Later that day, I realized something had changed in my writing.
Words were flowing, but in a different way than before. They were easier, with less angst and pain. I didn’t know I could write like this.
After Sebastian left, I wound up going on a run, and it helped me burn off some of the excess energy I had. When I got back, I ate a quick breakfast and sat down.
I didn’t get up again for hours.
What I was writing was different. It was lighter and featured Rohanda and Jamisson more so than the previous books did. Rohanda finally dealt with some of her grief with help from him.
I didn’t know how my agent was going to feel about it, but I hoped it would go over well.
It was late afternoon by the time I closed my laptop and rubbed my eyes. I worked on cleaning for a while, but then eventually ran out of things to do. I was anxiously waiting for Sebastian to get home.
And I didn’t know what to do about it.
There was a knock at the door.
“Hey,” Amy said. “You look exhausted.”
“Thanks,” I said dryly.
“Sorry, but you do. Is everything okay? I saw the assistant here earlier.”
“Do you only spy on us?”
Amy shrugged. “Kind of. I work from home and get bored. I’ve gotta know what happened though.”
“Well, she confessed her love for him in front of me.”
“Are you serious?” she asked, eyes so wide I could see the whites of her eyes.
“And Sebastian sent her back to LA.”
“Is that a good thing?”
“Considering he said he didn’t feel the same way, I’d say yes.”
“This is great then! Where does this leave you?”
“Married. He said he wanted to make it up to me.”
“Make what up to you?”
“The last four years.”
“Oh.” She grinned. “So you guys are really married.”
“I’m hoping so,” I admitted. It was almost painful to say out loud. I hadn’t even admitted this to Jessie, and for the longest time, I didn’t admit it to myself. “And it’s bad timing to be figuring this out, or maybe it’s good timing. I don’t know.”
“When does the contract end?”
“In August.”
“Oh,” Amy said. “I’d say you could stay together but he’s connected to your family, right?”
“Yes,” I said, sighing.
“Then maybe you should enjoy the time you have.”
“Am I wrong for this? Should I even let myself like him?”
“It’s your choice. What do you think?”
“I think . . . I think I want this, but Jessie hated Sebastian.”
“Jessie doesn’t seem to understand why you did what you did, and I think she hates Sebastian for being the other participant.”
“I feel like I should too, but I don’t.”
“You feel the way you do for a reason. Maybe your heart knows something your mind doesn’t.”
“Or maybe he’s just good in bed.”
“Being good in bed does translate to real life, you know.” She winked at me.
I nodded, thinking about how patient and kind he could be.
“You’re doing the best you can,” Amy added. “That’s all we can do.”
“Thank you,” I said gratefully.
Amy smiled. “Now that we’re done having a moment, I’ve been dying to ask you something.”
“What is it?”
“What do you do on your laptop all day?”
“Stuff,” I said, not sure of what to say.
“What kind of stuff?”
Spurred on by Sebastian’s reaction, I decided to tell her the truth. “I write.”
“Oooh, anything interesting?”
“No,” I lied.
“Is it published?”
“Not by me.”
“Fanfiction?”
“Maybe.” Technically I used to write fanfiction, so it wasn’t a lie.
“Hm . . . I’m going to crack that one day. Maybe I’ll read what you write through the window.”
“Then I won’t write here,” I jokingly threatened. “Or near windows. Besides, it’s fantasy.”
“Oh yuck,” she said, making a face. “I’m more of a romance person. Maybe I’ll let it go then. Fantasy is too much world building for my pea brain.”
Amy stayed past sunset, and by that time, she had brought over her Nintendo Switch. We were deep in a game of Mario Kart when the door opened.
I figured Sebastian would be home after I went to bed with how much work he said he had. Apparently I was wrong.
He walked in the living room and I lost focus. Amy was in first place, and she immediately yelled, “Ha! Suck that Donkey Kong!” as she won the game.
Sebastian blinked, looking between us with confusion.
“Amy,” I warned, my voice shaky with embarrassment. “Sebastian’s home.”
She instantly stopped cheering and turned, and her face turned as red as mine felt.
I wasn’t even dressed up. After my run, I’d taken the makeup off and changed into sweatpants.
“Oh, awesome. I’ve completely embarrassed myself in your house.” Amy sighed. “Nice to meet you, Sebastian.”
“You as well,” he said coolly. “Are you the neighbor?”
“That I am. I watch you guys through the windows.” She said it casually, and then turned a deeper shade of deep when she realized what she said. “I mean, not just you. I’m nosy with everybody. I’m an equal opportunity nosy neighbor.”
Sebastian looked at me and then to Amy.
“Amy, I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“You have? Was it that I spilled my dirtiest secret so your wife could trust me with hers?”
“No?” he replied, looking alarmed.
“I was being a good friend and keeping your very effective trick to myself,” I said, dryly. “I only said I trusted you.”
“Oh,” she said. “Does he know that I know about the uh . . .”
“Contract?” Sebastian added. “Yes, I’m aware.”
“Oh, I bet you’re worried I’ll tell. I can tell you my secret too.”
“You don’t have to,” Sebastian said. “I trust my wife’s instincts.”
Amy looked at him, almost impressed. “Your wife, huh?”
“We are married.”
“Wow,” she said. “For a man who’s in a contract, you play a good husband.”
“It’s still a real marriage in the eyes of the law.”
“Somehow I don’t think that’s 100% true,” she said to me, winking.
I glanced at my husband. Instead of growing tense, Sebastian turned red.
I was eager to change the subject off of my marriage before Sebastian did get angry. “You know, you should probably keep your secret to yourself if you want to keep your house.”
“You’re probably right, but you have to admit it worked. Just look at us!”
I laughed, then noticed Sebastian’s embarrassment had faded. He looked over at us, one corner of his mouth upturned.
My face grew warm. He was smiling at me.
“I should head out,” Amy said, bringing me out of my thoughts. “I do, unfortunately, have a job and I need to get to bed. Sorry for yelling like a lunatic when you came in the door.”
“It’s fine,” he said, and his voice sounded light. “Any friend of Lily’s is welcome here.”
“Now that’s what I like to hear,” she said, heading for the door. “I’ll see you both soon. Probably very soon, considering my windows see into yours.”
Amy walked out, completely forgetting about her Switch still hooked up to the TV.
“She’s interesting,” he said.
“Yeah, she is,” I replied. I walked over to close the blinds, just in case Amy did get too curious for her own good. “Thanks for not being mad that she was here.”
“You were never like that with Jessie.”
I almost winced at the mention of her. “Well, Jessie had a lot to say about my life choices.”
“Does Amy?”
“She does, but she’s more understanding. For once I don’t feel like a harlot for accepting the contract.”
“Jessie made you feel that way?”
“In the end, yes.”
“You didn’t deserve that.” His eyes firmly held mine.
“Yeah, Amy said something similar. Don’t worry, though. I’m fine.”
Sebastian looked like he wanted to say more, but then he set down his bag and turned back to me.
“You look nice.”
I laughed. “You don’t have to lie. I should probably change anyway. I totally lost track of time.”
“I want you to look however you want.”
“I know I don’t look good when I’m not in makeup. It’s fine.”
“You look beautiful without it.” He came to stand in front of me. “I could kiss each one of the freckles.”
Holy shit. Could someone die of embarrassment? I looked up at him, hoping he would follow through with his promise, but he stepped back, his cheeks dimpled as he smiled at me.
“Let’s go out.”
“Where?”
“A food tour through Nashville.”
“Wait, seriously?” I asked.
“I was thinking we could pick three famous restaurants from a hat.”
My jaw dropped. “You better not be joking. This is the best idea I’ve ever heard.”
“I’m not joking,” he said, laughing.
“I’m so excited! I’ll go get ready.”
Sebastian kissed me with a soft press of the lips, and then let me go so I could run up to get changed.
I wound up leaving my face bare and putting on leggings and the hoodie from Target that I lived in when Sebastian wasn’t home. When I walked out, I eyed him carefully, expecting him to say something about my choice in clothes.
But he had changed into a loose T-shirt and jeans, looking as comfortable as I was. “Ready?” he asked.
“Of course. I wore leggings so I can eat as much as I want.”
“Smart move,” he said, leading me out the door.
The drive was quiet but it was a comfortable silence. I watched Nashville pass by, noting the old buildings alongside the new.
I had come to appreciate that we bought an older home. The locals hated the development, and even I could see how the new houses didn’t fit in. It only grew more obvious the longer we stayed here.
I was happy to feel like I fit in. Somehow, despite everything, I was beginning to find my place here.
Even if my days were numbered.
“First choice,” he said, handing me a hat.
“Where did you get this?”
“They gave it to all the employees when the office opened.”
“I’m surprised you kept it.”
“I needed something to draw restaurants from.”
I closed my eyes and pulled out a piece of paper.
“It says Edley’s. What do they have?”
Sebastian’s mouth quirked into a grin. “Barbecue nachos.”
“You’re kidding.”
“I’m not. All of these suggestions came from my coworkers. They’re the real deal.”
“I can’t wait,” I said.
It was better than I could have imagined. Fresh chips layers with delicious, tender brisket. I almost cried.
“Next is our entrée,” he said, handing me the hat.
“Your turn,” I said. “I want to see what you pick.”
His was Kayne Prime, which was an expensive-looking steakhouse. I balked at the prices, but he told me to order whatever I wanted.
I got the cheaper steak, but it was still delightful.
By the time we left, I was in a food coma, but he offered one more stop, and I couldn’t say no.
Dessert.
“I think I can make room,” I said. “Where’s the hat?”
He grabbed it out of the back of the car, and I pulled out Mike’s Ice Cream Parlor near Riverfront Park. We ended up wanting the same giant ice cream sandwich, which we shared. We walked through the park as we ate, talking about all the food we’d tried.
“That was amazing,” I said as I took a bite of the handmade ice cream. “I can’t believe we got to try three different places in one night.”
“I need to take you to the giant cafeteria not far from here. A lot of local restaurants have a booth there.”
“Oh my God, that sounds so good. Please take me.”
“I will,” he said, grabbing my hand.
I threaded my fingers through his, feeling more connected to him than I ever had.
“This was a much-needed break from writing.”
“Are you busy?” he asked.
“Oh yeah,” I said. “My next book is due soon and I haven’t been able to get anything done.”
“Next book?”
“I have a multi-book series,” I said and then I straightened. “But no one can know—”
“I won’t tell anyone,” he said, “but I didn’t realize it took so much of your time.”
I blushed. “Yeah, it does. But I love writing. It’s how I process everything that happens to me.”
“Sounds like a good hobby.”
“Do you have any?” I asked.
“No,” he replied, sounding a little sad. “I never have time for them.”
“That sounds terrible.”
“My dad has high expectations.”
“I can tell.”
“Yeah,” he said, but he looked haunted in a way I’d never seen him.
“I imagine you had a rough childhood with Martin as your dad. If you ever need to talk about it, I’m here.”
“It’s not a story that makes me look good.”
I paused our walk. “What do you mean?”
“My dad knew what he wanted from me,” he said. “And I did what I could. It’s not much more than that.”
“I think it is,” I said.
“Let’s just say Sasha would have been a better shadow for him than me, but I was the son, and it was my job.”
“Because you were the boy?”
“I think so. I should have been the stronger one, but I was always emotional in ways he didn’t expect. I was bad at math, but Sasha was good at it. But he still wants the son to be his spitting image. At any cost.”
“And what price did you pay to be what he insisted you be?”
“Like I said, it doesn’t make me look good.”
“You’re talking to an ex-model who married for money. I’m not going to judge.”
He laughed humorlessly, then his eyes went distant. “Hitting your kid does wonders for making them comply.”
I froze. “He hit you?”
“Yes, for far too long. Even after I was bigger than him, he still did it.”
My heart dropped into my stomach.
The character I based off of Sebastian? He hit Rohanda. God, I made him his father without even realizing it.
Even though I was in pain and felt so unloved, I wish I hadn’t written it. I never meant for Sebastian to see it, and I never meant for it to grow like it had, but now I felt terrible for ever putting him in it at all.
Even if it wasn’t a carbon copy, it was close enough to make me uncomfortable.
“I’m so sorry,” I said. “It doesn’t matter if you could have fought back, you should have never had to.”
“It’s fine. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine,” I said, “and that’s okay.”
“My therapist said something similar.”
“When did you go to therapy?”
“Before we got married. I told my dad that if he ever laid a hand on me again I’d report him and ruin his reputation. He responded with forcing me into this marriage.”
“Martin is the lowest scum of the earth. I swear he lives off of making people miserable. You did not deserve that.”
“I’m not innocent in this. The blackmail wasn’t great.”
“It’s as Amy says: we all do what we have to.”
“He got his revenge though,” Sebastian muttered. “Carting me across the country to open an office I didn’t want to was pretty good payback.”
“Why didn’t you want to come?”
“I don’t like being everyone’s boss,” Sebastian admitted.
I blinked. “Seriously?”
“I mean . . . not this high level. I don’t want to be treated like some god in the office because of who my father is, or because of some title I carry. I don’t mind managing people, but the kissing ass that comes with it . . . “ He shuddered. “And he knew once I was promoted, it’s all I’d see. I’d either fail, and make Allen’s company look bad, or succeed and be more like him.”
“Can you leave?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Not until the end of our contract. I’ve been under a noncompete agreement for ten years. It was originally five, but he extended it when I signed our marriage agreement.”
“So, you’re trapped,” I said softly.
“Yes. I have been since I was eighteen. Back then, I was too scared of him to say no, and it was only recently that I learned how not to be. I wish I had done it sooner, before you got trapped in this with me.”
I found myself disagreeing with him. “If I’d never been brought into this, I wouldn’t have met you.”
“You really know the right thing to say,” he said, smiling softly.
“Maybe it’s the writer in me.”
We lapsed into silence for a moment.
“Thank you,” he said, breaking the quiet.
“For what?”
“For not thinking I was weak when I let it go on, and not thinking I was wrong for ending it.”
“The only person wrong is your father,” I said.
And maybe me for letting my mind make Sebastian a villain. If there was one thing I could change, it would be that.
“I wish we had known we were both trapped. We could have gotten along for a long time.”
“Me too,” I muttered, rubbing at my chest absentmindedly. I could feel the ghost pains of our near misses in our relationship. I caught myself thinking of the past and how I could have ended our disagreements sooner.
“I need to head back,” he said. “I think the long day and all the food is catching up to me. I’m exhausted.”
“Of course,” I said. “Let’s go home.”
As we drove back to our house, I realized how connected I felt to him. Hearing him open up only drove us closer.
I wondered if he’d kiss me when we got in. Maybe we’d sleep in the same bed. Maybe we’d make love instead of having sex.
The possibilities were endless.
I kissed him when we got in, but he pulled away quickly.
“See you in the morning?” he asked.
I nodded, a little disappointed. I knew he was tired, so I understood if he needed sleep. We’d done a lot of work for one day.
But as I watched him go, I felt lonely.
I went up to my own room, thinking I could get more writing done. That all stopped when I saw a text from my dad, reminding me of a sponsored post I’d forgotten to put up.
I sighed, knowing I’d never see the revenue from this. My mother would. I got it posted before I went to bed, feeling irritated I had to do it at all.
But I’d be free soon. I only had to make it until the end of the contract.
Photo: an ad for a popular health food brand.
LilyRMiller: #ad have you seen these delicious health bowls? Get yours with code LILYMILLER for 10% off!
Eatwithshelby: Wasn’t this caught in a huge E. coli scandal?
SebandLily4ever: Ordering now!
Gountilly: It’s a bit suspicious that I haven’t seen a photo of Sebastian and Lily for weeks… Think she’s pregnant?
