“It’s not me. It’s you.” My boyfriend of almost a year patted my shoulder with his soft, sweaty hand.
I wanted to tell the jerk that someone didn’t break up with that line—it was supposed to be the other way around. But all I could do was stare at his phone in shock.
We’d dressed as Harley Quinn and the Joker for my work party. It was an early October Halloween one, and I’d been excited, even put together a really good costume, but as we were about to get out of the car, his phone had beeped with a text.
I didn’t think much of it when I grabbed it off the seat for him, but when the screen flashed a pair of completely fake breasts at me, I had to tap the message open.
Who wouldn’t?
Text after text after text came up.
Gerald Johnson III was everything I’d wished for. Kind of. The neat box of emotions I’d built for myself really complimented his even-keel attitude. He was your average working man with soft cheeks and blond hair, a quiet demeanor, and was amicable to almost everyone he met. I’d thought everything about him other than his job was perfect. He had work trips that took him around the world. But his father owned a big investment firm, and that’s what they had to do—or at least, that’s what he told me.
And it’s not like I didn’t trust him. I’d been on the trips. He’d shown me he was truly working on them.
Or so I’d thought.
His last trip had been two whole months long, and two weeks into him returning home, he wanted nothing to do with me. So much so that I started to question if I was good enough, if something was wrong with me. Had I pushed him away?
Which, now I’d like to say, was absolutely legitimate, considering the texts. But it wasn’t my fault. It was his. I held the phone up for him to see, only for him to reply with that line. “It’s not me. It’s you.”
My fault? How was him cheating on me my fault?
“It’s me?” I squeaked out, the lid of the jar that kept my dark side locked away turning just a bit. “Let me guess, I drove you to message this Lucy girl your dick on a platter. A platter, Gerald! Really?”
He shook his head full of blond hair and frowned at me with puppy eyes I used to think were cute. “Baby, I didn’t want you to find out this way, but honestly, do you think I wanted to come home to this?”
He motioned at me. I peered down at myself, not exactly sure what he meant.
“I told you I needed you to try harder with this workout thing and to let loose a little. Instead, you didn’t try at all.”
My heart dropped as my blood pressure skyrocketed. Break ups were always a mixed bag of anger and sadness but this time I was clinging to the anger.
I geared up to tell him off, but he kept going instead of letting me talk. “Don’t get me wrong—I love how you look. I do. But you know I have a standard to uphold. I need a girl who’s going to look the part. Lucy does. And you won’t even drink much with me at our charity events. You know that my dad’s company really needs me to have a social butterfly on my arm. I think we just need a bit of time apart for you to work on that.”
“A bit of time apart?” I sounded like a broken record repeating what he said. Did he think we could get back together after this? Was I dating that much of an idiot?
He’d come home, yet his mind was still far away. I couldn’t even get his attention long enough for a good lay, not that he was ever that great in bed. Sleeping with him was trying to scratch an itch that was just a centimeter out of reach. But I’d been celibate for two months and I needed to stop that dry spell.
Now, he was trying to tell me I was no fun.
“Look, I don’t want things to end this way. Maybe we can work on it.” His brow furrowed while he tried to make puppy dog eyes at me.
“Oh really? Should we text Lucy then and tell her you’re done with—”
“No!” he yelped and grabbed his phone away. “It’s . . . why don’t we do this? I’m only breaking up with you for now. Like I said, I’ve always enjoyed you, Izzy. Just…honestly, I’ve been talking with my father and some of my friends. We think maybe you need to lose a few pounds before we get married, get into a better place where you don’t work so hard and can be on my arm a little more, you know? It’ll be good for us to take a break, date around, and circle back—”
“Gerald, I do not want to marry you.” I blurted out, my body cringing at the idea. Then, I enunciated each word, trying to make clear that this relationship was over. “And I don’t want to work on things.”
“Look, I know you’re mad. But remember what your therapist said.”
My eyes bulged. Was he really going down that road? If so, I think my therapist would have understood if I’d clawed his face apart right then. The jar creaked open a bit farther.
“See. You’re getting mad. You do have a temper and a tendency to react when you’re hurt. So I have to deal with that too. It’s a lot. How do you think it feels for me to be dating an addict, Izzy?”
There it was. The thing he’d always promised me didn’t matter. He promised to not use it against me and the motherfucker just did. “But, Gerald, you said—”
“I know what I said. I meant it. It’s just really hard to have a good time when I know you can’t drink too much or indulge in new things because you’re scared of your ‘addictive personality.’” He air quoted himself like it wasn’t a real thing. “Lucy is a nice breath of fresh air on the side. If you met her, you’d understand. We should all get brunch—it might smooth things over a bit.”
Nope.
I’d sort of always known this guy wasn’t the one for me. I should have had butterflies when he kissed me, right?
I should have wanted him home early from a work trip rather than for him to stay another day.
I should have, but I never did.
Everything with him was mediocre, but I’d tried. I’d stopped myself from breaking up with him time and time again because I knew that some things weren’t meant to be only emotional highs or lows. If I didn’t miss him when he was gone, so what? That was me being an adult and handling our separation maturely.
Now, though, it all made sense. “I’m going to go ahead and make this easy for you. We’re done.”
“Sugar, take a deep breath.” He pouted like a child.
“Gerald, don’t call me. Don’t text me. This is over.” I opened the car door, but he grabbed my arm.
“Izzy, I do love you.” I sort of believed him. He was sweating now and cracking his knuckles with his other hand like he didn’t want this to end. “Please, sugar. I really do.”
He leaned in to kiss me. I think I was so shocked I didn’t react at first, the whiplash of his speech caught me off guard. Then his hand went up my shirt like he was trying to cop a feel.
I jerked away and shoved him. “Are you kidding me right now?”
“We were always good together like this. Let’s take some deep breaths and go to brunch with Lucy, baby. It’ll all be fine. We need you.”
“We?”
“Me,” he corrected. “I need you. I love you.” His eyes were attempting the hooded, sultry look, but instead he appeared drowsy and stupid.
“The fact that you think we were good together anywhere just proves that this was never a match to begin with.” I stopped myself from saying more. I was better at controlling my temper now.
My therapist was right about that.
“Good riddance, Gerald Johnson III.” I rolled my eyes and ripped my arm away from him as I got out of the car.
Of course, the man couldn’t let a breakup be clean and easy. He had to roll down his window and make a fool out of us both. “Good riddance? I gave you everything. I just needed a little something in return. Not a whore going to a costume party with her big ass out. That should be for me to see only anyway.”
Right.
So, this is probably a good time to state that, as a twin, I wasn’t the good one. Delilah was. She got the good grades, she was the one who never rebelled, never caused too much of a stir. The one who smoothed over a situation instead of making it worse.
I, on the other hand, barely made it through high school and got sent to juvie when I was so loaded I attempted to shoplift. I don’t really remember it. It was a low point for me.
I had my reasons and I kept them locked away in a box under my bed.
This was who I was though. Even though I always had a family that showered me with love throughout my whole life. Addiction can affect anyone.
I didn’t need to come from a troubled family or past to have drugs hook their claws into me. Fentanyl worked fast, manmade and potent. It took one time experimenting with a friend, and I was hooked. A few bad occurrences later, and that was it.
But juvie shaped me into one of the lucky ones. I got clean, I went to rehab, I tried not to look back.
Still, I wasn’t the good twin. I really tried to be someone like my valedictorian of a sister. But if I was honest with myself, I was the fucking fireball you threw in when you wanted hell, not the angel who’d bring you heaven like my sister.
Quite frankly, I’d dressed as Harley Quinn for a reason. My shirt had Daddy’s Lil Monster printed across it, and the red lipstick contrasting against my pale face makeup gave the impression of outrageous behavior.
The costume was all about fun but suddenly, it felt right. I wondered why I was holding back. Why did a woman always have to suppress her emotions so she wouldn’t offend anyone else? We were entitled to—no, we deserved—the space to feel when we’d been wronged.
My costume fit the bill tonight.
I strode right back up to his car and dug into my purse. I didn’t normally carry around spray paint, but earlier that day when I’d been getting the last parts of our costumes, I saw the red spray paint on sale and couldn’t resist. It was a vibrant bloodred. The perfect shade to draw the eye for a painting, or a bold color choice for restoring a piece of furniture.
I loved doing both things. They calmed my mind in a way most things couldn’t.
The spray paint would serve as such a good part of my next piece, but it was about to serve another purpose.
My steps slowed as I uncapped the can. Had he not been so dense, he could have taken the hint and driven off as I shook it.
“Izzy, what are you do—”
The red spray went right through the window and into his face. “The sex between us was never good,” I informed him in a monotone.
He screamed and hit the button to close his window as fast as he could.
I didn’t stop spraying. I started to write asshole across the sleek black door, but he peeled away, finally realizing his mistake.
That mistake of his wasn’t breaking up with me before the early Halloween party at the office. It was dating me at all in the first place.
I sighed a breath that felt fresh, clean, not as heavy as it had been, and looked up at the clouds. A moment of freedom outside my jar, setting free all the frustration and rage, felt freaking fantastic, like I’d been stuffed within small confines and finally got to stretch. I smirked at the sky. Some higher power up there should have known a Gerald the Third wasn’t made for an Izzy the First. I was too tweaked underneath it all to deal with someone everyone thought was such a stand-up guy, I guess.
Although, telling my family I’d lost him was going to be a bitch. My mom had smiled the first time she met him, like he was going to solve all her problems with me. “He’ll help settle your soul, Izzy,” she’d said.
How wrong she’d been.
“So, guess that relationship’s over,” a deep voice rumbled from the shadows of a side street.
I jumped at the sound and spun around. I knew that voice. I could place it anywhere. I knew it and hated it with every fiber of my being, even though I hadn’t heard it all year. “Jesus, Cade. What the hell? Have you been there the whole time?”
Cade sauntered out of the shadows like a man made to be in them. I may have been the only one who thought that though. My whole work team claimed we were lucky to work under Cade because he’d accepted the proposal from Stonewood Enterprises that got them those nice corporate vacations and raises.
I didn’t correct anyone, but I knew better. Stonewood Enterprises, along with Cade’s whole Armanelli family, worked with the government. They ran the nation together, and we were simply a part of whatever they wanted us to be doing. Cade wanted me off government work. So, he got his ridiculous way.
Even so, I’d tried to breach the system over the last year time and time again. Every single time, I hit a barrier. And he had the audacity to hack my laptop half the time to tell me to knock it off.
It was a pastime that I slowly started to let go of. I thought I had a good enough life with my boyfriend, and the work at Stonewood Enterprises, although boring, paid the bills nicely.
“Long enough to see you spray paint his face and ruin his car.”
“He deserved it.”
“Did he though, Harley Quinn?” Cade cocked his head and eyed up my costume. “You want to call the cops and turn yourself in or let him do it?”
Why was he asking me that question? Anyone who’d seen this go down would have stayed hidden, not wanting to be caught in such an awkward moment. Yet, Cade thrived in it. He smiled at me like he was right in his element.
“Are you enjoying yourself?” I threw up my hands. “Why are you even here?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
It was a ridiculous question. Cade ran cybersecurity teams for the government, the Pentagon, and for Stonewood Enterprises. He flew around the world, worked on top secret projects, and never, not once, had stepped foot into our data security team’s office. Even though, technically, he had the biggest office there, he was never seen on our floor. “You haven’t been to your office at Stonewood Enterprises since the day I started.”
He rubbed his five-o’clock shadow. “Right, and what day was that again?”
I still had the spray paint. “I should spray you in the face too.”
He outright laughed at me, and it gave a whole new meaning to fingers itching to press something. My blood boiled even hotter than it had with Gerald. “Are you laughing at getting me moved or me wanting to spray you? Because I assure you neither is a joking matter.”
“Why do you have that spray paint anyway?”
“I paint at home when I’m— It’s none of your business.”
He hummed. “Private about some things, huh? Weren’t so concerned about privacy when you were shouting about your sex life a minute ago.”
“What you heard between Gerald and me is none of your business.”
He shrugged in his three-piece suit. “Everything about you is my business, baby doll.”
“Made that pretty clear to me a year ago,” I grumbled, ready to let all my demons out of the jar. I’d rehearsed what I’d say to him if I ever saw him again. Without even asking me formally to stop doing something, he’d had me moved instead.
“Ah, the real Izzy’s out to play tonight, I see.”
My gut clenched at the fact that he noticed, that he saw how I kept something hidden from everyone else. I hated that he so easily perceived what others couldn’t, so I acted like I had no idea what he was getting at. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He sighed like he didn’t want to be bothered with my antics and started to walk toward the building. “If you want a trip down memory lane from a year ago, go ahead and get your bitching out.”
“My bitching?” I stomped my foot. “You deliberately dangled a doubled salary over my whole team—essentially forcing me to agree to move to corporate for a sham of a deal—because you wanted me off the Albanian trail.”
“If you say so.” He shrugged his shoulders and chuckled, opening one of the large glass doors to Stonewood Tower’s entryway for me.
I marched past him, annoyed that he chuckled as if what he’d done was some insignificant inconvenience. “You upended my livelihood to prove a damn point.”
His eyes narrowed at my tone. “Upended? You got a bonus, more time off, and your team moved with you. I’m still waiting for my thank you.’”
“And you know I’m still going to say, ‘fuck you, asshole,’” I said, stepping right up to him and lifting my chin so my words hit home loud and clear.
He rolled his lips between his teeth. And he grew bigger, darker, meaner. Then the smile that spread across his face was wide, showing his teeth as if ready to inflict harm. That was what men in power got: everyone’s fear. I could tell he wasn’t used to my tone, used to someone pushing back at him. “I really enjoy when you say it with a punch like that. When you really mean it.”
I literally growled and brushed past him toward the elevators. “I don’t know why you’re concerning yourself with anything here at Stonewood Enterprises. We’re fine without you.”
“Yeah, looks like my employees are doing great things on the street with spray paint.” His tone held condescension.
“That was between me and my boyfriend.” I wanted to pull out my pigtails, scream, and go home like a big baby. The man could grate on every one of my nerves within seconds and I knew he was trying to.
“Well, ex-boyfriend now,” he pointed out.
I couldn’t handle him or my emotions anymore. And honestly, that little fact coming from his mouth probably stung more than the whole breakup.
“Whatever, Cade.” I scoffed. Now that the lid of my attitude had popped off, I wasn’t sure how to put it all back in the jar. “I’m not in the mood tonight.”
No one risked talking to him like this. I knew that. A good hacker could dig up dirt, the best one could ruin your life, unearth all your skeletons, or send you to jail.
It was like we all knew Cade had something on everyone. And I knew from the few times in the past I’d been around him, no one crossed him for that very reason.
That wasn’t why I despised him though. He’d acted as though I couldn’t be trusted, and then he’d literally moved me to a place where I was no risk.
And I was still striving to prove him wrong. I don’t know why. Quite frankly, it made this whole situation even more embarrassing.
“My ex-boyfriend won’t report me. It would ruin his precious reputation,” I sneered, dropping the spray can back in my purse.
“He should report you. That’s a criminal offense, ruining the dick’s car. Potentially his eyes.”
I narrowed my gaze at him. I had expected him to twist the metaphorical knife by telling me I was a fuck-up, but instead he’d called Gerald a dick. Even the slightest display of care from him had me pursing my lips, the rage dissipating. The ball of shame expanded in my gut, and the embarrassment of being caught in my childish act of retaliation was catching up to me. Let’s not forget the fact that I’d been dumped too.
I wondered if he’d heard my ex’s cruel words before I’d sprayed him.
My vision blurred, and I knew he saw my chin tremble. “Maybe he will, then. Or maybe you can send the security tapes in and file a police report yourself.”
He took one step forward and tugged on a lock of my blonde hair before rubbing it between his fingers. “I deleted it from the cameras already.”
His admission, the way he touched my hair—it held me captive in a way it shouldn’t. “Why would you do that?” I whispered, peering up at him.
“You’re my employee. It would look bad for us.” He shrugged, and his finger twined around a lock as he stared, like he was trying to crack a code. “You dye your hair for this?”
“It’s just temporary spray-in stuff.” I waved my red-painted nails in front of my face, attempting to focus on his small talk rather than the terrible start to my night or the fact that my body was reacting to a man I considered my enemy.
“It’s too much for a work party.” Cade stepped back, taking in my whole outfit. “You tried way too hard for this, dollface.”
At least I’d made the effort to dress up and come to this party. The man in front of me didn’t put forth an effort for anything. I roved my own gaze over him and tried not to sneer at his suit but the man was coming to a Halloween party without a costume. “‘Dollface’?”
“Harley Quinn’s a household name after the movies. We all know her nicknames.”
I rolled my eyes. Cade would never give us a glimpse into his life; not even if it was only to reveal that he’d read all the comics. He was happy to pry into everyone else’s life but would never divulge any small detail about his.
“Whatever. I read the comics, and I like her. And it was supposed to be cute with—”
“Gerald would have been a terrible Joker,” Cade said as he scratched at his eyebrow, the streetlight playing over the strong lines of his face. In comparison to Cade, every man would have been a terrible everything. Cade could have played Psycho, Joker, Michael Myers, Batman, Superman, or whatever he wanted and pull it off. He had the height, the sharp, haunted bone structure, and maintained a great physique—although I wasn’t sure how. He always seemed to be hunched over a device or computer when I saw him.
Except now.
“You do realize you shouldn’t even know his name, right?” I pointed out because Cade had a bad habit of prying into my life.
“I know everything about you,” he whispered, and my whole body shivered in a way it never had with Gerald, in a way it only did when Cade talked to me. “Including that you went above and beyond with this costume.”
“Well, you can’t knock me for trying when you don’t try for shit.” I snapped my mouth shut. I was still mad. I shouldn’t let my emotions control me or make me lash out at my superior. And he was that, even if he was never around.
To my surprise, he pulled a mask from his jacket pocket as he tsked. “So quick to assume I don’t do shit, huh?” He emphasized my foul language and then stuck it back in the pocket, obviously not ready to put it on.
“A Scream mask?” I lifted a brow, not apologizing. “You enjoy Skeet like the rest of us?”
“It’s an easy costume if you don’t want to participate but have to.”
“Of course you don’t want to participate,” I mumbled, throwing my hands up and turning to walk toward the elevators.
Cade was in charge because he was the best, but his lack of enthusiasm for being a part of the team was quite frankly disrespectful, especially when I’d wanted a team lead position since the moment I joined Stonewood Enterprises’ data security group. I’d made it my mission to live and breathe my job. It was what kept me focused, kept my mind from straying to other things, and probably what kept me healthy most days—both physically and mentally.
If I didn’t get sleep because I was working on cracking a code or helping another team member with an algorithm, all the better. Half the time, I did it because Cade never answered when a team member called or texted him.
I think most of the team had deleted his number.
“Why would I want to participate when I can do more productive things?” He sounded off behind me, like he couldn’t just let the matter be.
Would it be bad if I told him to stop following me and take the stairs up to the top of the building? It was 110 floors. And I knew the scenery would be appealing enough. The building had been designed specifically for the Stonewoods with its shape and silhouette giving the illusion of a wave rising to the sky. On the interior, a cascading waterfall surrounded the elevator, bringing the exterior architectural theme inside. With plush leather lounge chairs in the lobby, marble floors, and crystal chandeliers, it didn’t feel like we were ever walking into work. It’d probably take him the whole night to climb to the top floor, then I wouldn’t have to see him.
“Oh. I don’t know. Maybe because you have a team here that’s been working for you all year that you haven’t seen and they’re all very excited about the costume party,” I said.
“Are you?” he asked, and I saw one corner of his full lips lift. There was no way he could know I wasn’t actually excited. I put in enough effort to appear so. He waved his key fob in front of the elevator doors.
“Even though Halloween is weeks away and a children’s holiday, I dressed up, didn’t I?” I placed my hands on my hips.
As the elevator doors slid open, he walked in and replied, “You did dress for the party. Ass hanging out and all.”
Cade Armanelli.
He was truly a villain, heartless and cruel.
His words, although just a repeat of my ex’s, felt like a sucker punch to the gut coming from him. I told myself it was because of the embarrassment, because my boss had heard it. Still, I gaped and shook my head at him, my blonde pigtails waving back and forth. “Yeah, that’ll do it. I’ll wait for the next elevator or take the stairs.”
His hand shot out and gripped my elbow to yank me in before the doors closed behind us. I stumbled forward on my white heeled boots, almost falling into him. He caught me just an inch from his body.
This close, I had to really crane my neck to look up at him, his height something he’d always had over me. Those eyes of his could have been the same color as honey if he was sweet. Instead, they burned dark into me just like whiskey would have burned going down my throat.
As if he could read my mind, he dragged a finger across my collarbone, up my neck, and then to my chin. “You’re too sensitive, Harley Quinn.”
“I’m not,” I whispered, held captive by how softly he touched me, by how much it affected me. I’d always been drawn to Cade. Even though I hated him, I could never ignore the gravitational pull he had over me.
“You let a man you didn’t even care about almost bring you to tears down there. You let him see the fire in you when he didn’t deserve it.” His finger traced along my jawline as if he were contemplating something.
“The fire?” I squinted at him, trying my best to understand him but knowing my body was taking over. And maybe the same was happening to him, because this man was supposed to be the one who kept his distance, who didn’t indulge in idle conversation, and who didn’t have time for small events like this one. “Are you okay?”
His jaw ticked. “I’m annoyed that I had to come out tonight for this, and I’m even more frustrated by seeing a member of my team acting foolish. Why waste your anger on him?”
“Your team? You’re barely here. You have teams all around the United States. Focus on them. And honestly, should I be madder at him or you for repeating his words?”
“Me?” He let go of my arm and took the mask from his suit jacket, then slid it on slowly. I don’t know why my breath caught as I watched him. This wasn’t a horror film. I wasn’t in danger.
Or maybe I was.
Cade could do more damage to me than anything in Scream ever could.
He leaned in near my ear and whispered, “I definitely deserve your anger. And I’d enjoy you throwing it at me, baby doll.”
I gasped at his admission and cocked my head to try to get a read on him. Yet, all I saw was that mask as he stepped back and rocked on his heels.
“You don’t make any sense.” I folded my arms across my chest, not sure I wanted to be anywhere near him, not sure why I was getting turned on by him staring down at me in that mask. He was a mobster underneath the whole businessman façade, and I needed to get out of this elevator and away from him.
He wasn’t a neat little box like Gerald. He was a ticking bomb, and I would end up collateral damage if I stayed anywhere near him.
“Does your boss really have to make any sense?” he asked.
“Well, you did just try to tear me down like my ex—”
He cut me off, his voice low and muffled behind the mask. “I said your ass was hanging out. I didn’t say if it was a good or bad thing.”
The elevator neared the top of the building, voicing the number of each floor we passed. Only ten to go, and I’d get away from him.
I shook my head. We both knew what my ex had screamed at me. “Even if you don’t repeat that I should be working out, we both know what he said right before. So if you want to insinuate it too, fine.” I shrugged, so over the night. I really didn’t care if he saw the tears swimming in my eyes. He wanted me at my breaking point, and now he had me there. I leaned in. “But you know what, I’m done being polite. So fuck you, Cade Armanelli. You can go to hell right along with my ex.”
He lifted his mask just to smile at me, as if he’d won, as if he’d pushed his insanity on me. That sinister smile—it was scarier than any Halloween mask could ever be. “You think I’m just like your ex?”
What could I say? Most men were probably like Gerald. They wanted a woman I could never be. Sweet, put together, in shape, without baggage.
Cade held my gaze, and a silent battle waged between us. Did he expect me to admit all my feelings out loud to him? Because I definitely wouldn’t.
I shook my head and glanced away. “You’re all the same,” I grumbled, more to myself than to him.
Our conversation was about to cease—five levels to go. Cade pulled out his phone, obviously he was done talking. Great. I’d go to the party and get the hell out of there fast. This night was proving to be the worst, anyway.
Except the elevator screeched to a stop.
The lights flickered, then went out.
