Tears are streaming down my face, and no matter how many times I wipe them away they just won’t stop. I know I shouldn’t be driving, but I just don’t know what else to do. Chloe’s home is my sanctuary, or it was, but I can’t go back there now, not with Roxanne there. All of my stuff is at Penn’s but I can’t go there either. The only other option is my parents’ place, but honestly, I’d rather share a room with Roxanne than deal with my parents condemning me and my daughter again for my choices. I mean how the hell was I supposed to know that my boyfriend had a history of hooking up with my sort of cousin?
I’ve been driving now for thirty minutes with no real destination in mind. Montana is a sprawling state, and I know I’ve got a while before I even hit a highway and have to make a real decision about which direction I’m heading in. It’s a full day’s drive back to Chicago and it’s already after 8pm, there’s no way I can drive through the night so no matter where I’m going. I’m going to need to find a hotel to stay in tonight.
Thirty minutes later I finally hit the highway and when I see the sign for Buffalo, I hit my indicator and head in that direction. An ex of mine moved to Buffalo a few years ago, it’s the only guy I’ve ever dated that I actually stayed friends with after we broke up. Bran is a great guy, and we dated for a few months in college, but it didn’t last because when it came down to it, we both agreed that there wasn’t enough spark between us to make either one of us want to fight for a relationship that was fizzling away.
Pulling up his number on my cell, I hit dial and listen as the line rings.
“Lulu?”
“Hey Bran,” I say, hoping he can’t hear the tears in my voice.
“Lulu, what’s up? You sound upset.”
“Err, I know this is out of the blue and it’s been a really long time since we spoke, but I’m about two hours from Buffalo.”
“What the hell, I thought you were still living in Chicago?” he asks.
“I was until a few weeks back. A lot has happened since we last spoke. I have a daughter now, her name is Poppy, she’s six months old. I moved to Montana to live with my godmother and I met a guy.” My words become choked as I think about Penn.
“Lulu, Lulu. Did he hurt you? Are you okay?”
“No, he didn’t hurt me. It’s just… I can’t go back to my godmother’s and I saw a sign for Buffalo and just turned. Only now I’m driving and Poppy is in the back and I need to find somewhere to stay and organize a crib, because I left with just her bag with a few diapers and a bottle in.” I’m rambling now, tears once again spilling down my face.
“Lulu, sweetie, I’m going to text you my address. I want you to come to me and you can stay here for the night, I have a spare room and I can borrow a crib from my neighbor, she has like four kids, she’s bound to have something, okay?” Bran tells me, his voice calm and level.
“You don’t have to do that, I just need to find a hotel.”
“No hotel. Come to me, okay, it’s all going to be okay, you just need to calm down and drive carefully. I don’t want you to have an accident, so just take a deep breath and tell me about your daughter.”
Bran spends the next two hours on the phone to me, talking calmly while I drive. By the time we pull up to his townhouse I’ve at least stopped crying. The moment I put my car in park, he’s beside me, opening my door and pulling me into a warm, familiar hug.
“Hey,” he says, stroking down my hair with his hand.
“Thank you for this.”
“You don’t need to thank me, I’m just glad you’re okay and that you made it here safe. Let’s get you both inside, what can I carry?”
Grabbing Poppy’s seat from the back of my car I hand Bran her diaper bag, pick up my purse and then follow him back toward the front door where a beautiful, petite woman is leaning against the doorframe.
“You must be Nina,” I say holding out my hand to her.
“Hi Lulu, it’s nice to finally meet you.”
“You too, I’m so sorry for invading your home like this, I really can just get a hotel room,” I tell Bran’s wife.
“Don’t be silly, come in. Let’s get you a glass of wine and you can get your daughter settled.” Nina waves me in, smiling down at Poppy as I step into their home.
“So do you think the baby’s his?” Nina asks me half an hour later, once Poppy is asleep in the folding travel crib Bran borrowed from his neighbor.
“Why would she say it is if it’s not?” I ask, hoping they have an answer because I can’t think of reason why she’d claim Penn was the father if he isn’t.
“Does he have money?” Bran asks, “Could that be a motivator?”
“He owns a garage with his brother, he’s definitely comfortable but I don’t think he’s rich enough to be a target.”
“You need to talk to him,” Bran tells me as Nina nods.
“I agree, he’s probably worried sick.”
“I could be pregnant too,” I whisper, focusing all my attention on the wine glass in my hand. “We haven’t exactly been careful.”
“Oh fuck,” Nina gasps then giggles, slapping her hand over her mouth to cover it.
“Oh my god, it is funny isn’t it,” I half laugh, half sob. “I could end up sharing a baby daddy with my psycho almost cousin.”
“Should you be drinking if you think you’re pregnant?” Bran asks, his voice full of concern.
“You leave her alone, she deserves that drink and even if she is pregnant, it’s too early to even show on a test yet,” Nina scolds him.
“My period’s due next week, I’ve been trying not to think about it, to be honest, because it’s far too soon, but Penn, he’s just so sure, so convinced that we’re each other’s future. He even mentioned adopting Poppy; he wants her to officially be his daughter.”
Nina makes a soft noise as she tips her head to the side and sighs dreamily. “He sounds almost too good to be true. You need to at least let him know you’re okay.”
Exhaling wearily, I nod. “You’re right, I’ll text him.”
Nina nods, then pulls Bran up from the couch. “We’ll leave you to it. Goodnight.”
“Thank you both so much for letting me stay here, I really appreciate it.”
“It’s fine. Bran’s told me all about you, it’ll nice to finally meet the woman who helped me get my happily ever after. He told me how you told him to man up and just ask me out,” she laughs.
“All I did was give him the push; he was already completely in love with you,” I tell her.
“Night,” Bran calls as he follows his wife up the stairs.
Taking my wine glass to the kitchen, I wash it, then head for the guest room that’s off the main living space. Checking on Poppy, I sit down on the bed and type out a text to Penn.
Me: Just wanted to let you know I’m okay.
I send the same message to Chloe too, although knowing Roxanne she’s probably still in the midst of one of her epic meltdowns while her mom tries to calm her down. For the first time, I wonder if Chloe knew about Penn and Roxanne, I can’t believe she did, because if she had she would have told me, she wouldn’t have encouraged me to be with him.
My cell rings in my hand and I glance down at it, seeing Penn’s name on the screen. Of course he’s calling, he hasn’t stopped calling. My head tells me to ignore it, to press the red button, but my heart is aching to hear his voice.
Hovering over the screen, I close my eyes a second before I hit the green button and the sound of his voice fills the silent air. “Lulu, kitten.”
Slowly I lift the cell to my ear. “Hi.”
“Oh, thank fuck, baby, where are you? Tell me and I’ll come get you.”
“I’m in Buffalo with friends, we’re fine. I don’t want you to come here.”
“Lulu please, I need to come and get you both, I need my girls.”
“I… I can’t.”
“It’s not my baby, there’s no way.”
“But you had a relationship with her?” I say, my voice breaking.
“No.”
“You had sex with her.”
“I did. Rockhead Point is a small town, I knew who she was, but we weren’t friends. One night she was in the bar, she came onto me. Told me she didn’t want a relationship, that she just wanted a dick to ride. She suggested a friends with benefits deal and I agreed. Back then I didn’t believe that you existed, it wasn’t until I watched Beau and Huck, then Granger find their women that I truly believed you were out there, I just had to find you.”
“I know you have a past, Penn, that’s not the problem. The issue is that your past is here in my present, because it’s someone I think of as a cousin.”
“Kitten.”
“She’s pregnant.”
“It’s not mine, I haven’t slept with her in over a year.”
“Penn, I can’t do this, I just text you to let you know I’m okay. I need some time to process this.”
“Lulu, Kitten, don’t you dare end this call. I swear to fucking god I will turn your ass red if you hang up on me.”
“Bye Penn.”
“Lulu,” his angry roar is the last thing I hear before I pull the cell from my ear and hit the end button, closing my eyes and dropping the cell to my chest, gripping it tightly.
Sighing, I slowly open my eyes and glance around me. Bran’s spare room is nice, cozy with warm colors and soft furnishings. “What the hell am I doing here?” I whisper aloud. “Jesus, Lulu.”
I’m too old to be running away from my problems. I’m a mom, I have a child that relies on me to act like a grown up and be responsible, and here I am in an ex-boyfriend’s house because I ran from my current boyfriend after I found out he used to have sex with my kind of cousin. My life sounds like the title of a Jerry Springer show.
Tomorrow I’ll go home, back to Chloe’s. I’m sure Roxanne is going to make my life a living hell, but that’ll just give me more motivation to get my own place. Staying with Chloe was only ever supposed to be a short-term thing anyway, now it’ll just be an even shorter, short term. And Penn, well, he was hers before he was mine and if she’s saying that her baby is his, well then she must think it is and that’s just not drama I want to get involved in right now.
A single tear rolls down my cheek and I don’t try to brush it away, instead I swallow down the sob that’s threatening to burst from my throat and squeeze my eyes tightly shut. Penn was a wonderful dream, but I won’t get in the way of him and his child.
“But what if you’re pregnant too?” the voice in the back of my head asks. My hand drops to my stomach and I allow another tear to fall. If I’m pregnant I’ll cope, I’ve done it once, I can do it again. “But you love him,” that pesky voice taunts me, and it’s true, I do love him, I think. But how can I have a relationship with him if he has a kid with Roxanne? She hates me normally; she’ll make both of our lives a living hell if I stay with him. She’ll turn his kid against him and I can’t be the reason he doesn’t have a relationship with his child.
Stripping out of my clothes I slip under the sheet and lie staring up at the ceiling. How can I walk away from him? But how can I stay?
Penn sounded so sure the baby wasn’t his, but why would Roxanne say it was, if it wasn’t? Eventually I fall into a fitful sleep filled with nightmares about Penn holding his and Roxanne’s baby while he looks at her the way he looks at me.
