As I heaved over the toilet, expelling all the wine and happy-hour veggies I’d consumed while drowning my sorrows, I pined over my pathetic love life. How utterly revolting, wretched, and pitiful was I. A guy who cheated, and one who saw me only as a little sister. Fuck my life.
Once I was done puking, I made my way to the sink, where I leaned on it with both hands, panting into the mirror, and gathering the strength to splash some water on my face. Neil beat on the door, and barged in a second later looking fairly dangerous. In contrast to me, looking like shit.
The scowl on his face told me he was not in the least bit happy with me. But despite his opinions, he didn’t lecture or fuss, he just pulled out some towels, wet them, and pressed the wad to my face. “Hold that to your head. I’ll be right back.”
“Denny?” I asked weakly from behind the towel.
“Gone. That fuckin’ twat won’t be bothering you again.” I heard his heavy footsteps retreat and then the door of the loo shut with a click.
I groaned in my misery and tried to breathe, thinking if I could just crawl into a corner somewhere private, I could lick my wounds in peace. Tearing the wet towel off my face, I looked around the small room for the best covert access. I seriously considered hopping out the window as a means of escape. How could I ever face Neil again after this debacle? Embarrassed didn’t even begin to cover what I was feeling.
“You’ll be leaving out the front door tonight, darlin’, and not the fuckin’ window.” I whipped my head around to see he’d returned with a glass of water for me. He was still wearing that frown too.
“I wasn’t going to,” I said meekly, mortified he’d read my shame as if it were a newspaper headline.
“You were thinking about it, though.” He brought the glass to my lips. “Here you go. Little sips.” His kind attentions overwhelmed me to the point I had to close my eyes. I just couldn’t look at him anymore and keep myself together. I sipped the water instead and let him tend to me.
Selfish of me, I know.
“Better now?” he asked hopefully, in that low tone I recognized since as long as I could remember. I loved the sound of Neil’s voice and I always had. Listening to him talk was a beautiful sound to me. Strong, but gentle. Soft, yet firmly convincing.
I nodded weakly, wishing I could slip through a crack in the floorboards so he couldn’t see me in such a pitiable state. Why was he hovering? Shouldn’t he be busy with Cora grinding his soldier’s edge off?
“Why are you doing this, Neil?”
He ignored my question and frowned at me instead. “Let’s get you out. You’re so finished here for the night.”
Then he put his hand at my lower back with a firm touch, and steered me out of the pub, completely taking charge of the situation.
I was far too weak to put up any sort of fight and I loved the feel of his hands on me, anyway.
Even if he were just being the concerned big brother tonight, I’d take what I could get. Any little bit of Neil was better than no Neil at all. I am not stupid.
While leaning against the window of his car, I welcomed the cold glass pressing into my temple, hoping it might cure my scrambled head. Not very effective though, when I could smell his deliciousness right beside me.
Neil just drove and stayed quiet. He wasn’t a talker anyway. He spoke if he had something to say, and I got the feeling he really wanted to say something to me, but I’d forced things to become so awkward between us, he probably didn’t know how to begin. Nor want to. I felt like a complete and utter mess. Scratch that. I was most definitely a complete and utter mess.
I offered the first olive branch.
“I’m—I’m so—sorry for ruining your night with…Cora—”
He snorted at me. “I wasn’t there for Cora tonight,” he said, shaking his head.
He wasn’t? This was news to me. As much as I wanted to hope, I forced my fluttering heart to calm. “You weren’t there for Cora tonight.” I said the words slowly and deliberately, an edge of questioning sarcasm in my tone that asked the burning but unspoken, then why in the hell were you there tonight, Neil?
“Nah, I wasn’t.” He looked over at me, his expression giving nothing away.
It was apparent he wasn’t going to tell me why he was there either and the realization annoyed me greatly. “So, if you know about Cora, then why do you stay with her? She’s running around on you as soon as you go away. She’s a cheater. Every time, Neil. She doesn’t love you like I—like—like she should do!”
Oops.
The silence in the car screamed in the small space between us.
“I’m not with Cora anymore.”
“You were when you first got back. I saw you with her more than once.”
He narrowed his eyes. “But, I’m not with her anymore, Elaina,” he said with a bite.
“Really.” I couldn’t say much more, I was so surprised at his declaration. Neil and Cora were finished? If I wasn’t sitting in a car and felt better, I might just jump up and do a jig in celebration, but my head continued to pound, and my stomach continued to storm.
“Really, there’s nothing there,” he sailed right back. “I’ve known for a long time what she gets up to and it doesn’t matter anymore what she does when I’m away.” He turned his head slowly to me, taking his eyes off the road. “We were just using each other from the get go…”
We were just using each other? Lovely. Picturing that twat getting even five minutes of Neil’s attentions made me insane with jealousy. Images of him and Cora making love, touching each other, kissing passionately, flashed through my head until I couldn’t help but groan against the cool window of his car. “Oh…I didn’t know.”
“Well, now you do.”
Insane jealousy wasn’t the only thing I felt either. There was also the violent urge to be sick again.
“Pull over!” I managed to sputter.
The second round was mostly just a lot of mortifying gagging and retching. There was nothing in me now except for the water I’d sipped. Neil didn’t say anything once it was over. He kept quiet, bundled me back into his car, and drove us away. I closed my eyes and let him take care of me sure this was all a nightmare I would eventually wake from.
In the morning, I would deal with facing up to the spectacle I’d made of myself in front of Neil tonight.
I would pretend it had all been just a dream…because that was the most my poor heart could manage to do.
