IS THIS HOW normal people feel? Because being stress-free is peaceful and terrifying all at once. Currently, everything is on track, and there’s an empty stress shaped hole in my stomach. It feels too good to be true, like I’m forgetting about a fifty-page essay that’s due tomorrow.
I’m packing my bag when I see Amara’s sparkly dress and heels to match. “Are you ready?” she asks.
“Ready?” My brain runs into overdrive. “For what?”
She groans. “Do not tell me you are skipping plans to study. Unless you’re aiming for the hot tutor look, in which case, I’m totally digging this.”
I recall that Amara and Cassie had talked me into going to a concert tonight. “Shit, I forgot about the show.”
“I will fight you if I have to. You are not going to the library tonight.” I have a feeling that’s not an empty threat.
“I’m going over to Aiden’s, but I can cancel.”
She perks up with a grin that shouldn’t be that mischievous for what I’ve told her. “Cool, have fun then.”
I pause mid-text. “You’re not mad?”
She chuckles. “It’s Aiden fucking Crawford. Why would I be mad? You know who would be mad, though? Like half the student body.”
She’s right, but if they knew our time together is spent filling out assessments and analyzing data, they would opt out. “What are you talking about?”
“The texts. The frequent visits. Not talking to any other guys. You’re so into him.” There’s a teasing note to her voice as if we’re in the sixth grade and I just admitted I have a crush.
“For someone so smart, you’ve completely misread this situation.”
She raises a brow. “You’re telling me you haven’t even kissed him?”
“No, I haven’t.”
Her forehead creases with concern. “Are you feeling okay? Poor judgment? Poor eyesight?”
“He’s the subject of my paper. That’s it.” I haven’t ever thought about kissing him. Okay, ever might be a stretch because his lips were right there when he pressed me against the locker room shower, and they were pink and plump and—never mind.
“Mhm, is that why you study him all night long?” She emphasizes her words by running her hands down her body.
“I’m not doing this with you. Have fun at the show.”
“I will. You have fun studying.” Her snicker follows me out the door like an annoying fly. On my way to Aiden’s house, I try not to focus on her words, which is easy when Aiden lets me in, and Kian and Dylan are arguing in the kitchen.
“It was 2017, you dimwit.”
“Are you kidding? ‘17 was Detroit. It’s ‘16, ask anyone,” Kian turns to Aiden. “Cap, who won the winter classic in 2016?”
“Montreal,” I murmur, removing my coat. Three pairs of eyes land on me before I realize my mistake. Crap. “I think?”
After an uncomfortably long minute, Kian looks up from his phone. “No, you’re right, Sunny.”
The spotlight only gets brighter with each passing minute. That was the year my dad played the winter classic, and fourteen-year-old me stood with my mom to cheer him on. Aiden’s eyes are calculating, almost like he’s trying to figure out a riddle.
Instead of saying anything, he takes my coat and hangs it on the rack. “We’ll be upstairs.”
I walk up the steps, and when I reach for the door, I falter. Stepping back, I bump into Aiden. He looks from me to the door. “What if you have a sushi girl waiting for you this time?
He rolls his eyes. “You’re a brat, you know that?”
I’m grinning at his unamused expression. “It’s a valid concern.”
He opens it and pushes me inside with a hand on my back. “Not a fan of sushi on women, unfortunately.”
“Only whipped cream and strawberries?”
“Are you thinking of surprising me? I wouldn’t mind some maple syrup.”
I scoff. “In your dreams.”
“Been there, done that,” he mutters.
Pushing at his chest, I move to sit at his desk. When I’m shuffling through my bag, I groan. “I forgot my laptop.” If Amara didn’t annoy me earlier, I would have remembered to pack it.
“Use mine.” Aiden opens it and puts in his password.
I stare at it like he offered me a dead rat. “And see your porn history? No way.”
“You think I just have porn tabs open?” When I only stare back, he shakes his head. “Just use it, Summer.”
I make a show of looking defeated, but the truth is he saved me a whole lot of trouble.
Studying with Aiden would be great if not for his huge distracting body. He studies shirtless like some sort of male model. He’s lying on his bed, annotating the book of the week with his pen between his teeth. There is no way for me to remove myself from this torture now that he offered to read my final thoughts. He’s constantly proving hockey stereotypes wrong with every new bit of information he reveals. I read his essay on one of the literature-focused films he was assigned, and I knew I needed him to edit my paper.
“You look like you checked out ten minutes ago.” Aiden bookmarks his page and places the book on the nightstand. “Ready for me to read it?”
I run a frustrated hand through my hair. “I can’t focus. Can I send it to you later?”
“I’m good with that.”
When I’m shutting down his laptop, my eyes catch on his music app. “You have a sex playlist?”
He appears unfazed. “Of course. Some girls are quiet.”
“Girls? Do you know how awkward it is when guys don’t make a sound?”
He shrugs. “I wouldn’t know. I make plenty.”
My cheeks heat. If I’m being honest, a man who isn’t afraid to moan? Hot. I scroll through his music to take my mind out of the gutter. “You have surprisingly good taste, aside from all the country.”
He rears back, offended. “You can’t hate on country. I’ll have to convert you with a playlist.”
I close his laptop and turn in his chair to face him. “Don’t waste your time. I’m not listening to that.”
“Have an open mind, Sunshine.”
I glare.
He gives me an apologetic look. “Okay, how about I make you a playlist? You won’t even realize it’s country.”
“Not possible, but you can try.”
He appears victorious as he eyes the time on his phone. “What should we do now?”
“I’m heading home.”
“No, you’re not.”
I raise a brow. “What are you going to do, lock me in here?”
He lifts his chin in thought. “If it comes to that, maybe.”
“Your psychosis is showing.”
“Your boring is showing.”
My jaw drops. “I am not boring!” The last time I was called boring was by my little sister because I refused to drive her to a friend’s house party. She was thirteen, for Christ’s sake.
Aiden does a weird exhale somewhere between a chuckle and disbelief.
“What was that?”
Green eyes remain innocent. “What?”
“You exhaled through your nose.”
“It’s called breathing.”
“Don’t be a smartass. Say what you’re so obviously pretending to hold back.”
He licks his lips in contemplation before letting out another breath. “When was the last time you had fun?” Seeing my confusion, he clarifies. “Like real, no responsibilities, fun.’
What kind of question is that? We aren’t kids anymore. It’s not like I could tell him the last time I played hide and seek. Unless he expected a recounting of a frat party, which I hadn’t been to since Amara pressured me to go to the toga party. And that wasn’t fun.
“Need the definition?” he nudges.
I speak through clenched teeth. “No. I’m just thinking.”
“I’m on the edge of my seat.” He emphasizes that by scooting to the edge of the mattress.
I know how to have fun. It’s just been a little while since I actually did, though that’s through no fault of my own. When the course load piles up, I tend to neglect that part of my life and a few others, like my mental health. Not the best practice, but when academic validation is my drug of choice, I can’t stop the addiction.
Wracking my brain for something fun isn’t easy when Aiden’s watching me expectantly. “My sophomore year, I got invited to an event by this really smart guy from one of my labs.” Aiden listens intently. “He got me to be one of the keynote speakers on his panels that night.”
Aiden’s interest dissipates when he realizes that’s it. “Your idea of fun is…public speaking?”
From his tone, I gather that he’s not impressed. Not nearly as ecstatic as I was when I got the opportunity. “Well, yeah. I’m good at it.”
A sigh rolls off his chest. “I bet you are, but that’s not fun.”
“Maybe not for you,” I defend.
“For anyone, Summer. I thought that story was going to end with a storage closet hookup at your nerd convention.”
The jab doesn’t get far because if anything Aiden is the bigger nerd between us. “Sorry to ruin your porno fantasies.”
“Keynote dude would not be in my fantasy.”
I slump back in his chair. “Well, that’s all I have. I don’t do all that.”
“Do what?”
“Hookup with just anyone. I have to like them first.”
“Do you like me?” He beams.
I shoot him a deadly glare.
His buoyant look shatters with a laugh. “What? I think a little action could do you a world of good, even if it’s not from me.”
“It would never be from you.” The response sounds defensive as if Amara can hear me and I’m somehow trying to prove to her how completely platonic this all is.
He locks his arms behind his head. “Then all you have to do is point and I’ll be your wingman.”
See? Platonic. “You would help me get with someone?”
“Of course. I’ve seen how hard you work. Clearly, you aren’t making use of the handcuffs in your drawer. You need a night of no-strings-attached fun.”
“They’re not—” I pause, not bothering to correct him about the handcuffs. “The last time I did that I ended up dating the guy.”
His eyes widen in surprise. “I thought Rai was your last boyfriend.”
“I dated one guy after him for like two weeks, so I don’t count it,” I explain. It was back when I thought I was free of Donny’s irritable presence. I realized soon enough that breaking up with him didn’t mean I got rid of him. He still cast me those judgmental glances whenever he’d see me out, and not in my dorm studying.
“And how long ago was that?”
“Junior year.”
He makes a tsking sound and shakes his head in pity. “Yeah, we need to amend that immediately.”
My skepticism grows. “Why is this so important to you?”
“Because as your friend I want you to have fun.”
“We’re not friends, we’re friendly,” I retort.
Aiden frowns, but he doesn’t let me diminish his determination. “I’m friendly, you’re just you.”
“You’re making me out to be some grump.”
A serious look that I barely ever see, settles on his face. “I’m kidding. You’re a bundle of sunshine, Summer.”
“No need for sarcasm.”
“It’s not. You really are.” Although I’m sure he’s still fucking with me, the way he says it is so sincere I almost believe it. “I want you to let loose so we can see more of that Summer. Not the uptight scheduled one.”
“My strict schedule paid off. I finished my degree a year early.” All those nights I spent in my dorm instead of out making friends did mean something. They had to.
“So did I, but I let myself enjoy college,” he counters.
“And what’s your definition of ‘enjoying college’?” Though the answer to that is pretty clear. My first time in this room is proof of that.
“Girls.” When he sees my unamused expression, he chuckles. “I’m kidding, but I won’t lie, it is a plus. But mostly it’s making memories with friends, and not having to ask what the definition of enjoying college is. You just know.”
“Then teach me.”
The smile that spreads on his face almost has me backing out. “Alas, the student becomes the teacher.”
“Don’t get ahead of yourself. I’m only giving you a trial run, Professor.”
“I’ll take it. But only if you keep calling me Professor in that sexy voice.”
“Oh my god. Shut up, Aiden.” I chuck my pencil at him, only for him to catch it.
