“We’ll talk about our next steps tomorrow.” Malachi doesn’t give me a chance to respond before he sweeps me up and turns a slow circle. “Where are the bedrooms?”
Maybe I should argue, but the truth is I’m crashing fast and I just want to spend some time just existing with them. Azazel promised we’d be safe here, and while I’m not naive enough to expect that to be true indefinitely, it should be true tonight at least. I don’t even think we’re in the same state.
I point at the stairs. “Up.”
It’s not until Malachi sets me on the bed that I realize Wolf and Rylan aren’t with us. Where did they—
“Ensuring the bodies are never found.”
I startle. “I forgot about the mind reading thing.” It was still so new before my father showed up, I’d barely come to terms with the fact the men could glean my thoughts since I never learned how to shield. Speaking of… I press my hand to my stomach. “Azazel said my lack of shields were why the pregnancy was draining me so much. He did something, and I feel better, but it’s hard to trust him. He said it was a supplemental shield, but I don’t know enough to verify it.”
Malachi poked his head into the door leading into what I assume is a bathroom and then comes back to the bed. He takes my hand and tugs me to my feet. “Let’s shower.”
“Don’t tell me you’re trying to conserve water.” My joke falls flat as he leads me into the bathroom.
“No.” He turns on the shower and faces me. “You haven’t talked about the pregnancy. Everything else, but not that.”
My hand drifts to my stomach but I drop it before it makes contact. “I don’t know what to think. It feels like I’ve been barreling toward this goal, but now that we’ve accomplished it—or started to, or whatever—it feels unreal. I don’t know how I feel.” I should feel something, shouldn’t I? The people on the compound who’d become pregnant treated it as a rapturous experience that was both deeply emotional and spiritual, right from the moment they realized they’d conceived.
I don’t feel anything at all.
“Mina.” Malachi cups my chin gently and lifts my face until I meet his gaze. His handsome face is oh so serious, dark eyes intense. “I know we thought this was the only way, but if you don’t want this, we’ll find a different option.”
“Just like that?” The question catches in my throat and comes out jagged. “You told me you couldn’t wait to knock me up.”
“I know.” He shrugs, though his intensity doesn’t waver. “But I care about you more than anything else, little dhampir. If you don’t want children, then we won’t have children.”
That’s the thing. I don’t know what I want. I can barely think about a future without the threat of my father hanging over our heads. His taking Malachi and Wolf and Rylan has only heightened that fear. If I have this baby…If we don’t remove my father before it happens…
He could take the baby, too.
I shudder. “I don’t have a convenient answer for you, Malachi. I wish I did. I’m not ready to end this pregnancy, no matter how complicated my feelings are about it. It’s our only chance.”
“I don’t give a fuck about the plan,” he says quietly. “Do you want it?”
That’s the question, isn’t it? I pushed back when Grace offered me the same option Malachi is right now, claiming I couldn’t make that decision without the men being involved. In hindsight, it feels like an excuse. Not a single one of them would hold making that call against me. I have no doubts about that. “Since Azazel did his magic, I haven’t felt so drained and exhausted.”
“Mina, that’s not an answer.”
I know, but I don’t have an answer right now. I sigh. “I do want it, I think. I haven’t really had time to process, and I—” Right here, right now, I can tell him the truth. The awful feeling in my throat gets worse. “I’m afraid to want it. Wanting something is a good excuse for the world to take it away. To have my father take it away.” I press my hand to Malachi’s broad chest. “I dared to want you and look what happened. You spent a week being tortured by him.”
“It’s fine.”
“It’s not fine.” I suck in a harsh breath. “I won’t ask you to talk about it if you don’t want to, but I’m here if you do.” They’ve listened to my story, but they haven’t shared a single thing that happened to them in the time they were captive. I don’t have a right to ask them to share if they’re not ready, but the big black hole of information makes me uneasy. It’s like we’re walking on eggshells with each other.
I want to reclaim the easy feeling we’d just reached before my father ruined everything, but I’m not even sure how we accomplished it to begin with. When it comes right down to it, we’ve only known each other a short time. Things have been uncomfortable and filled with animosity more than they haven’t. I shouldn’t dare crave something I barely got a taste of in the first place.
Malachi frames my face with his big hands. “It wasn’t as bad as you’re imagining. I suspect he meant to soften us up, so he focused on isolating us and drugged us with something that made the starvation kick in quicker.” His expression is so grave, it makes my chest hurt. “I couldn’t think properly, but I worried about you. That was the worst of it, little dhampir.”
This time.
If we don’t do something about my father, it will be worse next time. He might try to forcibly breed them. The thought makes me shudder. “We have to kill him. We can’t wait any longer.”
“We can wait to start making proper plans until morning.” He shifts his hands to my shoulders and gives me a squeeze. “Just let us take care of you tonight.”
“You’re the one who’s suffered. I should be taking care of you.”
He smiles a little. “This is how you take care of me.” Malachi strips me easily, his big hands gentle on my body. It’s not sexual, but it feels like a small eternity since I’ve touched him. I won’t make assumptions. Not with us feeling so raw right now. But I’m only me, and I would have to pass through death’s gate in order to not want this man. Maybe I’d even want him in the afterlife.
I don’t know how this happened. A few months ago, I didn’t even know he existed. Now, he’s a cornerstone in my life and I can’t imagine going on without him. The strength of that feeling should scare me—and it does—but it’s like it can’t find purchase in our reality.
I don’t know if I believe in destiny, but I can’t deny that Malachi and I feel destined.
We step beneath the spray and he pulls me into his arms. It feels so damn good to have his naked body pressed against me. Yes, there’s sexual desire, but just touching him reassures a part of me that couldn’t quite believe he’s here and safe.
A horrible sound wrenches itself from my chest. Malachi hugs me tighter. “I’m here. You’re safe.”
I bury my face in his chest and sob until it feels like my body will shatter into a million pieces and crumple away to dust. It hurts, but at least I know I’m still alive. That he’s still alive. We are here together, which is more than I could say twenty-four hours ago. It’s like all my fear and rage have crystalized into the tears I shed in that moment. It’s a purging.
I don’t mean to kiss him. Truly, I don’t. One moment, I’m sobbing and the next my mouth is on his and I’m climbing his body to wrap my legs around his waist. Malachi barely hesitates. He kisses me back like he needs my air to breathe. One step and my back hits the tiled wall. He pins me there so effortlessly, it makes me shake with need. Yes, this. This is what I need. Please don’t stop.
He breaks our kiss long enough to say in a strained voice. “I can’t. Mina, you have to stop kissing me right now if you don’t want—”
“Take me.” I nip his throat. “I need you. Don’t make me wait.”
He growls something low in a language I don’t recognize and then his big cock presses to my entrance. I’m wet, but nowhere near where I need to be for him to plunge into me. It’s work. He grips my hips and uses short strokes to fight his way into my body. It’s not entirely comfortable, but I don’t care. I need this as much as he does. More, even.
By the time he sheaths himself to the hilt, we’re both shaking and panting. Malachi presses his forehead to mine. “You feel good, little dhampir. You feel like home.”
“Bite me,” I gasp.
“No.” A slight shake of his head. “Not until we know for sure that it’s safe.” Malachi kisses me, stifling any protest, quick and rough. “I don’t need my bite to make you feel good.”
It’s nothing more than the truth. He cups my ass and moves me up and down his cock, adjusting the angle until he hits all the right spots inside me and my clit rubs against him with every stroke. Immediately, pleasure coils through me. Need sparks low in my stomach, building and building. I missed this. I missed him.
“Getting started without us, I see.”
He turns with me still in his arms as the curtain is wrenched back to reveal Wolf and Rylan. Malachi raises his brows. “Shower’s not big enough for four.”
“You look clean enough.” Wolf eyes me hungrily. “Take it to the bedroom.”
Rylan hands over a towel. “We’ll be along shortly.”
I give a strained laugh and press my forehead to Malachi’s chest. “Sounds like a plan.” It means an aborted orgasm right now, but more pleasure in the near future. More, it means reconnecting. Maybe after a we all get back in bed together, where this connection truly began, we’ll be able to banish the strange distance that’s cropped up between us since we reunited.
Malachi sets me down long enough to wash me quickly, ignoring my half-hearted protests that I can do it myself. It doesn’t take long before we’ve switched places with Rylan and Wolf. I’m only half dried off when Malachi hauls me back into the bedroom and goes down on his back, me astride him. He plants big hands on my hips and looks at me like I’m his world.
A few weeks ago, I would have doubted this, would have wasted time looking for a trap. Surely no one can fall as hard and fast as we have for each other. I’ve fallen for the others, too, but with Malachi it was strangely seamless after our first few initial bumps. I don’t understand why he’s so sure of me. Or why that feeling is so mutual. I should doubt. I should…
There’s no room for should in this world. I almost lost him. I won’t waste another moment doubting what we have when proof that it’s there is so readily available. I don’t know what the future will bring, but we have this now and I won’t waste it.
I reach between us and grip his big cock, giving him a stroke and then lifting my hips to notch him at my entrance. It’s easier to take him this time. I work myself down his length in a slow, glorious stroke. “You always feel so good.”
“I love you, Mina.”
My heart lurches and then steadies. Is this the first time he’s said it to me? It feels like it. I hold perfectly still, letting the words settle through me. I never thought to find this connection at all, let alone with three men. But it’s here, and I won’t meet his bravery with cowardice.
I lick my lips. “I…I love you, too.”
