It was past midnight by the time we headed home. Tonight, something had changed between us; something had changed in me.
I wasn’t exactly sure where our relationship stood now. All I knew was that I wanted to explore it more. For the first time in my life, I was willing to risk my heart.
The drive back was comfortably silent as Caleb drove one-handed, his other hand wrapped around mine. On the poorly lit country road, darkness surrounded us. It was so black that I couldn’t see more than a few feet ahead of us. The clouds now covered the moon and stars we’d gazed at earlier.
Thank God for headlights.
I turned to look behind us, looking for cars or any signs of life. There were none. It was only us on the road. The trees that we passed were just a blur of shadows, the yellow lines reflecting the light back as the car lights hit them.
“This reminds me of that scene in Jeepers Creepers,” I said, shivering from the memory.
Caleb threw me an amused glance. “You like scary movies?”
I shook my head. “No. But I keep watching them anyway.”
He snickered. “We should watch scary movies together. Did you know that when you do exciting things together with someone, you associate that adrenaline feeling with that person? So…” He wiggled his eyebrows. “Scary movies are definitely a must on our to-do list.”
I tried to fight my smile and failed. “Our list?”
“Yup. I have a long, long list, so you better get ready. Have you seen Insidious? Or The Evil Dead?”
I shivered again. “No. I don’t think I want to talk about horror movies when it’s just us on the road. I feel like someone is hovering above your car, ready to pounce on us any minute.”
“I love your imagination—shit!”
Suddenly the car swerved to the right as a deer raced in front of us. I screamed in terror as the force threw my body against the window. I nearly banged my head.
Tires squealed against asphalt, the sound piercing my ears. The smell of burning rubber wafted into the car, choking me.
I heard Caleb let out a string of curses as the car groped for traction, careening on the rocks and dirt on the side of the road. Caleb’s eyes quickly darted at me, filled with dread. I felt the blood drain from my face.
That was when I realized we could die.
My palms became moist, and sweat popped on my forehead. I had felt this before, this feeling of impending doom. That something was out to get me, and no matter what I did, I was going to die.
I watched Caleb grip the steering wheel, the veins in his arms standing out as he tried to control the vehicle. It kept on going, skidding sideways. I barely registered the dirt and dust flying around us as the car shook and rattled on the uneven terrain.
The seat belt bit through my skin, jerking me back as the car braked to a complete stop. And then silence.
I was breathing through my mouth, panting like I’d just run a mile. My whole body felt cold, and I started shaking uncontrollably, my teeth chattering.
I heard a seat belt being unfastened, and suddenly Caleb was pulling me into his lap, burying his face in my hair. I heard his loud, uneven breathing, felt the pounding of his heart. He was hugging me so hard I could barely breathe.
I didn’t care. I needed his arms around me, needed to be assured we were both okay. My arms wrapped around him. His warmth was soothing, his so-familiar smell comforting.
“Baby, are you okay?” he whispered, his voice shaky. He straightened a little and pressed his cheek to the top of my head.
I nodded, unable to speak. He ran his fingers through my hair, an unconscious gesture that comforted both of us. I don’t know how long we held each other, but eventually our hearts slowed to their normal rhythm. The pounding in my head dissipated, and my breathing returned to normal.
“You okay?” he repeated, rubbing my back.
I nodded. “Yes…Caleb, thank you,” I said, hugging him tighter. “You saved us both.”
He blew out a breath, relief evident in his eyes. “I’m just glad you’re okay. You didn’t hit your head or anything, did you?”
He gently returned me to my seat, his eyes scanning my face before moving down to my lower body, checking for signs of injury.
“I’m okay, Caleb. Are you?” I asked, giving him the same inspection.
His eyes were still glinting from the rush of adrenaline, but he looked unharmed. Thank God. If something bad happened to him… I took a deep breath and refused to think about it.
He tried a smile, but it was forced. “I think I just lost ten years of my life, but I’m good. Next time we visit, we’re definitely going to a hotel and staying the night.”
I agreed. Suddenly, I felt very weak and thirsty, my body slumping in my seat.
“Stay inside. I’m going to check the car, make sure the tires are okay,” he said.
I nodded, praying we weren’t going to be stranded in the middle of nowhere. I watched Caleb as he walked around the vehicle. He crouched to check the tires, disappearing from view. I felt the car rock as he opened the trunk. He returned a few minutes later, assuring me everything was okay and handing me a can of orange pop. He must have had some stored in the trunk. I smiled at him in gratitude.
After that, he drove at a slower speed, with both hands on the wheel this time. He was more alert, paying attention to the sides of the road.
When we reached Caleb’s building, I was exhausted and found myself leaning into him as we walked. The concierge greeted us as we passed. Caleb chatted with him for a moment before we made our way to the elevator. When the door opened and we stepped in, Caleb scooped me up in his arms. I yelped in surprise.
“Caleb! What are you doing?”
The doors closed, and the elevator ascended.
“You were about to pass out. I can’t let that happen,” he replied, leaning against the wall with a long sigh.
He must have been exhausted too since he could barely stand up. Today had been incredible, but it had been a long day.
“I’m okay now, I promise. Please put me down.”
“Nope.” He squished me closer to his chest, brooking no argument.
Suddenly, the doors opened and I stared in horror as an older woman stepped in, shock on her face. When she recovered, she glared at us and then stood as far away as possible inside the cramped space.
“Young people nowadays,” she muttered under her breath in a disapproving voice. “So disrespectful, so disgusting.”
I slapped Caleb on the arm. He was grinning, the bad boy! I pinched him, but he wouldn’t put me down. In fact, he hitched me up higher in his arms and dipped his head to kiss me.
The lady’s muttering grew louder.
“What have we planned for tonight, love?” he asked, his lips still hovering over mine.
He was probably going to say something that would shock this older woman into an early grave, but that wasn’t why my heart started pounding. My lips were still tingling from his kiss, and he had never called me “love” before.
Oh no, Caleb… What was he going to say now?
“Whips and chains on the menu tonight? No? Ball gag, then. You can tie me up.”
I groaned. Oh good Lord.
He started humming “S and M” by Rihanna. Bobbing his head up and down, making his voice sound rough as he growled a little bit.
Mercifully, the doors opened and the woman ran out, glancing back to give us a look of revulsion before the doors closed.
“You’re crazy,” I whispered, giggling.
“I don’t like it when people judge others.”
“You did mention whips and chains,” I reminded him.
“Yeah, but I only did that because she was complaining about me carrying you in the elevator. What’s so disrespectful and disgusting about it? What if I was carrying you because we just got married? Or maybe you hurt your ankle, and I—as your husband—was carrying you so you didn’t have to walk.”
Your husband. I had to let that pass so I could concentrate on the other things he was saying.
“People shouldn’t be so quick to judge. She could be guilty of doing the same things she criticizes other people for…or worse. It’s so hypocritical.” He blew out a breath.
“You know her?”
“She used to teach at a prestigious school. Let’s just say she won’t be teaching any kids in the future because of what she’s done.” He shook his head. “Just because they’re older doesn’t mean they’re always right. I automatically give respect to people I meet unless they do something to take that away. I won’t disrespect them, but I can be blunt.”
Oh, Caleb.
The doors opened and he walked out, still carrying me. He glanced down at me with a puzzled smile on his lips.
“Why are you looking at me that way?” he asked.
I dropped my gaze, blushing. Thankfully, he didn’t comment on it.
He had to enter the code to his apartment, and I expected him to put me down once we reached the door, but he didn’t.
I cleared my throat. “Aren’t you going to put me down?”
“No.”
He leaned down—crouched, really—while I was still in his arms. I was blocking his vision, so he moved his head from side to side, trying to see the numbers on the keypad.
“Caleb!” I giggled, holding on to his arms to keep from falling.
We were both laughing. My hair was in his mouth as he tried to press the numbers.
“This is silly… Oh my God!” I squeaked as he lost his balance, tipping backward.
He landed on his back as I sprawled on top of him, his arms protecting me as we fell.
“Ouch!” he moaned, but he was laughing.
“We’re going to wake the neighbors.” I chuckled, too tired to move.
I was on top of him, my head on his chest.
“We can just sleep here,” I murmured, feeling so comfortable and relaxed that I closed my eyes.
“I’m not tired at all,” he answered, raising his head so he could look at me.
My eyes snapped open.
“Um…” I suddenly felt awake, my nerve endings coming to life.
I pushed off him, then awkwardly stood up.
He sighed. “Help me up, please.” He stretched out his arm so I could pull him up.
I pursed my lips, grabbing his hand. I squealed as he jerked me down on top of him again.
When I landed on his hard body, he started laughing.
“Caleb!” I scolded.
“God, you feel so good,” he whispered in my ear.
I blushed, trying to keep my wits about me since I was very aware of his solid body beneath me.
“Caleb, let’s go inside.”
“We will.” The sudden change in his tone—from playful to somber—alerted me. He was serious all of a sudden, his green eyes filled with fear. “I just need…”
“Caleb…”
He pulled back and reversed our positions so that I was lying beneath him. His touch was gentle, almost reverent, as he caressed my cheek with his fingers, his eyes searching mine for reassurance that I was okay.
“If I lost you… If something happened to you, I wouldn’t be able to… I wouldn’t know what to do,” he said, his voice rough.
I reached out to touch his face, pressing my lips to his for a soft kiss before pulling away.
“I’m right here. I’m okay,” I said gently, placing my palms on his chest.
“My Red…”
His eyes focused on my mouth, and he reached out a finger to trace my top lip, dipping down on my Cupid’s bow.
He went on to trace my bottom lip, rubbing the pad of his finger against it. I held my breath as his thumb lightly pressed the side of my mouth, dragging down my bottom lip so that my mouth opened a little. He was touching me softly, teasingly, deliberately, and I’d never realized just how sensitive lips were.
I started panting.
I saw the struggle in his eyes before he closed them, as if he needed a moment to gather himself. When he opened them again, they were a little calmer. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I just can’t help it.”
Like a cat, he jumped up in one smooth move and pulled me up with him. I blinked, needing a few moments to recover, but he was already opening the door and guiding me inside.
We stopped in front of my bedroom. He turned me to face him, holding my hand in both of his, slowly rubbing my palm. I didn’t think he was even aware of the action. His eyes were looking at our joined hands, a small frown creasing his brows.
I waited for him to speak. After a moment, he said, “I have to say good night right here.”
I studied his face, puzzled. His gaze was intense and troubled.
“You don’t know how much I want to go in there with you.”
My heart skipped a beat.
He looked down, shook his head, and looked back up at me again. “Thank you for a lovely night.” He leaned closer to me, our noses touching. “Sweet dreams.”
Then he walked away.
* * *
The soft glow of the lamplight greeted me as I woke up. I never turned the lights off when I slept. Something bad always happened when I did.
So Caleb was right when he said I slept with the lights on. But how did he know that? I locked my bedroom door every night. It was habit. He couldn’t have come in while I was asleep. Unless he had a key.
Of course he had a key, I thought, mentally duh-ing myself.
But I was a very light sleeper, and I was positive I would have heard the door open if Caleb had decided to come in. Then again, if he’d passed my room, he would have seen the light from under my door.
I squinted to check the time—3:00 a.m. I groaned. I hated 3:00 a.m. It was the time when bad things happened—at least in my experience. But I was feeling really thirsty and had to drink some water.
I was exhausted and dehydrated from drinking with Kara and Beth the other night, and then going out on that incredible date with Caleb. I was surprised I could still walk.
My eyes were still half closed as I padded to the kitchen. I groped for the lights, but I couldn’t find them.
What the hell?
Still half asleep, I decided to abandon the search for the switch. Opening the fridge, I grabbed Caleb’s carton of orange juice and moved it to its designated bottom shelf. I chuckled, thinking of how much orange juice he drank as I fished out a can of coconut water.
I popped open the top, the sound piercing the silence of the room. It woke me up a little, enough to make my senses adjust to the dark.
There was something in the shadows…watching me.
I narrowed my eyes, trying to make out if anything or anyone was hiding in the darkness.
There was nothing. My mind was clearly playing tricks on me. I turned back to the fridge, intending to close it, and then I heard the sound behind me.
The hair on my arms stood up as fear rushed through my veins, numbing my limbs. The can fell from my hand, and the sound of it hitting the floor broke the maddening silence. It was like the sharp crack of a whip, waking me from my frozen state.
I ran. Ran as fast as I could, but everything was cloaked in darkness and I could barely see anything in front of me.
I could feel the figure’s hate, creeping in the air to smother me. It wanted my pain. It was chasing me now, enjoying the hunt. Its quiet chuckle was pure evil.
I cried out in alarm as I tripped, my palms flattening with my weight as I made contact with the cold floor.
I heard sadistic laughter behind me. Something sinister that belonged to the darkness. Something very, very familiar.
I scrambled up, spinning around so that I could see what was chasing me. Screams bubbled out of my throat as I heard footsteps thumping toward me. Instinct screamed at me to run, but I was too petrified to even turn my head away.
“Run, little girl,” the specter taunted. “I’m gonna get you.” Its voice hissed like a snake.
I forced myself to move, glancing back to see nothing but darkness.
I wanted to scream, but my throat refused to work. Something was choking me…and I realized it was fear.
“Do you think I won’t find you?”
No! No, please!
I ran faster, pumping my legs as fast as I could. I let out a scream when I crashed against a solid object.
“Red! What the hell?”
Caleb!
He gripped my arms, his eyes alarmed. My eyes were wide with panic as I tried to tell him what was going on. I opened my mouth, but I couldn’t speak.
I shook my head and reached for his hand, frantically pulling at him to run.
Please!
“Red, calm down. What’s wrong?”
He cupped my face, forcing me to look at him. “It’s okay. You’re having a panic attack. Breathe slowly. In through your nose now, come on. Out through your mouth. Focus!”
His authoritative command pulled me out of my panicked state. I took slow, deep breaths, in and out, in and out.
“What happened? Why were you running?” he asked. His gentle eyes and controlled voice calmed me.
Am I going crazy?
“The-there was something b-back in the kitchen,” I stuttered.
Without warning, Caleb fell to his knees, shock on his face. My mouth opened in a silent scream as he stared at me with fear and incredulity, his hands covering his stomach. I watched as blood seeped through his shirt.
“Go!” he begged.
I covered my mouth with both hands as I watched Caleb crumple to the floor. Unmoving. Lifeless.
No! No, no, no!
Before I could reach out to him, the evil thing stepped out from the shadows. The dark figure had a malicious smile, and its gaze bored into me.
“Hello, Daughter.”
I heard screaming, so loud and sharp it hurt my ears. I realized it was me, and the sound pulled me out of my nightmare. And then Caleb’s voice came through the fog.
“Red! Wake up! It’s okay, baby. I got you. Shh… I’m here now. It’s okay.”
I was shaking. My bones were cold and my lungs felt full, choking on too much air—or not enough. Caleb’s arms were around me, rubbing my back, comforting me. He was still murmuring soothing words in my ear, but I wasn’t hearing them.
All I could register was his voice.
Caleb was okay. He was here. He was alive.
God.
My arms wrapped around him as I buried my face against his chest, sobbing. I was soaking his shirt, but I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing.
I didn’t know how long we stayed like that, but eventually my sobs diminished to just hiccupping. Caleb was still rubbing my back, softly humming a song. I closed my eyes, letting his voice soothe me.
“Want to talk about it?” he asked quietly.
I shook my head. I felt him nod, and then he kissed my hair. The memory of the nightmare was already escaping me, like dust in the wind. I reached for it, concentrating hard to catch it, but then it was gone.
“Caleb?”
“Mmm-hmm?”
“Will you stay with me tonight? Please.”
His intake of breath was audible. “Yes,” he said simply, pulling me closer so the top of my head was secured under his chin.
Just like that. No questions asked.
Had anyone besides my mom cared for me this much?
No, not like this. Never before Caleb.
“I almost broke your door when I heard you screaming. I hope you don’t mind that I opened it. I have a key.”
I shook my head and burrowed deeper against him.
I noticed the soft patter of rain blowing against the windows. It consoled me, steadied me. I’ve always loved the sound, even when I was a child.
“Do you like the rain?” he asked softly.
I snuggled closer to him, held him tighter. “Yes.”
“Tell me why you like it,” he whispered.
“Do you like it, Caleb?”
I felt him smile. He probably thought I was avoiding his question, but truthfully, I wanted to hear his answer.
“Yes, I do. When I was young, I would run outside every time it rained so I could play. I loved the smell of it, loved the way it hit my skin. It tasted like the ocean.”
Thunder rumbled outside, the sound booming through the room. Thunder didn’t scare me. I loved it. Caleb didn’t seem to mind it either because he let out a contented sigh.
“To me, it symbolizes new beginnings. I don’t know if you believe in God or in a higher being, but I do. I was an altar boy growing up, you know.” He chuckled. “That white robe was my Sunday attire for years.”
I smiled. “You said the rain symbolizes new beginnings to you.”
“Yes,” he answered after a moment. He seemed lost in his thoughts as he absently stroked my arm.
I closed my eyes. His touch felt so good.
“I feel like God is washing off the dirt from the world,” he explained. “Wiping the slate clean. Handing you a new beginning. Washing away all the sadness, the sorrow, the nightmares.”
I didn’t know why I felt sad all of a sudden. “Some bad things can’t be washed away, Caleb.”
“See now, that’s just sad. True enough, there are some bad things that are just part of your landscape, and you can’t simply wash them away. But you can learn to accept them and not let them define who you are,” he continued, his voice turning deeper. He tipped his head back so he could look into my eyes.
“It’s what you learn from the bad things that can determine the path you choose. If you embrace your scars and let them make you stronger, you might be able to open up and move beyond the pain.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. What if the scars were so deep that they were all I could see? All I could feel?
“Tell me a story, Caleb.”
“All right, but let’s get you under these covers first.”
We settled under the blanket, facing each other, and he wrapped his arms around me. He was quiet for a moment, but the silence was comfortable between us. Warm. Caleb was so warm. I hadn’t realized how cold I was until he came into my life.
“All right, I’ll tell you a story,” he began, tucking my right leg between his and wrapping my arm securely around his waist. “Once upon a time there was a handsome caterpillar—”
“A handsome caterpillar?” I laughed.
“Shh. This handsome caterpillar had everything in life he could wish for. Green leaves to eat all day, green branches and green grass to crawl on, green skies and green friends he could enjoy. And then he started to notice that everything was green. Different shades of green, but all around him was green just the same.”
“Even the sun?”
“Even the sun. He started to question: Is this all that life has to offer? He started to feel dissatisfied. He survived, but he never really lived. Soon, he felt green was suffocating him. Green was his prison. Green to him was black; it was darkness. So he crawled through the green world, searching without knowing what he was looking for.”
I looked up at him when he didn’t continue. “What was he searching for?”
“Color.” He looked in my eyes. “You’re my color, Red.”
My heart was in my throat. His eyes were intense, pulling me in.
“And so,” he murmured, snuggling closer and resting his chin on top of my head. “The caterpillar found his butterfly. She was so lovely, so colorful, and so full of life. Her beauty and love filled his heart to bursting every day of their lives. And they lived happily ever after.”
My lids felt heavy and I sighed against him, comforted by his familiar scent and warmth.
“I won’t let anyone hurt you. Sleep,” he whispered.
I did. I slept with no nightmares tainting my dreams.
I woke up with Caleb’s arm across my chest and his legs tangled up in mine. He had kicked the covers to the floor. He was lying on his stomach, his head turned toward me. The sun was on his face, but it didn’t wake him.
I never had the opportunity to look at him without him knowing, so I just stared. The soft morning light bathed his lightly tanned skin, making it glow. His white T-shirt was hiked up and his sweats rode very low, revealing the lighter skin on his lower back that was usually covered. His bronze hair was mussed and covered his forehead. I smoothed it away and noticed his lashes.
How could a guy have long lashes like that?
I reached out my finger to trace the shape of his nose, then the square of his jaw. His skin had a light sprinkling of stubble, tickling me as I caressed his face.
Suddenly, he opened his eyes. My hand froze, and I stopped breathing.
His eyes, already twinkling, told me he had been awake all along. He knew I had been staring at him, touching him.
“Good morning,” he said, his voice rough from sleep. “I dreamed of you.”
