The next day, something keeps nagging at me.
I try ignoring it and pretend that it doesn’t exist, but my feet lead me back here, anyway.
What’s the point of burying my head in the sand? It only made my state worse and managed to push me off that cliff where I could’ve lost everything.
And I did, in a way.
I temporarily lost Jeremy and Adrian. I lost the life I’d been fighting tooth and nail to protect. I don’t care what I have to do to never end up on another literal—or metaphorical—cliff again.
You’re stronger than this, Lia.
My hand trembles on the doorknob as I slowly turn it and crack the door. But instead of going inside, I remain at the threshold, staring at the small opening through which a patch of the white wall is visible. The beeping sound of the machine beats down my chest and through my bones.
I’d hoped Boris would stop me from going into the guest house, or that Kolya would magically appear by my side and tell me in his monotone voice that “the boss ordered me to stay away.”
None of that happened.
Instead, Boris stepped aside, not bothering to stop me. After the heart-to-heart I had with Adrian last night, I can tell he’s giving me more leeway. He’s not the type of man who gives second chances, as Yan likes to remind me, so I’m grateful that he’s trying, that he’s taking a different path that doesn’t include punishing or bestowing me with his neglectful silent treatment.
I’m not an idiot. I know that Adrian’s newfound trust is fragile at best. If I show any sign of siding with Luca—or anyone aside from him—his wrath will be the most dangerous I’ve ever witnessed.
And because he’s trying, in his own way, I need to do the same. In order to get rid of my visceral nightmares, I have to take care of the source. Namely, the woman lying in bed.
Since it’s nighttime, there’s a soft light in her plain room that looks right out of a hospital. The nurse probably keeps the light on for when she comes to check on her. I noticed her leaving the building earlier and that’s when I gathered my courage and came here right after I put Jeremy to bed.
I leave the door ajar as I approach the bed on which Winter sleeps. Her eyes are closed this time, but her skin is less pale, a bit flushed, as if blood is pumping harder in her veins.
One of her frail hands lies on her stomach and the other is by her side, an IV tube punctures her skin and is attached to a bag hung above her head.
I stare at the door to make sure it’s open and I’m not trapped here with her. She might be comatose, but she scares me. Maybe not like when I thought she was Lia and I’d stolen her husband, but the ominous feeling is still there.
It’s probably my stupid guilt.
“I’m so sorry, Winter,” I whisper. “I shouldn’t have gotten you involved in this life. I shouldn’t have cut your free wings and forced you into this bed. I’m so…so sorry.”
I want to say more, to apologize more and make amends, but what’s the point? She’s motionless while I’m healthy.
Well…almost healthy.
After all, I paid for the sin I committed by living as her and losing my family, even if only for a while. Adrian also said that my abdomen scar is from when I fell from the cliff, not a birth scar as I believed in my other identity. I felt Winter’s loss so viscerally because deep down, I missed Jeremy to the point of madness.
I flop onto a chair by her bedside. “I’m sorry I put you through this, Winter.”
“She put herself through this.”
I lift my head to find my husband leaning against the doorframe, his arms folded over his developed chest and his long legs crossed at the ankles. He’s in black pants, a white shirt, and an open dark brown cashmere coat that reaches his knees.
He’s always dressed so simple yet so elegant.
He must’ve just finished working, because his office door was closed when I passed it earlier.
“You scared me,” I murmur.
“Then you shouldn’t have come here.”
“I can’t keep avoiding her forever while we live under the same roof.”
“You’re not living under the same roof.”
“Fine. Same property.”
“Then I can move her away.”
“Away…where?” I sound as spooked as I feel, probably because I know what life means in Adrian’s dictionary—nothing.
“Anywhere but here.”
“No. She’s like this because of us. We need to take responsibility.”
“Responsibility for what? Did you force her to switch places with you?”
“Of course not.”
“Then I’m taking no responsibility for a choice she made on her own.”
“Did hitting her head also happen because of a choice she made?”
“Yes. She tried to run away, tripped, and cracked her head.”
“Really?” I frown. I thought he’d caused her to be like this somehow.
“If I’d hurt her, I wouldn’t be ashamed to admit it. She took your place and that alone is punishable by death according to me.”
“Is there anything that’s not punishable by death according to you?”
“Not really.”
“Death is supposed to be the last possible resort, not the first.”
“Not to me. I don’t believe in second chances, Lenochka.”
“But you…gave me one. Right?”
“You’re the exception.”
I get what he’s saying without him having to voice it aloud. This is the only chance he’ll give me, so I better use it well.
Not that I didn’t know already.
“How did you know I was here?” I opt to change the subject. “Let me guess, Boris or Kolya.”
“Kolya.”
I scoff. “What a perfect right-hand man. You spend more time with him than with anyone else, you know. If you swung in the other direction, he would’ve been your model wife.”
“Are you jealous of my second-in-command, Lia?”
“Of course not!”
“If you say so.”
“Stop it, Adrian.” A small smile lifts my lips, but he keeps his signature blank expression.
“What? I’m agreeing with you.”
“You’re teasing me.”
“Hmm. Is that so?”
“There. You’re doing it again.”
“Am I?”
“Yes!”
Adrian pushes off the door and stalks toward me. I suck in a deep breath, my heart hammering in my ears. Now that he’s getting closer, I’m caught in that trance that’s exclusive to him. The one where he’s the only thing I can breathe or feel.
This isn’t healthy, is it? I’m not supposed to hang on to every breath out of his sinfully proportioned mouth. I shouldn’t be burning up from the inside out because of the simple fact that he’s approaching me.
Why did I have to go and fall in love with him? It would’ve been easier if I didn’t have feelings for him.
Or if, at least, all I felt toward him was fear.
As he stops beside me, I just want to throw myself in his arms and burrow my face in his chest.
His large palm engulfs my slender shoulder and I freeze in place, my heart beating so violently in my chest, I’m surprised it doesn’t break free from my ribcage.
His hand still in place, he glides his fingers up my neck, unhurriedly, deliberately until my harsh breathing is louder than the beeping of the machine.
“Did you know that red creeps up your delicate throat and ears when you’re flustered or lying?” He leans over, his voice dripping with seduction. “Or when you’re turned on.”
“Adrian…” I mean to scold, but his name comes out as a whisper.
“There. It’s happening again.” He glides his finger over the pulse point in my neck. “I assume you’re aroused, Lenochka?”
“Do you enjoy driving me out of my element?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m the only one who does it.”
“You’re so arrogant.”
“And you’re so fond of labels.”
“I told you. I’m just giving things their names.” I focus back on Winter because if I allow myself to be sucked into Adrian’s orbit, I won’t be able to escape at all. It’s impossible to ignore his hand on my shoulder or the slow up and down motion of his fingers. “So?”
“So what?”
“What are we going to do about Winter?”
“I can keep searching for her family. Though from Kolya’s report, she doesn’t have one. Or as I said, I can transfer her.”
“Don’t do that. The nurse can keep taking care of her here. Don’t you think we owe her that much?”
“No. As I mentioned, no one forced her to come here.”
“You can be so heartless sometimes.”
“You mean logical.”
“Heartless.” I stare at Winter. “She was so happy when she thought she could live a rich person’s life.”
Adrian’s movement pauses and his hand remains inert on my shoulder. “And you were so ready to give up your life for her.”
There’s no accusation in his quiet tone, but it couldn’t have been clearer if he pointed a finger at me.
Letting my hands rest in my lap, I stare at them. “I never wanted to give up my life. I was just…trapped.”
“Trapped,” he repeats in that infuriating way he uses to get on my nerves.
“Yes, Adrian. Trapped. As in, with no way out. But you wouldn’t know what that term means, not when everything you want magically comes true.”
“Believe me, there’s no magic involved. I forged my way through, and while I didn’t give a fuck about who got destroyed in the process, I didn’t walk all over you. I didn’t step on you and continue my path as if you were nothing.”
I glance up at him, at the menacingly beautiful face and merciless gray eyes. “Do you really believe that? Do you honestly think you didn’t walk all over me?”
“Yes. If I had, you wouldn’t be sitting in front of me right now.”
“Then should I be thankful that I didn’t end up like Winter?”
“That’s not what I said.”
“That’s what you mean.”
“That’s what you want me to mean, Lia. Don’t project your misconceptions on me.”
I release a long breath in a last-ditch attempt to calm my nerves. As if feeling my distress, Adrian strokes my shoulder. “Don’t compare yourself to anyone else, is that understood?”
“You say that as if you weren’t fooled by Winter.”
“I wasn’t. One look into her eyes and I figured out she wasn’t you.”
“That simple?”
“That simple.”
I don’t know why that rips a small sigh out of me. The fact that he could’ve replaced me with her ate me alive back then. “Does that mean you wouldn’t have…you know…”
“Fucked her?”
My cheeks heat as I stare at my hands and nod once.
“What do you think?”
“You have a crazy sex drive…so…it could happen.” The words burn in my throat on their way out.
“Having a crazy sex drive doesn’t mean I’d stick it anywhere, Lenochka.”
My head snaps up until I’m once again trapped in his stormy eyes. “No?”
“No. You’re not just my wife, the mother of my son, and completely and utterly mine, but you’re also the only woman I’ve wanted since the first time you begged me to fuck you when you were drunk.”
“Back then…I wanted you…”
“Since when?”
“Since the first time I saw you.”
“I thought you were scared of me.”
“I was, but it didn’t stop me from wanting you.”
“Hmm. You’re a masochist.”
“Shut up. You made me a masochist.”
“I couldn’t have made you into one if the traits weren’t there from the get-go. I only nurtured them a little, maybe whipped them into submission at some point.”
“Perverted sadist,” I mutter under my breath.
“I never denied that.”
“When did you learn that you…prefer it rough and twisted?”
“Early on. Around my late teens.”
“Do you think your upbringing had something to do with it?”
“Probably.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Why should you be? If it weren’t for my upbringing, we wouldn’t have been compatible, Lenochka.”
“I disagree.”
“Is that so?”
I stand up, forcing him to release me as I wrap my arms around his waist. “I think we’re the most compatible we could ever be.”
“What gave you that idea?”
“First of all, we gave birth to the most beautiful angel alive and no one but us could be Jeremy’s parents. Second, you know my body better than I ever would and…you saved me from myself. Not to mention, you didn’t mistake me for another woman. You get extra points for that.”
“Extra points, huh?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Do I get to use them tonight?”
I grin. “Absolutely.”
Adrian lifts me in his arms and I squeal as I snuggle into his hold. In my utter delight, I catch a glimpse of Winter’s open eyes glaring at me.
I blink once, but her eyes are closed.
Holy shit.
As Adrian carries me out of her room, my nails dig into his shoulder as I keep staring at her, expecting her to open her eyes.
She doesn’t.
But I’m sure I saw them open a second ago.
Or was it a hallucination?
