Three Years Ago
I TURNED INTO THE GRAVEL PARKING LOT, the night lit up with the headlights of all the other partiers arriving. The warehouse had been abandoned long ago, but since it hadn’t been slotted for use or torn down yet, we confiscated it every chance we got to let loose and raise a little hell.
People brought kegs and liquor, and the town’s wannabe youth DJs set up their systems, filling the night with rage and noise so loud we couldn’t think even if we wanted to.
This was what I’d been waiting for.
Sure, I wanted to see how she’d hang with my friends. Could she keep up? Could she even manage to make a dent in our world?
But what I really wanted was to get her away from my family, her mother, Trevor, and to just see her relax. I wanted to see who she was when she stopped caring what everyone else thought or expected of her.
When she finally realized that my opinion was the only one that mattered.
And even though she was always the one to watch me as we grew up, that didn’t mean I wasn’t always aware of her, either.
I still remembered the day she was born. Sixteen years, eleven months, and eighteen days ago. That crisp November morning when my mother let me hold her and then my father immediately took her out of my arms and laid her next to Trevor, who was just a baby then, too.
Even at three I understood. She was Trevor’s.
And I just sat there, wanting her back, wanting to see the baby and wanting to be included in the fun, but I didn’t dare approach my father. He would’ve pushed me away.
So I didn’t care. I made sure never to care.
So many times growing up I tore my eyes away from her. I made sure not to think about it when she and Trevor hung out or had classes together because they were the same age, and I made sure not to notice her in a room or feel her next to me. I made sure not to talk to her too much or be too nice and let her in.
She was too young.
We didn’t travel in the same circles.
My father would force me away from her. He took away everything that made me happy. Why bother?
And when those excuses ate me up inside and turned anger into resentment and resentment into hatred, the day finally came when I really didn’t care anymore.
It didn’t seem to faze her, though. The more I pulled away and treated her with impatience and distance, the more she pulled closer.
So instead, I stayed away. I went off to college, and I rarely came home. I hadn’t seen her in months before I walked into that classroom today and saw her sitting there, looking so grown up and beautiful, like a fucking angel. I couldn’t help it. I walked up to her, wanting to pull her up and take her with us, but when she raised her eyes, meeting mine, I knew I couldn’t.
I wouldn’t stop if I did. I wouldn’t be able to give her back.
Why her? Why, despite my mother, who always loved me, and my friends, who always had my back, was it Erika Fane who put the air in my lungs or made my blood run hot. She always got to me.
And then when she showed up at the cathedral today, I was done denying the need to be close and done pushing her away. To hell with it. I may or may not let her in when all was said and done, but let’s see where the night took us.
I wasn’t disappointed.
She had a lot of guts, and my friends liked her, even though I could tell Damon was still trying to give her the cold shoulder. She was one of us.
“Goddamn, I hope someone has grills going inside,” Will complained as I pulled into a parking space. “I’m still fucking hungry.”
I kept my smile to myself. Every time he’d tried to eat tonight, we’d gotten sidetracked, and now we were too jacked up and wanted to drink.
I shut off the engine and everyone climbed out, Damon and Kai pulling off their sweatshirts and tossing them onto their seats, while Will gathered the masks and secured them in the duffel in the back of the car.
Glancing over, I saw Rika stuff the jewelry under her seat, probably realizing it was safer in the car, and then slammed the door, walking toward the rear.
“Come here, Little Monster.” Will pulled her around the back of the car.
I watched them over my shoulder, seeing him raise his hand to her face, and it appeared as if he was putting something on it.
He dragged his fingers down her skin, and then I spotted what was in his hand. Shoe polish. We kept it in the duffel in case a mask broke on one of our escapades and we needed to improvise.
He finished and grinned at her. “War paint,” he explained. “You’re one of us now.”
She turned around, a small smile on her face. A smudgy black stripe traveled from the left side of her forehead diagonally down her face, across her nose, and ended on the right side of her jaw. I crossed my arms over my chest, ignoring the rush in my chest. She looked badass.
A few drops of rain landed on my face, and I heard excited laughter and yelps around us as people scurried through the parking lot, trying to get inside before the downpour started.
Rika tipped her head back, cool drops glistening on her cheeks and forehead as her lips spread in a smile.
“Let’s go!” Kai yelled.
I turned and walked for the warehouse, Kai and Damon at my sides while Will and Rika followed behind.
Entering the massive building was like stepping into a different world. The warehouse had been gutted years ago and the steel beams fifty feet above our heads were rubbed raw of their paint by weather and time. Barely any walls remained, and the dilapidated roof had several large holes, making it easy for the rain, getting heavier by the minute, to pour in.
We walked in slowly, taking in the chaos that resembled a small, post-apocalyptic, underground city.
However, despite the darkness, the raw feel of the unclean and cold metal, and the bonfire raging to the left as people danced to Devil’s Night by Motionless in White, the madness here was better than any frat house party I’d attended at college.
No one cared what they looked like. They were going to get dirty anyway. Everyone, including the girls, wore jeans and Chucks, and you didn’t really care about conversation, either, because it was too loud to talk. No airs, no drama, no masks. Just music, rage, and noise, and eventually, when the high hit you just right, you’d find a girl or she’d find you, and you’d disappear upstairs for a while.
People greeted us as we walked in, and without asking, four Solo cups of beer showed up, a young girl smiling as she handed them off to us.
“We need one more,” I told her and handed mine off to Rika.
But before she had a chance to take it, arms circled her waist and she was pulled off the ground.
She gasped and then broke into laughter as her friend, Noah, who I remembered hanging around her when we were in high school, bounced her up and down in his arms.
I tensed, wanting to take his fucking hands away, but then I remembered that, not only were they friends, but he was also the reason she hadn’t suffered more at the hands of Miles and Astrid at that party in the spring.
So far, he had my trust.
“Well, what the hell, Rika?” he bellowed, putting her back on her feet. “You said this week that you didn’t want to come out tonight.” And then his eyes snapped up to us, and he narrowed them as if just realizing. “You’re here with them? Are you okay?”
I nearly snorted. Turning around and leaving them to catch up, the guys and I walked off to find our table. A few teenagers were sitting at it, but as soon as they saw us approaching, they scurried out of the semi-circle booth which sat right in front of the make-shift dance floor, offering a perfect view.
Damon grabbed the remaining kid, who trailed behind his friends, and yanked him out, sending him stumbling forward.
I hooked my arms around the back of the booth, four more beers showing up at our table, just in time as Will finished his.
The rain, glistening in the utility lights that were set up around the room, fell lightly through the roof, slowly wetting the hair of the dancers on the floor.
Casting a quick glance over my shoulder, I saw Rika and Noah joined by another friend—a girl—whose name I didn’t remember. And then my eyebrows nose-dived, seeing Noah hand Rika a drink.
But she waved it off, refusing it.
I turned back around, scowling ahead. Good. If that little lesson with Miles and Astrid hadn’t taught her to get her own damn drinks—or at least get them from me—then I was going to beat her ass. The last fucking thing I ever wanted to imagine was what almost happened to her while I was away at college.
We drank our beers, leaning back, relaxing, and watching the action around us. Damon lit a cigarette and stared at the floor ahead, watching a girl dance as she eye-fucked and taunted him. Will pulled off his sweatshirt and poured beer after beer down his throat, while Kai kept turning his head, stealing glances toward the door where we came in. I knew he was watching Rika.
The muscles in my arms tightened, and I stared ahead, trying not to care. No one comes between friends. Least of all, a woman.
I heard light laughter and looked up, seeing Rika round the booth and pull her sweatshirt over her head. She wore a huge smile as she tossed it at the empty space next to me, and followed her friends as they pulled her to the dance floor.
I breathed harder.
That tank top was killing me.
I could still make out a few small bloodstains from Miles, but it was barely noticeable in the dimness of the surroundings.
A good inch of her toned stomach showed, and the thin straps of her gray tank barely gave her tits any support. It left almost nothing to the imagination, showing off her ample chest and sexy fucking body.
Her hair flowed down her back, and her round ass was perfect in her jeans. I could almost feel her straddling my lap.
Fuck.
Lightening hit low in my stomach, getting me hard, and I grunted under my breath, trying to clear my fucking head.
Laurel’s Fire Breather started, and she and her friends made their way to the middle of the floor, right under the hole in the roof where the rain drifted in.
The slow, sonorous tune wrapped around my dick, filling it with heat as I watched her move to the beat, pumping her hips and arching her back like she knew exactly what would jack me up and get me ready.
Damon tore his eyes away from the girl on the floor, breathing out a cloud of smoke as he started watching Rika instead. She laughed, letting that friend of hers rub up on her as they both moved in sync, lost in the music.
I might be jealous if it wasn’t so hot. And he didn’t have a chance with her anyway. Her little glances at me across the breakfast table had more heat in them than the way she smiled at him.
Will leaned his elbows on the table, watching her as well, and I didn’t spare a glance at Kai to see if he was staring. I knew he was.
Who wouldn’t?
The deep beat filled the room, carrying into the rafters, and I watched as she rolled her hips nice and slow, sliding an arm around his neck behind her as her girlfriend came up in front of her, and the three of them started grinding together.
I shifted in my seat, liquid heat rushing to my groin.
“Holy fuck,” Damon breathed out, turning around to face us.
Will’s wide eyes glanced to us, as well, and I could tell he was as turned on as I was.
“There’s no way Trevor can handle her,” Kai stated.
A grin tugged at my jaw, but I didn’t let it loose. No. My brother wouldn’t have the slightest clue what to do with trouble like that. He could never give her what she needed.
I stared at her, seeing her hips sway in small, sexy movements to the music, and then she laughed, pulling out and switching places with the girl. The light rain falling through the roof made her skin glisten, and she closed her eyes, holding her hands up in the air and losing herself to the music once again.
“Michael?” I heard Kai’s voice. “You’re looking at her like she’s not sixteen, man.”
I shot him a look, a little amused, before turning my eyes back to Rika.
It wasn’t a warning, simply a tease. This suburb wasn’t the least bit exciting, and teenagers didn’t have much else to do except fuck every chance they got. We’d all had sex long before we were eighteen.
And we were all looking at her like she wasn’t sixteen.
“Well, you know what I say?” Damon chimed in, blowing out a stream of smoke. “As long as they’re old enough to crawl, they’re in the right position.”
Will scrunched up his face. “Aw, you’re sick!” he said, laughing.
I shook my head, ignoring the stupid remark. Damon was fucked up.
Sure, he was joking.
But there was also always some truth to anything he said. Women were as inanimate as rocks to him. Something to be used.
Will and Damon finished off a few more beers, and people came over to say hi and catch up. Since I’d been away all summer, training and traveling, I hadn’t seen anyone in a long time. Hopefully spirits were higher now with the Devil’s Night festivities to give everyone a small high and remind the team who they used to be.
I set down my drink, listening to Will and Kai talk to a few people standing around the booth, but when I glanced up to check on Rika on the dance floor, I instantly grew uneasy, seeing that she was gone.
Scanning the area, I found her friends still dancing, looking like they were getting pretty hot, and then I turned my head, finally spotting her climbing the stairs to the next level.
Just then, she turned her head, locking eyes with me over her shoulder as she continued to climb. I stood up on the seat and hopped over the back of the booth, landing on the floor.
I kept my eyes on her back as I followed her up the stairs, past loiterers standing about, and turned right, making my way up another set of stairs. The space was now completely empty of people and prying eyes.
The metal grate flooring under me led to a large window near the left corner, and I saw her standing there in the dark, gazing out into the night with the music and noise two stories below and far away from us.
What the hell was I doing?
“I like my house from here,” she said quietly. “You can see the lanterns. It looks almost magical.”
I came up to stand behind her, looking out into the darkness. Sure enough, you could make out our homes in the distance since they sat at a higher elevation. The houses weren’t visible, shrouded in trees as they were, but the estates were well-lit and clear. In reality, it was about a half mile between her house and mine, but from here it looked like only a few inches.
“Thank you for tonight,” she offered. “I know it doesn’t mean anything, but I felt good for the first time in a long time. And excited, scared, happy…” She trailed off and then finished in a quieter tone, “Powerful.”
I looked down at her, shadows of rain dancing across the light hair on top of her head.
Rika was a lot like I was a few years ago. Confused, caged, and corruptible. The most valuable lesson anyone learns in life should be learned as early as possible. That you don’t have to live in the reality someone else had invented. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Ever.
Redefine normal. None of us know the full measure of our power until we start pushing our boundaries and pressing our luck, and the more we do, the less we care what others think. The freedom feels too good.
I breathed in the hint of perfume her body still held, feeling high with need. God, I wanted to touch her. It had been building all night.
“I wonder what it’s like to be you sometimes,” she admitted. “To walk into rooms and have respect. To be so loved by everyone.” And then she turned her head to the side, looking up at me with those big, blue eyes, begging me. “To want something and take it.”
Jesus.
“You were watching me on the dance floor,” she whispered. “You never look at me, but you were watching me tonight.”
Pain twisted my gut, struggling to resist, but it was no use. I slid my hand around the front of her neck anyway and pulled her back into my chest, holding her tighter than I should.
“How can I not?” I breathed in her ear, squeezing my eyes shut. “You’re getting very hard not to notice.”
She whimpered, arching her body and pressing her ass into my cock. I opened my eyes, seeing her tits jut out, and I couldn’t take it.
Moving my hand into her hair, I fisted it at the back of her scalp and pulled her head back to me, her full, parted lips begging for mine.
She moaned, sending all of my blood straight to my dick.
I should tear away. She was only sixteen.
Fuck.
I hovered my lips over hers, sliding my other hand over her chest and feeling her jerk when I cupped her breast with my hand.
“Michael,” she groaned, breathing hard and squeezing her eyes shut.
“So soft,” I whispered over her lips, feeling the warmth of her breath as I kneaded her in my hand. “My brother thinks you’re his… and all I ever did was try to deny that I wanted you for myself.”
She licked her lips, trying to dart up and catch mine, but I pulled back, hiding my smile
as I played.
“Michael,” she whined, sounding desperate.
“Is that true?” I pressed. “Are you his?”
She dragged her bottom lip between her teeth, shaking her head. “No.”
I darted out, catching her bottom lip between my teeth and sucking it into my mouth. I
exhaled hard, my cock growing in my jeans as I went crazy, kissing a trail over her cheek and to her ear, getting lost in her scent and warmth.
But as soon as I dived into her neck, she jerked away, capturing my lips with hers and kissing me deep and hot. God, she tasted sweet.
“Such a good girl,” I growled in a whisper, flicking her lips with my tongue. “Say it, Rika.”
“I’m a good girl,” she panted, her voice shaky.
“And I’m going to fuck you up,” I finished, taking my hand off her breast and gripping her hip.
Diving down, I covered her lips with mine, eating her up and tasting her, her tongue meeting mine in more heat and fucking lust than I had ever felt for anyone.
My body as on fire, and I was gone. Completely lost in her mouth and the way the buzz under my skin traveled across my face, down my neck, warming my chest.
So many times of needing to be close to her, talk to her, see her smile at me, and now I had her in my arms, I never wanted to let her go.
Nothing—nothing—had ever felt this good.
She nuzzled into my body, sucking my bottom lip and giving it to me good.
“I know what you feel like now,” she teased, hovering an inch below my lips and remembering what I’d said today at the cathedral.
I grinned, jerking her ass into me and hearing her moan at what she felt. “You haven’t felt anything yet.”
Turning her around, I lifted her by the backs of her thighs. She grabbed my shoulders as I lifted her up and guided her legs around my waist.
Walking to the corner, I sat her down on the railing with the wall not far behind her. She wrapped her arms around my waist as I pressed myself between her legs.
Rubbing her body up against mine, she flicked my top lip with her tongue, and then left my mouth, trailing kisses and small bites down my jaw and neck.
“Jesus,” I gasped out, moving a hand to her breast again, my heart pounding like a fucking drum.
Sliding her hands under my sweatshirt and shirt, she ran her fingers up my abs, making me shiver.
“The car,” she gasped out, reaching for my belt and trying to work it open. “Please?”
I gripped her hips tighter, blinking long and hard. “Rika,” I struggled, taking her hands away from my jeans.
Shit.
“I want to feel you,” she pleaded, taking my face in her hands and kissing me again.
But I shook my head. “Not in a car.”
She pressed her chest into mine, speaking low against my lips, “I can’t wait. I don’t want to lose this moment. It doesn’t matter where it is.”
No, it didn’t. But this was where shit got complicated.
I was only home for the weekend, and then I’d be going back to school. If we had sex now, it would just make everything more stressful for her when it came time to be apart.
And even though I had no intention of keeping my hands off her, going that far wasn’t right. Not yet. She was too young.
“Come on,” she taunted, a small smile peeking out as she nibbled my lips.
I shook my head. “What am I going to do with you?” I asked.
She smirked. “I can’t wait to find out.”
I laughed quietly, taking her ass in my hands and leaving a trail of kisses down the side of her face to her lips.
“We need to go slow,” I told her.
“How slow?”
I pulled back, so she could see the seriousness in my eyes. “I won’t touch you until you’re eighteen.”
Her eyes rounded. “You can’t be serious! That’s more than a year away,” she pointed out. “And you’re touching me right now.”
I cocked my head, my fingers tightening around her ass. “You know what I mean.”
But she pulled me in, closing her eyes and resting her forehead against my lips. She looked as desperate as I felt.
“You’ve had sex with sixteen year old girls, Michael.”
“When I was sixteen,” I clarified. “And don’t compare yourself to them.” I took her face in my hands. “You’re different.”
Our lips met again and her fucking hands and body got possessive, rolling into me, feeling me, gripping me. She held my hips, pressing me between her warm legs, and I lost my breath, knowing how goddamn good it would feel inside of her.
“Christ,” I breathed out, pulling my mouth away. “Stop it.”
There was no way I was going to be able to stay off her for a year. She was almost seventeen. Maybe that was good enough?
“You won’t be able to stop yourself,” she whispered against my jaw, looking up at me with thoughtful eyes. “This is what we were built for, Michael. You and me.”
She left soft, slow kisses along my jaw and down my neck, and I felt my arms break out in chills.
I wrapped my arms around her, holding her tight and looking down into her eyes. “We’ve got to keep this quiet, okay?” I told her. “Just for now. I don’t want my family to know.”
She looked at me, puzzled. “Why?”
“You’re still at home, and they watch you like a hawk, Rika,” I explained. “My father hates me. I’m away at school, and he’ll use my absence as an advantage to work you over if he knew I wanted you.” And then I threaded my fingers into her hair, holding her nose to nose. “And I do fucking want you.”
I played with her mouth, nibbling her lips.
“But he wants you for Trevor or some shit,” I continued. “If they don’t know about us, they won’t interfere. We need to wait until you graduate and you’re out from under them.”
She pulled away, looking pained as she pushed my hands down off her. “That’s a year and a half away,” she argued. “I’m not asking for a relationship, but I…” She paused, searching for words. “I don’t want to hide the way I feel, either.”
“I know.”
I hated it, too. If she were off at college with the freedom to come and go as she pleased and out from under the influence and pressure of my father and Trevor, it wouldn’t be an issue.
Sure, let them know. I wouldn’t give a shit what they had to say about it then.
But the day after tomorrow, I’d be a thousand miles away again, and with basketball season approaching, I wouldn’t be home until winter break and then not again until probably summer. It would put her under too much pressure, and I didn’t trust my father or Trevor. Especially Trevor.
“Believe it or not, it’s best,” I assured. “My father would put pressure on you, and I don’t want you dealing with it without me there.”
There was disappointment but also a little anger in her eyes. She needed to understand that I wasn’t trying to piss her off. Her age was an issue, and it made everything complicated.
And that also scared me, because I had no damn clue what she and I were.
All I knew was that we were the same. Did that mean I’d fall in love with her, marry her, be faithful, and live the same day over and over again in this fucking suburb?
No. She and I were built for something different.
I would piss her off, I’d be difficult, and I’d be just as much of a nightmare to her as a dream, but after nearly seventeen years of this pull with her, I knew one thing.
I would always circle her.
It never stopped. Even when we were kids, if she moved, I wanted to move. If she left a room, I wanted to follow. My body was always aware of where she was.
And it was the same for her.
I dipped down, brushing the strap of her tank top off her shoulder and trailing kisses over her skin.
“And I want you to stop sleeping at my house when I’m not there, too,” I demanded. “I don’t want Trevor trying anything with you.”
I grabbed onto her lobe with my teeth, dragging it out, but I stopped when she didn’t respond. I felt her go cold, not making a move or a sound.
Releasing her ear, I brought my head up and looked down at her, seeing her flex her jaw with clear displeasure written across her face.
“Anything else?” she snipped. “I have to shut up and be quiet while you act like I don’t exist when I’m in the same room, because no one can know. Now you get to dictate when we have sex and now where I sleep?”
I straightened my spine, hardening my muscles. She had a point, but it was the way it had to be. I wanted my family ignorant so they wouldn’t fuck with her, and there was no way I’d trust my brother not to try to crawl into her bed at night. No fucking way.
She tipped her chin down, shooting me a defiant stare. “I have to wait and pine for the rare weekend you don’t have a game and happen to make it home,” she continued, “while you get your drones at Thunder Bay Prep to watch me while you’re gone, making sure to inform you of my every move.”
My jaw tugged with a smile I couldn’t help. She’d constantly surprised me tonight. She was a lot smarter than I thought she was.
Okay, maybe I’d planned on getting Brace and Simon to keep an eye out. Make sure no one fucked with her.
Or fucked with what was mine.
“And what about you?” she went on. “Will your bed be just as empty as mine all that time you’re away—college parties, away games, Spring Break with the guys in Miami Beach…”
I narrowed my eyes, searching hers. “Do you think anyone would be as important as you are?”
She shook her head, shooting me a sarcastic smirk. “That’s not an answer.”
And she hopped off the railing, brushing past me.
But I reached out, grabbing her upper arm. “What do you want?” I asked, my voice turning hard. “Huh?”
Her expression suddenly turned sad, and she dropped her eyes. “I want you,” she choked out. “Forever I’ve wanted you, and now I feel…”
She looked up, her eyes glistening.
“What?” I bit out.
“Dirty,” she finally answered. “I felt like your friend tonight. You saw me, you liked me, you respected me… And now I feel like a simple, stupid girl—a dirty secret that needs to sit quiet in a corner and wait for your word to speak or move. I don’t feel like your equal anymore.”
I released her, letting out a bitter laugh as I turned away. “You’re such a kid. A fucking kid.”
Goddamn insecurities and tantrums. It was a year. She couldn’t wait a fucking year?
“I’m not a kid,” she stated. “You’re just a coward. At least Trevor wants me more than anything else.”
I exhaled hard, every muscle in my stomach tightening and burning as I glared at her.
I didn’t think. I grabbed her by the arms and pushed her into the railing in front of the window, hovering down over her face, nearly nose to nose.
I breathed hard, wanting her so goddamn much, but I was pissed beyond everything right now. She had balls to throw that in my face.
Her face twisted up, and she whimpered, “You’re hurting me.”
And I realized my fingers were digging into her arms. I relaxed my hands, trying to calm down, but it was no use. She was right. I was a coward. I wanted everything and to give up nothing.
I wanted her waiting for me and only me. I didn’t want to deal with the stress my family would put on her or me. I didn’t want any opportunities for my brother to win her over while I was gone.
But what was she going to get out of me? Was I enough?
Or was my father right? Was I not worth a damn? Even if I just admitted it to myself, I’d hurt her.
She was too young, I was away all the time, and for the first time in a long time I didn’t like myself. I didn’t like my reflection in her eyes.
She had too much power over me.
I pushed off her, backing up. “This was a mistake,” I bit out, scowling at her. “You’re pretty, and you have a pussy, but other than that, you’re not special. You’re just ass.”
Her eyebrows nose-dived, and her eyes pooled with tears, looking broken.
No one made me feel like shit for who I was, and ripping out her heart wasn’t going to be enough. It needed to be crushed, so she’d never pull that shit again.
I grabbed her shoulders, shaking her and hearing her cry out. “You hear me?” I growled in her face. “You’re not special. You’re nobody!”
And I released her, twisting around and charging down the stairs as my stomach rolled. My chest hollowed, and I sucked in air, struggling to breathe.
I couldn’t look at her. I couldn’t see her pain and face it.
So I bolted. Making my way over to the booth, I dug my keys out of my pocket and tossed them on the table.
“Make sure Rika gets home,” I told the guys, unable to hide the anger on my face. “I’m walking.”
“What the hell happened?” Damon demanded, seeing how pissed I was.
But I just shook my head. “I just have to get out of here. Get her home.”
And I left the three of them sitting at the table as I pulled the hood over my head and left in the rain.
