Three Years Ago
I BOLTED FROM THE WAREHOUSE.
My stomach was in knots and tears streamed down my face, probably making the black stripe run, but I didn’t care.
How could everything have felt so good one minute and so fucking horrible the next?
I ran down the stairs, holding my arms over my chest to keep warm. I glanced over to the booth where the guys had been sitting, but I saw that it was empty. Were they gone?
They just left me here?
I tried not to feel hurt that Kai, Will, and even Damon had abandoned me, too. Just like Michael.
I walked over, seeing that my sweatshirt was still there. I gritted my teeth and grabbed it, whipping it out of the booth and charging for the front entrance.
“Assholes,” I growled in a whisper.
Slipping it over my head, I pulled up the hood and stuffed my hands into the middle pocket.
And I stopped, my hand immediately closing around a hard, rectangular object. I pulled it out, seeing that it was the phone Will had been carrying with him all night. The one he recorded all their pranks on.
I glanced back inside, trying to figure out how I’d gotten the phone. But then I noticed how long the sleeves were and that the hem fell all the way to the tops of my thighs.
I had the wrong sweatshirt.
I cocked an eyebrow, stuffing the phone back into the pocket and making my way through the parking lot. Will must’ve taken mine accidentally.
He’d be lucky if I didn’t toss his damn phone—and all their memories—in the trash.
The rain had calmed, only a light sprinkle now, but the chill crept into my bones, and I considered calling my mom to pick me up.
But I immediately tossed the idea. I didn’t want her to worry about what I’d been doing out so late, since she believed I was sleeping at the Crists. And plus…I couldn’t face anyone. I needed to walk and be alone.
He’d almost been mine.
When he’d followed me upstairs in that warehouse, just like I’d hoped he would, I anticipated his touch the whole time. I begged for it in my head.
Just one touch, and I would know he wanted me like I wanted him, and I could be happy.
And then his hand came around my neck, and he pulled me into his chest, and I was his. It was done. Now I knew, and there was no turning back. No stopping.
Why did he ruin it?
He’d told me today in the catacombs that he wanted what he wasn’t supposed to have. He wanted to live without rules and defy everyone else’s expectations, and what did he do? He gave into them instead. He tied my hands and his.
He let the fear of his father and the threat of his brother hold us back, and what was worse, he wanted to put the same restraints on me that he was trying to shed.
I didn’t want anything planned. That wasn’t Michael, and it wasn’t me. I wanted the thrill and the playing, the drama and the fights, the passion and the craving.
I wanted to fucking frustrate him and drive him wild, but I couldn’t do that when he tried to micro-manage everything.
I wanted it all to be out of our control, because we had no choice but to dive in.
But that was short-lived. He pulled back, held back, laid down rules…
Fucking rules? How could he do that? That wasn’t us. We weren’t going to care what others thought, and we wouldn’t ask permission.
And in the span of sixty seconds I went from being the heartbeat in his chest to feeling like nothing more than his little plaything, pliable and unimportant. I damn-well knew someone like Michael Crist wasn’t going to stay celibate for a year, waiting for me to turn eighteen, either. I knew he wanted me. I felt as much when he ground between my legs.
But just because he denied himself from having me didn’t mean he’d deny himself altogether. I wasn’t that naïve.
Tomorrow he’d ignore me, and it would be as if this night had never happened. I’d want to be invisible in his presence, and even though I shouldn’t be, I’d feel embarrassed around him.
I dropped my head, strands of my hair spilling out of the hood as I walked down the dark road, the glistening blacktop reflecting the moon’s light.
I missed him already. And hated him.
A horn blared from behind me, and I whipped around, my heart jumping as I backed away, making sure I was off the road.
I stilled, seeing Michael’s Mercedes G-Class, and waited as it pulled up next to me.
Damon drove.
“Come on,” he told me. “Get in. We’ll take you home.”
I backed away, spying Kai in the passenger seat with his mask on. Will sat in the back, slouched down and looking two seconds from passing out. I didn’t see Michael.
I shook my head. “It’s not that far. I’m fine.”
I turned to keep walking, but Damon called after me, “Michael told us to make sure you got home. I don’t care what happened between you two, but we’re not letting you walk. Get in.”
Stopping, I looked ahead at the pitch black night on what I knew was a six-mile walk. So they hadn’t left me then?
My anger softened. My pride may be hurt, but that was no excuse to be stupid.
I averted my eyes, not wanting him to see how grateful I was, and opened the back door, sliding into my same seat.
Damon immediately laid on the gas, speeding down the road as Combichrist’s Feed the Fire played on the stereo.
I narrowed my eyes on Kai, noticing his mask and drawn hood and wondering why he was so quiet. Giving Will a sideways glance, I noticed his hooded eyes as he leaned back on the headrest. Turning my eyes back up front, I looked up, seeing Damon watch me from the rearview mirror.
“Why are you wearing your mask?” I asked Kai.
But it was Damon who answered. “The night’s not over yet,” he replied in a teasing tone.
But I suddenly felt unease creep into my chest.
We raced down the lonely highway, getting closer and closer to my house, so I pushed my concern away. They might be heading out elsewhere for more fun, but they were taking me home. Damon was always creepy. It was just my nerves.
“You want him, don’t you?” Damon stared out at the road. “Michael, I mean.”
I stayed silent, hardening my jaw and turning my eyes out the window. Damon wasn’t interested in anything but fucking with my head, and even if he did want to just talk, I had no intention of confessing to Michael’s friends how big of a fool I’d just made of myself.
“Shit,” Will groaned, his tired body swaying with the car. “She’s ready to ride a fence post with how horny she is for him.”
Both of them chuckled, and I narrowed my eyes, trying to stay hard. They were laughing at me.
“Don’t be an asshole, man,” Damon joked. “Maybe she’s just horny, period. Bitches have needs, too, after all.”
Will breathed out a laugh, and I sat frozen, waiting for my house to appear. What the hell was going on? They didn’t act like this with Michael around, and why wasn’t Kai stepping in like he had every time Damon got out of line today?
I glanced at him in the passenger seat. He remained motionless and silent.
“We’re just messing with you,” Will drawled. “We do it to each other, too.”
I turned, seeing him give me a lazy smile before he closed his eyes.
“You know, the thing about Michael…” Damon went on, cocking his head as he relaxed it against the seat, “he wants you, too. He watches you. Did you know that?” He glanced at me in the rearview mirror. “Man, the look on his face when he saw you dancing tonight.”
But I was no longer paying attention. I did a double-take, straightening as I stared wide-eyed out the window.
What the hell? The lanterns from my home and gate flew past the window, and I shook my head, dread knotting my stomach. They passed my house.
“Yeah,” Damon continued. “He never gets that look over a girl. I’d say he was damn close to taking you home and popping that little cherry of yours.”
My breathing turned shallow. “Kai?” I broached, ignoring Damon. “We passed my house. What’s going on?”
“You want to know why he didn’t take you home?” Damon cut in, continuing his one-sided conversation.
And then the locks clicked, and I sucked in a breath, squeezing the door handle. I shot a glance to Will, seeing his head bob as dead weight on his neck. He was passed out.
“He doesn’t like virgins,” Damon finished. “He never wants to be that important to someone, and it’s a lot less complicated to fuck people who know there’s a difference between sex and love.”
“Where are we going?” I demanded.
But he ignored the question. “You saw the girl at the old church today,” he mused. “You liked it, didn’t you?”
I breathed hard, my mouth going dry as we turned down a dark, gravel road.
“You wanted to be her,” he stated. “Pushed down on that floor and fucked…”
My eyes burned, and I could barely breathe, my heart was beating so hard.
“You know why?” he went on. “Because it feels good. And we’ll make you feel so good if you let us.”
I darted my eyes to Kai, unable to stop the shake in my chest. Why was he so quiet?
He wouldn’t let this happen. Please.
“You know,” Damon continued. “When guys let a girl into their gang, there are two ways for her to be initiated.”
He pulled the car to a stop, and I looked out the front windshield, seeing the headlights shining on trees ahead. There were no other lights, and there was nothing out here. It was dark and isolated.
“She either gets beat-in.” He shut off the car, killed the lights, and locked his dark eyes on mine in the rearview mirror. “Or fucked-in.”
I shook my head quickly, clenching my fists. “I want to go home.”
He sucked in a breath through his teeth. “That’s not one of the choices, Little Monster.”
And then he and Kai, together, turned around to pin me with dark eyes.
No.
I immediately grabbed the door handle and began yanking again and again as I started to shake.
What were they doing?
“We can take what we want from you,” Damon warned, opening his door. “One after the other, and no one would believe you, Rika.”
And then he climbed out, and I watched him through my window as he came to my door.
He opened it, and I lurched back, crying out as he pulled me from the car.
Slamming the door shut, he shoved me against the car and pressed his body into mine. I shot my hands up, trying to hit him, but he caught my wrists and held my arms down by my side.
“We’re untouchable,” he stated in a low voice. “We can do whatever we want.”
I breathed so fast my stomach hurt. He was pressing into me too hard, and I could barely get any air in.
Kai came around Damon’s back, having just gotten out of the car. He watched me through his silver mask.
“Kai, please?” I begged for his help.
But he just stood there, silent.
“He won’t help you,” Damon threatened.
And then he forced my hands over my head, pinning them to the car as I cried out.
He came in close, whispering against my forehead. “I’m going to feel so good.” And then he slipped his other hand around my ass, squeezing it and bringing me in to press against his cock. “You know you want to ride this.”
“Damon,” I said, twisting my head away, “take me home. I know you’re not going to hurt me.”
“Oh, yeah?” He got in my face, his lips on my cheek. “Then why have you always been afraid of me?”
I remained silent, knowing he was right. Anytime I’d seen Damon coming down the hall at school, I switched to the other side. The one time I found myself alone with him in the kitchen when I was fourteen, I immediately left.
I had never talked to him before today, and I was right to have kept my distance. It took less than a minute for him to force himself on me in the cathedral this afternoon.
But I held out hope.
For a brief moment tonight, after I’d smashed the glass of the jewelry store and Damon offered the small “thank you,” I thought he might see me differently. Maybe hold a bit of respect for me.
He held my wrists and continued pawing my ass as he left a trail of kisses along my cheek all the way to my ear.
“Damon, no!” I shook my head, fear sinking in as I jerked against his hold. “Let me go!”
But then his lips were on mine, pressing against my teeth, and his goddamn body was everywhere. I couldn’t get out, and I could barely breathe.
I twisted away, crying, “Help!”
“He doesn’t want you,” Damon whispered, ignoring my protest as he brought his hand up to my breast, kneading it roughly. “But we do, Rika. We want you so bad. Being with us will be like having a blank check, baby. You can have anything you want.” And then he bit my bottom lip. “Come on.”
I jerked my head to the side to get away from him. “I’ll never want you!” I growled.
But then I gasped as he grabbed me by the sweatshirt and flung me around, straight into Kai’s arms.
“Kai,” I breathed out, my heart racing as I clutched his sweatshirt and stared up into the dark holes of his eyes.
What was he doing? Why wasn’t he helping me?
“Maybe you want him, then,” I heard Damon say.
Kai’s arms came down around me, and I shot my hands up, pushing away from him.
“Stop!” I yelled and raised my hand back up in the air and came down across his mask.
But all I heard was a laugh as he spun me around and shoved me forward, pushing me onto the ground.
I landed on my hands, pain shooting up my arms as I quickly looked up and spotted the cell phone from Will’s pocket—my pocket—laying several feet away. It must’ve dropped out when I landed.
The damp, cold leaves poked my fingers as I dug them into the wet earth, and my knees were chilled from the ground. I quickly flipped over, trying to keep aware of where they were as I slowly crab-walked backward to get to the phone.
Kai and Damon stood a few feet away, watching me, but then I saw Kai launch and charge straight for me. I yelped as I reached for the phone.
But he landed on me, and I grunted, emptying my lungs as his weight knocked the wind out of me.
“You think you can hurt me, you fucking slut?” he whispered hard in my ear.
“Get off me!” I screamed.
He grabbed the back of my hair and called back to Damon. “Hold her arms!”
“No!” I cried, my stomach shaking as I let out my wail. Despair spread throughout my body, and I began shoving and squirming against him. “Get off!”
Kai grabbed my arms and pushed them up over my head, holding my hands to the ground.
Oh, my God. How could he do this?
He reached for my neck with his other hand to hold me still, and tears streamed down the sides of my face.
But then a loud voice pierced the air. “Enough.”
Kai stilled and turned his head.
I continued to squirm under his weight, but I looked down under his arm to see who had stopped him.
Damon stood back with his fists at his side and his eyes narrowed. He charged over, grabbing Kai off me and shoving him away.
And then he dived down, dragging me up by the sweatshirt. “Stop crying,” he ordered. “We weren’t going to hurt you, but now you know that we can.”
He grabbed me by the back of my hair, and I gasped as he brought me in, his warm breath falling across my face. “Michael doesn’t want you, and neither do we. You get that? I want you to stop watching us and stop following us like a pathetic dog begging for someone to notice her.” And then he shoved me away, disdain written all over his face. “Get a fucking life of your own, Rika, and stay the hell away from us. No one wants you.”
I backed away, looking at both him and Kai and wondering why they were doing this.
A pathetic dog. Was that how Michael saw me?
Tears filled my eyes, but before they had the pleasure of seeing me break, I twisted on my heel and took off. Into the forest and toward home as fast as I could away from them.
I let the pain of the last couple of hours go and barely saw the world around me as I cried the entire way home.
Alone, so one could see.
