When we got back home, we easily fell into a rhythm. We slept in Sebastian’s room most nights. He would leave for work, I would go to writing meetings or hang out with Amy, and then we would have dinner.
For the first time in the four years we had been together, I felt like I had a marriage and not just an obligation. I did my best to post as much as possible to keep our families off our backs, and for once, it felt like just the two of us.
Spring arrived and then summer, which meant our time was running out. I wasn’t sure what I wanted. I didn’t want to have any connection with my family or his, but I couldn’t impose that on Sebastian if he wanted to stay.
It didn’t help that my mother hounded me about getting pregnant, and I kept dodging her calls.
“I can’t believe she’s even asking you to do that,” Amy said one bright morning while we walked at Centennial Park. The trees were a pleasant pink, and the air was warm.
I sipped on my coffee and sighed. “I don’t know what to tell you. She thinks it’ll work.”
“I think your method of being yourself and talking to your husband works better. You guys seem so happy lately. It kind of makes me want to barf.”
“Don’t you like romance novels?”
“Yes, but I want to be the main character.”
I laughed. “You’re ridiculous.”
“What will you do once this is over?”
“No clue. I don’t want to lose him, but I’m not sure what he will do. He says he has a noncompete clause ending, so he may work somewhere else, but I don’t know if he will want to get away from his family. I think he should, but I can’t make that decision for him.”
And he could easily hate me after he figured out who was based on him in my books.
“You could tell him your boundaries and see where it ends up.”
“You’re right,” I said. “I need to, but I think both of us are so worried about simply saying no to our families that we haven’t thought about what to do when it ends.”
“Will you be staying in town?”
“I’m sure once it all goes down, my dad is going to take back the house, but I think I’d like to buy something in the area.”
“I’ll even help you look for it,” Amy said. “Ugh, I’m so happy you like it here. Nashville is great. Maybe it’s not in the best state, but still.”
I couldn’t help but agree with her. I had grown attached to the city I thought I would hate.
Sebastian and I had mere weeks until we flew back to LA for our anniversary party. I wasn’t looking forward to it, and neither was he.
We both planned on denying any new contract there. I was going to tell my family I was done with them for good. It wasn’t going to be a fun conversation.
As for me, I was living life the best I could. At the weekly writing group, I had drawn so much interest from other writers that they lined up to ask for advice. I had worried I’d never get time to actually write at meetings, but the moment I mentioned needing time to myself to work, they all left me alone.
I knew almost everyone’s name and what project they were working on. Most people thought I was only a talented fanfiction writer after I began piping in and helping people with their works. They all begged me to publish.
Sebastian was supportive of my writing friends. He liked that I had found a community of people in the city and always asked how my meetings went. He liked a lot of the people he worked with these days, so I could tell he was settling in too.
My book was done. I had been able to finish it in time by both working with the writing group and by going to coffee shops. I had chosen my ending, and it was with the editor now. I’d have to do more edits soon, but for the moment, my work was on pause.
My developmental editor had been shocked that I gave the books a happier ending, but she said she cried when she read it. I took that to mean it was decent.
While waiting for edits, I had time to write my dedication and my author’s note. Usually, J.R. didn’t do either. It could be traced back to me. But I was considering it, hoping I could do something special to give Sebastian the hint he’d been chasing after, and a surprise when he inevitably read it.
Things were going well—too well. I expected something to go wrong at this point.
It was a warm spring night when I was putting the finishing touches on my book. I was trying to decide how to leave Sebastian a hint on who I was, even though the idea terrified me.
When I saw him pull in the driveway, however, I put my laptop away, still unsure on what to do.
I went to the kitchen where I had something cooking for dinner. I made sure it was all finished when he walked in.
“Hey,” he said. “Thank you for cooking.”
“No problem,” I replied. It was easy to multitask. “How was work?”
“Busy, but not nearly like what it was in LA. My dad . . . asked for a meeting when we fly in for the anniversary though.”
I deflated. “New contract?”
“Yeah, definitely.”
I sighed. “Then I guess we’re having our uncomfortable talk before I thought.”
“Yeah, probably,” Sebastian said. “Sorry, Lily.”
“It’s not your fault,” I replied. “I’m just glad we both are going to say no. We may blow up our entire lives doing it, but I should at least get my inheritance after this one. I don’t think any more money they could offer would change my mind.”
“Me either.”
I wondered how far Martin was going to go, though. What if he fired Sebastian and forced him to choose between a contract and his job? I knew I wanted him to say no, but would he? Maybe he’d walk it back, and then I would be the only one dealing with this. I didn’t want it to happen, but I didn’t know how intense Martin would be, especially now knowing what he’d done to Sebastian his whole life.
I might have to be the bad guy.
“I’m sure it will work out.” I shrugged. If I played nonchalant, it was better than showing just how terrified I was.
“Yeah, it will. How was writing group?” Sebastian changed the subject.
“Oh, the usual. People asking me questions and just a little bit of writing.”
“I can’t wait to read what you write,” Sebastian said. “People obviously like it.”
I blushed. “I hope you like it at least.”
“It’s by you,” he said. “I’m sure I will.”
I wasn’t so sure, and as time went on, my fear only grew. I cared about him so much that the idea of him being angry about his role in my story weighed heavily in my chest.
“Let’s eat,” I said, pulling him into the kitchen. “Then maybe we can complain about the horrid ending of Game of Thrones.”
A few days later, I was still thinking about the impending end of our relationship. With all the sex and conversation we now shared, the end of this seemed to be scarier than saying no to my family.
I’d been working on how to bring it up, but Sebastian beat me to it.
On a weekend morning, we’d just finished another round of sex, which was quickly becoming a part of our routine. We were both out of breath from what we’d just done, but when Sebastian pulled back, his brows were knit in thought.
“I think . . .” he began, and my heart tightened from his expression, “I think we should talk about the future.”
“What about it?”
“I don’t want to lose you,” he said. “I don’t think I can.”
I blinked. What was once a feeling of dread turned into hope. “Really?”
“You’ve always said you were done when this was over. Are you going to be done with me?”
“No,” I said forcefully, “I won’t be, but I’m done with my family. I don’t want to see them anymore. I don’t want any connection.”
“Am I a connection?”
“I don’t know. You said your noncompete clause is ending. I can’t ask you to leave your family, but my mother will try to get to me through you.”
Sebastian let out a breath of air. “I want to be done too. Even if we . . . even if you didn’t want to continue this, I’m afraid he will try to find some other way to control me. I can’t keep doing this.”
“So . . . you’re going to find a new job?”
“I’ve sent out applications. In Nashville, actually. It may not be an immediate job change, but I have savings.”
I kissed him. He leaned into it, and I felt my heart soar. “I’d love to stay with you then. It may be hard, but my writing might be able to support us. For a bit.”
“Thank God,” he said. “I was so scared I was losing you.”
I shook my head. “No, never.”
I kissed him again, and I felt him grow where his body met mine.
“Already?” I asked, smiling deviously at him.
“What can I say? You talking about staying with me really does it for me.”
“Me too,” I said. “Luckily we don’t have any plans for the day.”
My lips moved over his as I positioned myself on top of him. My body heated as his tongue clashed with mine.
I was still wet and sticky from our last session, but I was more than ready to go again.
I heard his breath grow ragged, and quickly felt the hard length of him pressing insistently into my pussy.
Sebastian’s hips rolled forward a little, pushing his dick in ever so lightly. I loved how he felt as he entered me. I shuddered against the sensation of him slipping in my already wet core.
I’d used the bathroom since our last session, but there were still traces of him inside me that made it all the more pleasurable.
Sebastian’s lips came to my neck and I couldn’t help the broken moan that escaped me. His lips were soft, but so electric against my skin that I could feel it pulsing down to my core.
I turned to him, kissing him before he could torture me anymore. He met me with an open mouth, his tongue melding with mine, and I found myself lost in it. I loved making out with him. He was so expert at nipping and tugging on my lips and it drove me crazy. I could do it for hours.
He pulled out, rubbing the hard head of his cock against my clit. My body arched up to get more of the delicious feeling, and I rolled my hips against him. His breath stuttered, but I could feel myself building to the fourth orgasm of the morning.
I rubbed myself against him until I came crashing down, pleasure pushing its way through the tiredness of my body. As I came, Sebastian’s lips closed over my breast, enhancing every sensation I had.
Sebastian pressed himself into me again, sliding into my tight core with ease. I found myself feeling complete as he went all the way in, crowding out his own cum as he filled me.
He groaned. “I love having you like this.”
“Then you can. Forever.”
He pulled out and thrusted in, bouncing me from where I sat atop him. I gasped, my body tightening in pleasure.
I could feel an orgasm rising, but not near fast enough. I trailed my hand down, putting my fingers on my clit. Sebastian hit my hand every time he thrust up, giving me just enough friction to make my eyes roll into the back of my head.
“You’re so beautiful when you come, Lily,” Sebastian said into my ear. “Come for me again, honey.”
I wanted to come up with something to say, but I didn’t have time. My core clenched. I cried out, and I came for the fifth time, body shaking, nerves on fire.
“Oh, fuck,” Sebastian groaned as he finished too.
“That was . . .” I didn’t even have words.
“Yeah,” Sebastian said. “Yeah.”
We laid there for a moment, with him still inside of me, both panting from our release. Eventually, he slipped out and kissed me on the cheek.
“Have I ever told you that I am so glad you have an IUD?”
“What?” I said, my brain still offline.
Sebastian laughed. “I’m glad we don’t have to use condoms,” he said. “I’d use one if you wanted, but feeling you like this . . .”
“Right,” I said. “I’m glad too. This is much better.”
“Let me clean you up.”
I blushed but let him go get whatever he needed. Unbidden, I thought of what my mother said. It would have been so easy to tell him I had one even if I didn’t.
God, the thought made me sick.
I’d never lie to him like that. I’d gladly use condoms if we needed to, but I was also so grateful I’d gotten birth control and stayed on top of it.
When he came back with a rag and a kiss, I forgot about my thoughts. I knew I wasn’t lying to Sebastian when I said I had an IUD, but I knew I’d need to tell him what my mother had said soon.
But I was drifting off to sleep instead, head in the clouds.
As my eyelids grew heavier, I realized I hadn’t posted on Instagram in over a week.
And I decided to say fuck it and leave it that way.
