VANYA
I slam the car door shut and storm up the stairs to my dad’s bungalow. My heart is pounding. The world is tinged in red. And I’m shaking. I can’t believe dad would tell Hadyn such a massive and cruel lie. What was he even thinking?
Just as I’m reaching for the screen door, it hauls open and two broad shoulders fill my line of sight. I look up into a familiar pair of liquid silver eyes—albeit this pair is surrounded by crow’s feet and grey-threaded eyebrows.
I temporarily forget my righteous indignation. “Mr. Mulliez?”
“Vanya.” His eyebrows hike.
“Dad?” Hadyn croaks.
“Now that we’ve all been introduced,” I say, “where’s my dad?”
“Present.” Dad raises his hands and joins the awkward party.
I glare at him. “We need to talk.”
“Actually,” dad has the nerve to smile at me, with teeth showing and everything, “I’d like to speak to my son-in-law first.”
“Oh? All of a sudden he’s your son-in-law? Where exactly was that love and respect when—”
“Vanya.” Hadyn puts a hand on my shoulder.
I suck in my rant because we’re in front of company and, no matter what kind of underhanded, devious things dad has done, he’s still my father. While there’s a shred of self-restraint left, I clamp my mouth shut and step aside.
“Hadyn,” dad says calmly, “let’s speak over here.” He points to the section of the lawn that’s far from me and my prying ears.
As dad and Hadyn have their secret meeting, I’m left with Mr. Mulliez.
I feel the heaviness of his stare and look up at him. Time, grief and stress have left their mark on an otherwise handsome face. I’ve always thought Mr. Mulliez looked ‘distinguished’ but, after Ollie’s death, he just looked mean. I stayed out of his way and he stayed out of mine. This is my first time having a real, adult conversation with him.
He clears his throat and sheepishly says, “Vanya, I owe you an apology.”
“For what?” I narrow my eyes at him. “Did you know about my dad’s lie?”
He blinks rapidly. “What lie?”
“Nothing.” I wave a hand dismissively. Mr. Mulliez isn’t the one I’m mad at, but since he’s trying to force a conversation, he’s going to have to suffer for my impatience. “What exactly are you apologizing for?”
“For turning my back on you and your family when you needed help the most,” he says quietly.
“That has nothing to do with me. Even if it did, you don’t owe us anything.”
“Your parents considered us friends, but we didn’t act like good ones. I came today to apologize to your father, but I realize I should include you in that apology too. You were Hadyn’s dearest friend and rather than shutting you and your dad out during the hardest time of your life, we could have extended a hand.”
“Mr. Mulliez, it’s fine. Really…” I try to look past his shoulder.
He situates himself in front of me so I can’t spy on Hadyn and dad. “It wasn’t until I lost my eldest son that I realized how terrifyingly short life can be. In the darkest moments, it’s the people who truly care for you that show you a way to the light. I’ve had a lot of time to think in the hospital and I couldn’t waste another day without making things right.”
“I appreciate the apology, Mr. Mulliez, but I don’t hold you accountable for what happened when my dad went bankrupt. And I think relying on yourself is more important than relying on someone else anyway. I got this far on my own and I wouldn’t want to think I owe anyone an apology for it.”
His lips quiver with amusement and he coughs into his hand to hide it.
I frown at him. “What?”
“I see why someone like you could tame someone like my son.”
“What are you talking about?” I huff. The playfulness in his eyes reminds me way too much of Hadyn and it makes me kind of like him.
“I have to confess something, Vanya. I didn’t drive all the way to your father’s house just to amend past wrongs. I had an ulterior motive.”
“You’re a Mulliez. I expected no less.” I fold my arms over my chest, waiting for the real shoe to drop.
His eyes gleam. “My wife told me that you and Hadyn seemed to have had a falling out. I wasn’t sure if I was the reason you and Hadyn couldn’t be together. I thought that, perhaps, your father was against it because of how we’d treated him in the past.”
“My relationship with Hadyn has nothing to do with you,” I mutter, sidestepping him so I can get a better glimpse of the men across the lawn.
“Wait, Vanya. Let me say this first.” He shuffles to the left, matching me step for step. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, but none as big or as damaging as the mistake I made with my sons. I pushed Ollie to the breaking point because I saw how eager he was to be like me, and I was proud of that. His death rocked my life. I didn’t know where to put my grief after he was gone. So I turned into something harsher in order to protect myself.”
I know what that’s like. “Sometimes, you have to be harsher to survive.”
“And sometimes, being harsher can drive away the people who really love you.” He gives me a pointed look. “Hadyn was constantly brushing against my spikes. He was strong-willed, opinionated and determined to embrace everything the world had to offer. Forcing him to do something meant he certainly wouldn’t do it. I couldn’t control him and that bothered me.”
“What’s your point?” I ask, my eyes slipping to where dad and Hadyn are. They’re hugging. What’s going on?
“You’re different,” Mr. Mulliez says. “You have a hold on him that I never did.”
“You’re saying I can control him?” I’d laugh in his face if my gut wasn’t churning.
No one tells Hadyn what to do. Ever. Half the time, he argues with me just to send my blood pressure up. The other half of the time, our raw personalities force us to butt heads.
Mr. Mulliez still has that amused look on his face. “I’ve never seen my son consumed by something the way he’s consumed by you. He’s focused on the company. He’s building his legacy. His life seems to have changed in a way I didn’t know was possible.”
“With all due respect, sir—”
“Thank you, and I hope that you know how sorry I am for all the horrible things I’ve said and done. Things won’t go back to the way they were before. I intend to be the best grandfather I can be.”
“Let me repeat myself. My relationship with Hadyn has nothing to do with you. We’re not together because Hadyn and I are just too different. He sees the world as full of possibilities. And I see the world as full of danger. We clash all the time because of it. We don’t fit.”
Soft laughter comes from dad and Hadyn.
I grit my teeth and take a step toward them. What the hell is so funny?
Mr. Mulliez blocks me with his body. “That may be so, but Hadyn has spent his life trying to drag you into his world and when that didn’t work, he started investing in yours.”
My head whips up. “What are you talking about? When has Hadyn done that?”
“I seem to remember him coming home from school with bruised knuckles and bloody lips.”
“He was a troublemaker.”
“He was an idiot, but a loyal one. All the fights had something to do with you.”
The breath in my lungs freezes. I think about Bobby calling me a ‘pig’ in the hallway and then crawling back to apologize to me with a broken nose and a bruised eye. I’d thought it was strange then, but I was too hurt to think much of it.
“We took over a modeling agency and established a plus size division just so they could hire you. He used all our connections to book you gigs. Poor Will had to run from one shop to the next making demands.”
Shock ricochets through my bones. My arms drop limply to my sides “He did what?”
“How did you think we got Hadyn to go back to college?” Mr. Mulliez arches a brow. “You know how stubborn he is. When he told us he was going to quit, we did everything we could to convince him otherwise. It wasn’t until he heard about your struggles in modeling that he made a deal with us.”
A wave of dizziness washes over me. “I can’t believe this.”
“It’s the truth.”
I’m torn between being royally pissed off and ridiculously embarrassed. All these years, I’ve been boasting about booking all my gigs and being such a good model the world had no choice but to make room for me.
I knew it was a little too easy for a plus-sized model like me at the very beginning of her career to have booked all those gigs, but I thought the world was finally ready to see bodies like mine.
I didn’t know it was Hadyn.
I didn’t know he’d been going ahead of me and making my path as smooth as possible.
“Everything you did from that point on was your own achievement,” Mr. Mulliez clarifies as if reading my mind. “But Hadyn’s followed your career closely. He’s been taking care of you for a long time.”
I’m frozen in shock and can’t even say anything in return.
Soft footsteps patter up the stairs behind me.
Dad’s voice rings through the air. “I’m ready, Vanya. Come inside and let’s talk.”
I’ve had my fill of world-shattering confessions thanks to Mr. Mulliez, but I sink into the sofa in the living room and face off with my dad. He looks way too calm for someone who crossed the line from meddling father to lying maniac.
No matter how shaky my legs are, I can’t let him get away with what he did.
“You had no right to intervene, dad,” I grind out, my voice heated. “Do you know how cruel and twisted it was to tell Hadyn I’d lost the baby? What were you even thinking?”
“In my defense, I didn’t ever tell him that. He heard you crying, saw how worried I was, and came to that conclusion himself.”
“Well, aren’t you the patron of truth and justice?” I snap. “You deliberately let him believe our baby was gone.”
“I might have nudged him along those lines, yes. I’ll concede.”
“You’ll do more than concede.” My nostrils flare. “I need an explanation and it better be a good one or I swear I’m going to write myself out of your life and never see you again.”
Dad turns his head and kicks one knee over the other. “I had to see for myself whether or not your concerns were valid.”
“Seriously?”
“I did it in my own way and that might not have been the right way or the way you would have done it, but didn’t you get an answer?”
“Dad!”
“It’s hard to see the quality of a person’s heart unless you test them.”
“You don’t test them by telling them that their baby has died. That’s so many levels of screwed up, I can’t even begin to describe it.”
“I’ve already apologized to Hadyn.”
“And that makes everything okay?” I screech.
“For what it’s worth, he has my blessing now.”
I dig my fingers into the sofa. “Why would you do something like that? You had no right to interfere.”
“Nothing is sweeter than a father being there for his child and his child’s mother, but it was clear you needed more evidence than that before you could trust him.”
“Don’t try to blame this on me.”
“I’m not, sweetheart.” Dad lifts wrinkled hands. “I’m trying to let you see inside my head. I love you so much and it’s crushing to me that you feel such a strong need to push people away. Your mother would have hated to think that our circumstances destroyed your faith in love.”
“I’m doing just fine, dad. I don’t need your pity.”
“That’s the thing, Vanya. You don’t see it, but your desperation to appear strong all the time reveals just how fragile you are. It takes strength to trust someone with your heart. It takes strength to be vulnerable. You have to lose control to be open to love and not everyone has the guts to do that.”
I flop into my chair and glare into the distance.
Dad leans forward. “I’m your father. I don’t just love you. I understand you. You wanted to control your world because of what happened with my business and your mom’s sickness, but sometimes you have to let go. Give other people a chance to take care of you. Sometimes it’s okay to allow yourself to be vulnerable around those who love you. It’s not a weakness to rely on others, baby girl. It can only make you stronger.”
I shoot to my feet. “Dad, I love you and maybe I don’t have a right to feel this way because I lied to you about being married to Hadyn too, but this is… there’s a line, dad. And you crossed it.”
He doesn’t look guilty at all. “For you, Vanya, I would do it again.”
My nostrils flare. I know I’m at a point where I might say something I can’t take back. “I’m leaving now. I need some time to think.”
He nods.
I snap my purse up and storm out of the house.
Hadyn’s leaning against his truck, waiting for me.
My heart rips straight out of my chest. I blow out a shaky breath and walk up to him.
The little nod of welcome he gives me makes me feel even more ashamed.
“I’m so sorry. In dad’s mind, he let you believe that crazy lie… to help me? I don’t even know and I, honestly, don’t want to know. This is my fault. I… I don’t know how I’m going to make it up to you, but I will.”
“How about you let me drop you home and I’ll forgive you?”
I peer up at him. Sparkling silver eyes meet mine and I can’t hold his gaze. I’m so embarrassed, not only because of what dad did but because I’m now aware of how much Hadyn’s been protecting me throughout my life. I was so cocky about my own achievements. I had no idea he’d had a hand in getting me started. He probably never would have told me either.
Hadyn lifts my chin. “I won’t talk to you. I won’t say anything. I’ll just get you home and leave, okay? I promise.”
I get into the back of his car.
As promised, Hadyn doesn’t speak to me at all.
He leaves me in front of my apartment, waves to Freddy and drives off.
It’s unlike him. He’s always got something to say. Why isn’t he saying anything?
I lock myself in my apartment for the next three days. I rearrange my house all over again. I refuse to touch chai.
Dad’s words about the strength it takes to trust is on repeat in my head.
I think about everything Hadyn’s done for me since we moved in together. The breakfasts. The movie nights. The laughter. The kisses.
He was there even when he thought the baby was gone.
I pace my house until I’m tired of thinking and grab my phone.
Dawn’s voice crackles in my ear. “Well, it’s about damn time. Tell me where your head is at, Vanya.”
“I’m afraid. Hadyn could so easily consume me, and I don’t want to lose myself. I don’t want to lose control.”
“You won’t. When someone loves you, really loves you, you gain more than you lose. You gain a partner. Someone to be with you through the good times and the bad times. You gain someone who’s always in your corner. Are you ready for that?”
I let her words soak through my skin to my restless heart. Taking a calming breath, I tell her, “I’m ready.”
“Perfect. Tell me what you want me to do.”
