This is the thing about change—I don’t like it.
Contrary to what people might think, I’m happy never having to think about changing jobs, apartments, or friends. The only change I do welcome, however, is my wardrobe, but even then, I’ve been known to hoard certain pieces, something my mother says has been inherited from her side.
Waking up on Sunday morning, the day after Adriana’s wedding, I know it’s all changing, and that sinking feeling sticks with me. I just can’t shake it. If I were honest with myself, it’s the whole Charlie and Lex hook-up thing.
I mean, if anything, I encouraged it. Getting Charlie to After Dark the night of the charity ball, sending the janitor in to interrupt them, you always want what you can’t have, right? So, I sent the janitor in, made sure they didn’t fuck all the way, and bam, of course, you could see her desperation in the days which followed. At the time, it was all fun and games, but now I’m losing my best friend, and it hurts like fucking hell.
“Eric, we’re checking out in thirty minutes, shall we interrupt the lovebirds?” Adriana winks as she opens the mini-bar to determine whether or not I went on a late-night binge.
“Um, isn’t that kind of awkward? What if they’re in the middle of, you know… some wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am?”
“That’s why you go in first. I can’t experience any family scarring on the first morning as Mrs. Evans. Better yet, send Kate. I’m sure she’s seen Lex in far worse situations.”
“You’re such a loving sister, Adriana.” I smirk.
“Well, duh.”
Fifteen minutes later, the four of us stand in Lex’s and Charlie’s room.
“Seriously, get the fuck out,” Lex snaps as he goes back to snuggling his head into Charlie’s neck. The good news is they aren’t fucking, but the room reeks of sex. Plus, they are both naked under the covers. That kind of kills my buzz, although I can honestly stare at Lex all day. Okay, that was kind of creepy, and, well, I don’t know if it constitutes me as a being bad friend considering he’s her husband.
“As much as I love you, big brother, you have to get your naked ass out of here. The inn booked a traveling polka group, and well, unless you want to have polka tunes stuck in your head all week, it’s time to leave.”
“How long do we have?” he asks.
“Fifteen minutes, at most,” Adriana responds after a quick glance at the clock.
“Then get the hell out of here and let me enjoy my woman for five minutes,” he barks, climbing on top of her as she giggles under the sheets.
“Okay, my cue to leave… see ya outside.” Adriana waves.
“Five minutes? Really, Lex, is that all it takes?” Elijah teases.
“Okay, you two peeping Toms, let’s get out of here.” Kate grabs our arms and pulls us outside into the hallway.
“You’re not classed a peeping Tom if you are invited into the room,” I point out.
“But you weren’t, Mr. Tom.”
I pouted as we leave the room, following Kate and Elijah to the lobby where we are supposed to wait. Spotting a large mirror near the reception desk, I walk over to examine my hair. What the hell is happening today! Strands are poking out everywhere. It almost looks like I have bangs, God forbid. Damn, this is what happens when I switch hair products. Annoyed with my uncooperative hair, I sit in the fancy armchair which looks like it belongs in Buckingham Palace, practicing my royal poses until Kate questions me.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“Practicing my royal wave.”
“Why?”
“This chair… it’s fit for a royal.”
She lets out a small laugh and calls me a fruit loop before burying herself in her phone. Bored waiting, my mind goes back to the charity ball when all this unfolded. Emma and I had no idea who this guy was and how he was able to bring Charlie’s world to a complete standstill.
“So, that was weird, right?” I asked Emma.
“Uh, yeah, Charlie is never shy or quiet around guys, and did you see his eyes?”
“Oh, honey, that wasn’t the only thing I saw.”
Emma laughed as I continued, “Okay, so I’ve never heard her mention him. Have you?”
“No, but I haven’t known her as long as you, and she’s like your BFF,” she pointed out.
“True… but it’s like this guy had a spell on her, you know. Like everything about her changed when he stood in front of her. We need a plan.”
“A plan for what?” Emma asked worriedly.
“A plan to get these two together.”
“Eric, she’s with Julian.”
“So what! Hugh dates five girls at a time. Once he had nineteen!”
“Okay, but Charlie is not Hugh Hefner, thank God, and well, maybe if they were together, it ended for a reason. We shouldn’t meddle in her affairs.”
“Oh, stop being a party pooper. Wake up and smell the jizz. He is Lex Edwards, billionaire CEO, more gorgeous than… God. Look, I’ll say it… more gorgeous than David Beckham.”
“Eric, how dare you say that.” She chuckled. “Okay, you have a point, he is the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen, but please do not ask me to smell the jizz again.”
“Deal. Now, where do we start…”
So, this is how it all began. I’m Billionaire Matchmaker, and with my talent, I could start my own reality television show.
When Lex asked me some questions at the bar, I knew he was interested, so naturally, I was going to get Charlie to After Dark. I had no idea how to get rid of Julian, but thank God, he was caught up with something. Not that I didn’t like him. I mean Christian Bale lookalike, I was foaming at the pants looking at him. I was goddamn jealous of Miss Mason’s male followers, and for once, all the hot guys were straight.
A week later, everything started to unfold. She was distant, on edge, extremely high-strung. She kept trying to bury herself in work but failed miserably. I knew she wouldn’t talk, the stubborn bitch, so I decided we needed some Eric and Charlie pamper time.
I sat there in the chair as the lady filed my nails. It was Charlie’s birthday, and we were having a day of pampering. After spending a day on Fifth Avenue maxing out my three credit cards, we decided to have a light lunch followed by manis and pedis at our local salon. I was flicking through a back issue of US Weekly as Charlie rambled on and on about how she busted Nikki and Rocky in Nikki’s office two weeks ago. I dropped the magazine in the water as Charlie broke the news of the last part. The manicurist cursed me in her language, and all the manicurists turned to face me, shaking their heads. I couldn’t help but crack up laughing. Geez, I’ll replace the three-dollar back issue with a pregnant Angelina Jolie on the front.
“Charlie, are you fucking serious?” I started coughing as the laughing became uncontrollable. The manicurist was annoyed with both of us as we couldn’t hold still. She eventually stabbed me with the filer which calmed me the hell down.
“Sorry,” Charlie apologized to the manicurist. “I’m not lying. I mean, why is it always me? Why do I always have to catch them? And the worst part is that they are never embarrassed! They just say sorry, then carry on.”
I laughed, struggling to get my words out. “Charlie, please, like you can talk.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked nervously.
“Um, like, hello… Lex rocking up to your office on Monday night. You don’t think I believe nothing happened, right?”
“I don’t know… I mean nothing happened,” she stammered.
“So, how do you explain a cufflink with the initials LE engraved on it that was lying on the floor underneath your desk?”
“Uh, he was… um, fixing my chair.”
“More like slurping on your lady door.”
“Eww, E, did you just say ‘slurping on my lady door?’”
“Well, he was, wasn’t he? Don’t deny it, girl. You’ve been tapping his ass nonstop since then, I can tell.”
“How on earth can you tell that?”
“You’re walking funny… kinda lopsided. My guess is that you are getting some back-door action as well.”
“Eric!” she gasped.
The manicurist snickered, which caused Charlie to turn bright red. It was so true. I had a radar on people who had just gotten laid. Plus, I could smell sex like a mile away. Hmm, maybe this was my gift.
“Not in front of the…” she continued to spell out the word manicurist.
“Um, Charlie, you know they can spell, right? So, how was it, and how big is he? My guess is huge ‘cause you haven’t worn your really high pumps all week.”
“Holy shit, Eric, do you have some sort of sex radar? His size is… well, it’s… perfect.”
“Damn, girl, you got it bad.”
“I do not!”
“I mean, not even I have found a perfect one. Some were small, some were big, some leaned to the left, some leaned to the right, and there were some that were so covered in bush you couldn’t even find it if you sent a search party with heavy-duty torches and a hedge trimmer—” I continued on as she cut me off.
“Okay, okay, I get it. You haven’t found the right one. Can you please not go on about large bushes? I want to maintain an appetite for tonight’s dinner.”
“You’re the birthday girl…” Smirking, I went back to reading the magazine next to me, issue date December 2009.
It’s times just like this that I miss already. I don’t know if they will still happen. She’s gotten back with the love of her life, has a full-time sex schedule on top of being pregnant. I don’t know why it gets to me so bad. I should just talk to her, right? I mean she is my BFF. I confide everything to her, but what about now? This is way too much thinking for a Sunday. Thank God, Kate agrees to hit up Barney’s when we get back into the city later today. Retail therapy is just what I need.
“Do you think things will change now?”
“How so?” Kate asks as she tries on a red strapless dress but gives up trying to squeeze her boobs into it when she realizes she has no chance in hell of zipping it up.
“With Lex and Charlie…”
“Well, of course. I mean they have each other, they are practically moving in together, and hello, they’re having a baby. Plus, holy shit, can you believe they got married!”
“But do you think Charlie will still, you know… hang out with us?”
In a huff, she pulls the dress off, standing there in only her lacy purple thong and matching bra. “Eric, what’s going on?”
I hesitate, which is unlike me. I always have something to say. I’ve been told on numerous occasions that I have no filter, like none whatsoever, but Kate hasn’t known me that long, and she doesn’t know this is out of character.
“I just… you know, she’s my best friend. I don’t want to lose her,” I shamelessly say, my head bowed, trying to understand why this gets to me so much.
“Doll, look at me?”
I glance up, Kate staring at me with this look of pity on her face, but goddamn, seriously, she has a great pair of tits. I mean like Halle Berry great.
“Are those real?” I ask, sidetrack.
“What? Yes! And I don’t mean look at my tits. Eric, Charlie treasures her friendships. Yes, life is changing but for the better. She’ll always be in your life.”
“I guess. Can I touch them to make sure?”
“Wait, you’re serious. Are you sure you aren’t straight?”
“Honey, please, vaginas scare me. It like reminds me too much of that movie Innerspace, you know with Meg Ryan? All pink and mucus-like.”
Shaking her head in disgust, she puts her jeans back on. “Never say mucus to me again. Honestly, Eric, your vagina lingo needs to step up a notch. And yes, you can but make it quick.”
After confirming they are, in fact, real, we decide to head on out for a really late lunch before catching a movie. Kate is fast becoming my favorite person to hang out with. I just love the British sense of humor plus, aside from Emma, she is the only single friend I have.
“Will you still call Lex ‘sir’?”
“I don’t know… yes… I think. I can’t call him Lex in the office, you know?”
“Did you ever want to spank him when you called him ‘sir’?”
“What? No… never. I have never looked at him that way. Trust me, back in the day, I saw way too much of his not-so-good side.”
“Did he ever try to come on to you?”
She laughed out loud “No… apart from that minor comment with joining him and Victoria. Honestly, Eric, it was never like that. He’s my boss, and yes, now we run the same social circle, but I love my job and admire his intelligence. I have learnt so much from him. That’s all. Now, get your mind out of the gutter and let’s order because I’m hank marvin.”
“Hank marvin? What the hell is that?” I need a translator for Kate but enjoy the new catchphrases.
“Derr, starving!”
***
Monday morning rolls around faster than you can say ‘doggy style.’ Fuck, I need to get laid. It’s exactly eight-thirty, and I have everything prepared for our meeting. Coffee is brewed, and an assortment of breakfast pastries is centered on the large meeting table. The projector is ready as Nikki is going to present an update on a case the firm has been tangled in. At eight fifty on the dot, Emma walks in.
“Hey, chica, what’s happening?”
“Nothing,” she answers quietly.
Huh, odd. She bows her head, pretending to be immersed in paperwork.
“Spill.”
“Spill what?”
“Why you acting all ‘something up my puss’?”
“Eric, nothing is up my puss.”
“Well, maybe that’s the problem, then. So, spill it now, or I’ll nag you for the rest of the day.”
She sighs, knowing there’s no way out of it. When it comes to extracting information from people, I’m a born nagger. Either that or I will manipulate the conversation so eventually, the truth will reveal itself. My mother says it’s a hidden talent of mine amongst other things. Taking her glasses off for a moment, she reaches for a tissue, attempting to clean the lenses.
“So, I kind of did something, it’s embarrassing. I can’t even think about it without wanting to crawl in a hole and die.”
“OMG, you peed on him?”
“No! How mortifying. Although this wouldn’t be far off. I kinda um…” she tenses her body, unable to get her words out, “… I kinda, um, farted during sex.”
She buries her head in her hands as if that’s going to erase this. Poor Emma, when it comes to screwing around with co-workers, she sure lacks knowledge in the sexual department.
“Like asshole farted or pussy farted?”
“Eric, I can’t believe you just said asshole farted.” Her cheeks burn while she crumples into the chair. “Well, I’m not sure, but I don’t think it was that.”
“Okay, so walk me through it, but make it quick before someone walks in the middle of this conversation, and God forbid it be Tate. He’d cut my dick off and serve it to the mafia.”
“Okay.” Taking a deep breath, she continues, “So, he wanted to do it from behind, and it was great, right? But as he came and pulled out, I farted… and it was loud like echoed-in-the-room loud.”
“But isn’t that normal, the air escaping from the vag?”
“I don’t know, is it?” Emma asked, exasperated.
The door creaks and trying to pretend like we aren’t talking about this, I straighten the coasters in front of me. Thank God, it’s only Charlie.
“Okay, it’s just Charlie. She’ll tell ya it’s normal.”
“Tell who what’s normal?” She looks at us suspiciously, placing a pile of manila folders down in front of her.
“Tell Emma that fanny farting is normal,” I blurt out.
“What the hell is fanny farting?”
“Oh, Kate says that’s what Brit’s call it. You know, after a guy pulls out, and your vag sounds like it’s farting.”
Charlie nods her head, not at all surprised we are talking about this topic at this time of the morning. Over the years, Charlie has immuned herself to the stuff that comes out of my mouth. Exactly why she is my best friend.
“Oh… I see. Yeah, it happened to me once in college. I was mortified, left his dorm room, and avoided seeing him at all costs.”
“Great… that’s just the advice Emma needed.”
“Sorry, Emma… but true story,” Charlie admits with a sad smile.
“What are you doing here, anyway?” I asked, knowing Lex had spent the night at Charlie’s, and according to Kate, they are now living together. “I thought you’d be knee-deep in Lex’s love juice?”
“I still have to come into work. You think I can neglect this?” she questions, picking up a blueberry Danish, then devouring it in like two seconds. “Besides, I was knee-deep about an hour ago.”
Emma lets out a small laugh, but it only lasts a few moments before Nikki walks in, followed by Tate and Becky. Emma walks around to the other side of the table directly opposite Tate, who looks somewhat hurt at her distance. Am I missing something here? I thought they were just secret work fuck buddies.
Note to self—interrogate Emma tonight at spin class.
Nikki begins the meeting, and like nothing has changed, I sit back with a big smile on my face, taking down the minutes, enjoying this moment before anything else decides to change.
The rest of the week is pretty much the same, except for Tuesday night. I’m well aware that Charlie is distracted and tries to seek comfort in others, and when I say ‘others,’ I mean I screwed my ex again.
Okay, yes, what the fuck was I thinking?
I mean, I caught him blowing another guy, and let me tell you, I have no idea what he saw in him. He has a dad bod—isn’t cut up at all. In fact, I may have seen a hint of man boob. Nevertheless, it still was a blow to my ego, excuse the pun. As soon as he shot all over me, I knew I had made a massive mistake.
So, to get over a bad mistake laced with complete regret, I blow Miguel, this gorgeous waiter I’d been eyeing for a while at Tapas on Tenth. Now, when I say gorgeous, I’m talking Henry-Cavill-spank- you-in-the-face-with-his-cock gorgeous.
But there’s one problem. It’s huge, and I don’t mean his cock. That’s huge, of course, like he puts donkeys to shame, but this one problem is, well, let’s just say not appetizing. Normally, I’d be straight on the phone to Charlie dissecting this particular situation, but tonight, Lex is taking her out to dinner, and well, I don’t think he will appreciate me calling up Charlie to discuss my epic blow job fail.
Again, change is definitely not my friend.
So, the week from hell sees me hitting up social media more. Same old desperados trying to grab any sort of attention they can. I find myself tweeting a few hotties. One, in particular, is this guy ‘The Bone Ranger.’ He’s funny, his profile pic is of this cowboy hat. Ding, ding, ding. I’m picturing this guy wearing only chaps sitting naked on a horse. He’s into role play. It’s just fun, right? Until he sends me a direct message, and we get to chat more. He’s into the same stuff I like, is a giver, and so I find myself obsessively messaging him every spare moment I have.
I’m yet to get sight of the goods, but let’s face it, I’m shallow.
This will be a deal-breaker.
***
“Good evening, Master Kennedy.”
Seeking solace in the familiar, I decide to visit my mother. Entering the building, I greet Gerard, the doorman, and make my way to the elevator. As soon as I exit, Malcolm, my parents’ butler, greets me at the door. I love Malcolm like a grandfather, but honestly, the whole ‘Master’ thing should be kept in the bedroom alongside a crop and ball gag.
“Hey, Malcolm, Mom and Dad home?”
“I believe your father is at a board meeting, your mother is in the den, and your brother is also accompanying her.”
Great, my brother is here. Insert sarcasm times a million. I walk to the den to find my mother and brother discussing an article about religious changes in the Middle East.
Boring with a capital B.
“Hey, Mom.”
“Eric! What a lovely surprise.” She stands and walks over to me. In familiar fashion, she hugs me tight, her signature scent of Chanel No. 5 lingering in the air.
“Hi, Dom.” I wave.
“Hello, Eric. It’s been a while,” he answers stiffly.
Okay, so this is the thing about my brother. He’s from another planet, like seriously. He is eight years older than me, a computer geek, I mean like he wins awards in excellence and shit like that. He isn’t gay, although I can’t confirm that because I’ve never seen him with a girl. He is quiet, lives alone in his apartment in SOHO, and well, much to my mother’s disappointment, we have nothing in common and don’t get along.
He dresses well, actually really well for a straight guy. Occasionally, I ask him where he gets a certain sweater vest, but he always answers in one-syllable words annoying the fuck out of me. He is tall, like way taller than me. From what I can see, he works out some, but he’s always covered up. He wears glasses, these thick black-framed nerd ones.
Dominic doesn’t look at all like me. His hair is almost jet black, and he has a very masculine jawline, not at all like mine. I may be twenty-two, but I swear I could join Disney because I look so baby-faced. Dom looks like a man, a real man, but too bad he has the personality of a wet mop.
“So, what’s been happening, you still doing that computer stuff?”
He huffs, only slightly under his breath, “Yes.”
And that’s the end of that conversation.
He ends up leaving, and I spend the night on the couch watching Pretty Woman with my mom. God, I love my mom. She is so beautiful, so refined. She was born in China, grew up there until her parents sent her to study here when she was eighteen. She met my dad not long after, and, well, from the bits I’ve heard, they spent the next few years trying to convince my grandfather why he should let her marry an American. They have fifteen years between them, and my dad was a colleague of my grandfather at the time. It was messy, like really messy. My mom broke every culture rule possible, but in the end, I guess it was all worth it.
I snuggle into her side as we both sit quietly and watch a whore turn into a princess.
***
By Wednesday, I’m experiencing major hump-day issues. God, I just need a good hump. The Bone Ranger is a great distraction, but it isn’t the real thing, yet. The only thing that makes my day somewhat interesting is an email Nikki and I received from Lex in the morning.
To: Eric Kennedy; Nikki Romano
Eric & Nikki,
Can I request you join me for lunch today at George’s on 7th at midday?
I have some urgent matters I would like to discuss with both of you.
Your attendance will be highly appreciated, and I ask that this not be mentioned to Charlotte. I will explain why during our lunch.
Lex Edwards
Okay, so, kind of weird because I have no idea what this is about. Nikki thinks the same, but anyway, we make up some lame-ass excuse when Charlie asks if we want to go out for lunch.
“Where are you guys going?” she questions.
“I don’t know about Nikki, but I… um, am meeting up with a friend for lunch.”
“Which friend?”
I don’t work well under interrogation. I think sweat beads are forming on my forehead. Oh my God, that means I’ll need to get another facial! My T-Zone is so high maintenance.
“A friend of my brother’s.”
“But you hate your brother.”
“I don’t hate him, Charlie, I just think he is a thirty-year-old geek who needs to be taught how to get laid and maybe then he can hold a conversation with me.”
“Well, I offered to do him. Remember last year at your parents’ Christmas party? He may be a geek, Eric, but he is a hot one. Glasses and all.”
“Lex would so kill you for saying that.”
She laughed. “Probably, but don’t you worry about him. I’ve got him whipped and at my feet.”
“He would definitely kill you for saying that, and when you say ‘feet,’ do you mean he is a toe sucker?” I ask.
Yep, there’s my no-filter again.
“Oh, E…” She kisses me on the cheek. “Have fun with your secret lunch date, and for the record, Lex loves everything.” She winks before walking out of the room.
***
Nikki and I sit at the table and she orders a Long Island iced tea. The waiter is cute, so as he walks away, I tilt my head to check his ass. Hmm, a little too wobbly for my liking. Since we have time to kill, I bring up the subject of Miguel because I need to bitch about it. Let’s face it, he’s great apart from the whole funky spunk thing.
“I mean it was that bad, I had to use a goddamn chicken rag beside his bed to spit it out in. Thank God, it was in the dark. I don’t think he noticed.”
“Look, Eric, I’m telling you. Wheatgrass is the trick.”
“What am I gonna say, Nikki? ‘Hey, have a shot of wheatgrass juice so I don’t have to feel like I’m swallowing expired milk?’”
“No. You need to go to one of those health bars. Suggest it and mind you, they do taste like shit, but you’ll need to have one, too.”
“But my jizz is fine!”
“Okay, I’m not even going to ask how you know that, but the reason I suggest that is so you both are doing it, and it won’t look like you are targeting him,” she tells me.
“Oh, right, I get ya. So, what, Rocky has bad spunk?”
“Please, my man tastes just fine. Like sweet candy juice if you care to know.”
“Yeah, TMI. That guy’s a tank. He must blow a bucketload.”
“It’s about quality, Eric, not quantity.”
Lex arrives halting that conversation. As usual, he looks like sex on legs. I mean, I totally get why Charlie is hooked on him. He’s like some walking sex god, and women around him almost swoon in his presence, except for Nikki. I swear that woman has one wound-up cooch when it comes to Lex.
“Good afternoon, Eric, Nikki.”
He sits, motioning for the waiter to come over.
“No offense, Lex, but I’ve seen you practically bang my best friend in front of a group, a ‘Hey, what’s up’ will be fine…”
“Duly noted,” he responds with a nervous laugh.
He seems fidgety, very unlike him. For a few moments, he remains silent like he’s thinking about what to say. I don’t mind, it gives me more time to look at him. Geez, he has great lips. I bet he sooo goes down on Charlie like every day—that’s why she’s got that damn glow. I wonder if she showers beforehand. Look, I’m no vagina expert, but don’t things get all stuck up in there? Fuck, seriously—vag thoughts are grossing me out.
“What do you want, Edwards? Apart from stealing our best friend to satisfy your sexual gratification,” Nikki reminds him.
He takes a sip of his water, and suddenly, he appears calm, smiling to himself like he knows a secret we don’t.
“Here’s the thing… I love Charlotte more than life itself. You two are her best friends, and what I’m about to ask means a lot to me and will to her one day.”
I sit, waiting in anticipation. Please tell me it has something to do with getting us Celine Dion concert tickets. They are sold out, but I know he can pull some strings. Like maybe he can even get me backstage.
“I realize Charlotte has plenty of important people in her life who mean the world to her, but both of you have been there for her through thick and thin, and, for once, I want to do things properly. I want to throw her a proper wedding in Carmel with our family and friends. Now, before you both say something, we have to keep this under wraps because I don’t want the media all over Charlotte. Not during this stage in the pregnancy.”
I gasp, covering my mouth soon afterward, slightly disappointed I won’t be watching Celine.
“So, what exactly are you asking?” Nikki questions.
“You plan the whole wedding,” he answers bluntly.
He grins back, and damn, my man bits do back-to-back somersaults. Nikki sits there quietly like she has to think about it. I kick her with my foot to be met with a why-the-fuck-did-you-do-that stare.
“I’ll do it! But I swear to God, Lex, if you hurt her in any way, shape, or form, I will cut your balls off into tiny pieces and feed them to the wolves. You got me?”
“Yes. Thank you, Nikki.” He forces a smile, struggling to keep his composure around Nikki. “Now, just the finer details… it’s next month. Charlotte and I are flying to Carmel to spend some time with her dad.”
“Excuse me?” Nikki and I blurt in unison. I continue, “But it’s in four weeks?”
“I realize that, so I will give you two assistants.” He motions over to another table where Adriana and Kate are seated. I hadn’t noticed them there at all. They walk over with huge grins on their faces.
“Adriana is a… well, a freak with anything wedding-related. The four of you can put your pretty little heads together to make our day memorable. Kate will be all yours for the entire week. She is an expert at organizing anything last minute and can also help you with any coordinating that needs to be done.”
I sit there in an out-of-body experience. I can’t believe this is happening. I turn to look at Nikki who surprisingly has a huge smile on her face.
“Okay, so that’s it. I’ve got an important meeting, so I’ll leave you to it.”
He stands up and pulls his wallet out of his pocket, throwing his black Amex on the table.
O.M.G!
“Oh wait, Lex…” Adriana calls.
He turns around one more time to face us at the table.
“Do we have a budget?” she asks with a deviant smile.
“It’s Charlotte, no price can be put on marrying her.” He winks before walking off.
Catching the breath I have been holding in, this is no doubt the best thing ever to happen to me. Planning a wedding with no budget, and I’m talking billionaire money here. Holy fuck!
“O… M… G!” I gasp, fanning my face with my hands.
“Right?” Kate laughs
“This will be epic,” Adriana nods.
I nod, agreeing.
Nikki is silent, which is odd coming from Miss Opinionated.
“Nikki?”
“This day is going to be the wedding day of Charlie’s dreams. The fairy tale beginning, even though I still think he’s a jerk. No offense, Adriana.”
“None taken. Any ideas, though?” Adriana begins scribbling notes into a journal-looking thing.
“Of course, I’ve got ideas. I’ve been waiting for this moment since the night Edwards had my baby in jail. Leave the bachelorette party up to me…” She rubs her hand with a devilish grin.
***
By Friday night, I’ve hit a slump in my so-called life. I sit alone in my living room wearing sweats and my hoodie, much to my disappointment. In my life, I don’t think I have ever stayed in on a Friday night, except that one time when I got mono. I curl up on my couch, checking my socials. Same old bullshit, and I’m disappointed ‘The Bone Ranger’ is offline.
I throw my phone over to the other chair, so I won’t be tempted to check it again. Flicking through the cable channels, absolutely nothing’s on. I settle for an infomercial on this miracle face cream.
Fuck, do not get out your credit card.
After forcing myself to change the channel to MTV because I’m this close to buying the face cream as well as the bonus hair remover, I hear a knock on my door. I stand and quickly grab my fry pan in case it’s some ax murderer before noting the price tag is still on it.
Well, duh, I have no idea how to cook.
“Open up, E, it’s me.”
I unlock the hinges because I recognize the voice. Standing there is Charlie in her sweats, carrying Chinese take-out, pizza, and ice cream.
“Geez, Charlie, a little bit early for cravings?”
“This isn’t all for me, now scoot.” She walks in and places the food on the table, heading into the kitchen to put the ice cream in the freezer.
“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be spread out in bed getting your waterhole filled by snakey Edwards?”
She laughs, grabbing plates and bottles of water to take back to the living room.
“Friday night is our night,” she simply replies.
“Charlie, it’s okay, I get it. You’ve got this great man now. I don’t mind that Friday nights are now spent with him.”
She pauses before grabbing both my hands. “Eric, life is moving so fast for me. Never in this lifetime did I think that I’d be in a relationship with Lex again, let alone pregnant with his baby… again.”
“Again?” I ask, shocked.
“Long story… we need more ice cream for that. Look, as I was saying, while this feels like a dream come true, it’s also a little frightening. There are parts of my life that will never change, and that includes my friendships. I need you in my life more than ever now, E.”
I hug her tight because just like me, she feels it too, and here I was thinking I’m the only one going through this. She’s my best friend and needs me, probably more than ever.
“What did Lex say when you told him you were coming here?”
“He understands what my friends mean to me. That won’t change. Besides, I made him read Fifty Shades of Grey, well, at least start it. He wants to know what the hype is about and, well, I said read it for yourself.”
“OMG, Lex Edwards takes on Christian Grey? I couldn’t think of anything hotter.”
“He doesn’t understand why a woman would want to be with such a control freak.” She laughs again.
“Oh, holy hotness. I need a detailed daily update on this. Damn, I’m jizzing in the pants.”
“Eww… and you’re in sweats? What is the world coming to?”
“Oh, you’re right, me in sweats can’t possibly be a sign of good times ahead.”
We sit on the couch and eat while gossiping about Adriana’s wedding. The food is delicious. I do a mental calculation of how much extra gym time I need to do to work this off. Ooh, it means I can see Simon, the cute college dude who makes that grunt when he does squats.
“What are we watching?” I ask while shoving an eggroll into my mouth as Charlie loads Netflix.
“Bring It On.”
“Nice… the cure to Friday-night blues.”
The movie starts, and we sit there watching, occasionally commenting at our usual places.
“Hurry up, get them out,” Charlie reminds me.
I race to my closet and pull them out, throwing a pair over to her just in time.
“Give me a T!” We cheer in unison.
We laugh as we do our usual skit. Pom poms in hand, we mimic the movie just like we always do. When it comes to cheerleading, it’s a secret obsession.
After the movie finishes, we somehow get stuck watching infomercials again until Charlie wants to buy a steam mop. Seriously, even I want the mop, and that’s saying a lot since I already have a cleaner.
I sit there, snuggled into my best friend. Like nothing has changed, but everything has.
I know life will be different.
As I glance over at her, I notice how different she looks.
Apart from that I’ve-been-fucked-like-crazy look, she’s glowing, and her smile, it’s flawless. She looks over at me and winks. Charlotte is happy. I finally know now what it means when people say that another person’s happiness is essential to your own. It makes me think maybe I should give Miguel another go. I mean, he was happy because he came. I should be pleased because he’s happy. My body shutters as I think about the funky spunk again.
“You okay? Swallowed something bad?” Charlie asks, innocently.
I let out a loose laugh, nearly choking on my wonton. Serves me right.
“Actually, I did. Let me tell you about my Tuesday night, but first, dip that wonton straight into that vinegar mixed with the fishy lemon sauce thing.”
She follows my instructions, scrunching her face and sticking out her tongue as she realizes how bad it is. Grabbing the water, she tries to wash it down but ends up gargling for a moment.
“Fuck, E, that was…” she lets out a cough, “… that was fucking sour.”
“Right, so now that you have tasted it, let me tell you about my night with Miguel…”
