pride, allowing him to abuse her time and time again. I loved my mother very much, but I think I resented her a little for it.
From then on, I swore never to be like her. I would not let myself fall in love with someone and lose myself. I may have serious issues, but I wasn’t interested in anyone fixing me.
Even when she was dying, she called out his name. He never showed up.
* * *
Caleb is different, my subconscious argued. Caleb is not like your father.
He was sweet and kind, funny and immature sometimes, but he was always there if I needed help. No matter how hard I pushed him away, he just kept coming back for more. He had to be masochistic.
Our eyes met.
I wasn’t being completely honest with myself, because at that moment, when his face broke into a grin as he waved at me, I felt like he had me in the palm of his hand.
I took a deep breath. Everything was okay. I liked him, and I had already admitted that to myself. I could pull away whenever I wanted to. I would not let myself fall for him. My self-preservation was stronger than anything else.
The coach called a time-out. Caleb’s smile was from ear to ear as he sauntered toward me like he’d already won the game and I was his prize. I couldn’t help smiling back. Several girls approached him and tried to engage him in conversation. He just gave them a polite smile, shook his head, and continued over to me.
It’s me he wants.
He climbed the bleachers, his gaze never leaving mine.
“Hey, Red,” he whispered when he reached me, his eyes dancing happily. “You’re here.”
He sat beside me, gently pulling a lock of my hair.
“Hey, Kar, nice to see you again.” He leaned forward to address her. “I didn’t know you were friends with my girl until she told me today.”
My girl?
I frowned at him. His smile only widened.
“She didn’t tell you she works for me now?” Kara asked.
“No,” he replied, his smile fading a little. “She didn’t. She doesn’t tell me a lot of things.”
He pulled another lock of my hair. I reached out and pulled his. He only grinned and leaned down so I could get a better grip. I rolled my eyes.
Kara laughed, but it sounded forced. “Keep working on her. Maybe she’ll give you an inch in a few years, eh?”
Her eyes shifted to the court, and she placed her hand on her chest as if in great pain, squeezing her fingers together. I followed her gaze and saw a girl flirting with Cameron.
“I need to fucking breathe. Be right back,” Kara said, her words tripping over each other.
“Kar—”
“I’m fine. I’ll be right back,” she told me, then leaned close. “Don’t be a moron. He really, really likes you,” she whispered in my ear before she climbed down the bleachers.
I watched her walk away for a few seconds.
“Is she all right?” Caleb asked, concerned. He reached for my face, then tucked an errant strand of hair behind my ear. He really liked doing that.
“I’m not sure.”
He sighed. “Is it Cameron?”
I nodded.
“Cameron doesn’t talk about it, but I know he isn’t all right either. His phone background is her picture.”
My eyes widened in surprise. “Really?”
He nodded, smiling. “Red?”
I looked at him curiously. “Yes?”
“Wanna make out in my car after practice? At the movies?”
I had no idea how he could make me blush so easily. He really loved catching me off guard. It was dangerous to be alone with him, even more dangerous when his attention was solely on me. To distract myself, I looked around and noticed several pairs of eyes giving me measuring looks.
“I think your girlfriends are annoyed with me for monopolizing all your attention.” I motioned with my chin to the girls standing on the sideline. He didn’t even look.
“Is anyone bothering you?”
I shook my head. “No, and if there is someone bothering me, I can take care of myself.”
“Regardless,” he insisted. He reached for my hand, his thumb absently making circles on my palm. I shivered at the contact. “Will you tell me if anyone starts bothering you? I’ll protect you.”
My throat felt tight, so I just nodded. No one had ever said that to me before. Not the way he did. Like he meant it.
“I have to go back to practice,” he said when the coach whistled. “I want to impress my girl. My only girl.”
Before I could tell him I wasn’t his girl, he was already back on the court. He was good—really, really good. No wonder he was the most valuable player on the team.
I was so engrossed in watching Caleb that, before I knew it, practice was ending. Caleb motioned to the locker room, indicating he was going to get changed.
I looked around and realized Kara hadn’t been back in a long while. Worried, I got up to find her. I checked the washroom, but all the stalls were empty.
She must have left. I instantly felt guilty. She probably couldn’t stand seeing Cameron around other girls. I left the washroom and pulled out my phone to text her just as two girls went in. I thought I heard Kara’s name.
“Cameron is with that Flat Board again. I thought they broke up. What’s he doing with her?”
“Maybe they got back together,” the other girl answered. “She looked pretty shaken up.”
My steps faltered, eyes widening in anger at what I was hearing.
“That Kara needs to stay in her lane. She keeps throwing herself at him.”
“I don’t know. He looked like he wasn’t over her.”
“Please. She’s a ho ba—”
I couldn’t take another word. I was ready to go to war when Caleb suddenly grabbed my arm. He shook his head. I gritted my teeth, fighting the urge to scratch out that girl’s eyes.
“I just got a text from Cameron,” he said. “He’s with Kara.”
“What?” I was shocked. Kara wouldn’t even talk to Cameron, let alone leave with him. “I have to find her. Why would she be with him?”
“I know they’re not on good terms right now, but trust me, Cameron won’t let anything bad happen to her. You can talk to her later, give her a call.”
I nodded, worried. He squeezed my hand, and I looked up into his eyes.
“I wish someday you’d care for me that way,” he whispered. “More.”
I held my breath.
“I wish you’d…” He cut himself off, shook his head, and straightened. “Still up for the movie? It’s starting soon.”
“Actually, Caleb, I had a long day,” I admitted. “Maybe we should just go back to your apartment.”
He gave me a silent nod. I could see in his face that he was exhausted too. I’d also seen him rotate his left shoulder a few times, massaging it with his hand.
Besides…a date with Caleb Lockhart in an enclosed space would fall on the girlfriend-boyfriend list of things to do, wouldn’t it?
“What do you want to eat?” I asked, changing the subject.
I had made chicken potpie for dinner, but if he wanted something else, I’d cook it. When he didn’t respond, I looked at him. The gleam in his eyes was telling.
“Do you really want to know?” he asked, his voice heavy with meaning. “I don’t think you’re ready.”
My heart began to pound.
He stared at my lips before his eyes flicked up to mine. “Or are you?”
I held my breath. He was too much to handle.
“Pancakes,” I choked out.
Whenever we said pancakes, we never really cooked or had pancakes. It was our code word for Let’s get away from here and do something else together.
He laced his fingers with mine. “Pancakes it is.”
