Security let me inside when I got to my parents’ house. I peeked around the downstairs and didn’t see Mom, so I decided to chill in my room. When I reached the upstairs landing, I immediately noticed the door to Ivy’s room was cracked open. That door was always kept closed. Always.
It had been years since I’d gone inside. I didn’t like the swell of memories that hit me when I did, but I knew in my gut that Mom was in there and that I needed to follow her.
Each step I took felt heavier than the last, but eventually, I reached the door. I’d been right. Mom was inside, sitting on the bed with Ivy’s pink teddy bear hugged to her chest. In all the years since my sister’s death, I’d never seen my Mom go into this room. It had always seemed strange that she’d insisted on keeping everything unchanged if no one saw the room, but when my eyes met hers, I knew I’d been wrong. Mom was at home in here. This was her portal to the daughter she’d lost.
I half expected her to jump up and usher me out, but that didn’t happen. Instead, she smiled and patted the bed next to her. Feeling like I was walking into a time warp, I entered the shadowed room and joined her.
“You okay?” I asked quietly.
“Yeah, sweetie. Just thinking. I’ve been doing a lot of that lately.”
“Oh yeah?” I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. Mom and I had never had a super close relationship—I was more of a Daddy’s girl—and we certainly didn’t do heart-to-hearts, so I had no idea where she was going with this.
“I think it’s time for a change. It probably seemed crazy that I never touched this room, but … I just couldn’t. It’s still not easy, but even if Ivy were here, she wouldn’t want her room so childish. I thought we could freshen things up—give it a bit of a makeover. We could make it into an Ivy-inspired guest room.” She looked at me with such hope that my chest grew tight. “You think … you might want to work on it … with me? I thought maybe we could do it together.”
I had to swallow twice before I could get words past the lump in my throat. “Yeah, Mom. I think that sounds great.”
She nodded, dropping her gaze with a small sniffle before looking back at me and smiling. She lifted her hand and smoothed a stray lock of hair back with the rest. “You aren’t wearing makeup today.”
“Yeah … I didn’t wear any while Keir and I were away, and it was kind of nice. Just let my skin breathe.”
Her eyes softened. “I’m glad. You’re perfect just the way you are.”
A torrent of emotions ripped through my chest, but before it could overcome me, Mom stood and grinned.
“Have you had breakfast? I could whip up some eggs.”
“I already had a little something, but thank you.”
“Okay, I’m going to throw together something for myself.” She gently touched my hair again, then turned. I followed her out of the room, pausing to watch her disappear down the stairs. Losing Ivy had broken her. While I’d struggled, my twin connection always made me feel like I still retained a piece of my sister. Mom reminded me of the Lost Boy in Peter Pan who never could find his marbles. She did the best she could, but the loss had left her adrift, and she’d never found her way back.
With a heavy sigh, I crossed the hall to my room. I needed a minute alone to process.
I lay back on my bed, absently studying the chandelier fixture above. I must have drifted off because the next thing I knew, my phone buzzing in my pocket startled me awake.
Stetson: Can we talk?
A sticky shower of guilt rained down on me.
I’d been avoiding him, and that wasn’t my style. I liked to address things head-on, but I felt so clueless about how to explain what had happened. Stetson and I had been together for a year and had known each other far longer. We weren’t as in love as I’d thought, but that didn’t mean what I’d done hadn’t been a harsh betrayal. As difficult as it was, giving him closure was the least I could do.
Me: Of course. I’m at my parents’ house, though.
Stetson: I’m at Dad’s. Could you stop by here?
Keir would murder me himself if I stepped foot from this house again. No matter how much guilt I carried, I wouldn’t even entertain the option.
Me: I can’t. Could you stop by here instead? I’m sorry. It’s complicated.
Stetson: Yeah, I’ll be by soon.
It looked like my day would be filled with uncomfortable conversations. Joy.
I took a deep breath and tried to focus on the fact that at least it would soon be over.
