MY TAPPING FOOT annoys the hell out of my lab partner. Our professor is lecturing over class time, and I’m itching to get leave.
So, I check the time on my phone again and sneak a text.
Aiden
Summer: My lab’s going to run late tonight, but I can probably make it to the second period.
Aiden: It’s okay if you can’t. Don’t rush.
Summer: I’d speed through every traffic light just to see you play, Crawford.
Aiden: I’ll hide the keys to my truck before you even think of speeding.
Summer: What are you? A cop?
Aiden: Kink?
Summer: No. But if you’re down to dress up, a firefighter would do it for me.
Aiden: I guess almost burning down your tenth-grade classroom has its perks.
Summer: I regret telling you that.
Aiden: Promise me you’ll drive safe, and if your lab runs late you’ll go home.
Summer: Promise.
I smother my smile and shove my phone back into my pocket. Once I’m out of here, I have to head to the library for one last check on my application. Today, Langston gave me the green light to submit it, and with one press of a button, my lifelong dream will dangle slightly closer to my reach.
When our professor dismisses us, I don’t linger. When I arrive at the library I don’t expect Donny to be there. I guess an extra pair of eyes can’t hurt, so when he asks to review it, I let him. Except, his presence is equivalent to eating rocks.
“Have you checked your limitations? You were missing some things last week.”
The trickle of doubt is hard to ward off. “Langston signed off already. It’s good.”
“She can’t hold your hand through it. You have to identify what’s lacking.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose and exhale a disgruntled breath. “Do you not want me to apply or something? The deadline is in a few days. If I don’t send it now, I might as well not do it at all.”
He laughs, a weird awkward one that has me scrutinizing him. “Of course I want you to apply. It’s not crazy to want to double-check.”
“You don’t need to. I know my work, and I know it’s good. I’m not changing anything.”
Contempt coats his features. “Why are you being so difficult? I’m only trying to help.”
“Thanks for all your help, Donny, but I don’t need it anymore.” I press submit. “It’s done.”
His jaw tightens just a smidge before he gives me a tight smile. “Good, I’m glad you don’t dwell on all the imperfections. It adds character, maybe that’ll set you apart.”
I let the remark roll off my back. I have more important things to do than sit here and listen to his snide comments. If I leave now, I’ll be able to catch the game after the second intermission.
“Where are you going?”
I lift my bag onto my shoulder. There isn’t any obligation to tell him, but I do. “I’m watching the game.”
He halts. “The hockey game? Why? You hate hockey.”
“I never hated the game.” I used to love the sport itself. It was everything that was attached to it that I hated as I grew older. Now, I’m finally able to let myself enjoy it again. I haven’t missed any of Aiden’s games since the one against Yale.
“You were pissed when Langston gave you this assignment.”
I shrug. “Guess something changed my mind.”
“What could change—” he lets out a derisive laugh. “Holy shit. You’re into him.” I slow to see the look of disgust he aims at me. “I don’t know how I didn’t realize it before. I mean it’s obvious you two are hooking up, but you actually like him.”
My face burns red hot.
“The texting, the late nights, the way you lost track of the only thing that has ever mattered to you because of him. God, I’ve been so fucking clueless.”
“What are you saying?”
“Crawford?” He spits his name like venom. “Out of anyone, you chose Crawford. A fucking jock. A hockey player?”
Donny has never cared who I’m with, but that’s because I don’t particularly flaunt anyone around him. “You don’t—”
“Don’t start that bullshit with me, Summer. What are you going to say? He’s not a jock? He’s more than that? I don’t know him like you do?” His laughter irritates the hell out of me.
“It isn’t like that,” I say quietly.
“It’s not? Don’t you think I would know what you look like when you’re into someone?”
My annoyance bubbles to the surface. “No, because you don’t know me anymore.”
“Wow.” His expression makes me feel smaller than the pebble by my foot. “This entire time I thought you were busy with the one thing you sacrificed so much for, but turns out you were just fucking around.”
An unexpected shameful itch covers my neck. “How can you say that? You’ve seen the hours I’ve put in. My personal life has nothing to do with you or any of this.”
“Once upon a time, it did have something to do with me. You can’t blame me for looking out for you.”
Irritation skewers my chest. “No need to look out for me. Aiden and I aren’t together, not that it’s any of your business.”
He pauses, eyes trying to detect a lie. “You’re not?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Let me guess, the captain doesn’t do relationships? He’s probably never had a girlfriend either.” Despite his words having a bite, I can’t deny the truth. “You would have never made a stupid decision like this if I was looking out for you.”
“I don’t need your constant judgment. I’d be better off if I’d never met you.”
His face tightens. “Don’t come running to me when he swaps you out for someone less emotionally wrecked. Though, if you want him to stick around, tell him who your dad is. That’ll make your baggage a lot easier to digest.”
His words are like scalding water to my face, but I feel frozen, almost paralyzed when he walks away.
TRYING TO STAY under the radar isn’t easy when you have snitches for friends. Amara let Aiden into our dorm, so when I came back from my exam he was waiting for me.
Now, I’m in the kitchen pretending to clean as he drinks a glass of water I poured him.
“Sorry I couldn’t come to your game,” I finally say when he’s rinsing the glass in the sink. He’s apparently decided to go mute until I break the silence.
Aiden dries his hands, and when he leans in, I panic, turning so his kiss hits my cheek.
He stares for a long minute. “I just assumed your lab ran late.”
I busy myself with cleaning the countertops, which are already spotless thanks to last night’s anxiety-driven deep clean. It’s more for my sanity because after Donny spilled his poison into my thoughts, I’ve been on an infinite merry-go-round.
“Is there a reason you’re trying to wear down the countertop?”
His words make me pause my aggressive movements. The surface does look like it’s beginning to erode. “Just some pre-spring cleaning.”
He steps in front of me. “You didn’t answer my texts. Not one in the past two days.” He pulls the rag from my hand. “Are you going to tell me what happened?”
“I’m just worried about my application.”
“You shouldn’t be. You did great. Müller even said so.” He takes another step and my resolve crumbles. “It’s something to do with us, isn’t it?”
When I swallow, instead of answering, he knows he’s on the money. It feels like I have a rat infestation in my brain, and I’m left with sparking chewed up wiring. Last night’s thoughts form into half-baked words and slide to the tip of my tongue. “We should see other people,” I blurt.
There. It’s done. Like ripping duct tape off a hairy arm.
Aiden doesn’t move a muscle. He doesn’t even blink, and if I hadn’t seen the rise of his chest, I would have thought he stopped breathing too.
“Why do you say that?” The words are calm and drawn out in a voice that is so unlike his heated expression it gives me whiplash.
“Because we’re not exclusive,” I say matter-of-factly.
His eyes cloud like thunder. “You’re right, we’re not, but that’s because you don’t want to be.”
My throat tightens. “That’s not fair. We haven’t been exclusive because that’s what we agreed on. We’re supposed to see other people, too.”
He laughs. A sardonic, low chuckle that flips my stomach. “I don’t give a shit about what we’re supposed to do. We’re the ones making the rules here, Summer.”
“I know, and that’s why we’re fu—’
“I dare you to say fuck buddies.” Warning swims in his forest green eyes.
I sigh. “Look, I’ve never done this before, but I’m pretty sure not being exclusive means seeing more than one person.”
He shakes his head in disbelief. “This is what, a regular fling for you?”
I chew the inside of my cheek, unable to answer him.
His long fingers comb through his hair. “For someone who looks down at athletes and sees them as players, you’re being pretty fucking jock-like right now.”
“I’m not playing anyone.”
“Really? Because when you’re in my bed your words are a lot different.”
A cramped sensation blooms into my chest. “I’m not saying I don’t mean them. I would never lie to you.”
His eyes flicker. “I thought you trusted me.”
The words settle like rocks in my stomach, and I have the need to reject them. “You think because I told you about my dad, I need you to prove something to me? That’s not what this is, Aiden.”
Tension crackles when he sighs. “Talk to me, Summer.”
“I am! I don’t know where you’ve been for the past few months, but I’ve been in reality. The reality where we’re having a good time, but it would be beneficial for us to see other people, too.”
Just when I think he might walk out, he pierces me with a heavy look. “You were with Donny yesterday. It’s him, isn’t it? He made you feel this way.”
As much as I try not to, I can’t help thinking that I’ll be left with nothing if I continue this. There is no going back if my heart takes that reckless leap. Especially with someone who won’t even be here in a few months. “He’s not wrong. I can’t let what I’ve worked so hard for be on the line for—for this.”
“For me,” Aiden says. “What are you telling yourself? That this is just a fling and we’re just fucking? Because you know damn well that’s not all it is.” My words are stuck in my throat. That’s when Aiden grips my chin to look at him. “Tell me you know that.”
His touch breaks a barrier, and I cave like a sandcastle. “I do. But I’m scared that if I don’t get into the program, it’ll be because I let myself be distracted by you, and Donny will be right.”
“Summer, you’re the most focused and determined person I know, and I’m constantly surrounded by guys who are headed to the NHL.” He steps closer. “Just forget him for one second and tell me how you feel about us.”
“I like what we have, Aiden,” I admit.
His expression smooths with relief. “Good. That’s good, I can work with that.”
“But we shouldn’t keep all our eggs in one basket.”
His forehead creases as if I’m speaking a foreign language.
“We should explore our options,” I clarify.
Everything slows when green eyes meet mine. “You want me to fuck other girls?”
My shrug makes the crease between his brows deepen.
Aiden takes several steps away from me. “I haven’t even looked at another girl since I’ve been with you.”
I bristle.
“I’m not sleeping with anyone else,” he says, making it even clearer. My logical thoughts scatter like pigeons. “I don’t care about metaphorical eggs or what we should be doing. I already know what I want.” His eyes flicker with an intense emotion, and a wash of panic floods through me. Aiden searches my face, and his heavy expression changes. “But you’re right. We’re not exclusive. So, if you want to explore your options, you should.” His words are as rough as sandpaper.
My panic drains, but the sudden switch in his demeanor makes me skeptical. “You’re okay with that?”
“It’s not for me to be okay with. It’s your life, Summer. You make the decisions.”
The details of our amended arrangement flutter in uncertainty, but I straighten with renewed confidence. “Right. You’re right. Maybe I will.”
He plasters on a smile, and there’s a split second where I wonder if he’s tricking me.
“Good,” he says.
“Good,” I affirm
