Our vacation is surprisingly…warm.
Despite the freezing weather and the ice storms, the days we spend in the Russian countryside are so full of fire. And strangely, that isn’t entirely due to the lash of Adrian’s punishments at night or how he lights my body on fire every chance he gets.
It’s the fact that we’re spending uninterrupted time together and with our son. The fact that no work is keeping him from us. The fact that we built a snowman together before Jeremy and I ganged up on Adrian in a snowball fight.
We lost, by the way, and it was the best loss I’ve ever experienced. Jer and I ended up laughing until we snorted as Adrian buried us under his merciless snowballs.
I love seeing my husband carefree, without the endless weight that’s usually furrowing his features or making him overanalyze everything.
Ever since we stepped foot in Russia a week ago, he seems to have left all his burdens back in the States and is giving me the one thing I’ve always wanted—him.
I often fantasized about stealing him away from his work and demanding that he choose me over his endless Bratva responsibilities. But I’ve stopped due to my stupid pride.
And fear.
I was too afraid of Adrian’s nature to ever embrace him fully.
In truth, I still am.
I don’t think I will ever not be scared of him. There will always be that slight tinge of terror about how dangerous he is and how monstrous he can get to ensure his goals are met. However, I’m strong and mature enough to ignore that fear and focus on what he is.
Who he is.
The man who showed me a different world, one where I’m cared for and I come before anything else.
The man who fought for me when I didn’t have the will to fight for myself.
The man who saved me, even when he tortured me. Who took my hand when I thought there was no hope left for me.
The man who gave me the most precious gift in the form of Jeremy and nurtured him with me. He provided me light, even when he himself was always used to the darkness.
And to have him all to myself these last couple of days has been more exhilarating than anything I’ve experienced in recent memory.
I know he keeps himself updated by talking to his guards, especially Kolya, in hushed tones, but he doesn’t let it occupy his days and nights.
Jeremy and I do.
We have movie nights and lazy mornings. We cook together and mess up the kitchen before Adrian shoos me away so he can clean it. We take walks together whenever it’s not snowing hard, and Adrian is even teaching Jeremy how to ski.
At night, after we put our son to sleep, Adrian worships my body or makes up some sort of punishment just so he can satisfy his sadistic tendencies—and my masochistic ones.
But today, there’s a change of plans.
After Jeremy is in bed, I invite the guards over so we can play Scrabble. Something that Adrian isn’t very happy about, and he says that there’s no way in hell all the guards will come over and we’ll stay unprotected.
So Yan shoos the two younger guards outside, filling their hands with snacks.
I expect Kolya and Boris to scold him, but they just sit on the sofa across from me and Adrian. After Yan finishes his mission of getting rid of the younger guards, he settles on the chair on my right.
Tightening the wool scarf that’s draped over my shoulders, I angle my neck to soak in the warmth from the fireplace. Although the house is fully heated, I feel like a kitten in the cozy setting.
I prepared countless snacks and placed a case of beer on the table beside the Scrabble board Jeremy found in his exploration of the house.
Adrian loops an arm around my shoulder, his fingers digging into my skin. It’s not strong enough to hurt, but it’s firm enough to imply he’s not pleased with my idea of spending the evening playing with his guards.
His lips brush against the shell of my ear as he whispers in hot words, “Tell them you’re feeling unwell and go up to the bedroom. Now.”
“No,” I hiss.
“If you don’t, I’ll whip you hard, then fuck you just as hard so that you won’t be able to move tomorrow.”
“It’d be worth it,” I murmur, even as my core throbs at the promise.
It’s official. Adrian has ruined me beyond repair.
“I feel bad for them,” I tell Yan, who opens a bottle of beer and drinks from it, releasing a sigh of contentment. Kolya and Boris are dressed in army fatigues and Adrian is in his formal attire, but my friend is wearing a casual shirt and pants with a jacket.
I’m just glad he’s well enough to move and even drink now. I also saw him running with Adrian and the guards during their morning workouts. And yeah, these crazy people actually run in the snow when it’s below zero degrees.
“They’ll survive.” Yan throws up a dismissive hand. “The cold will make men out of them. They’re lucky they weren’t in the Special Forces.”
“Was is that brutal?” I ask.
“Brutal?” Yan scoffs. “Try deadly. Try, we’re the fucking chosen ones for getting out of that training alive. Remember dragging kilos of tires in fucking freezing Siberia, Borya?”
Boris’s stoic face falters for a second as he nods, and even Kolya’s lips twist, probably recalling the same circumstances.
“Seems the cold hasn’t made a man out of you, Yan,” Adrian says with nonchalance, then takes a sip of beer.
“How can you say that, Boss? I was second in my unit.”
Adrian raises a brow. “Not first.”
“Not everyone is a perfectionist freak like you and Kolya.”
I stare at Adrian. Yan told me he was in Special Forces before, but he never mentioned rank. “You were first?”
“Unlike Yan.”
“He’s all bark and no bite,” Kolya agrees with his boss, opening a bottle of beer.
“Oh, fuck you, Kolya.” Yan’s temper rises. “Rank isn’t important, skill is. What do you say, Boris?”
“I was first in my unit, too.” Boris throws a nut into his mouth. “Pay respect.”
“To being first.” Kolya shows a rare smirk and raises his bottle of beer.
My husband and Boris mimic him, drinking while Yan tightens his hold on his bottle, glaring at them before he sighs heavily.
“It seems you’re the only loser here, Yan.” Kolya smiles.
The younger guard flips him off under the table and I can’t help but smile. These men are all ruthless, coming from dangerous backgrounds that allowed them to not only survive Special Forces, but to also excel at it, and although they might be competitive about it, they feel like a family.
A fucked-up one, no doubt, but at the same time, it’s very loyal and protective.
A family I want to belong to.
“I’m going to make you eat your words by the end of tonight, Kolya.” Yan bunches up his sleeves. “There are five of us. How are we going to do this?”
“I’m not playing,” Adrian announces.
“Come on.” I nudge him. “Don’t be a fun-ruiner.”
“If I play, I’ll win every round and ruin your actual fun.”
“He’s right.” Yan rolls his eyes. “Don’t be fooled by the silent façade. Boss is competitive to a fault and makes sure to win at everything.”
“Except shipping you back to the Spetsnaz.” Adrian sips his beer. “Though that can be arranged rather swiftly now that we’re here.”
Yan winces. “You didn’t forget about that?”
“Never. Now, play. I will be the judge.”
Yan clears his throat. “Lia and me against Kolya and Boris.”
“No.” Adrian objects.
“Why not?” I ask.
“It’d be boring. You and Kolya against Boris and Yan would be more entertaining.”
Or more like, he’s doing everything in his power to keep me from pairing up with Yan. But whatever, Adrian will always be Adrian.
“Hold on.” Yan stands up. “Let me get some real drinks.”
I frown, not understanding the meaning behind his words as he disappears in the direction of the kitchen. A minute later, he reappears with a bottle of vodka and glasses.
Boris and Kolya grunt in approval. Right. Of course, beer isn’t a real drink for them.
The three of them definitely fit the stereotype of how much Russians love their vodka. Adrian usually prefers cognac, but he does push the beer out of the way when vodka is in sight.
At first, I’m too much of a wimp to try straight vodka. They don’t even mix it in a cocktail or drink it diluted. However, after Boris delivers a knockout in the first round, I chug down an entire glass to cool off my wounded pride. It burns my throat and I cough a few times, hitting my chest to make it go away.
“Take it easy,” Adrian whispers in my ear, his fingers drawing circles on my shoulder.
“I’m fine.” I point at Boris. “You’re going down. You, too, Yan.”
My friend lifts his chin. “I’m sorry to say this, but you’ll be collateral damage, because Kolya’s destruction is my mission tonight.”
“It’s the other way around.” Kolya’s usual calm falters as he assembles his tiles in front of him.
Once again, Boris and Yan take the lead. I swear, Boris is like an encyclopedia that keeps coming up with the right words.
I take another sip of my vodka, mouthing at Kolya to give me a six-letter word that starts with R, but he comes up empty.
“Royal,” I exclaim.
Boris stares at me with an unusual smugness. “That’s five letters.”
“Royalty.”
“That’s seven.” Yan chugs down his drink. “Give up, already, and pass.”
I don’t have the correct letters to spell any form of royal, anyway. With my two blank tiles and a load of vowels, I’m just punching in the dark for ideas.
Adrian drapes my scarf up over my shoulders and whispers in my ear, discreetly enough that no one notices him, “Regius.”
I don’t want to cheat, I really don’t, but with my blanks, I can make it work, and the way Boris is smirking and Yan keeps taunting us is getting on my nerves. So I stoop low and align the tiles in place after the R.
“That’s cheating, Mrs. Volkov,” Boris fixes me with a stare.
“Are you accusing me of being a cheater?” There’s a slight slur at the end of my words.
“Boss told you that word.”
“No, he didn’t.”
“He didn’t,” Kolya says at the same time.
“Wait a minute!” Yan slams his glass on the table. “You’re supposed to be impartial, Boss.”
“I have been,” Adrian says ever so casually with a perfect poker face that betrays nothing.
“You obviously haven’t.” Yan motions between the two of us.
My husband remains as collected as always. “You have proof?”
“Well…no.”
“Do you, Boris?” When the other guard shakes his head, Adrian continues, “Then your accusations are null and void. Proceed.”
They both grumble but pick up their pieces as Kolya smirks. I grin up at Adrian, murmuring, “I didn’t know you were a cheater.”
“I’m not, usually,” he whispers back against my cheek.
“You just did.”
“Only for you, Lenochka.”
We win that round, but Boris and Yan end up crushing us in the next one so hard, my pride is wounded.
As a result, I end up drinking more vodka than should be allowed and telling Yan he and I aren’t friends anymore while acting like a sore loser toward Boris.
At some point, Adrian pulls the glass of vodka from my hand. “That’s enough drinking for one night.”
“Nooo, I’m okaaay. Oops. Fiiiine. I mean, I’m totally fine. I know, I know. That word shouuuld be out of my vocabulary by now. You haaate it.” I slap my hand against his cheek, staring up at the peaceful look in his gray eyes. “Did you know, you’re sooo beautiful?”
“That’s our cue to go.” Boris’s legs are unsteady as he stands. “It was lovely to win against you, Kolya. Mrs. Volkov.”
I point a finger at him. “I’ll get a rematch and beat you.”
“Wait. What?” Yan shakes his head, eyes half-drooping. The two of us drank the most tonight. “It’s over? I was just getting started on kicking Kolya’s grumpy ass.”
“Get up.” Kolya grabs him by his good arm and he sways. “And it’ll be a lifetime before you kick my ass.”
Yan punches him in the chest, and though it doesn’t seem hard, Kolya staggers a little. “I’ll break through that ice one day, you have my fucking word.”
Kolya pushes him in front of himself, nods at us, then singlehandedly hauls Yan out, refusing Boris’s aid.
“They left.” I motion at the door after it closes behind them. “But I’m not done playing.”
“I am more than done.” Adrian lifts my chin, his long fingers creating delicious friction against my skin. “No one gets to see you drunk but me.”
“I’m not drunk.” I hiccup and giggle, hiding the sound with the back of my hand. “Oops. Maybe a little.”
“A little?”
“Okay, a looot.” I nuzzle my cheek against his hand and sigh. “You’re so warm.”
“I am?”
“Yes, even when you’re cold. Even when you give me the silent treatment, you’re so caring and warm. That’s one thing I don’t want you to change.”
“What else do you not want me to change?”
“Hmm. The way you look at me.”
“And how do I look at you?”
“Like you want to tie me down and fuck me.”
“I do want to tie you down and fuck you.”
I giggle as arousal tingles between my legs. “All the time?”
“If I can help it.” His voice drops to a seductive range.
“What if you can’t? What if I become old and wrinkly and sex isn’t the same anymore?”
“I’ll find a way.”
“What if something happens and I can’t have sex altogether?” I don’t know why I’m asking these questions, but for some reason, I feel vulnerable and the only way to fight it is to poke at the weight perching on my chest.
Adrian’s fingers glide over the ridge of my nose, then trace a path to my cheek as if he’s engraving me into some corner of his head. “If something happens to you, it won’t push me away. If anything, it’ll bring me closer, Lenochka. Sex plays a part of who we are, and I love how you submit to my dominance, but it’s not the reason why I’ve been married to you for six years.”
“What is then?”
“You.”
“Just me?”
“Just you.”
I gulp, feeling moisture glistening in my eyes. A strange rush of emotions overwhelm me until it’s hard to breathe, let alone think. It’s two words. Just you. But it’s like he reached inside himself, ripped a part out, and offered it to me in the palm of his hand.
“Don’t ever change, okay?” I whisper.
“Lia, what did I say about that word?”
“Oops. Does that mean you’ll punish me now?”
“Oh, I’ll do more than punish you.”
My heart skips a beat when I glance at him. “What?” I ask, my voice breathy and sultry.
“I’d rather show you.”
I squeal as he sweeps me off the floor and into his arms, and then I break into a fit of laughter.
Happiness.
I’ve never dared to dream about it before, but this must be what it feels like to be happy, and now, I’m finally daring to experience it to its fullest.
Please let it stay this way forever.
