I didn’t correct him. Better he thought I was cold than know it was his attention on my tattoo that had shaken me.
Keir turned on the water, which was instantly a perfect steamy temperature. He guided me inside but didn’t follow. Instead, I watched through the glass while he used a washcloth at the sink to clean himself then disappeared into the closet. The hot water was ineffective at warding off a cold uncertainty that settled deep in my bones.
I’d just had sex with Keir Byrne.
No, I’d just been fucked by Keir Byrne. There was a difference. Hell, we hadn’t even used a condom. I was on birth control, so I wouldn’t get pregnant.
And what about STDs, Ro?
If I got a disease, I deserved it. I probably deserved that and more.
I scrubbed myself clean with his body wash, trying to ignore what the familiar scent did to my insides. I hadn’t planned to wash my hair when I stepped in the shower but found myself stepping back into the stream of water and letting the liquid heat soak my head. Heavy rivulets poured down my face. It was too bad they couldn’t take my shame with them.
Maybe if I quit trying so hard to do the right thing, it might happen for once.
It’s not all that bad, whispered that inner voice. We’ll figure a way out of this.
God, I hoped so.
It would be a little easier if I had the tiniest clue what Keir was thinking. Not that it should matter. We weren’t in a relationship and never would be. The best thing I could do for myself right now was accept that I had a big problem and would have to find a way out myself. My life hung in the balance. I couldn’t sit back and hope Keir or anyone else would jump into the burning building to save me.
I willed all weakness and doubt to drain away with the water at my feet before getting out of the shower. Keir had placed my clothes on the vanity. I chided myself when the sight triggered a degree of disappointment.
You’re allowed to be a little hurt when every sign says he’s ready to send you on your way. Wham, bam, thank you ma’am is so not cool.
“No, I’m not allowed to be disappointed. That indicates I’m still counting on him to stick around, and that’s a big mistake.” I was suddenly unsure I’d made the right choice seeking out Keir.
“Am I interrupting?” His low rumble startled me. I whipped my head around toward the door, wincing when I pinched a nerve with the quick motion.
“No. I sort of have a habit of talking to myself.” I hung my towel on a rack and prayed he hadn’t heard what I’d said.
On second thought, maybe it was best. I didn’t want him to think I was some simpering girl who couldn’t take care of herself.
“I put some food together. Come eat.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Never asked if you were. Now, come on.” He walked away, giving me the chance to roll my eyes without him seeing. “Do that again, and I’ll spank that ass.”
“Do what?” I asked innocently. He sent a warning glare over his shoulder.
What was it about Keir Byrne that made me so damn obstinate? I’d spent my life not making waves, but with Keir, I couldn’t stop from splashing water everywhere.
Once in the kitchen, he slid a plate with half a sandwich across the island to me and stared at me until I reluctantly took a small bite.
“You’re staying here tonight.”
I stilled, meeting his stoic gaze. I’d gotten the feeling he was working on cutting me loose. Hiding me away at his place was unexpected.
“I’ll take you to your parents’ place tomorrow. You’ll need to stay there for a while, and I’ll need you to stay inside—no outings at all while I sort this out.”
I forced the food down my suddenly dry throat. “You don’t have to do this, you know. None of this is your problem to solve.”
He took a huge bite of his sandwich and stared at me while he chewed, not responding until he’d swallowed and taken several long swigs from a bottle of beer. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
My eyes drifted down and over toward the entry. “I’m sorry about the bowl and the lamp.”
“Don’t be. I’m glad you did it.”
“Glad I broke your stuff?” I gawked at him.
“Glad you finally lost control and let it out.”
I’d never felt more damn exposed than I did at that moment. Not up against the wall while he fucked me. Not naked in the shower with every inch of my body on display. This was different.
I felt like he had opened a window into the darkest parts of my soul.
I broke eye contact, the weight of his stare unbearable. “I’ll get it all cleaned up,” I muttered.
We swept up the broken shards of glass and pottery in silence, working together but separated by an ocean of unspoken words. I hadn’t expected him to help. I almost wished he hadn’t. Seeing the aftermath of my tantrum brought on a new wave of embarrassment only intensified by knowing he was there to witness the destruction I’d caused.
Then again, if he was going to hang around me for long, he needed to get used to it because that was what I did. I brought devastation to the world around me. It was only a matter of time before my dark influence touched him as well.
